Part VI

-o-

They were ignoring each other in a passive-aggressive manner – they were putting too much effort and force into ignoring what had happened between them that it just became more and more apparent something was wrong.

It seemed as if the more they disregarded each other the more obvious it was. It seemed too desperate – too futile. But it was the only way. They could not behave as if nothing had happened, they could not merely slide into the friendship they had slowly been building. It was impossible, even if he missed that comfortable amicable thing he had had with her. Once you added sex into it, it lay in ruins - unsalvageable.

Therein lay their problem – the reason they were lost in that dark sea, unable to swim or hang unto anything. They were both being pulled further and further underwater and there was nothing to do to fix it. Still they tried; tried to ignore that something was immensely wrong.

Forcing yourself to be in denial was never a good thing though; it only made it that much more cruel and difficult. Andy had done enough denial in his life; he had thought he was done with it. Only in this case denial was better than the alternative; he had no clue what the alternative was! Requesting a transfer? Convincing her to what – start up a secretive affair? Blabbing about everything to everyone?

He was giving her a wide berth. Ignoring her the best he could. It suited him just fine if it weren't for the fact that the others noticed the sudden cold climate. He could tell they were all wondering what was happening. Glances being exchanged; arched eyebrows probing and wondering. This is what he had feared. But no one voiced their concerns out loud and for that he was thankful.

However he could tell Provenza was merely a heartbeat from pulling him aside and demanding to know what was wrong – demanding to know what the hell was going on. Sanchez had been only seconds away from voicing a complaint about their behavior the day before but Andy had just shrugged and left the room. It was an impossible situation.

They just needed to distance themselves further, he surmised. That would do the trick. It helped that they could manage with only minimally engaging in activities together; why she could interview suspects and witnesses with Sanchez or Provenza and she could send him off on a police errand with someone else. It worked; kind of. It was amazing how little they actually had to interact with each other. Maybe therein lay the problem – maybe never really interacting was not the solution.

He felt tense and cranky; felt compelled to be more caustic than normal. Something the others latched onto immediately; after all they had been working closely together for the last nine years. They were bound to notice when he was behaving in a strange fashion. But he barked at them to back down everytime they approached. It would only ruin things more if they found out.

It did not last long; and he knew eventually one of them would try to slap some sense into him. It did really not surprise him when Provenza cornered him one day.

"Sit down, you grumpy fool," Provenza growled at him, the break room otherwise unoccupied. Andy had been about to quickly flee; he could see the dark look in his partners eyes and it did not bode well.

Andy grumbled but obliged. He knew this was inevitable. He had been a royal pain in the ass; only this time Provenza had not been in on the why.

"What's wrong?"

"Whaddya mean?" passive-aggressive evasion was another tactic he had mastered to perfection. Unfortunately that old coot of a partner knew him too well. Provenza merely rolled his eyes, crossed his arms and glared harder;

"Flynn," he started in an exasperated voice, "you are acting like old grouch who's been castrated; now obviously something is wrong!"

He shrugged.

"Are you going to meetings?" the question sounded harsh but he could tell Provenza was only asking out of genuine concern. It was aggravating not being able to blurt out why he was in such a pathetic mood.

"It has nothing to do with drinking," he replied.

"So there is something?"

"I'm dealing with it," that was vague enough to be dismissive he thought, only his partner kept staring at him.

"Well how about dealing with it in some other way; you are annoying the rest of us. And would you for god's sake stop provoking Raydor!"

Of course Provenza would notice Andy was antagonizing her but he breathed a sigh of relief. His partner had no idea she was the root of his problems. The reason he was behaving like a lunatic. Provenza only thought he was letting his bad temper hit everyone.

"Hey, I'm doing my best to ignore her and her sensitive disposition"

Provenza's eyeballs rolled back in his head again, and he grumbled something that sounded remotely like 'kindergarten'.

Out aloud he half-heartedly agreed, "I will say she's been a bit more bitchy lately but will you please, for my sake, stop whatever you are trying to do?"

Andy shrugged, "Not my fault she's got a stick up her-"

"Flynn!" Sanchez exclaimed in a low growl, his eyes narrowed as he walked into the break room. He had obviously heard the last of their conversation and was not pleased about it. Whereas Andy was sure Provenza would indulge his small tantrums and bad language, Sanchez was too enamored with their new Captain. Not in a romantic way, he mused, but rather Sanchez had become aggressively protective of her. The narrowed angry glare he got from Julio now only reinforced that; why if he said another word about the Captain he would most likely get a slap in the face or a fist.

Andy sighed. This was not working, at all. The team was suspicious now and would be able to tell what was wrong if they continued this passive-aggressive way of ignoring each other. Eventually everyone would figure out what was going on; really it was not that hard to decipher when they acted like they did.

He put his hands in the air, mimed sorry to Julio. Provenza still gave him an apprehensive look; he was not satisfied by their conversation and would likely corner him again and force him to tell what was wrong.

"I'll get my shit together, okay," he assured the both of them. None of them looked assured though but regarded him with half doubtful looks.

"You better," Provenza said, "or you will end up being fid'ed into the next millennia."

Julio smiled and nodded in agreement.

If only they knew that their Captain could never file a report against him. If she did it would only involve letting out their secret and she might as well file a report against herself.

He grumbled and went to the coffee machine; he needed to relax. He needed to find some way to let go of all this tension holed up inside of him.

Passive-aggressive ignoring each other was not working. They had to find another way. Some way to resolve it before they both drowned and dragged everyone else down with them – before it destroyed them completely.

There was just the little obstacle of actually talking. Resolving anything could only really occur if they talked. It was a nightmare, he gathered. She reminded him of a startled deer sometimes; and he was sure getting her to talk would be almost next to impossible. If he could get her to talk somewhere, it had to be a place where neither of them was reminded of the chain of command. Work was out of the question.

"Where have you gone off to now?" Provenza asked suddenly, bringing him out of his reverie.

He looked back over his shoulder; his partner was still sitting down and giving him a curious look. Sanchez had left again.

"You want coffee?" he asked the older man, trying to evade answering that question.

"Yeah," Provenza replied.

He brought two mugs with him and sat down.

"Will you let me know if you need help, you know dealing with whatever it is?"

Andy looked up, caught the gaze of the other man; it was obscure but he gleamed only concern from it. He was sorry he had been making everyone uncomfortable; it was not meant to affect anyone else.

"Yeah," he replied and gave his partner a tentative smile.

Before it became too emotional they both latched onto last night's game. Baseball was always a safe topic; especially when he could not share stories about his recent sex escapades.

He still felt full of tension; but he was determined to somehow resolve it. He needed some form of resolution; he was sure she did as well. If only he knew how.

Shit; it was still an ungodly, inconceivable mess.

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