Hey Booth,
I have Wi-Fi. I'm risking it and hoping you do too, I'll know when I get a message back. Though, that is obvious. Obvious that I would know when a message alerts me I mean. I'm fine, actually that's a lie. I wasn't going to tell you because I didn't want you to worry about me over there. Though, I find irrationally I feel as if I need to talk to you, tell you some things. I hope that is okay.
It's hard it's really hard. So much harder than I thought it would be. I'm not used to things being hard, but I'm struggling now. I've found you go on each day and while there are good days and bad days, there are more good than bad. I miss you. I miss you Booth. I miss your voice, and lying in your arms. I miss you explaining things to me and your smile.
I miss your eyes because they captivate me and I know them well, eyes that I have let see the inner workings of my heart. I don't let people in Booth I'm a guarded person, yet somehow my walls are transparent to you. It's so very frustrating and wonderful all at once.
It's hard to keep my head up today, today isn't a good day. I should be thankful you are alive, but today I'm struggling inside because I don't want you to be in Afghanistan and me in Maluku. I want you here with me, together. I miss you Booth, bad. I wish you could come home, come home safe and soon.
It's late here and every night seems so clear. It poured the other day and I spoke to a little boy on the beach in his native language. I felt honored because natives usually don't speak to us in their native language. I ran barefoot on the beach in the rain and smiled because it was relaxing. The nights are filled with so many stars and one can see them so much easier than in D.C. What are your nights like? I think about you at night and about us. Many what ifs enter my mind and I try to dismiss them but it's so much easier said than done. Do you know what I mean?
Daisy and I share a room or hut and it's not as bad as I thought it would be. Ms. Wick still talks a lot, but her mindless chatter is easy to block out. Though, I find when I'm alone without her chatter it's then I think about you the most. My mind races with thoughts sometimes unsettling ones, I don't like that you are in a war zone. Though, I know there is nothing I can do but talk to you, I know that helps. At least I believe so; you said it would help, writing you. So I am, writing you Booth, just like you wanted.
Booth I never told you but I haven't had anyone hold me the way you had the night before you left since my mother died. I don't usually embrace people or people don't embrace me and if so it's only momentarily. Other relationships were in fact just sex. He would use me or I him. Writing this is hard, but I have to tell you. Then maybe the knot in my stomach will subside. I was used and I used, the need for human touch is anthropologically speaking necessary to become a healthy adult. I lacked human touch and even now my eyes irrationally gloss over missing yours.
You held me like I was special or very important. This makes no sense, but I felt as if I was a porcelain teddy bear. A child's favorite stuffed animal that they could not release from their grip yet held like the finest most delicate porcelain doll. You didn't have to hold me like that, but you did and I miss you. I miss you and I…I love you. I love you Booth and I mean it.
I hope you have WI-FI where you are and receive this soon.
Bones
P.S I hope you know I don't care if you call me Bones, I never really have.
Booth scrolled up to re-read her letter and prayed his computer didn't die again in mid letter and prayed there were no road blocks. He was stationed in Kandahar, it wasn't the best place especially because there was a ton of IED's like a billion. They had a dog that sniffed for IED's and they were constantly getting them out with the tractor so no one would run them over or get hit. He smiled, she missed him-she loved him. He chuckled at her PS and when he began to write her back he found he missed her even more. Bones. A porcelain teddy bear? He smiled at that, she was his very own teddy bear. He missed holding her too.
Bones,
I'm fine don't worry about me, please. The nights are
"Sergeant Major! Sergeant Major!" Booth jumped up at one of his boots yelling for him and left the computer open on his rack to join his men. Shots could be heard and yelling and screaming were going on. Booth jumped inside the passenger side of the hum-v as they raced down the open road.
"Damn camels!" the fire fight had scattered a heard and they were blocking the road.
Brennan tossed and turned because today was a hard day, but she felt guilty for missing him and saying to him what she had at times. A hard day? She knew her days were hard and this love thing was challenging and new. Though, it had to be nothing compared to what he was going through on a daily basis. No, he was fine, he would have an easy deployment he was only training men. Though, in war there is no such thing as only.
Review? Continue? (boots means men in military lingo and IED is an explosive device and yes there are heards of damn camels).