Disclaimer-I own nothing you recognise.
An – I hope the relative length of this chapter makes up for the last one...
'Did it work?' Remus asked immediately, looking around for some sign of the battle. The sound of a curse being shouted from upstairs confirmed it; the duel was still going on.
Without waiting for a reply he tore towards the house, James beside him, both pulling out their wands as they went; they had no plan. They had no idea what they were going to do. They had no time. Neither of them thought of hesitating though, they had to get to Voldemort in time to stop him and they had no way of telling how long the duel had already been going on.
It wouldn't be true to say that the thought of being seen hadn't occurred to either of them, but it was not important. It didn't matter. All that mattered was killing Voldemort.
They took the first few steps at a leap, the same thoughts racing through their minds as they ran…how had this happened? How had everything gone from being so close to being perfect to…this? Why had Peter betrayed them? They had trusted him; they all had…that treacherous, evil little - how could he have seen them almost every day, smiling and cheery, like nothing was wrong, when he knew what he was going to do, he knew he was going to betray them? Send Voldemort after them, after Harry? Knew he was condemning two of his best friends and a child, a baby, to their deaths?
Reaching the top of the stairs, they glanced at one another and, without a word, kicked their way into the room; the sudden noise distracted both the duellers, but James recovered his senses faster, perhaps less confident than his opponent, and sent an impedimenta jinx towards him, the first spell to enter his panicked mind.
'What the -?' He began, too shocked to think straight
'Time travel, long story - Avada Kedavra!' Remus explained quickly, shooting the curse as Voldemort started to move again but missing by inches. The expression on the Dark Lord's face could have been fury, or confusion, even fear, but none of the other three men had time to muse over this, however confused or afraid he was, it didn't stop him sending curses at each of them in quick succession so they had to move like lightening to dodge or block them. The past-James was beyond being confused but he had no time to ponder over that so decided that, if he lived, they could explain it then. If he died it wouldn't matter anyway. No. He thought, he was going to live, he was going to see Lily again, and Harry, He would live to see them again…
James' eyes widened in horror when he saw his past self pull out the mirror and couldn't help but yell out in warning,
'NO!'
'We need help!'
'Throw it away - throw the mirror away - now!' He ducked as a stream of green light flew towards him and stunned a Death Eater, who had come through the door to help his master, 'Throw it away – NOW, NOW!' He repeated. Past-James, confused but with little other choice, threw the mirror to the side and continued to fight.
But again, the moment of indecision cost him, as another of Voldemort's killing curses hit him square in the chest.
'NO!' Remus yelled in desperation as he watched present-James fade before his eyes. In the second it took Remus felt as if he had been filled with lead, terror and shock tearing at him, cutting him so deep he almost expected to see blood – he could not lose them all, not all of them...
8-8-8
Remus and James appeared in the garden –the spell had at least transported them to the house.
'Did it w - oh. My. God.'
'How in Merlin's name -?' James stared around, for a moment all thoughts of Voldemort wiped from his mind. There was a pause, both trying to figure out what had happened and both failing, 'What the hell just happened?'
'Time loop…' Remus muttered under his breath,
'What?'
'Time loop.' Remus repeated. 'You died - the spell - the spell must work so that if something happens it goes in a loop until the events are put right again.' A loud bang from the house jolted them back to reality and again they tore towards the house, again. Up the stairs. Into the room.
Remus immediately shouted for past-James to drop the mirror, which, though bewildered, he did. Voldemort, seeing what had happened and assuming that the mirror was significant in some way, aimed a spell at it and it exploded; shards of glass flying in every direction as it shattered.
The power of the resulting aftershocks threw them off their feet and back against the walls. What could only have been minutes later, Remus stirred, sudden remembrance striking his heart like an icy knife, he sat bolt upright, ignoring the thumping pain in his head and staring wildly around in search of James, of Voldemort…of anyone. His eyes fell on the present-day-James and he shook his shoulder urgently,
'James,' He hissed, 'James - wake up!' James, to, stirred and rubbed his forehead in an attempt to sooth the agony he was suddenly feeling,
He made to get up but stopped halfway,
'The mirror smashed.' He said, 'Why haven't we-?'
'You must not have had time to contact Sirius.' He pulled his friend to his feet and glanced over at James' past self, slumped against the opposite wall; unconscious, but alive. 'We haven't got time to help him.' He was already on his way out the door. James grabbed his wand and followed hurriedly, dread and foreboding overwhelming him, but Lily could not be dead, he reminded himself, they hadn't been sent back so she must still be alive…
To his horror, though, they entered the room too late. The spell hit her as they came in.
8-8-8
Five more times they went through the loop and five more times it changed, but always with the same outcome. Every time something was different; they said something different, they did something different, but every time it was the same. Every time she died. Lily died.
Yet again they appeared outside the house and James made to run inside, willing to try a thousand more times to save her, willing to die a thousand ways if it meant that she survived. But Remus put out his arm and stopped him. His face drawn and his eyes glistening with tears he voiced what they both knew, but neither wanted to admit. The words felt like poison in his mouth.
'We can't save her, James.' He said softly. James whipped around, about to retort, but Remus stopped him. 'We can't do this. If we tried forever we couldn't save her, it can't be changed.'
'You expect me to stand here and watch my wife die?' He spat, suddenly furious. Remus took a deep breath to steady himself before he replied.
'James, I'm sorry. I can't stand it either but we can't save her. Do you want to spend an eternity trying to save her only to see her die a different way every time? Could spend forever trying to change something that cannot be changed? Could you stand seeing her die over and over again? Do it – do it for Harry.'
'And forget about Lily? Leave her to die?'
'No, don't forget her, never forget her, I didn't say that. I would never say that. But you can either live your life with your son or spend forever watching Lily die.' His voice shook but he knew he was right. There was nothing else they could do, they couldn't help, much as he wished they could, there was no way to save her. There would never be a way to save her, and it killed him to say it, but it was true.
'No. I will try, I will save them. I will not leave them to die when I know I could have done something!' He knew Remus was right but he wouldn't admit it, how was he supposed to leave, knowing what was going to happen, what was happening? How could he leave them to die?
'You can't do anything.' A tear slid down Remus' cheek and he fought the urge to scream at the injustice of it all, the rage and agony building up inside him so much it was a miracle he could maintain such a calm voice.
'Why not?' He no longer sounded angry. He was desperate, pleading. He sounded like a child but he didn't care, he wouldn't leave, he couldn't. How was he supposed to live with himself if he did that? It was impossible, it couldn't be real…she couldn't really be gone…her wouldn't let her die, he would save her, he would find some way.
'Because you can't stop this. Sometimes death is accidental, sometimes it's not written in stone but sometimes there's nothing that can be done about it. It happens because it was meant to, however unfair it seems.' James opened his mouth to reply but Remus finally gave in. It hurt too much not to shout, it hurt too much to stand there and act like he didn't care, like it wasn't tearing him up because it was. It was and he couldn't stand it.
'Dammit, James! Do you think I don't care? I want to stop this happening as much as you do but I can't, and I won't spend forever doing this if I know that! I refuse to spend forever watching them die!'
Before James could reply the time 'looped' again. Someone had been killed, but it went hardly noticed by either of the two men, both in too much pain to care.
James wiped the tears from his face furiously and looked at Remus, desperate for some small amount of comfort,
'What about Sirius?'
'He hasn't died every time.' Remus started, his voice once more as calm as he could make it, 'So we may be able to save him. But then we have to break the loop.' He took a deep, shuddering breath to steady himself and continued, 'We only have one more shot at it. We save Sirius, and then we try and break the loop. We can't save Lily. I'm sorry, James. I wish we could, I can't stand leaving her any more than you can but we have too. You have raise Harry, like she would have wanted. Raise him to know how brave his mother was, that she died to save his life. Let him know her through you. Please.'
8-8-8
James had been sat by Lily's body for more than an hour, in total silence. He held her hand loosely and let the tears fall freely, torn apart by grief and guilt and regret, by the pain of the memories cascading down on him…Lily when he first saw her on the Hogwarts Express, her eyes glistening with excitement…their first date…Lily throwing her arms around him when he proposed…Lily smiling at him, the room practically glowing with infectious joy when she held Harry for the first time…Harry's first Christmas…his birthday… the joy they had had and never would again.
He brushed a red lock of hair off her face with a shaking hand and leant forward, kissing her forehead one last time before straightening up, trying in vain to stem the seemingly endless flow of tears, never taking his eyes off her face, as beautiful in death as it had been in life, so peaceful that she could have been sleeping.
They had saved Sirius. His past self was unconscious, but he was alive and Remus had said it was best to leave things to play out naturally now, and even as he sat there new memories of what had happened had started to form in his mind…the past changed, the future laid out. But a future without Lily. Could he stand that?
'James?' Came Remus' voice from behind him. He tried to speak gently but to James every sound was magnified to ten times it's normal level…sharp and cutting…as though if it were silent for long enough she could come back…as though it was indecent to do something so normal as speak when Lily never could again...
He finally tore his eyes away, reality hitting when he could no longer see her. She was gone. She was gone. Lily was gone.
He walked as if in a trance towards Remus, who handed him his sleeping son,
'We have to go now.'
An-Tell me if it's bad. There will now be one more chapter than I planned (thanks to my wonderful beta-SesaGirl -thank you so much!)