Nurse Jackie S5

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Ch 6 This Is How We Do It

Jackie made it through the week and was looking forward to the rare treat of a weekend off. When she got home that Friday evening she was exhausted but hit the kitchen running; as was her habit, she had seasoned her chicken the night before for frying; she pulled it out of the fridge after she'd heated some oil in a skillet as well as the leftover spaghetti from the night before. Just then Grace came into the kitchen with Fiona bounding in behind her.

"I'll get the sweet potatoes, Mom..." Grace said through a smile at her mother as she got two big fat ones out of the fridge and began peeling them.

"Thank you, baby..."Jackie beamed at her.

"Hi mom!" Jackie dipped down to allow Fiona's greeting of a kiss to her cheek.

"Hi baby! How was school today?"

"It was okay," Fiona said glumly as she took a seat at the kitchen table.

"What is it honey?" Jackie turned from her task at the stove to face her daughter.

"I was supposed to be Rapunzel in our play but Miss Frazetti gave the part Tina Bix today and now I'm the mother—the mother hardly has any scenes!" her daughter complained.

"Did you she give you an explanation as to why she made the change, honey?" Jackie asked her.

"Could have something to do with the fact that she doesn't know her lines..." Grace said delicately, speaking from one side of her mouth as she stood next her mother peeling potatoes.

"I heard that! And I do know my lines!" Fiona shouted furiously at her sister.

"No, she doesn't..." Grace insisted emphatically to her mother in the same manner as before.

"Shut up!" Fiona jumped out of her chair and rushed her sister with swinging fists. "Take it back! Take it back, you liar!" she screamed.

"Fiona! Baby..." Jackie turned off the skillet and grabbed her baby girl away from Grace, who hadn't raised a hand against her sister, even in defense. "Fi...c'mon...it's okay, baby..." she said to the then crying little girl. "It's just one play, honey...one part—there will be plenty of other plays...Fi?" Fiona was too consumed by her tears to speak. Jackie picked her baby up and carried her to the living room; she looked over at Grace who was about to speak and Jackie nodded a warning to her that stilled Grace's tongue immediately.

She sat on the couch with her daughter in her lap and let Fiona cry it out. After a time Grace came in with some Kleenex and handed the box to her mother then sat at her feet on the floor and patted her sister's back; Fiona flinched away from her touch but Grace did not let that deter her and Fiona gradually relented. Jackie's heart almost caught in throat watching her two babies and the evident love between them.

"It's not a conspiracy against you, Fi—you didn't study enough, that's all..." Grace said softly. Fiona only sniffled loudly.

"Is that right, honey? Fi?" Jackie asked her. Fiona squirmed in her lap and said nothing but held her mother tight. "Fi?" Jackie prodded her gently.

"I didn't study enough," came her daughter's barely audible admission.

"Okay. Now that's cleared up—Fiona, don't you think you owe your sister an apology?"

"I'm sorry I hit you, Grace," she managed.

"I'm sorry I ratted you out, Fi."

"You should be," Fiona shot back at her. Jackie couldn't help but to giggle; she looked at Grace and found her doing the same.

"Okay, ladies—can I get back to dinner now so that you don't starve tonight? Huh? Yeah?" Both girls nodded their agreement at her.

Later that evening, after the girls had packed their bags for their weekend at their father's and gotten themselves ready for bed, Jackie went to tuck Fiona in.

"Mom..." Fiona complained plaintively.

"What?"

"I'm too big to be tucked in."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

Jackie stopped and looked pointedly at her daughter. "You know what?"

"What?"

"Don't be in such a hurry to grow up." Jackie gave Fiona a loving little tweak to her nose and then a kiss upon her cheek then went back to tucking her girl in snugly.

"Goodnight, mom," Fiona smiled up at her.

"Goodnight, baby—I love you."

"I love you, too, mommy."

Jackie went to the bathroom then and knocked on the door. "Grace, you okay in there? It's getting late honey and you need to ..." the door opened.

"I'm good. Mom, can I talk to you?"

"Of course—what is it?"

Grace took her mother's hand, led her to her mom's bedroom and shut the door. They sat on the edge of the bed and faced each other.

"What, honey?"

"Do I have to tell dad about...you know, Danny? About what we talked about before?"

Jackie took one of Grace's hands back into her own and gave her a look before she spoke. "You know, honey, if you can ask the question you probably already have a good idea what the answer is going to be."

"But he's going to be so mad—he'll punish me."

"And you don't think you deserve punishment?"

"You didn't."

"I didn't—yet."

"Mom!"

"Look, Grace, I meant everything I said the other night, but did you seriously think that was the end of it?"

"Yeah, I kinda did."

"Well, you were wrong. Your father needs to know about it."

"But...he's going to be furious—and not just at me," her daughter said worriedly. "This could be our little secret, just this once? Mom? Please?" Grace begged her.

"You're worried for me? Why?"

"Because of, you know...how dad was that night...with you," she said uncomfortably.

"Oh, God...no, honey. I know that was kind of scary, but that's not your concern, really. I don't care how mad your dad and I might be at each other? It has absolutely nothing to do with you. I don't care how mad we are at each other—when it comes to you two girls?—none of that matters, Grace. You two are the only things we will always agree on, do you understand me? Do you?"

"Yes," her daughter answered her unconvincingly.

"Grace, listen to me: you trust me now a little more than you did before, don't you?"

"Oh mom, yes," Grace assured her with an appreciative smile.

"Good, that's good. You know what else I want for you?"

"What?"

"I want you to feel the same way about your father. Yes, he's going to be livid; yes, he's going to be angry that we didn't all talk about this together, but he..." Jackie cut herself off. She was going to say that it was Kevin's fault for forcing Jackie to have to talk to Grace alone after his horrid display that night, but she didn't want to go there. "He needs to know, Grace. Your father loves you. Remember what I told you about? When people are furious with each other but they love each other?"

"Yes."

"I can't say it enough—your father loves you, Grace. Don't you worry about me and him—let him in and own up to what you did just like you did with me. He'll be angry, but you might be amazed at how much he'll appreciate it. We both want to earn your trust, Grace, just as much as we want you to earn ours. This is how you do it. Okay?"

"Okay." Grace still looked scared. Jackie took her into her embrace.

"I know, baby, but we can all do this. My only advice is that you tell him as soon as possible when you get home with him, okay? Don't torture yourself all weekend dreading it and putting it off—the sooner you clear the air the better, got it?"

"Yes."

"Okay, baby—go on and go get some sleep." Jackie kissed the top of her head.

"Goodnight, mom." Grace left her reluctantly.

When Grace shut Jackie's bedroom door quietly behind her Jackie flopped back onto her bed with a heavy sigh. Kevin was going to be furious with her, Grace was not wrong about that; she knew the angry phone call was going to come but she would be ready for it. As long as Kevin handled their daughter with the love she knew he had for her Jackie knew that she could weather anything from him; she was more than used to his wrath and he was welcomed to give it all to her and her alone, but she would not suffer it at the expense of their daughters—taking it out on them was not an option; if he dared to think that he could get away with that then he had another thing coming. She calmed herself eventually and told herself that, in spite of everything, Kevin was a man that she knew and she knew he would not let her down— she had to believe that he would be nothing less than a loving father, no matter how angry he was at whomever. She kept repeating it silently in her mind as a mantra and it was hours before she finally fell into a fitful sleep.

Kevin picked the girls up promptly at seven the next morning and when she opened the door to him he didn't even look at her, let alone speak. She stepped aside, tight-lipped, suppressing her own annoyance at him; he had to feel awkward, at least, behind his previous behavior from that night earlier in the week and it galled her that he had the nerve to try and transfer his shit onto her as if his brutish antics had all been her fault. When the girls came down, hugged her goodbye and each lingered in her embrace he took note and appeared quite taken aback by it. Inwardly, Jackie laughed at him but her face gave away nothing. He was still looking at her stupidly after the girls had broken away from her, hugged him and then led him out of the house excitedly. Jackie ignored him and then shut the door. She went to the couch, pulled her phone from her jean pocket before she sat down and called Mike.

"Jackie, hi..."

"Hi."

"The girls gone with their dad now?"

"Yes. Everything all moved to the new place?"

"Yeah." He knew that she was wondering why he hadn't called all week and also knew that she wouldn't ask him anything about it. "I didn't call you because I didn't want to intrude on your time with the girls."

"Wow...you're pulling my number on me."

"What's that?"

"Answering questions I haven't asked yet."

"Yeah, well, you know."

Jackie could hear the smile in his voice.

"You ready for me?"

"I'm still trying to figure that one out," she told him before she could stop herself. To her relief she heard him chuckle.

"Hold that thought, sweetheart—I'm on my way."

When Mike knocked on her door an hour later Jackie was amazed to actually feel her stomach doing little flip-flops. She put a hand to it as she opened the door to him with the other. "Good morning," she smiled up at him as she moved to let him in. He was dressed casually in a white shirt, black jeans and a black Yankees cap. He looked positively irresistible.

Mike just gave her a look as he passed her that made the queasy feeling in her stomach travel down further and settle itself like a time-bomb between her legs. He stopped in the middle of the living room and finally took his eyes off of her to survey his surroundings then settled his gaze on the staircase.

"Nice home you have here," he said as he looked up the stairs and then back at her. He held out a hand to her.

Jackie moved as if she were in a trance as she closed the door and made her way to him, taking his hand and allowing herself to be led up her stairs. When they got to the top he nudged her gently in front of him. "Your turn..." he said as he waited to be ushered to her room. Once inside he closed the door behind them. "Come on...we need to talk..." he said as he led her to her bed. He propped up some pillows before he kicked off his sneakers and sat upon it, got comfortable against the headboard and stretched out before he straddled her upon his lap.

"Mike..." she began nervously.

"No," he cut her off with a brush of his finger to her soft lips, "I've got a question." He took off his baseball cap and set it on the night table.

"Oh...you cut your hair..." The pleasant surprise in her voice was accompanied by a smile and her hand, which had acted on the will of it's own and sought out the thick, soft, quiffed curls on top of his head.

"Yeah, it was time to come back to myself..." He closed his eyes and gave himself over to the sensual feel of her fingers running through his hair. "I had a real mop-top for a while...beard, too...didn't even recognize myself."

"I would like to have seen that," Jackie chuckled.

"No, you wouldn't have, trust me..." Mike took her hand away and kissed the palm of it, then looked intently into her eyes. "What happened with your ex the other night?" he asked her softly.

Jackie told him all of it.

"Bastard," he grunted at her when she finished; the grimace on his face was absolutely chilling.

"Everything for a reason, right? It was hard as hell, but Grace and I—we hit a milestone, Mike."

His features softened as his genuine happiness forced his anger away and he smiled at her. "That is a good thing, Jackie."

"He's going to call here at some point soon, pitching a bitch—you should know that. But I'm ready for him," she assured him. Mike nodded at her.

"You know, the ink is not even dry on your divorce papers yet; I know you're working through a lot of serious issues and I'm not trying to tell you how to run your life, but I have some suggestions that I want you to give some serious thought to, huh?"

"Okay, I'm listening," she said agreeably.

"I only worked with you lunatics for a few months—I understand how you feel about them..."

Jackie smiled.

"Jackie, there's a lot of love there, I get it. But they can make it without you, now. A hellfied nurse you are, but it's not all that you are; you've got your girls to think about—they're the ones who need you the most now, Jackie—don't make the same mistake that I did."

Jackie's smile faded as she let out a little gasp and a tear came to her eye.

"You're probably gonna hate me for even saying such a thing, Jackie, but quit your job, for starters."

Jackie gasped incredulously again.

"Look, there's nobody on this planet that will dispute that you're a damn fine nurse, but your job is quite literally toxic. You're surrounded by temptation every day and it's admirable what you're doing, but you've proven your point—that you can be a nurse and stay clean. But it's getting harder, isn't it?"

Jackie was still speechless.

"I know you're terrified but you've been doing a great job. And if you fall—if you fall—I want to be there to catch you," he told her firmly.

"A nurse is all I've ever been, Mike. It's who I am. I can do this...yes it's hard—you just don't know..." she began to protest.

"Did you forget who you're talking to?" he asked her sternly. "I do know, Jackie, whether I heard it all from your lips or not, I know. And being a nurse—that's not all you are. You would make an excellent drug counselor, did you ever think about that? So many other things you could do and still help people—without being around drugs every day of your life."

"I don't want to be your project, Mike, and I don't want to let you down. And I just feel it in my bones that it's coming...I can't seem to shake it." Jackie moved to get off of him; Mike grabbed her wrists and held her fast.

"You're not my fucking 'project', Jackie—you're my friend. And I'm yours. First and foremost. Always. You want to date other people? Fine. You need some time alone to yourself? You got it. But I'm not going away. I'm not, Jackie."

"That's the thing! I don't want to date! I'm not ready..."

"So, what's with the cop?"

"He's a nice guy...with really bad timing. Even if his timing was good—I'm not one of those women who's afraid of nice guys, Mike; Kevin was a nice guy when I married him. I'm the one that's not nice. And the absolute last thing I want to be is not nice to you—you deserve better than that."

"Okay, I understand that. And you've got your girls to think about. You're in uncharted waters right now, in so many ways. You don't want to be bringing strange men into their orbit anytime soon—that's what we all are—your ex included."

"What? What do you mean?" she scoffed at him.

"He wants you. Right about now, at this point in his life, he's wondering why he threw it all away; you didn't love Eddie; another man wasn't the issue—but other men are the issue, now. He had a good woman and he knows it, drugs be damned. And he knows that if he'd stuck it out and addressed the real issues with you he'd still be here, enjoying the woman who's finally made that hard effort to come back to herself and her family—and has been triumphant. He hates himself for it and he's taking it out on you. I know all about it, honey, I've been there. He knows now that you were worth the wait and he let you go. So yeah, he's a very different man now, as different a man as you are a different woman. So we're all strangers to your daughters: him; me; the cop; Eddie—not elements they need to be exposed to, especially us other three. I get it. I just want you to know that I can step back, Jackie," he said softly.

Mike loosened his grip on her wrists when it became apparent that she wouldn't bolt; she was lost deep in her own thoughts then, drinking in all that he'd said. She had concentrated her gaze on his chest but had been actually looking far beyond his physical body. Finally she looked him in his eyes.

"Thank you, Mike, I appreciate that."

"But I'm not stepping out of the picture," he told her then, as if in warning. "I love you. I know I've had a lot more time to live with that than you have, but I do; I hope one day you'll love me, too, and that I'll be worthy enough to meet your girls; but I'm going to wait on you, Jackie. Whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it, however you want to do it—I'm your friend. And just so you know in no uncertain terms just what I mean by friend..."

Mike pulled her down closer to him and kissed her deeply and Jackie yielded to him; she ran her hands up the sides of his face and through his hair; Mike rolled her over onto her back and then lifted her blouse and dove into the little valley between her breasts, smothered it with kisses; he worked his way down then, undoing her jeans urgently as she lay gloriously helpless beneath him. He eased her out of her jeans then and kissed the mound between her legs through her silken bikini panties sending her into ecstatic little anticipatory shivers all over her body. He stopped suddenly and looked up at her as she looked down at him to see why he'd stopped. "However you want it, Jackie," he told he softly. "No pressure, though," he smiled at her as he liberated her from panties and dove back into heaven in earnest.