Caroline and the Sperm Donor
By: Jana
Chapter 6
XXX
--Richard was up and out the door before Caroline was even awake, and she noticed him missing instantly upon descending the stairs.
The couch sat empty, a neatly folded blanket with a pillow perched on top residing in the location he had occupied only hours before. On the coffee table nearby, a quickly scrawled note, left in such a way where she would be sure to find it.
'Caroline, I'll be back at 10:00. Richard.'
A glance at the clock on the microwave showed it to be 8:58. He would be back in an hour, she thought with a smile.
"Hey, Caroline," Annie greeted as she waltzed through the door, and upon seeing no immediate sign of him asked, "Where's Richie?"
"He went home to change," Caroline answered, adding almost proudly, "He stayed here last night."
"Oh, yeah?" Annie asked curiously, arching an eyebrow. "Dish!"
"Annie," Caroline scolded light-heartedly, "There's nothing to dish! It was late, and I didn't want him walking around his neighborhood at that time of night. I asked him to stay, so he stayed."
"Neat trick," she quipped. "Next time, ask him to roll over and play dead." She chuckled to herself as she headed for the kitchen to start the coffee.
"Must you do that?" Caroline asked with a sigh. "Jab at him, even when he's not here?"
Annie just shrugged. "Habit," she answered. "So, what did you guys end up doing after I left?"
"Nothing," Caroline told her defensively. "We both went to bed right after you left."
Annie could tell by the tone she used and the far-off look in her eyes that there was something her friend was holding back. "But??" she needled, trying to weasel out details.
Initially, Caroline had no intention of sharing with Annie, but excitement got the better of her. "Ok," she said to her, quietly, as if she was about to leak some deep dark secret, "I'll tell you. But, if you breathe a word of this, or tease him in any way, I will never confide in you again!"
Annie perked up, abandoning the coffeemaker for the time being. "Deal! What happened?"
Caroline recalled the events from hours earlier, glancing at the door often as if she expected to be interrupted at any moment. When finished, she looked to Annie expectantly.
"What do you think it means?" she asked, biting at her lower lip nervously.
Smiling, Annie returned to the task of coffee making as she answered, "I kinda know, but I can't say anything, cause it was told to me in confidence." She knew there was no way Caroline would let it drop at that.
"In confidence?" Caroline asked, somewhat confused, but then suddenly, she gasped. "Richard talks to you in confidence? About what?"
"The pregnancy," she answered with a shrug, swallowing her smile. "And, about you."
"What about me?" Caroline questioned with an almost desperate tone.
"I told you," Annie reminded, "I can't say. But," she added, turning to face her friend, "I will tell you this…" Caroline stood straighter, preparing herself for the statement to follow. "Remember when I told you, don't judge a book by its cover?" Caroline scowled as she nodded. "Think about it," she instructed, then immediately headed for the door.
"I'll be back for coffee after I get dressed," Annie tossed over her shoulder, smirking as she left, leaving her friend to do just that.
It felt like her head was spinning, and she could only watch helplessly as Annie walked out the door, leaving her alone with the cryptic statement and her racing thoughts.
Annie had hinted before that she should examine her feelings for Richard, but now it seemed, she was implying that Richard had feelings for her. The very idea of it both excited her and scared her to death.
She felt her baby kick sharply within her, probably annoyed by the adrenalin rush she was experiencing, and she apologized to him as she set her hand on the swelling that housed him.
"I think I'm in love with your daddy," she told the roundness beneath her palm, "And I think he might love me, too. But," she added, tears beginning to well, "Problem is, I don't know what I should do."
"Your daddy is so private- so guarded, when it comes to his feelings. If I just come right out and say something, he could very easily freak out and run. Emotionally, I mean," she reassured her belly with a consoling pat. "But," she added, "If I wait for him to say something, it could take him years to get up the courage! And I don't want to wait years!"
Tears fell faster, and in her attempt to wipe them, she didn't see or hear the front door open.
"Who are you talking to?" Richard asked as he entered, immediately hanging up his shed coat.
"Oh, Richard, hi!" she greeted over-enthusiastically, swiping at the wet on her face quicker than before. "You're early!" Plastering a forced smile on her face, she hoped to detract from the fact that she had been crying.
"The subway was on time for a change," he muttered, then startled imperceptibly when his eyes finally landed on her. "Why are you crying?"
"Just emotional," she answered dismissively, turning away. "That baby's been kicking!"
He wasn't buying it. Something else was wrong. "You're crying because the baby has been kicking?" he questioned her, eyeing her carefully as he waited for a response.
"I just can't wait to meet him, ya'know?" she covered, hoping it seemed like a logical enough reason for why she would be in tears.
He seemed satisfied with this, as he turned away and walked towards the kitchen to get himself some coffee.
Pleased with herself for dodging the real reason for her emotional behavior, she elaborated without thinking. "Yeah, I can't wait to see what he looks like! I bet he has your amazing brown eyes, and soft, wavy blond hair!"
"Ugh, Caroline," he groaned, "You should not be wishing any of my attributes onto the kid!"
"Why not?" she asked, following him through the kitchen and towards the desk. "If he's half as handsome as you are, he'll be fighting the ladies off with a stick!"
All activity halted, and meekly, he found himself asking, "You think I'm handsome?"
"Of course," she answered easily, surprised by the question. "Don't you?"
With a snort of a laugh, he set his coffee cup down and started sifting through panels. "No."
New tears formed as she realized, he was serious, and not just being modest. He actually thought he was unattractive.
"No one has ever told you how good-looking you are?" she asked him. "Not even your parents?"
He scoffed. " My dad once told me, nice nose, kid! Careful blowing it, you're liable to take out the neighborhood."
Tears broke free in that moment, unable to hold them back any longer. "Richard," she whispered, stepping up to him and wrapping her arms around him, pulling him somewhat unwillingly into hug. "You are a gorgeous man. And I hope our son is fortunate enough to be as lucky."
Amazed by her admission and emotional display, he held her awkwardly, his guard dropping slightly moments later as he allowed himself to enjoy her warmth.
All he could say was thank you, and he whispered those words as he pulled her tighter to him, nuzzling her hair.
"You're welcome," she whispered back, pressing her cheek comfortably against his chest, adding, "About last night. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."
"You didn't," he assured her, his heart racing. "You just surprised me." Needing distance, his emotions raw, he pushed away from her and cleared his throat. "What do you want me to start on?" he asked, his aloof demeanor returning.
The loss she felt as he side-stepped away from her was almost tangible. "The Sunday strip," she choked out, then bolted for and out the door without saying another word.
The shock over their exchange only registered on Richard's face after Caroline disappeared from the apartment. Something was different. Staring after her, possible reasons for her actions began whirling inside his brain.
Hormones? Pity? He wasn't sure. All he knew for sure, was that he was blowing it. His feelings for her leaking out in slow dribs and drabs, was obviously confusing her.
You cannot do this to her, he gave warning to his weak and bleeding heart. Watch yourself, or I will build the walls around you stronger and taller!
--Only knocking as a courtesy, Caroline shot through Annie's door and into her apartment, collapsing against it in tears as after flinging it shut.
"Sweetie, what's wrong?" Annie asked, quickly whipping her shirt on, concerned.
Near sobbing, Caroline explained all that had just happened, wiping angrily at her wet cheeks as she demanded to know, "Does Richard have feelings for me? You're supposed to be my friend!" she spat. "Tell me!"
Annie sighed and gathered her hysterical friends into her arms. "I can't tell you that," she said softly. "Would you want me to tell him your secrets?" she asked, then gestured at the couch before telling her, "Sit down, ok? Do that, relaxation breathing thing."
"I don't want to breathe, Annie," Caroline snipped back as she took a seat, only slightly calmer. "I want answers."
Joining her, Annie told her, "If you think about it, you already know the answer. You're looking for confirmation, and that, I can't give you."
Dropping her face into her hands, she sighed, asking, "What am I supposed to do then?"
"A smart man told me once," Annie said as she rubbed her friend's back consolingly, "That pregnancy is a hormonal and emotional time. If one were to start a relationship, it would be best to wait till after the baby is born."
Caroline looked up into Annie's smiling face, the subtext of what she was saying clear.
"Maybe now isn't the best time to be starting a new relationship," she choked out, trying for a smile.
"There ya go!" Annie praised her. "It's not a matter of 'if', sweetie, it's just a matter of 'when'. Just, enjoy the pregnancy for now," she advised, helping to wipe the tears from her friend's face. "The rest will fall into place later."
X
--Trying to soothe her angry red complexion, she splashed cold water on her face before leaving Annie's apartment, but it did little good. Someone as observant as Richard would surely notice something was amiss.
"My God, Caroline," he exclaimed as she entered her apartment, "You look like you've been sobbing! What's wrong?" he asked worriedly, stepping out from behind his side of the desk, but keeping his distance.
"Mood swing," she laughed, waving haphazardly to dismiss any importance of her appearance. "I'm ok," she assured him, forcing a smile.
"You're sure?" he asked, in limbo between approaching and hugging her, and returning to his chair.
"I'm sure," she insisted, adding as she broke eye contact and headed for the kitchen, "Annie talked me down."
Nodding, he returned to his seat, asking, "Speaking of, where is the second rate Scrabble player this morning? It's not like her, not to be here mooching off of you."
"She's getting dressed," Caroline answered, then asked, "Am I going to have to put up with you gloating over her all day?" She smirked when a grin spread across his face.
"Not all day," he answered smugly. "She won't be here all day."
"Good morning," Annie announced cheerfully as she stepped through the door and straight for the kitchen and the fresh coffee that awaited her there. "Today is going to be brutal! I have a matinee and an evening performance!"
"I don't know," Richard muttered, a sly expression barely visible, "I was just thinking of how great today was going to be."
"Why? Are you-" Annie stopped the comeback abruptly when she remembered the bet she had lost to him the night before. "That's nice," she said with forced glee, through gritted teeth, then added, "Yahtzee! Tonight!"
"I'll be here," he returned flatly. "What time?"
"I should be here by midnight," she informed, heading for the door to leave, taking Caroline's coffee mug filled with coffee with her. "Better practice your vocal scales," she taunted him. "Cause this time, I ain't losing!"
"Is that a wisecrack?" he asked, catching her before she stepped out the door.
"No," she shot back, "It's a threat!"
She spun around and stomped away, leaving Richard to shake his head at her antics.
"How sure are you that you're going to win?" Caroline asked him, pouring herself a cup of orange juice before joining him at the desk.
"Against Annie?" he asked arrogantly. "Pretty sure."
"But, it's not a game of skill," she reminded him. "It's a game of chance."
"To her," he answered, continuing to work diligently. "There is a skill to it, Caroline, you just have to know what it is."
"And, what is it?" she asked curiously, but he shook his head in response.
"I plan to beat you tonight, too," he told her seriously, hiding a smile when he heard her scoff.
"Care to make a little friendly bet then?" she challenged him.
Only daring to steal a quick glance, his eyes dropped to the panel he was coloring as he asked, "What did you have in mind?"
"If I win," she wagered, "Then you have to stay here, with me, for the remainder of the pregnancy." His head shot up, eyes locking with hers, total surprise on his face. "You know," she clarified, taken aback by his reaction, "In case I need you for anything."
It was an innocent suggestion, but he could see the potential for problems. Still, he found himself not declining, but asking instead, "And if I win?"
"If you win?" she semi-repeated, then asked, "Well, what do you want?"
A loaded question, he thought to himself, but outwardly, he said, "I want a say in what you name our son."
"You don't trust in my ability to name our child?" she asked, feigning offense.
"Not after hearing the name Phinneas as an option," he quipped sarcastically.
"Hey, I opted out of that name," she defended herself, smiling.
"Yeah, well," he muttered, seemingly indifferent, "You obviously need my help."
Her smile grew imperceptibly wider as she offered her hand over the desk. "You got yourself a bet!"
XXX
--It was a win-win proposition for Caroline, so she didn't care if she lost the game or not. Winning, she would have Richard around her all day every day. Losing, she would get further involvement from him in the form of naming the baby.
But even if she won, she had decided, she was planning on consulting him on baby names, knowing he was interested. She wasn't about to tell him that though. Not yet, anyway.
Richard, she realized, was quite competitive, but in an almost nonchalant kind of way. He was obviously confident in his abilities, so nothing seemed to rattle him. Annie, however, seemed to be on pins and needles all night, actually getting irritated by Richard's lack of emotion.
"If I get a Yahtzee," Annie announced to Richard as she prepared to take her final turn- the final turn of the game, "Then I'll be the winner and you'll be serenading all of Remo's!"
Unfazed, Richard just stared back, which only served to agitate Annie further. She scowled as she shook the cup of dice, almost violently, then dumped them just as harshly. Not one match.
She scooped them up and went again. Two '2's. She groaned, grabbing the three spares and repeating the process. A '3', a '5', and a '6'.
She lost, and she just knew Richard was gloating with that smug self-righteous smirk he loved to wear, so she refused to give him the satisfaction of even looking up at him. Instead, she kept her head down and proceeded to add her score.
"What's the damage?" Caroline asked, and Richard was the first to answer.
"Three hundred nine points," he announced, knowing Annie wasn't even close, but curious to know where Caroline stood.
"Two hundred sixty eight," Annie muttered sourly.
Both Annie and Richard then looked to Caroline, who wore a fast growing smile on her face. "Three hundred ten points."
Annie grinned, pleased that at least someone beat out Richard, but Richard looked almost amused.
"Ok," he said with a nod of acceptance, "I can bring my clothes over tomorrow. I can bring my easel and paints too, right?"
"Of course you can!" Caroline told him cheerfully. "I want you to feel at home here!"
"Whoa, wait a sec," Annie chimed in, confused. "What are we talking about here?"
"You're not the only one who made a bet here tonight," Caroline explained, watching as Richard stood and headed for the kitchen. "I won, so now Richard is going to stay here, until the baby is born."
"What was Richie going to get if he'd won?" Annie asked, entertained by the prospects.
"He was going to get a say in what I name the baby," Caroline answered, glancing into the kitchen to see that Richard had poured himself the rest of the coffee from the pot and was now rummaging through the fridge for something.
They both reacted to Annie's laughter in their own subtle ways, Caroline eyeing her friend as she began cleaning up the game mess.
"What's so funny?" she asked, cautious but curious, and Richard groaned as he guessed what was coming.
"You both know what's so funny," Annie snorted, "But since neither of you want me to say anything," she added as she collected the game box and headed for the cupboard it belonged in, "That's all I'm gonna say."
The game safely away, Annie wadded up her score sheet and chucked it at Richard, it bouncing off his head before hitting the floor. "Monopoly!" she challenged him. "Next Friday! Double or nothing!"
Richard glanced down at the assaulting ball of paper before looking over at Annie, an emotionless expression on his face. "How do you double me singing at Remo's?"
"An encore performance of 'London Bridges Falling Down'?" she asked as well as answered, to which Richard rolled his eyes.
"Annie," he chided, "When are you going to let it go? When are you going to admit that I'm just a better game player than you?"
"As soon as you admit your feel-" She stopped abruptly, just in time, as she noticed Richard's eyes grow to three times their normal size. Glancing at Caroline for less than a second, she looked back at Richard, trying to convey an apology wordlessly.
"I promised no wisecracks," she attempted to cover, "So I'll just say goodnight now and leave." She nearly sprinted out the door, desperate to leave her almost colossal mistake behind her, leaving Caroline and Richard alone in the thick tension that continued to linger within the apartment.
There was no mistaking what had just happened. Caroline saw the look between them. She saw the horrified expression leap onto Richard's face. Heard the slight stammering of Annie's words as she babbled before darting out of the apartment.
A huge secret had almost been spilled, and while Caroline wasn't one hundred percent sure what that secret was, she had a pretty good idea that it had to do with Richard's feelings for her. Whether to broach it or leave it alone though, that was the question.
"Did you want me to spend the night tonight?" Richard asked awkwardly, needing to say something as the silence had gone on for too long.
"Yeah," she answered, avoiding eye contact, sensing that he now felt uncomfortable in her presence. "Did you want to go to sleep right away?" she asked, at the ready to jump up and grab his bedding from the hinged-lid coffee table if his answer had been yes.
He shrugged. "I'm flexible," he said as he moved to the sink to rinse his mug. "You?"
"Me?" she asked, confused.
"Did you want to go to bed now?" he asked more specifically.
"Oh." She chuckled, but it sounded strained. "Me too. Flexible."
"Did you want something from the kitchen, while I'm in here?" he asked, silently cursing Annie for causing the stress they were both obviously feeling.
"Do we have any of those pickles left?" she asked, not really wanting them, but trying to find a way to bridge the gap that had formed between them in Annie's wake.
Almost eagerly, he moved towards the fridge, flinging open the door and scanning its contents. "No, you're out," he informed her, immediately adding, "I could go get some, if you want."
"That's ok," she declined the offer, then with a sigh to settle her nerves, patted the couch as she asked of him, "Come sit with me." She was determined to move them past this, by force if necessary.
Slowly, he stepped over, taking a seat cautiously beside her. Once situated, she swung her legs over his and snuggled into his side.
"Richard," she whispered, "We both know Annie almost said something you didn't want known."
His heart began to race in his chest. She could hear it. How could she not?
"Let's just forget about that for right now and continue on like we have been, ok?" she suggested, placing her hand over his pounding heart.
He swallowed hard, admitting, "It's hard to continue the charade when the feelings keep getting stronger."
"I know," she smiled, "But, I just think it would be best if we stay focused on the baby. For now."
His arm slipped slowly around her, holding her. "I agree with you," he sighed. "I just said it was hard."
Within seconds, they both started laughing at the unplanned innuendo.
"Sorry," he apologized. "You know that's not what I meant."
She nodded against his chest. "I know. And I know this won't be easy," she added. "But I also know, we can do it. Tomorrow morning, we'll forget all about Annie's little slip of the tongue, and about this conversation, and just continue on as we have been. There will be plenty of time after the baby's born to explore this. There's no rush."
"No," he agreed softly, "There's not. This is worth waiting for," he added, holding her a little tighter.
"So, we're in agreement then?" she asked, shifting her position and smiling up at him.
"We are," he nodded, smiling back.
As their eyes locked, Caroline gingerly placed her hand on his face, a million thoughts struggling for supremacy as she inched closer, touching her lips lightly to his. The kiss was almost platonic, only she lingered slightly longer than etiquette would dictate.
When she slowly pulled back, his eyes were closed, and he seemed to be barely breathing.
"Goodnight, Richard," she whispered, and his eyes drifted open at the sound of her voice.
He had to force himself to remain steady. He wanted to rake his fingers through her hair, and kiss her with the passion he had kept hidden for far too long. Instead, he simply whispered, "Goodnight, Caroline."
Climbing off his lap, she retrieved his bedding, handed it over to him, then ascended the stairs to her room without saying another word.
His heart still raced, and he briefly wondered if it would ever slow to normal. Knowing sleep would never find him in his current state of mind, he opted not to even try. He needed to talk. To hash things out. He needed a third party perspective. He needed Annie.
Inwardly, he groaned as that thought hit his brain, but as much as he despised admitting it, he knew it was true. There was no one else he could talk to, and he needed to talk.
Resigned, he pushed off the couch and stepped quietly towards the door, only glancing in the direction of her room briefly before walking out into the hall.
A sliver of light was visible from under her door, answering his silent wonderings of whether or not Annie would still be awake. The knuckle of one finger was all he used to knock with, not wanting to disturb her if she had gone to bed, but knowing if she hadn't, she would hear it.
The locks unlatched almost immediately, but the chain remained in place as the door slowly opened.
"Richie? What's up?" she asked, side-stepping to hide all but her head when she remembered she was in nothing but a skimpy pajama top and underpants.
"I need to talk to someone, and in the absence of a paid professional," he quipped, "You'll have to do."
With a smirk, she gave a gentle nod. "Just give me a sec," she said, then closed the door. Less than 30 seconds later, he heard the chain slide before the door flew open.
Entering when she gestured for him to, he noticed in passing that she was now wearing a robe cinched closed with a sash around her waist.
"I'm sorry about before," she apologized after closing her door. "I tried to cover. Did she notice?"
Richard rolled his eyes. "She's not dead, Annie, she's pregnant," he shot back sarcastically, adding, "She noticed."
"So, what happened?" she asked, sitting on the couch and silently requesting he do the same.
"She wants to pretend nothing happened," he said as he took a seat next to her. "She wants to focus on the pregnancy for now, and deal with whatever else later, after the baby's born."
"Isn't that what you want too?" she asked, confused by the slight agitation that seemed to edge his tone.
"Yes and no," he returned with a sigh.
"Yes and no?" she questioned him. "Which part yes and which part no?"
"Yes, before," he explained, exasperated. "Before, she didn't know about my feelings for her! I could keep them hidden because I was hiding them from her! Now that she knows, I'm not so sure that I can."
"I'm sorry," she apologized again. "I didn't mean to tell her."
"It's not entirely your fault," he told her, releasing her from total responsibility. "I've been slipping up a lot lately."
Arching an eyebrow, she asked, "How so?"
"Just, little things. Dropping my guard-" He shook his head. "It's not important. But, now, I have to go on pretending? Act like nothing's changed? While we both know it has?" He sighed heavily, slumping forward, his elbows resting on his knees. "I'm not good at 'acting'."
"I don't know," Annie countered. "You've been pretty good at it up till now."
He shot her a glare in response. "That wasn't acting," he told her sharply. "That was self preservation."
She laughed, stopping abruptly when he shot her another less than amused look. "Richie," she said to him, moving on, "I think you're over thinking this. Before, you were trying to hide your feelings. Why, I don't know," she added quickly, then continued, "But now, the truth has set you free, so to speak. You don't have to pretend you're not in love with her! You just have to wait to act on it!"
That thought hadn't occurred to him. He didn't have to hide his feelings for her anymore, because she already knew about them. He wouldn't have to quickly look away to avoid being caught staring at her, or jump away from her touch to avoid reacting to it. There was at least a hundred different ways he could show he cared for her- show her the promises of things to come- without breaking the pact of waiting till after the baby was born to explore their relationship.
The possibilities raced inside his brain, bringing with it, a slight smile to his face.
"What's that smile for?" Annie asked, smiling as well.
"It'll be similar to courting," he answered, explaining where his thoughts had just been.
"Courting?" she laughed. "What is this, the 1800's?"
Smirking back at her, he asked, "Is that a wisecrack?"
That stupid bet, she thought to herself, then shot back, "No! It's late! I'm tired! I just forgot what century we're currently in!"
He rolled his eyes and 'humph'ed at her lame attempt at covering her slipup, then moved to stand.
"It is late," he acknowledged, heading for the door, Annie right behind him.
"We're still on for Friday, right?" she asked, and he nodded.
"If you can stand another beating," he quipped, then added seriously, "Thank you, Annie."
"You're welcome," she said as she stepped up to hug him. He grew stiff as she wrapped her arms around him, and she laughed when he did. "It's called a hug, Richie! Now, you wrap your arms around me," she teased, and he rolled his eyes in response.
"I know what a hug is," he groaned, "I just wasn't expecting to get one from you."
"Well," she reasoned, "We're friends now. And that's what friends do!"
"Do we have to?" he quipped as he pulled away, and she promptly but playfully smacked him.
"Shut up," she snipped jokingly, opening her door and pointing out into the hall. "And get out of my apartment."
He smirked as he stepped out and headed across to Caroline's.
TBC
Author's note:
Hate my word processor! And it looks like I won't be getting the new one till Friday or Monday next week. Sigh.
Ok, so, how about giving this sad author a little love and leaving a review, eh? It would cheer me up!
MTLBYAKY