Thank you everyone for your support in this story! It truly means a lot!
Disclaimer: I do not own SVU (If only!)
Song: Wonderwall by Oasis
Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do, about you now
They walked inside the apartment and past the living room. As they reached the door of her bedroom, Olivia turned and looked at Elliot.
"I can't sit there. Not yet." She said simply and Elliot nodded. On the light of the recent events, it was expectable.
He followed her inside and watched her as she went to sit on the edge of the bed. He stayed on the door and for several minutes they stood like that, Olivia on the bed, gazing somewhere on the floor, her eyes not anywhere near Elliot's totally avoiding eye contact with him, who was standing watching her
He couldn't take it anymore. He slowly moved towards her and kneeled beside her.
"Talk to me Liv." He whispered, with an unmistakable beg in his tone.
She turned to look at him and Elliot was able to see in her beloved chocolate eyes, behind the pain that was feeling them, a glimpse of their old sparkle. And that was enough to give him some courage and hope.
"Don't make me talk about what happened cause I think you know that in every detail already, so there's no point for a repeat, isn't it"
"Just talk to me. About anything you want" his voice was soothing, calm, it sounded like melody to her.
"When I was little and I would hurt myself and got upset over it, my mom would take me in her arms and comfort me. She would shook me gently, caressed my hair and kissed me where I was hurting. She would whisper sweetly to my ear that everything was going to be ok. And no matter how much it hurt, I always felt better. It's one of those moments that I sometimes miss very much"
Although her voice was trembling and her eyes were glassy from tears, Elliot could see the small smile that had crept to her lips. Olivia continued and her voice was quieter now.
"During the rape kit, there was a moment where I lost it, I couldn't breathe, I panicked. But then I brought this image of my mother to my mind and I kind of felt like she was there with me, hugging me and whispering to my ear. And that made the whole thing less horrifying. It got me through."
Elliot reached for Olivia's hand and held it tight into his. He kind of expected her to draw it back, but she didn't. He figured she needed the courage now that she decided to talk, so he just squeezed her hand silently and let her take her time to continue.
Olivia sighed. All those days with absolutely no human contact, she had thought a lot. And now she felt like she was ready to let it all out, wishing that would bring her one step closer to healing.
"I'm thinking a lot about her those days" she confided. "About what happened to her and how she dealt with it. But our situations are never going to be the same because I…" she exhaled deeply again and Elliot suspected what was coming before she even formed the words
"I took the pill at the hospital" she said finally. Her voice had a new determination on it but the sorrow still hadn't left her eyes.
"I didn't think about it at all, I just… took it."
Olivia suddenly raised from where she was sitting on the bed and walked to a corner of her room were a full length mirror stood. She stood in front of it, staring at her reflection intently
" When I got back home and found myself all alone, I started to realize that the thing I was most afraid of wasn't that I might be attacked again or that I will hear his voice in my head constantly… "
"What I was most afraid of, was that I would become my mother. That even without a baby, I would become like her"
She stopped talking and raised her hand to touch her reflection, as if she was trying to find something there, something hidden and untraceable. When she went on talking, Elliot was startled to hear her voice coming out strong and more determined than ever.
"So I made a promise. I promised to myself that no matter how scared, vulnerable or weak I might feel, I will not become like her. Whatever might happen, I will take it and handle it, without pitying myself or letting it dominate me. I promised that to myself and I will not take that promise back, ever"
Elliot stepped slowly behind her. He carefully took her hand away from the mirror and buried it inside his own. Then he moved his mouth close to her ear, feeling her hot skin against his lips
"You are not your mother and you will never be. You are the most strong person I've ever met Olivia Benson. You never stop amazing me. And I have faith in you. Faith that you will pull it through. But never forget or doubt that I am here for you. I'll never leave you again Liv, never, do you hear me?"
Olivia turned to face him. Her chocolate eyes met his sparkling blue ones, where she could only see honesty. Suddenly she felt a sense of security filling her, embracing every inch of her body, warming her.
"I believe you El. And you have to know that I am not in any way blaming you for what happened. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I don't want to lose you. Ever." She said bringing their folding hands against her chest
Elliot closed his eyes and for a moment just stood there, sensing her heart beating beneath his palm. He felt shivers running down his body and his own heart beating like crazy.
They stood in total silence like this for some minutes. Their contact slowly started to make them feel more alive, it took away their pain and sorrow, replace their haunted thoughts with others, filled with hope.
"I should go now. Let you rest" Elliot mumbled after a while
Olivia raised her head and nodded silently, feeling as if she had just woken up from a deep sleep.
Without a word they walked to the door of her apartment. Before he exited, Olivia stopped Elliot by placing her hand on his shoulder.
"Come again tomorrow?" she asked. Elliot smiled and nodded
"Oh, and bring some Chinese, I kind of missed some real food" she said teasingly. Elliot let out a small laugh
"Sure thing. Goodnight Liv" he said still smiling
"Goodnight El" she said smiling herself and closed the door
She leaned against the door staring at the empty living room floor were once the carpet she threw away had been. For the first time in days, the sight of it didn't sent chills down her body. She knew that she still had a long way to go, but now she felt hope rising inside her, knowing that she had Elliot. In the thought of him, the thought of his lips against his neck, his calming, soothing voice and sparkling blue eyes that she could get lost on, she felt something else too, something that scared her, but in a good way. And for the first time since her attack, she looked forward for a new day to begin.
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I
Would like to say to you but I don't know how
Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall
Coming up, Olivia faces a big challenge. Will it rip her apart or will it make her stronger. And where her relationship with Elliot stands now?
So I know that a lot of people are reading this story. And I wanted to tell you that I really appreciate every review that has construcitve critisism, or a supporting comment! It's what keeps me going!
So I will upload the next chapter when I get at least 8 reviews on this one! :) Sooo read and review! :)