A/N- So I'm very sorry it has been so long between updates… I promise I won't do that again, it was just a crazy few weeks for me! However things have settled down somewhat and I really hope this chapter is worth the wait. Please don't punish me by not reviewing! Keep them coming!

'He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came.'

There were cracks in her ceiling. Not really big ones, but large enough to annoy her. Meredith was lying on her bed staring at the ceiling, and there were cracks in it. For a brief moment she had considered getting the ceiling fixed, but then remembered that she wouldn't be around to enjoy the new ceiling and therefore what was the point? She had been lying here for probably 2 hours now, not really wanting to go downstairs. She loved Izzie very much and George too but every conversation she had with them now seemed to be about her cancer, either directly or indirectly. It was just a bit tough to take sometimes; she didn't want to be reminded of it. Two weeks had passed since she had told George, and while not much had changed on the surface it was as if everything had changed underneath. Meredith was amazed that for once a secret had actually managed to remain a secret. So while everyone was careful to not let it slip at work, at home it was a different story.

George had told Izzie about Meredith's cancer on very day that he himself had found out. Two days later Meredith had worked up the courage to tell Alex and as a result the four of them had a few very tearful nights together. Alex had been particularly upset at the news and it was the first time any of the other interns had ever seen him cry. Meredith had simply put her arms around him and held him tight whispering that everything would be okay. But now, he at least seemed to be able to have a conversation with her that wasn't laced with sorrow or concern. It was yet another thing from Alex she had to be grateful for.

She was really irritated that there were cracks in her ceiling, this kind of thing didn't normally bother her but she found that these days she was far more anal and particular about things than she ever had been before. Maybe it was something to do with wanting to finish things and have things perfect before she died, even things as stupid as cracks in her ceiling. If Cristina knew, she would probably laugh at her. But Cristina still wasn't talking to Meredith, not unless it was specifically related to medicine. She didn't know about the cancer and neither did Derek, and frankly Meredith was suspecting that they wouldn't find out till she died if things kept going the way they were. She was tired of constantly trying to apologize, or start a casual conversation with them, particularly Cristina. Derek was simply avoiding her as much as possible, but Cristina was actually rude either telling her to shut up or just ignoring her completely.

Meredith rolled onto her side; she didn't want to look at her ceiling anymore. She didn't want to look at anything. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried not to think about how unfair it was that everyone else got to grow old and she didn't. Despite how hard she tried to stop it she couldn't help the few tears that leaked out her tightly shut eyes. She hated crying; it certainly wasn't going to change her prognosis.

'Meredith?' Izzie's voice pulled her from her thoughts. 'Are you okay? I thought you were asleep.'

'I'm fine Izzie. I was trying to sleep, but it's harder than it used to be I guess.' She said wearily.

'Oh. Well, there's someone at the door for you.' Izzie said uncertainly.

'It's really late Izzie. Who is it? I don't feel like talking to anyone right now.' Meredith sighed, she was settling nicely into a sea of depression and whoever it was (probably George or Alex) would just have to go away.

'Meredith. You really want to go downstairs.' Izzie said firmly. 'It's important.'

'Fine.' She said sharply, and hauled herself off the bed and stomped down the stairs, whoever it was would pay dearly for forcing her out of bed at this time of night.

Except that the person at the door was Derek.

He looked rumpled and confused. Like he wasn't quite sure of what he was doing there. Meredith was hit with a sense of déjà vu, and she remembered the time he visited her the night the bomb went off.

'Hey.' She said.

'Hey.'

'What are you doing here?' She asked.

'I don't know.'

Meredith just looked at him.

'I don't know what to say to you.' He said softly.

'Then why did you come?' She asked, confused.

'I just wanted to see you. I just have to say, I wanted to say…' He trailed off.

'What do you want to say to me?' She asked. She was still standing at the bottom of the stairs uncertain about coming any closer.

Derek took a few steps towards her, then stopped. 'I want to tell you that I love you. And that I'm sorry. And I want to start over.' He stared at her, giving her the McDreamy look that she had missed so much. 'I'm sorry Meredith.'

Considering that this speech was something Meredith had been longing to hear, it was somewhat surprising that she responded the way she did.

'Why now Derek?' She asked. 'Why not earlier, like all those times I tried to talk? Or all those times you were ignoring me in an elevator?' She said, surprised at how angry she felt.

'Can we go somewhere and talk?' He asked, stepping closer.

'Fine. Let's go to the kitchen.' She brushed past him and went into the kitchen, switching on the light. Izzie had clearly gone to bed and as it was well past midnight this was hardly surprising.

'Are you going to answer my question?' She asked.

'Why didn't I say this to you earlier?' He asked.

'Yes.'

Derek sighed. 'Because I was angry Meredith, hell I'm still angry. But I'm not going to let it stand in the way anymore.'

'I've said I was sorry for leaving in so many different ways so many different times Derek. How can you still be angry at me?'

'Because it hurt Meredith! You left without telling me! One day you were here, and we were in love and everything was good, and the next day you've left me!' He yelled.

'Yeah well you left me once before remember. And you treated me like crap afterwards, and you called me a whore. I still forgave you for that.' She shot back.

'That's not a fair comparison. At least you knew I was alive.' Derek said quietly. 'I didn't know where you were, you had been depressed, and your mother had just died. I thought you might have…' He trailed off.

'Killed myself?' Meredith supplied.

'No not really, had an accident maybe.' He said running a hand through his hair tiredly. 'You did try to drown yourself in the bathtub remember?'

'I did not try to drown myself in the bathtub! Why does everyone keep bringing that up…' She muttered.

'I just didn't know where you were, and then you didn't come back. I just couldn't believe it.' He said.

'That's why I apologized like five hundred times Derek.' She said pointedly.

'And I'm sorry I called you a whore.' He added as an afterthought.

'I know you are.' Meredith said. 'I didn't mean to behave so badly, but I was angry too. What happened to my mother was my decision to make, not yours. And definitely not Cristina's.'

'I know Mer. I'm sorry.' He said. 'I shouldn't have done what I did.'

'No you shouldn't have.'

'And you shouldn't have left.' He prompted.

'No I shouldn't have.' She murmured. You have no idea how much I shouldn't have she added silently to herself.

'So can I kiss you now?' Derek asked, all smirking and McDreamy like.

'That's it? You think we can just go back to normal now that we both have apologized?' Meredith said, raising her eyebrows.

'Yes.' He replied. 'There's no reason why we can't, unless you don't love me anymore.'

Meredith looked at him and thought about the first time she saw him at Joes, she thought about the first time she saw him at Seattle Grace. She thought about the first time she saw Addison, and the way he looked at her when he told her he had chosen Addison over her. She remembered the way he at looked at her when he was jealous over Finn, and the way he had looked at her across the dance floor at the prom. Most of all she remembered the way he looked at her when he had stood in her kitchen and told her he was in love with her.

'Yes.' She said.

'Yes what?'

'Yes you can kiss me now.' She said feeling strangely nervous as she watched his face light up as he slowly crossed the room to her.

He took her gently in his arms and whispered 'So you do still love me.' He murmured into her hair as he breathed her in.

'I never stopped.' Meredith whispered.

'Neither did I.' He replied, as he slowly drew her face to his and kissed her lips gently.

Meredith leaned into the kiss as it deepened and she felt her heart racing. She had forgotten just how safe and comfortable and at home being with him made her feel. She wrapped her arms around his neck, letting her fingers graze slowly through his hair. She felt his hands caress the side of her face gently and he slowly pulled away, keeping their faces close and staring into her eyes. She had always liked his eyes; they were the deepest indigo blue. As she looked into them she felt as though nothing else in the world mattered now they were together again, and not even her cancer could spoil this moment.

'Take me for a ride Derek.' She whispered with a smile.

He laughed softly, remembering a time that was long past. He picked her up gently, cradling her in his arms and carried her up the stairs to the bedroom.

Later that night they lay tangled together in a mess of sheets and sweat, simply enjoying each others company. Meredith lay with her head on his chest and was reveling in the simple sound of his heart beating. She thought for the second time that night that Cristina would laugh at how sappy she was, if they had still been each other's person. As happy as she was she couldn't get Cristina out of her head.

'Derek?' She questioned.

'Mmmm?' He replied half asleep.

'What happened with Cristina?'

'What do you mean?' He asked, confused.

'With what happened with my mother, how did she get involved exactly?'

Derek shifted under her slightly, and brushed his hand gently over her hair. 'I thought we were done with that Mer. I said I was sorry.'

'No it's not that, I just don't really know what happened. And it's not like you and Cristina were exactly the type to hang out and make plans together.'

'That's true.' He said.

'So what happened?' Meredith asked again.

Derek sat up suddenly and Meredith fell off his chest to the side of the bed. 'She approached me and asked me if you had arranged for your mom to have the surgery.' He paused. 'I told her that you had, and then she asked me what I thought. I said it was a bad idea. She agreed with me and pointed out that Ellis didn't even want the surgery.'

'No she didn't but it wasn't her decision it was mine.' Meredith huffed.

Derek picked up her hand and laced his fingers through hers. 'I know that.' He said softly. 'Well Cristina said that it would be better if I cancelled it in your name. She seemed to think that your mom had put you through enough already. She was worried about you.'

'She was worried about me? Or you were worried about me?'

'We both were worried about you.' He whispered. 'Especially me.'

'I'm sorry Derek.' Meredith said sadly. 'What I did to you was so cruel. You didn't deserve that.'

'I'm sorry too; I shouldn't have decided what was best for you. I shouldn't have tried to run your life.' He put his arm around her and pulled her closer. 'You know what? Let's not say we're sorry anymore. We've said it enough.'

Meredith wriggled out of his grasp and pulled the list off her bedside table. She opened it and showed it to Derek.

'What is this, a hit list?' Derek asked.

Meredith hit him playfully. 'No! Although George said that too when I showed it to him. It's my list of who I need to make things right with, and now I can cross your name off.'

'Can't I cross my own name off?' he asked with a smile.

'No, I want to do this one.' Meredith replied. 'For some unexplainable reason, I really need to do this one.' She took her fat black pen and drew a line across his name. There was now only one name on it.

'You should have put Cristina last.' Derek said flatly.

'Everyone says that.'

'That's it. I'm not going to let this go on for much longer. I'm going to talk to Bailey and make sure that you and Cristina are on the same case every single day till you work things out.' He said stubbornly.

Meredith sighed. 'I don't think Bailey will go for that.' Bailey had been like a mother lion when it came to Meredith's health, ever since she became sick that day and had to pull out of Derek's surgery. She wouldn't let her near any kind of stressful situation, and had told her that she was seriously considering recommending to the chief that she stop work altogether. And working everyday with Cristina would certainly put her under a lot of stress.

'Well maybe every second day.' He said, pulling her closer again.

Meredith lay snuggled in his arms and closed her eyes. Right now, in this moment it didn't matter to her that Cristina still wasn't speaking to her. All that mattered was that she had Derek back and she was safe again.

'I wish this could last forever.' She whispered.

'Have some faith Mer.' He whispered back. 'This could last forever, or at least till we are both wrinkly and old.'

'Mmmm.' she replied, a horribly guilty feeling settling in her stomach. She knew she had to tell him that she had less than three months left, but he was so happy, and she was so happy, and she just wanted one perfect night with him. Just one night where she didn't have to be poor dying Meredith, one night to pretend that everything was going to be fine.

She would tell him tomorrow.

A/N- The lyrics at the start are 'How to save a life' by The Fray (and if you are a Grey's Anatomy fan who didn't know that, then you must have been living under a rock!)