Chapter Six: The truth will not set me free.
After I had called the authorities, I headed straight towards the mentor quarters. I couldn't handle being anywhere near Sebastian. Luckily for me, my family felt so awkward around me that they all decided to stay and guard Sebastian, Lexi and Tank as well as calm down the rest of the students.
I had been sitting alone in the mentor quarters for close to 30 minutes now. I feel numb. I feel weak. I used the last of my strength during the fight and now I'm completely, 100%, broken.
I realized during the fight that I actually loved Sebastian, that only added to the pain. Sebastian was my first friend, my first best friend, my first boyfriend. I thought he cared about me, that he thought I was attractive, that I was important , that I mattered. But he didn't. He didn't care about me. He never thought I was attractive or important. I never once mattered to him. I was just the idiot boy he could seduce in order to get what he wanted.
I should of seen all of this coming. My family tells me every day how I am useless. Ugly. Weird. A Loser. A freak. They tell me that no one would ever fall for me. Now I finally believe every word they say. I'm a broken freak that no one will ever be friends with. That no one will love.
I'm just staring into the floor now, my brain has stopped working. I don't know what to do
"Chase? What are you doing?"
I turn around and face Adam, Bree and Leo. I really can't handle talking to anyone right now. I turn and look back at the floor. I can tell there is a sour look on my face but I don't have the energy to hide it.
"Chase?"
Adam had been the one to talk, he still sounds hurt. That was not like him at all. He had always been the type of person to forgive and forget.
"Chase are you okay?"
At Bree's question I let out a heavy sigh. Of course I'm not okay, not after everything that has happened. But I'm not up for telling them that. Because they will want details. Details about what Sebastian and I had. Details about how I'm gay.
I can't think of what to say to them. I don't know how I'm going to make things better. I need more time to think by myself. I stand up from where I'm sitting and start to walk past everyone, towards the door. Before I can get past, Leo grabs me with his bionic arm.
"Chase, where do you think you are going."
I try to shake my arm loose but it is no good. His bionic arm is strong.
"I'm trying to leave."
My voice sounds just as weak and broken as I feel. I can see them all visibly flinch at how pathetic I sound.
"Why"
"Because I need to be alone Adam."
They all look even more hurt at the comment. Man, I just can't help but hurt them. Bree moves a little closer to me.
"Chase, we need to talk about Sebastian. We need to talk about you… being.."
"No we don't!"
I'm starting to get upset now. I don't want to be here. I just want to be alone.
"Yes we do Chase. You kept everything from us and look at what happened! "
I freeze. I know it is all my fault. I know that I messed up and that I should of told them about Sebastian. But I really hoped they wouldn't rub it in. Guess I really am nieve.
"Sebastian told you everything you need to know. I would just be repeating what he said, so there is no need for us to talk right now."
Everyone awkwardly shifts at that statement. I can tell they are remembering Sebastian's words. His painful, heart breaking words. Bree shifts before speaking again.
"But we want to hear it from you Chase. We want to know your side of the story."
"Not now Bree."
Bree is starting to look annoyed with me.
"Then when Chase?! We can't just sit here and wait. You're our brother and you lied to us about who you really are. That hurts. You owe us the truth right now. "
I can feel the tears starting to build up in my eye. But I manage to keep them from falling. I don't cry. I'm a leader. Leaders don't cry. I think Bree can tell how upset I'm getting because her tone becomes softer and she just sighs.
"Look Chase, I know this whole Sebastian situation is hard for you. But you have got to remember it is hard for all of us. He was our friend too"
"A friend!? He was so much more to me than that."
Everyone freezes at my outburst. I may as well continue now that I've started.
"I thought he cared for me, I thought that I actually meant something to him. But it was all a lie. All of the affection, the hand holding, the kisses, It was all an act so he could use me."
I look at all of the shocked looks on their faces. They are still obviously trying to process the simple idea of me being with another guy.
"So you guys were right."
Now they are all confused. I take this opportunity to remove my arm from Leo's grip. I slowly start to back away towards the exit.
"No one can ever love me in that way ."
I am still holding back the tears. I regret my outburst so much right now, but I need to get out of here. I need to find somewhere I can be alone and think. I use my molecular kinesis to push Adam, Bree and Leo down and I make a run for it. I regret that too. But I need a head start in order to find a place to hide. I don't have long before they get up and come after me.
I'm not 100% sure where I am running. I have no destination in mind as I turn corner after corner. I finally make it to a dead end and I find myself in front of the weapons room. Well I guess this is as good a place as any. I enter and close the door behind me. I start hacking into the console beside the door in order to lock it and prevent anyone, even Mr. Davenport, from entering. It only takes a minute and I step back from the door.
Finally I'm alone. Finally I can think. I wonder over to the far corner of the room and sit down, bringing my knees up and hugging them to my chest. I know my outburst wasn't exactly what my siblings wanted to hear, but they got the truth.
I feel the first tear escape my eyes and fall down my cheek. More tears follow and soon I am silently sobbing. Whoever said the truth will set you free was wrong. Telling the truth, admitting the truth to yourself, just leaves you hurt and crying alone in a locked room.
The truth will not set you free, it will only cause you pain.