SS: I'm so sorry, everyone! So much has happened between the last update and now, I'm hopeless. Anyway, please enjoy chapter six! Just the chapter itself is 8,075 words and I beat my record, I'm so proud! -pumps a fist triumphantly-
Disclaimer: I don't own DGM and I don't make money off of this story. It's purely created out of my love for the characters.
Chapter 6 Claustrophobia
"What do you mean?" Kanda glanced curiously at the red-haired man, arms folding across his chest. "Good idea? Hey, spill it, rabbit." When he got no answer, he shifted his attention to whatever it was Lavi was now staring at. "Huh? What's that?"
To Lavi's left, there lay an old child's doll with realistic blue eyes and pretty blonde hair that looked almost like an actual person's hair. Its 'skin' was pale and polished, its hair was brushed through and neat, the dress and shoes it had on looked new, and had all that not been so, Lavi would've gone with it being yet another antique here. But it wasn't so. "It's a doll, Yu."
Kanda quirked a brow in confusion then grunted. "And what's some stupid old doll got to do with this 'good idea' of yours?" Walking to Lavi's side, he bent down and picked up the toy, staring at it with little interest. It was just like Kanda not to notice the importance of that thing.
"Yu, look more carefully at it. Look at the condition." Kanda did so and then gave his comrade a look that said, 'And?' Lavi sighed. "There's no way, with how dusty, moldy and gross it is in here, that a doll like that, laying on the floor of all places, is going to be clean and neat-looking. Well over half the draperies and such in this place have at least a few moth-holes, and everything in here has some dirt and dust on it."
Seeming to finally get what Lavi was getting at, Kanda stared at the doll once more, then tossed it into the lap of the man opposite of himself before crossing his arms again. "So what are you trying to say?" he asked, staring down at the other. "That there's a little kid in here who lost her dollie or something?"
"What I'm saying," Lavi began, examining the doll himself better for the first time, "is that the owner of this doll is in this place, child or not, and could possibly be the one you saw running away."
Kanda's face looked a bit puzzled, but overall he understood what Lavi was getting at, he just couldn't put a finger on what that had to do with Lavi's 'good idea.' Shifting a bit, the Asian leaned against a wall across from the other and perched his lips up in an impatient manner. "I understand, but you still haven't told me this idea of yours and I'm becoming aggravated with your lack of sharing." That was the very first time Lavi heard Kanda be annoyed that the redhead wasn't talking much.
Smiling cheekily, Lavi waved the doll up in the air, finally revealing what he'd been plotting. "If it's true this thing belongs to whoever you were chasing, don't you think it's possible to lure them back out with it?" Tossing the toy up into the air then catching it, Lavi's grin only grew wider when Kanda muttered to himself and looked away.
"Fine, you're right." Huffing, Kanda seemed to regret admitting that because the moment he did, Lavi threw the toy at him and he had to raise an arm to catch it. In other words, it seemed he was going to be the one in charge of luring the owner of the doll out, and that alone annoyed him. Growling, the older of the two moved off the wall and glared. "But don't you ever try to think of ways that don't involve playing around?"
"Nope, never do," Lavi replied playfully. The childish expression on his face wasn't fading, because after all, Kanda really was, for the millionth time, fun to mess around with. "Anyway, think you can handle it? Or should I do it?" As if trying to make the other feel bad, Lavi emphasized his leg injury by reaching down to brush a hand over the wound, making a pained face. This was, of course, to simply get out of being the lure.
Kanda rolled his eyes at the act. "Idiot, you don't need to fake it as being gruesome pain currently while you're sitting, I'll do it, I don't care." Even though the Asian had said this, and his expression was harsh, there was a hint of worry on it as if he were doubting he was right and that Lavi really was genuinely in a lot of pain even while sitting and not putting any pressure on his ankle. The surprise was clear in the redhead's only visible eye, but Lavi didn't comment on it, in fear of starting a useless fight.
Sitting back up, Lavi uncomfortably glanced away to try to keep his mind off of what he'd just noticed, because if he didn't, he'd certainly end up saying something which would tick Kanda off beyond reason. Luck be on his side, something caught his eye just then. "Eh?" Even in the darkness of the mansion, he could've sworn he'd gotten sight of a familiar face staring over at them then ducking behind a wall as soon as Lavi looked.
Kanda shifted and gave Lavi an inquiring stare as if asking what was wrong, but before he gave the other a chance to answer, Kanda practically pressed his hand to the hilt of his sword at the speed of light. "The hell was that-? Ugh! Shit!" Cursing beneath his breath, the older of the two removed his hand from the weapon and shook his wrist a tad, a bit of pain spreading across his facial features - but only a bit. Hell would freeze over before Kanda showed much weakness to anyone, including Lavi.
"Be careful with that!" Lavi warned, scolding his comrade. "What are you thinking? Are you trying to break your wrist? It's already sprained!" Glaring at the Asian, Lavi meant to get up and see if he'd done anything worse to the wound of his wrist, but instead the redhead's expression softened to just concern and he shook his head. "You know what? I forget you're a grown man too. I guess you can handle it yourself, sorry."
Kanda first gave Lavi a hard stare when he heard those words, but he didn't bother responding to them and instead rubbed his wrist a little, looking around in the darkness for the shadow they'd previously seen. With all that had been going on, it seemed both of them were trying to be careful with their words and actions now.
In fact, all it took was a crashing sound to get both of their attentions in a heartbeat and Kanda told Lavi to stay put as he raced off into the dark halls. Well, this was perfect. Just perfect, Lavi thought, heaving a sigh. Here he was, fairly useless from his leg injury, now left alone so he wouldn't get in the way more. Wonderful method to feel like a burden.
Staring blankly at the dark hall Kanda had run off down and into, Lavi couldn't bring himself to not worry. Yes, while it was true Kanda could hold his own and that he was also a grown man, he was reckless, brash and crude, and that tended to get him into trouble at times, particularly with Noah and akuma. Pretty boy with a jackass and aggressive nature or not, he's still human. Lavi sighed for the millionth time, tapping his unharmed leg's foot impatiently. At least, I think he's human… What do I do if he gets into trouble and I'm sitting here like a useless lump, especially since I'm the reason he's been so distracted?
Hastily, Lavi decided he wouldn't let anything happen to his Asian comrade. Snatching his hammer from its holder, he flipped it up into his hand by its head then extended it enough so he could use it to hold himself up without putting too much pressure on his right ankle. Perhaps his idea from before hadn't been such a bad one after all, using his hammer as a cane proved to be far more comfortable than anything else he could think of.
Despite how this was disobeying what Kanda had told him, Lavi realized thoroughly he didn't want to comply with that order to begin with. This was a mission and they all had to work together, whether the impudent and proud Yu Kanda liked it or not. And as of recently, it started to seem like Kanda hadn't minded working with others as much as he used to, but this whole trip was beginning to make Lavi rethink his assumption.
As he limped down the hall, Lavi began wishing more and more that he had some sort of light, like a candle or match, because it sure as hell got darker in the mansion. With the sun setting early in the winter, the entire building was shrouded by darkness so much sooner than it would've any other time of the year, and that made the mission much harder.
While thinking, a certain thought crossed Lavi's mind and he froze in place, staring at his feet in the dark. Why hadn't he run into Allen and/or the finder yet? Surely even with how large the mansion was, they'd at least run into the two once since they were searching around as well, right? Bewildered and slightly stunned, Lavi tried to focus his worry on finding Kanda again. To his knowledge, Allen wasn't injured, but Kanda was. Even if both could hold their own, it still worried him as their friend naturally.
It was the sound of a girly gasp and scream that startled Lavi out of his thoughts and he began feeling horribly nostalgic. The dream… it was as if it really was coming true! The only difference in this case was that Lavi couldn't exactly run with the way his ankle was, but regardless…
Limping further through the dark, the redhead tried his best to focus and stop worrying whether or not this was the very dream that'd caused all the misery between Kanda and him coming true. Surely if he kept bothering himself with that, he'd end up lost in this place. He didn't need an angry Kanda scolding him about that, now did he? Still, despite everything, that bother didn't go away.
Worry wart, he thought, sighing. If I don't stop, I'm going to end up- His mental words were interrupted when he tripped over something in the dark and ended up tumbling forward into something… warm. Releasing a small chuckle, slightly relieved, Lavi finally spoke up. "Y-Yu… thank God. I thought I'd gotten lost or something…" Rather than hearing his comrade's deep voice though, Lavi got a feminine giggle in response. "Eh…?"
"You're so adorable, La," a voice murmured cutely, still laughing. "Did you lose your pretty male friend? Are you afraid of the dark without him by your side to back you up?" The body he'd fallen against moved suddenly and the sound of heels tapped against the ground as it apparently walked away. "You shouldn't rely on him, you know. He's a really mean guy! You need someone who'll support you genuinely and lovingly as to heal your broken and confused heart."
Blinking a few times fast in bewilderment, Lavi glanced up, leaning now on his knees from having tripped previously. "Who in the world? What are you talking about and why do I recognize your voice?" Peeking up ahead into the pitch blackness, a gasp moved past his lips and his only visible emerald hue widened. "You're…"
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" As if relieving all his worries that instant, Kanda's voice echoed from behind him and Lavi looked back for a brief moment in time to catch his Asian comrade moving up beside him.
"Yu," Lavi whispered, a grateful sigh slipping past his lips. "Boy am I glad to see you. You just left me alone back there and I felt kind of helpless, so I wanted to find you, is all. Sorry."
Grumbling, Kanda shook his head. "I wasn't talking about you, idiot, and despite how I was a little curious as to why you were over here, I meant her." Raising Mugen, Kanda used the sword to point at the female standing across from them, gently lit up by some dim light coming in through a broken window.
The woman giggled and twirled her whole body around in a circle, a broom in one hand. A beautiful dress of white and black frills framed her body, an apron on her front with a big bow tying it in the back. A headdress with equally pretty frills was tied over the top of her head, some of her long orangey brown hair spilling over the front of it in gorgeous spiral curls down to under her ribs. Her skin, a milky peach, glowed brilliantly in the small bits of light and her blue eyes twinkled with an innocent demeanor.
"You're the maid from the inn," Lavi gasped out softly, pushing himself to his feet with his hammer. Was she the one who owned the notebook they'd lost earlier? "But what in the world are you doing here? Did you follow us?"
Simply smiling, the woman curtsied then bowed her head a little, shaking it. "I didn't follow you here, silly, I came here because I used to play here when I was little. There was something of mine I came back to get." Holding out her hand to them as if expecting them to give something to her, her smile faded. "Now give it back."
Both Kanda and Lavi exchanged glances then stared at the maid firmly. They truly thought right now that she'd been the one to take the journal, but… could it be someone else did and she thought the two exorcists ended up with it? And was the journal even what she was really looking for or…?
"Oh, you mean this doll?" Holding up the toy, Lavi grinned. "Because this is all we ended up carrying around from inside this actual place." When his response caused the maid to look surprised, as if she hadn't expected them to have only kept a toy or as if she recognized the doll, Lavi lowered it. Such a reaction could mean so many things, but Lavi was certain it was one of those two. Why? Perhaps a 'gut feeling'?
Unfortunately, a gut feeling wasn't the best thing to go on in situations like this, because their inaccuracy at times and the fact that it meant no solid evidence was there could lead to ruin. Quite literally. And of course, as Lavi expected, Kanda was aware of this, and with the type of impatient person he was, there was no way he was going to just stand there.
"Now answer the goddamn question as to why you're here! You said you wouldn't come here as long as I kept quiet, you lying wench!" With Mugen firmly pointed at the woman, Kanda looked pretty determined not to let her go until she'd answered him. Apparently he too thought - or knew - she was lying.
Tilting her head, the maid gave him a soft smile, the shock from before having disappeared off her features completely. "Oh, but I told you why I'm here…" Her smile melted into a dark smirk. "And now that I know my little one is here, I must be off to find her. You be a dear and watch over La for me more, hmm?" Pressing the fingers of her free hand to her lips, she blew a kiss, then waved and faded into the darkness, her voice echoing around as she disappeared. "You've already almost done a bang-up job, you just haven't exactly gotten to the 'bang' part yet!"
A creepy laughter flew amongst the walls after that, and Kanda instantly bolted in pursuit of her, telling Lavi to stay put this time. Like hell Lavi was going to listen! "Yu, wait! What the hell did she mean?" Chasing after Kanda as best as he could while trying not to put too much pressure on his wounded joint, Lavi huffed in aggravation. Instead of a response, he got nothing.
"Yu, answer me, you bastard!" Lavi shouted louder, stopping for a moment just long enough to extend his hammer and snatch the other man. As he dragged a struggling and pissed Kanda back, the redhead couldn't help but feel angry himself. What the heck had Kanda been hiding all this time from him? "Now you're going to answer me!"
"Why the hell should I? You just let that bitch get away!" Kanda sounded furious, as if the entire mission had just been blown simply because of that or something. This raised suspicion in Lavi.
"Bitch? Why is she a bitch?" he asked, a serious expression having made its way onto his features. "What exactly is it you're not telling me? What is the meaning behind 'You said you wouldn't come here as long as I kept quiet,' huh?"
In just a second, Kanda's expression changed and instead of looking mad he looked guilty. Or maybe it was more of embarrassment, either way Lavi saw something of the sorts there. "Che… Mind your own business. It doesn't have anything to do with you anyway." Not exactly the answer Lavi wanted.
"Like hell it doesn't!" Lavi snapped, grabbing the other's uninjured wrist roughly. "She asked you to watch over me more! Is this why you've been acting so weird?" Kanda flinched and Lavi swore he could see a small flush creeping onto his features. Confused, the bookman couldn't help asking softly, "Yu? What's wrong suddenly?"
Hesitating, Kanda shook his head slowly and grit his teeth, unable to answer at first. Then, tugging his wrist from Lavi's grip, he turned and stared him directly in the eye. "If I told you, you wouldn't believe me." Twisting so he was no longer looking at his comrade, Kanda started walking off through the hall the maid had run down, seeming incapable of continuing their conversation at that point.
Now this was where Lavi stood gaping in a puzzled manner, having no idea what the heck just happened there. Instead of confusing himself further with unnecessary thoughts though, he pressed his hammer down for support and limped down the hall after his Japanese comrade. All this time Lavi had been determined to find an answer as to why he was feeling so oddly about Kanda, and now that oddity had only increased, much to his dismay.
"Yu, please don't do this again, you know I hate it," Lavi called out, feeling like their situation was becoming more and more hopeless for finding a solution. And no, his feeling wasn't directed at the mission. This seemingly never-ending game of hide-and-go-seek they were playing with each other's emotions wasn't the most pleasant thing in the world to say the least, and Lavi was certain if it didn't stop pretty quickly he'd go crazy.
Maybe there was some hope, actually. "Do what? What am I doing that I know you hate?" Those words brushed over his ears in a harsh manner, and Lavi caught sight of the other once more in the shadows. "Being myself?" Kanda asked, twisting around with the fingers of one of his hands wrapped tightly around Mugen's hilt still.
Huffing, Lavi put a hand on one hip. "You think I hate you for being yourself? As much of a jerk as you can be, you're Yu Kanda, and Yu is Yu, I don't hate that." Perhaps Lavi was becoming more and more desperate to get over these feelings, so he continued, trying to get Kanda to keep talking with him. "What I hate is when you start to clarify my confusion, then add to it and walk away as if nothing happened."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Quirking a brow, the Asian put his full attention on Lavi now, apparently having given up on looking for the maid again for the time being.
"What you were saying before to that maid… When I asked you what was wrong suddenly, you said to me, 'If I told you, you wouldn't believe me.' What did you mean?" Before Kanda could argue, Lavi added, "Oh, and don't try to deny those words came from your mouth, I have a perfect memory when need be, remember?"
'Che'ing, Kanda shook his head. Aggravation was plastered all over his features - and maybe a bit of nervousness too, Lavi realized - as he tried to come up with what to say to the younger man. Everyone at the entire Order knew Yu Kanda not to be the type who was good with words, he much rather preferred talking with his blade or fists, so it wasn't like Lavi was expecting some amazing, well-thought-out response or anything.
As if realizing this, Kanda finally sighed in annoyance and tapped the dull side of his sword against his own shoulder lightly. "Right now we should be focusing on this mission." Lavi was about to object, but this time it was Kanda to stop him in his tracks. "But if there comes a time during this where we're unable to continue for a while… then we'll talk. The beansprout can probably hold his own just fine, so…" Looking away as if regretting promising they'd talk at some point, Kanda groaned and moved his sword down.
Something, unsure to him what exactly, lit up in Lavi's only visible eye, as if a whole new light had just been turned on and flashing brightly, offering an opportunity to finally solve the foreign heartache shared between the two men. Lavi'd had a million crushes before, but not once had he felt like this toward another person. A bookman wasn't allowed to have such feelings, and as much as it hurt to think about it, the sooner he got over these feelings, the better.
The two stayed quiet for a while after that, simply quietly searching the house as they'd done before. This time though, was different. This time Lavi had at least a little reassurance that there was the possibility of the two getting to talk man to man and not end up fighting stupidly like little boys. Yes, in a situation like this, even the smallest insurances were highly valued.
Walking by a door, a wave of tiredness suddenly hit him, knocking him slightly out of his senses, and Lavi leaned a hand against that very door for support. Dizziness distracted and distorted him from his delicate, defrosting thoughts, and he couldn't help but notice just how cold that wooden panel felt. "Oh, whoa. What the…?"
It was then he realized that for a door to be so cold when the others in the house didn't feel this way, something had to be up. Whether it be because this was a door leading to the outside, a window was broken in there, or some other reason, this definitely caught Lavi's attention. "Yu!" he shouted into the dark. "Yu, come have a look over here. This door's freezing." Reaching for the knob, Lavi twisted it and pushed the door open, peering past the wooden frame.
By now Kanda had made his way back to his comrade and was staring in closely behind Lavi, bracing himself with a hand on the doorframe. "You're sure this isn't cold because of a broken window or something?" Kanda asked, his eyes focusing on the interior of the room. And quite a strange yet wonderful room this was.
The maroon painted walls were lined with glass cabinets that made the room appear compact and small, glass figures and other types of antiques inside of them. Dolls, similar to the one they'd found, lined shelves higher up on the walls, shelves that hung just below where the walls met the ends of the angled ceiling, trailing all the way around the entire room. A bed was in one corner, a pretty translucent curtain hanging over it from the ceiling and fancy décor framing it in brilliance.
Stepping inside, Lavi glanced up, noticing just how tall the ceiling was - at least 10-feet at its highest point - and a small chandelier hung from it right in the middle, candles on it lit up. The light from the chandelier caused there to be a romantic glow about the room, mixed with two small lamps, one on each nightstand on either side of the bed. The dim brightness caused all the glass in the room to twinkle, adding to the dreamy glow and making it all the more lovely.
The ceiling was a little odd, as it went up to the ten-feet point in two angles then met in the center to form a small in-width flat area which the chandelier hung from. It kind of reminded Lavi of an attic with the way it looked, yet this was part of a basement, and the room itself was probably added onto the house some years after it was first built.
"Well, if you ask me," Lavi started, peeking into one of the cabinets, "I'd say someone has been living in this room for quite some time. Nothing is very dusty and just look at all these candles, heck, someone was probably just here before we came to this part of the house."
Kanda walked in slowly behind Lavi, looking around with a vexed look in his eyes, as if worried he was going to end up causing the whole room to go crashing down simply from stepping inside. Such places definitely didn't suit Kanda, and he wasn't used to areas in which he had to be 'gentle.' To Lavi, it was actually pretty funny watching him walk in with that look on his face.
Peering into one of the glass cabinets himself, Kanda made a slight grumbling noise and crossed his arms. "So… what? Now we have to look through this entire room? I'm not going to bother." Muttering to himself, he leaned against a more sturdy all-wood piece of furniture.
"What's wrong? Afraid you'll break anything if you do?" Lavi asked with a teasing smirk. In turn, Kanda shot a glare at him and Lavi only shrugged. "Well, if it's you, what else am I supposed to say? Mr. 'Demon-of-the-Order' himself."
"Be quiet, you're as noisy as usual." Tapping a foot impatiently, Kanda glanced off to the side - and quite oddly, his expression didn't seem so… well, angry. Instead, he seemed a bit nervous, as if being in this very room was the cause of that emotion. Lavi couldn't quite put a finger on why.
Blinking a few times fast, he paused by a cabinet with all music boxes inside and gave his comrade an inquiring stare, red locks of hair hanging over his nose hiding his eye from the angle he was standing in. If Lavi were to ask what was wrong, wouldn't he just get the usual annoyed response? Or would it end up starting another of their failed 'feeling' conversations? Screw it, he'd try anyway. "Yu-" WHAM!
Jumping in place, the redhead was interrupted before even being able to truly begin when the door to the room slammed shut, causing both of them to focus their eyes on the wooden panel. 'What the hell?' glances were exchanged for a moment before both ran to the door, Kanda trying to open the thing. "It's locked," he growled, punching the door out of frustration after a bunch of tries.
"Shit, Yu, don't do that," Lavi said when he noticed the entire room shake from Kanda's hit to the door. If they were to be too rough, the entire mansion could cave in. From their investigations thus far, the porch had fallen in when they first were entering, and even the floor earlier had fallen through leading them to here, so crashing and banging around in a room full of antiques, well, that just wasn't too smart of a thing to do.
Exasperated, Kanda backed away from the door and simply glared at it as if whoever had been on the other side would melt even with the movable piece of wood in the way. And maybe they would - Kanda's glares could even scare people who outwardly looked more demonic than him, if that were possible. "Someone locked us in, what the hell are we supposed to do now?"
"If we smash our way out, the entire house will cave in probably." Staring at Kanda, Lavi sighed in defeat.
"Yeah, I know." Seeming further aggravated by that reminder, Kanda unsheathed Mugen and brought it up to the door. "That's the most annoying part," he added, pulling it back as if he were about to thrust it through the door.
"Yu!" Lavi gasped, wide-eyed. "Don't do that either!" Turning to look at him, Kanda grunted in a 'Why not?' manner, only to have Lavi grab his wrist to hold him back. "If by chance someone is on the other side, you could kill them. Also, one false move and such a fragile room as this will definitely break into a million pieces and kill us. Please think carefully," Lavi begged, loosening his grip a little as Kanda seemed to start to lower his Innocence.
Sheathing the sword after a few more seconds, Kanda turned all the way to face Lavi completely and folded his arms over his chest again, leaning his back lightly against the door. He was staring at the bookman-in-training as if he were expecting him to come up with some amazing plan as to how to get them out without the risk of the room caving in on them. "Okay… What now, genius?"
Surprised, Lavi shook his head. "I… I don't know. I'm sorry." Despite how he told himself it wasn't his fault, he was overcome with a feeling of guilt and was distracted for a good while. Maybe he should at least let Kanda try to get the door open, then he probably wouldn't feel so… no, if he had, and the house fell in, he would feel worse.
"Lavi… Lavi! Oi, usa-gaki!" Eye widening, Lavi blinked over at Kanda, finally snapped out of his momentary daze. "What's wrong with you? Anyway, I said at least let me try to get it open. We're not going to just sit around here and pray somebody will get us out."
"But Yu," Lavi argued, "what if the house-?"
"Why should it matter? If I get hurt, I get hurt. A mission is a mission and should be put first. You know that." The sting of those words burned especially deep in Lavi's chest and he nodded slowly. Kanda was right, but at the same time, Lavi felt deep down that he was wrong. Why? "Good. Now that I know you agree with me, I can try this-"
"NO! God, Yu, what if you die?" Lavi's heart ached when he shouted those words. What if Kanda did die from this? Lavi would never forgive himself if he knew he was the reason for one of his friends' deaths, even with putting these 'crush' feelings aside.
Kanda glanced at Lavi with a look that had confusion, annoyance and a thousand other things all in one. "Why do you…?" He was about to ask why Lavi cared more than likely, but something made him pause and go quiet, instead looking away. Whatever it was, the redhead would use that to his advantage here.
"Why do I care? Gee, I don't know," Lavi ground out in a raised voice sarcastically. "Maybe we're comrades and we're both going through some emotional trauma and thus I feel more attached to you. Or maybe I'm fucking crazy in the head for thinking you'd ever even understand what I'm going through… I don't know. Perhaps I'm just coo-coo. What do you think, Yu-chan?"
Rather than answering him properly though, Kanda kept turned away and 'tch'd. "What are you, manic-depressive or something? Get over yourself."
"Who's the bipolar one, I wonder?" Lavi retorted angrily. But with the fear of them getting into another pointless argument freshly popping up in his mind due to the tone of each of their voices, he ended it there and sighed. He was already sick of fighting with Kanda over nothing. Or was this all really nothing? Weren't these feelings more important than nothing?
Apparently Lavi had won in their little beginning fight and didn't need to say anymore, because Kanda withdrew his sword and stuffed it back into his sheath, a grumble slipping past his lips. Had… had he actually listened to Lavi? As if catching the 'Are you sick?' vibes, Kanda moved away from the door and grabbed his comrade by the scarf.
Squeaking out a gasp, Lavi stared at him in surprise. For a long moment, the two simply stared at one another directly in the eyes, as if the simple motion was enough to exchange words they could've otherwise spoken. Kanda's gaze was as piercing as always, and Lavi felt like he was being seen through, like Kanda knew exactly how he was feeling just by looking into that bright green hue of his.
After another few seconds passed by, Lavi couldn't take it anymore and cleared his throat. The grip Kanda had on him wasn't threateningly tight, but it was enough to keep him in place. "What is it?" he forced out, feeling his throat growing dry. It was suddenly becoming harder and harder to speak, words slipping from his mind.
"I don't know, you seem strange again," Kanda said slowly, his bangs shadowing his eyes and giving off a darker look to his expression. "Stranger than usual," he amended after a bit. "I want to get out of here, but since you seem so concerned that you'll have a heart attack if I do anything rash, I'll let it go this once." Releasing his hold on Lavi, Kanda leaned his back against the door just as he had before suggesting to try to open it.
Riddled with shock and confusion, the redhead simply watched his comrade in silence. Had he really said that? "You… mean that? You mean you'll really not try to bust your way out of here?" Lavi grew more and more confused by the second. Bewilderment.
Kanda rolled his eyes. "I'm not lying just so you don't worry. I'm not kind like that." Hands by his sides, Kanda did actually glance back at Lavi. "But what do you suggest we do? It's stupid to stand around hoping someone will help us."
That was true. Kanda was totally right. If they stood around here and simply did nothing hoping Allen or the finder would come to help them out of there, that would be a total waste of time. It wasn't like it was their only option, but if one was given the reminder that if they tried to bust their way out the house might fall in, it pretty much was. Oh, and that wasn't even the best part about this.
Just when Lavi was going to give up on trying to make these feelings happen, this happens. He was alone with Kanda in a compact room, and if he recalled right, Kanda was horribly claustrophobic, so that didn't really help the urge to bust out of here before something happened that both of them would regret forever. Wait, just what was Lavi thinking?
Figuring the best way to distract himself from such thoughts would be to talk about something else, he attempted to start a conversation with Kanda. "Um, Yu," he began, scratching the back of his neck, a bit nervous. "It got quiet…"
"You were the one not replying to what I'd asked you, you know, so it's your fault." The interjection surprised Lavi, and he actually blinked a few times fast before recalling Kanda was indeed the last one to say something. "Stupid rabbit," the other muttered, dark eyes seeming to try their best to avoid direct contact with his comrade's lighter one.
"Well, I guess…" Walking over to the bed, Lavi said while taking a seat, "we talk." The two words sent a spear flying through Kanda who angrily glanced at the younger now smiling over at him. "What? What else do you suggest we do? You're the one who thinks it's stupid to simply stand around and hope someone will find us."
"I was hoping you would suggest something smarter than that," Kanda replied, grumbling to himself. "No matter, I don't know what the hell we'd talk about anyway." Yu wasn't the type to enjoy long conversations or normal old conversations with people, that's what made this all the more difficult.
"You could always tell me what that was about with the maid," Lavi answered sharply, having the curiosity itching at the back of his mind far too long. Certainly that wouldn't be extremely hard for Kanda to talk about, right? "You said we'd talk when we got the chance and now we have the chance."
Kanda froze and seemed to stiffen up a bit as if the suggestion drove him into a corner. "Not now…" he said softly. "Not yet. It's that… it's just…" Lavi'd never seen Kanda stutter this way or even look as nervous as he did. It was a little scary. And because of that, he wasn't going to push it on him. "Isn't there anything else you can think of?" Kanda asked abruptly, staring firmly at Lavi.
"It's fine." With a sigh, Lavi waved a hand. "You don't have to talk about it right now then, but I do expect to hear it out of you eventually while we're in here, so… stop looking so nervous, okay?" Those words made the other a little angry, but Kanda only grumbled and looked away, which made Lavi smile a little. At least he hadn't snapped at him.
Lavi stared straight at his comrade a moment, then glanced at his own lap, then finally back at Kanda again. It was already awkward enough between the two, what else could they talk about other than their current screwed up feelings for one another or the meaning behind what the maid had said? "We could…" Pausing, he bit his lip. "…talk about… our pasts?" Not the best suggestion in the world, but hell, they needed something to use to exchange words or Lavi was going to go crazy having to wait around here in silence, distorted thoughts drowning his brain in an emotional agony.
Kanda's eyes seemed to widen slightly and he gave Lavi a disbelieving look. "You're not serious, are you?" he asked in a flat, dry tone. Apparently that was something he definitely didn't want to discuss with another person, particularly someone like Lavi who had only known the man for barely three whole years.
A frown spread across the redhead's lips at that reaction though. "I am. What's so bad about it? It's just something to take up the time, and y'know we never even talk about ourselves to each other very much. Don't friends do that sort of thing?" Didn't they?
"Che, what the hell?" the Asian mumbled. "How would I know? Besides, you're not my friend. We're work associates at most." What a plain, dull way of putting their relationship. 'Work associates.' How in the world was Lavi supposed to simply accept that after all they'd been through and especially after all that had been happening lately? Either way, he didn't say a word about it.
Crossing his legs and pressing his hands into the bed behind him while leaning back, Lavi eyed the ceiling a moment, thoughts scrambling. "I guess I'll go first since you're being your sourpuss self," he said in a slightly lonely-sounding tone of voice, which certainly seemed to catch Kanda's attention. "You know I'm a bookman, so you know I don't make many connections myself." Digging his fingers into the bed, he sighed.
"And?" The word made Lavi take his vision from focusing on the ceiling to Kanda instead. "Well, don't stop now or I'll consider you someone who doesn't finish what they start and then I'll get more annoyed with you." Lavi couldn't help a chuckle.
"Alright." Tugging the new headband he liked to wear down for the heck of it, the redhead focused on events that happened in the past before he was 'Lavi.' If anything stung the usually happy and open man, it was many of those hard memories that scarred the deepest and darkest parts of the thing called his 'heart.' Gently touching the eye patch over his concealed orb, he started talking again. "I… wanted to know the greatest and most valued secrets of the world. It was a dream that drove me to become the old man's apprentice, you see."
Making sure he still had Kanda's full attention first before continuing, he glanced nostalgically at nothing in particular. "I thought, 'If I can do this, if I can hold such valuable things in my mind, then that'll make my life worth something.' It's really quite foolish and childish thinking. But you know, that's how I carried on through childhood. The loneliness of not forming bonds with others… I kept telling myself I was better off without bonds since Gramps always said attachment was a weakness to a bookman." He sighed after those words and shifted just a tad.
"If you have value, you feel better about yourself, right? Right. It truly was a hard thing to get used to though, the path Gramps showed me to live. While it indeed took a lot of getting used to, I eventually became somewhat of an amazing actor along the way. And that actor could always put on a smile when needed, or a sad face when needed, or a concerned face when needed. He could do any expression perfectly - even if deep down he didn't really feel anything. Amazing, hmm?" Eyeing one of the antique dolls, something not quite right flashed in Lavi's emerald hue. "You could say I became a sort of… doll maybe. Because dolls feel nothing and can be used to their fullest potential without worry of emotions."
From across the room, Kanda's expression was full of a thousand different things that Lavi couldn't quite point out all at once. He looked a bit mad, perhaps just a tiny bit sad, even nostalgic. It was like just by speaking of how Lavi lived his life, it was triggering some memories from Kanda's own to the brunet's head. That alone made Lavi strive to continue, hoping he'd at least get something out of Kanda about him.
"That was how I lived my life day-to-day, and that was who I became. A nameless person traveling from war to war to record mankind's pathetic history. I like history, don't mistake me, but truly, through my short life, I've seen how ridiculous and hopeless the human race really is. That's why I…" With a pause, Lavi smiled. "That's why I gave up on humanity and considered it a lost cause. That's why I became a heartless fiend. That's why I forgot the pain of loneliness and the feeling itself. And, most importantly, that's why I forgot how to feel. I became a hollow shell, just a recorder…"
"A hollow shell?" Kanda gave Lavi a look matching the question he'd just asked, and the other simply nodded slowly. "Humph. I never realized truly how hard it was to be a bookman." That comment alone was enough to cause Lavi's eye to widen and Kanda simply shook his head. "Even someone like me can't abandon his emotions and become that way. I usually don't give a damn, but… somehow I pity you."
Giving a soft chuckle, Lavi smiled once more. "Oh? Well, you seem to share something in common with me though. You hide your true feelings the majority of the time and mask everything in anger. Is that your way of protecting yourself?" Casting a glance to Kanda as he said this, Lavi awaited the probably infuriated answer.
To his surprise, he didn't get a very mad one, rather, a confusing one which threw Lavi's mind off a curb completely - which was saying a lot about the remark. "The flower…" Kanda's eyes narrowed as he stared at seemingly nothing. "I still see it, and it only multiplied, you stupid old man…"
"Yu?" Flinching, the other man was knocked out of whatever temporary daze he'd gone into and put his attention back on Lavi. Laughing a little, the redhead quirked a brow. "Now just what, I wonder, was that was all about?"
Shaking his head, Kanda ended up replying in a low tone after a few more seconds of quiet. "It's nothing, at least, not anything important. I…" As if angry at himself for having said what he had before aloud, he growled softly and pushed himself away from the door, making his way over to Lavi, but stopping before he even got close. "I almost ended up talking about my crappy thing you call a past thanks to your encouragement. Bastard."
That comment was enough to send Lavi into a whirlwind of surprise and he could only stare at Kanda in awe. Was the Asian really about to talk about his past with Lavi? Amazed enough to also be bewildered, a single green eye flashed with something not quite comprehensible as only one feeling, and Lavi got up from the bed to go to his comrade, using his hammer to support himself.
Kanda did not move, but he was staring at the redhead, and his eyes had such a look in them that Lavi couldn't understand at all what he was thinking. Either way, Lavi didn't stop until he was only a couple feet away from the other man, and, extending one of his long arms, he went to place his hand on the other's shoulder, but before he could, a horrible dizziness suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks.
Following the dizziness, there was a pain shooting through his temples and he had to instead use his hand to rub his head. "Ow, what the…?" Not only that, but his injured ankle began throbbing like crazy and distracted him from what he was going to say to Kanda, and he tripped forward. Ironically, of course, he landed right into that very person.
"What's wrong with you?" the Japanese asked, catching the other by the shoulders. He didn't sound concerned, rather angry, but Lavi knew well enough that Kanda was masking such an emotion as worry as to not look soft or like he'd broken his usual cold and dark reputation. "You're acting weird suddenly. You… you look sick. Hey, rabbit - Lavi!" Gasping, Kanda felt the man suddenly go limp in his arms completely and the sound of the steel Innocence Lavi used hit the floor with a loud thump.
Not knowing what to do in such a situation, Kanda stood there baffled for a good while, staring at the now unconscious exorcist in his arms. What the hell happened? Did Lavi's ankle do this? Was it infected or something? Looking around for some idea of what to do, Kanda's eyes settled on the nearby bed Lavi was previously sitting on. Probably the smartest thing to do right about now would be to lay him down over there until he woke back up.
Ignoring his own injury, Kanda twisted around to haul Lavi up onto his back. Despite Lavi's arguments earlier of how it wouldn't be good, it was the only way Kanda could think of that would put the least amount of pressure on both of their wounds. When he made it over to the bed, he tried his best to gently put Lavi down without troubles, but the pain from his wrist was horribly off-putting and he couldn't help grabbing it after he'd gotten Lavi down.
Cursing in his native language, the Japanese took a seat on the bed next to the sleeping Lavi and heaved a heavy sigh while rubbing his wound, a certain memory flashing through his mind as he did so. Why did he kiss my wrist? Was it really because of some stupid children's book? The thought ran around Kanda's mind rabidly. Glancing behind himself at the other man, he growled then looked away. "Doesn't he know that only encourages me, goddamnit?"