Disclaimer: Harry Potter is a property of J.K. Rowling. All rights received by her and others who do. This is just a fanfiction….
story note: well more clues on what happened

A / N: this is my first story. Set after half blood prince and deathly hollows never happened. Please do comment….. I would love to hear what you think

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Hermione woke up in the morning slower than she normally do. She used to pass her days without thought, taking the moment as it was. But seeing Harry last night with a severe detachment from what she knew caused memories to creep in to her mind.

She buried herself in sheets, as if she could hide away from the memories she kept pressed inside. No matter how she wanted to believe that they were forgotten, once given the chance, they all came back to her in rushing flashes...

Mad Eye getting hit by a green speck of light right next to her in Longbottom residence in the Order meeting, the other members running throwing curses at black hooded figures that appeared from nowhere. Harry rushing to her side to avoid her getting hit while Ron defended a shell shocked Luna and Ginny.

The made-up trial of Charley Weasley for killing Nott in the so called friendly supervision in Longbottom residence and Order members' hollow attempts to save him. Back at the head quarters Ron scream at Harry for letting others do his bidding. Harry just gazes at him not uttering a word as long as he could bear. 'Then give me to him' he shouts and walks out of the room leaving half of the Order horror struck.

In the morning of final trial Mrs Weasley screams and cries as Lupin brings the news of Charley's murder by his cell mate.. as the ministry indicated. Charley's forehead bores a cut of a lightning bolt across the middle. She tries to console a tormented Harry for days out of his guilt with a non speaking Ron.

News of Nevilles' death followed by Tonks. Lupins soundless and feeble tears as Mr Weasley gave him the news of his wife.

Kinsley helplessly saying that he no longer can protect Harry if he remained and fought. Heated arguments in Order and Harry's refusal to go in to hiding. Passing of muggle born registry with Kingsley forced to announce it. Final debates with Lupin Kingsley and McGonagall stating Harry should go away for the sake of all of Order's lives. Their last goodbyes with Harry promising to keep in touch while Ginny cried holding her. That had been the only time when she saw Harry with tear filled eyes which haunted her for a longest time. He gazed from the door at his two friends and girl friend emptily as Kingsley almost dragged him to the fire place. And then Weasley family's departure from Number 12, Grimmauld Place... Ron's figure vanishing behind the double doors. Ron doesn't look back at her like Harry. She knew he couldn't...

She felt hollow tears in her eyes which caused by an emptiness and a tiresomeness she felt.. it was all coming back to her. Dragging her to the present, Hermione sat up in the bed. She sighed wiping her tears. 'I'm alright' she said to herself as if trying to convince her own self. She had to see Harry. No matter how hard it can get... he needed her.., that much she knew. She got ready, since it was the first day in Christmas holidays anyone wouldn't be bothered of her absence.

'oculars revealo'' she muttered with the image of haunted look in Harry's face yesterday. She stepped in to a darker version of Gryffindor common room. Windows were close and thick curtains drown to cover the morning sun. Only light source in the room was a week flame in the fire place.

Covered in a bundle of sheets Harry sat facing the dim fire on the red couch. His body was curled to a ball, knees drown to the chest. She couldn't really tell whether he is sleeping or just deep in his thoughts.

Hermione walked slowly without much sound, not wanting to wake him up. But then she saw that his eyes were open to the feeble flame. A shiver ran through him as the fire had no effect on him. 'Harry...' she whispered not wanting to startle him. Yet she did... slightly. He turned his face to her and it was her turn to startle. He was inhumanly paler with reddish shade in his previously clear eyes with darker circles around them. His lips were dried of its colour and his famous scar looked angry red. But most of all which alarmed her was a cut in the forehead with dried blood. He gazed at her a blink of a second as if without recognition but in the next moment he smiled at her forcefully. It was a week attempt. Was he wearing the same cloths he wore last night?

'Harry what happened?' she knelt beside him but did not touch him too scared to hurt him 'are you all right?.. how did you..? But.. What...'

'I'm ok..' his voice was hoarse and tired,

She stared at him for a moment.. her concern turning to anger 'you are not OK.. Harry ...' she snapped at him. Her voice cracked.. 'look at you.. you are paler than a ghost. You are shivering.. and you are hurt .. for Merlin's sake you have a bloody cut on your head!'

'Two cuts' he said with a bitter grin...taking his hand to touch the back of his scalp softly... his hair there damp with blood

She stood up not knowing what else to do. 'I'm calling McGonagall' she felt furious at his carless tone...

'No...' his voice loud.. he straightened in the chair. 'this is not simple Harry'..

'no.. but... they won't understand.. They ...they worry too much' he tried to hide the croakiness of his voice, he sounded tired. Hermione gazed at him worried of his whole appearance but lowered her wand and sighed.

'Harry you need help' she said not taking her concerned eyes off his frame.

Harry looked at her emptily and leaned his head over to the chair for support, fixing his eyes on the fire again.

'Then help me...' He sounded drained, hollow with too much things bursting through him.

Hermione felt her insides stilled for a moment. He was always strong, always the one to straighten up first when others curled down. He was the one they all looked up to when everything was too hard to move on. But that person was no longer him...

Harry shivered again. 'you are cold... might be catching a fever' she got near him checking his forehead being careful not to touch the bloody cut. His skin was clammy and she could feel he was warming up. She looked at his closed eyes and let out a sigh 'you should get a warm bath and get out of those cloths.' He opened his eyes to her not moving an inch, and she couldn't read the strange look in his eyes which for a moment reminded her how deep green they were.

'I'll see to the bath..' she said walking to the washroom. 'no .. d..don't' he stammered as she pushed open the white door. A harsh smell of vomit and blood hit her as she took a step back. She looked back at the pitiful frame of harry. Without a word she fully opened the door, holding her breath and walked in careful not to step on the mess. Harry's famous phoenix wand lay as a discarded quill in a corner. There were patches of blood on porcelain and walls. Did he hit his head purposely until it cracked? The thoughts did not ease her..

With few swishes she cleaned the place and picked up his wand. Filling the tub with hot water she went to the couch he still sat. 'can you walk?' she asked him. Harry nodded not looking at her. He stood with a slight sway. Leaving the sweaty white sheet on the couch she led him to the tub.

He didn't say a word as she removed his shoes and shirt but resisted when she moved for socks. He smelled of vomit and sweat. She didn't give a second look to his raw skin and cuts around the wrists and body.. healed and new. He felt week...bare.. his head swayed again. 'it's all right' she said loosening his belt. 'shhhhh..' she said hugging him as he tried to protest. He never was comfortable with physical contact.. but then he gave in, and let him to be embraced, resting his chin on her shoulder..they held on to each other for moments without words.

Holding on to her, Harry sighed strained, willing himself not to give in to emotions. He knew he could not risk it again. For the sake of their attachment he waited.

'Hermione..' Harry whispered after moments, in a calmer voice of determination knowing he's drawing himself to the edge again. He pulled back, taking a step back he sat on the edge of the warm water tub. He suddenly felt vulnerable with nothing covering his bare chest. His mind ghosted him with touches he so resisted and despised.

Hermione gazed at his eyes which suddenly lined fear and pain in a different manner. 'Harry' she mumbled closing their distance again.

'I'm feeling better ...' he said as if trying to calm down on his own. ' I can manage now' they gazed at each other. Hermione sighed.

'please...' he sounded desperate . He looked at her with a strained sadness, and inhaled deep closing his eyes for just a moment. She gazed back at him with a concerned hurt. How can she be this close to him yet feel so distanced. She turned and walked out suddenly not wanting to reveal her tear filled eyes to him. As she closed the door she heard his voice or more of a desperate murmur for her to understand 'wait for me'.

She gazed at him through the thin strip that was closing his image as she closed the door which he looked back motionless.

So what you think?

And check out my new video on Harry potter in YouTube

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