Chapter Six: Numb
2006
Violet tapped her fingers anxiously on the armrest of the chair she was sitting in. She knew she was being stared at, what else was new? She already felt like she was on display everywhere she went, but here? She thought therapists were supposed to be helpful.
The moments of silence killed Violet. She knew her therapist's tricks by now. She probably believed that by creating pockets of silence, Violet would feel uncomfortable enough to finally talk about something.
Violet was too smart for her, though. She didn't want to be here. The only reason she came was because Kate was making her go. True, it would be easy enough to skip out on these sessions, but Violet's therapist always kept Kate informed on her progress, and Kate would know if Violet was skipping. Kate had threatened to take her out of soccer if she didn't stick with it. Violet needed soccer. That was her therapy.
"You're awfully quiet today." The therapist, Monica, pointed out. Violet simply rolled her eyes to herself, and continued to tap the chair. She glanced over at the clock on the wall. She breathed out. Had she really only been here 20 minutes?
"Violet, I know you hate coming here. I know the only reason you do is because of Kate, but don't you think you deserve to be happy? I know you're hurting inside. How could you not be? There's gotta be so much pain inside that you're not letting out. After everything you've been through, don't you think you owe it to yourself to let it out?" Monica asked. Violet swallowed her instinct to want to yell at the stupid therapist. How dare she? How dare she? After everything she'd been through? Violet wanted to throw something at her.
"People are in plane crashes everyday, and survive." Violet pointed out. "I don't see why I'm the one who needs therapy. None of the others need it." Monica raised an eyebrow.
"Didn't you say your friend, Hurley is in it? Didn't you say he was residing at Santa Rosa?" She asked, with a hint of a smile. "Everybody reacts differently to stressful situations, Violet. There's no harm in admitting that what happened to you is still hurting you inside. I understand it's hard -"
"You don't understand." Violet said quietly, staring at the ground. "Nobody does...except Hurley." She was referring to believing none of them should have ever left the island. Hurley believed it too. Violet had known from the very beginning, Violet had never wanted to leave that island, but she had had no choice, and now, here she was, in a therapist's office, having to lie. Just like she, and the rest of the Oceanic Seven had to lie. How could anyone claim she could get better in therapy, when she wasn't allowed to talk about what had really happened on the island? All the lies. Therapy wasn't the answer, she'd never be able to talk about what happened. She couldn't even talk to Kate. She knew it brought up too many painful memories for her. Of leaving him behind.
Another moment of silence passed before Monica finally spoke again.
"Can I see them?" She asked, changing the subject. Violet looked up with wide eyes. Damn her! Why did she have to ask that every time?
Violet shook her head. The therapist raised an eyebrow.
"Violet, you know the only reason why I haven't told Kate about this is because we have a deal. As long as I believe they're superficial enough, you're safe." Monica paused. "Now, let me see."
Violet cringed inside and breathed out. She didn't want Kate to know about this, she couldn't let Kate know about this.
Violet reached for her right wrist, the one that donned a black sportsband with a skull on it, and pulled the band down.
She could hear Monica get up from her seat, and walk over to where Violet was sitting, looking away. She knew why Monica took a breath in. There were new ones this time. Fresh ones. Monica took a hold of Violet's wrist and examined it.
"When did you do those ones?" Monica asked gently. Violet felt tears stinging her eyes. She hated this. She had never even told Monica about it. That had been a slip up. Stupid woman found out when Violet's sportsband had slid up a little. Violet cursed her for it, cursed herself for not hiding it well enough.
Violet shrugged.
"Couple of days ago, I guess." She mumbled. Monica shook her head. Violet didn't see it, but she could sense it. She bit her lip to keep from saying anything.
"Violet, I thought you said this was getting better." Monica finally said. Violet looked up and met her gaze. She unconsciously shimmied the wristband back up over the array of cuts on her wrist.
"It is." She lied.
"Don't lie to me, Violet. That wrist looks really bad. You're running out of room. Soon you're going to want to start cutting somewhere else on your body." Monica said, her voice rising an octave to illustrate her seriousness. Violet glared at her.
"So what?" She asked, not even caring. She felt numb anyway, she didn't care if she kept cutting until she bled to death! But she couldn't do that, not on purpose anyway. She had promised...
Monica stared at her for a moment, and sat back down in her chair, her eyes never leaving Violet. Violet never looked at her, but she knew Monica was staring at her, the way she always did when she was concerned. Violet unconsciously looked at the clock again. When was this going to end?
"I think you should tell Kate." Monica said suddenly. Violet stared at her with a sense of urgency.
"No." She said simply. Monica leaned back.
"What do you have against having Kate know about this, Violet? You said she cares about you. Don't you think she would want to help you?" She asked.
"Look, I don't want her to know, okay?" Violet replied, angrily. Monica grew serious, more serious than Violet had ever seen her. Monica leaned forward, resting her arms on her knees.
"Violet, I'm giving you an ultimatum. I see you in a week. If you're still cutting the next time I see you, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to tell Kate." Monica said quietly.
Violet glared at her with as much hatred as she could muster. Without a single word, Violet grabbed her bag and jumped out of her chair.
"Violet, where are you going?" Monica asked, rising as well.
"We're done for today." Violet replied with a sense of finality, and stormed out of the office.
"Violet, talk to me. You're as pale as a sheet, what's going on?" Juliet's voice was soft, even when competing against the sound of thunderous rain pelting against the cockpit of the plane. Violet didn't respond, she just stared ahead at the clearing where Locke had just taken a group of people away, Sawyer, Hurley, Claire, Aaron. Violet swallowed. Her whole body felt like jelly. She couldn't comprehend anything, as her eyelids fluttered. She wanted to sleep. She wanted to fall asleep and wake up from this nightmare. But now was not the time.
She barely paid attention as Juliet pressed her hand against Violet's forehead, and moved her finger back and forth in front of Violet's face. Violet wasn't sure how she fared, but judging by the look on Juliet's face, it wasn't good.
Violet didn't care, she felt so detached from reality. Charlie was dead.
Charlie...
"Violet, you need to talk to me. What's going on?" Juliet asked again.
"Hey, Juliet! Can you give us a hand for a minute?" Someone called suddenly. Violet knew what was going on. Jack wasn't around, he and Kate had taken off a minute ago, they were just behind the cockpit, she had seen them go. Whoever was calling Juliet probably had a medical concern. Juliet sighed, staring at Violet seriously.
"Don't go anywhere, okay? I'll be right back." Her hand rested on Violet's head for a second, and then she was gone.
Violet didn't know how long she sat there, just getting soaked by the rain, but she was aware of her body shivering. She was also vaguely aware of voices coming from the cockpit. Violet sighed, and stood up. She wanted to be with Kate, that much she knew. She didn't have anything she wanted to say, but she wanted to be with Kate.
She tracked through the mud, past the front end of the plane, and around to where Jack and Kate were staring into the fuselage, talking. Violet didn't even hear what they were saying, as she lethargically walked toward them. Jack turned when he heard her coming. He gave a bit of a smile.
"Hey kiddo." He greeted. Violet didn't answer, she just stared blankly into the fuselage. Kate approached her.
"Violet?" She asked, grabbing hold of her face to make Violet look at her. "Are you okay?"
Violet couldn't find the words, she couldn't figure out what to say, but there wasn't any time to say anything, because all three of them had seen a bright light.
They all turned to find the source of it. It was coming from the sky. They all looked up, shielding their faces from getting pelted by the terrential downpour, but they all saw it, and Violet thought she was going to be sick.
It was a helicopter.
Kate turned to Jack.
"Is that what I think it is?" She asked, a little excitedly. Jack didn't answer, as they continued to watch it hover over the island. Violet didn't know what was holding her up, because every fibre of her being felt like it was dying, like she would collapse at any moment. They really had come...
"Look!" Jack shouted suddenly, and they all saw it.
Somebody had jumped from the helicopter, and parachuted onto the island.
"He landed somewhere over there, come on!" Jack yelled suddenly, as he started running into the jungle. Kate followed after him, and Violet stumbled with her first step, but quickly ran too. She didn't even know why the hell she was running toward the people who wanted to rescue them. Unless what Ben said is true. What if they really are here to hurt us? She wondered. Still, she didn't want to leave Kate. Not now.
Violet had to use all of her stealth to run through the muddy jungle to try and keep up with Jack and Kate, the way she was feeling. Maybe Juliet had been on to something. You're as pale as a sheet.
Jack walked out into a clearing, and stopped.
Kate stopped behind him.
Violet wheezed as she finally caught up to them,
and then she saw him.
A man had parachuted onto the island. Violet's breath caught in her throat. She swallowed as he removed his helmet and stared at the three who were watching him with a newfound caution and curiosity. Violet hardly was aware of Kate's hand on her arm, ready to push her out of the way if things got ugly.
"Are you Jack?" The man asked, staring at Jack. Jack looked to Kate and Violet, who stared at him with wonder. He was their leader - what was he going to do.
"Yeah," Jack shouted over the rain, "Who are you?"
The man shifted his weight, dropping his helmet on the ground.
"I'm Daniel Faraday." The man said. "I'm here to rescue you."