Chapter Six

I swear, half the time, I end up staring in my tiny closet and wondering what the hell I'm supposed to wear. If it's a super fancy event, I (reluctantly) steal one of Addie's dresses for the night. For dinner parties, I usually win this argument with my parents, but on the very rare occasion that I lose, I end up wearing one of the two skirts I own. I don't see why I can't just wear sweatpants everywhere I go, and I had a feeling that they weren't included in date attire.

Seriously, though, pants are overrated.

But the problem was that this wasn't just a date. In fact, it wasn't even a real date; we just had to convince our parents it was one. What was I supposed to wear in front of Al's friends? I just had a feeling it wasn't going to be the same as hanging out with my own friends.

I gave up and crawled out my window, quickly heading over to Al's room. As I approached, I could see though the window that Al was also dressing - in fact, he was half-naked again, only wearing a pair of jeans. Al was definitely more attractive when he was wet.

But seriously, how did the bookworm build that chest?

I rapped on his window and he jumped, spinning around. He scowled upon seeing me, but opened the window, anyway.

"Couldn't wait?" he grumbled, standing back to let me in his room. "What do you want?"

I shrugged, suddenly self-conscious again. "What do I wear?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"How am I supposed to know?" he said, beginning to laugh. I wrapped my arms around myself as he shifted through his closet and pulled out a t-shirt. "I don't know anything about girl's clothes."

"You have a sister, don't you?"

"Doesn't mean I've suddenly acquired fashion sense," he said, laughing. He reached for a button-up shirt to put it on; I noticed he was dressed reasonably casually. "Come on, I'll help."

"You have to cross the gap between our houses," I said, smirking at him. He rolled his eyes and followed me out the window. He had to take my hand again, but he was definitely less flustered than before.

It went away when he saw my closet.

"Sheesh," I muttered as Al began to bend over, shaking hard with silent laughter. "My closet is practically a comedy routine."

"Mandy, your closet looks like mine," he pointed out. "Would it kill you to dress like a girl?"

"All these clothes are from the girl's section. Except for my gym shorts."

Al shook his head and sat on my bed, looking around my room. I suddenly realized this was the first time he'd been there since we were eleven, and honestly, not much had changed. My walls were still blue. I had pictures of the sky on the walls. My bookshelf was overflowing with books, and my trunk was sticking out from under my bed. I wasn't messy, but I wasn't quite neat, either.

I sighed and turned back to my closet. I wasn't even sure if I was excited anymore. Hanging out with Al was like hugging a cactus. "Are you going to help me or not?"

Al shrugged. "I told you, I'm no good at this. Abbey usually wears these fancy shirts, do you have any of those?"

I bit my lip. "I don't know."

"I suggest you'd look, unless you want to wear a skirt or something."

"Merlin forbid," I said, hiding my grin and searching through my clothes. I came across that tank top that my mum had made me wear a week ago, when the Potters came over for dinner. I shoved it in Al's face. "Got this in your closet?"

"Yes, I wear frills on a daily basis," he deadpanned, pushing it back to me. "Abbey always wears skinny jeans."

"Does she?" I said absent-mindedly, looking through my closet again.

"They make her butt look great," he said nonchalantly. I immediately tensed.

Was he staring at mine?

I quickly pulled some of my non-skinny jeans from my closet and turned around, hoping my face wasn't as red as it felt. "You really shouldn't talk about girls like that," I mumbled, hugging my clothes close to my chest.

"Why not?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. I had to stare at him, just to see if he was serious. And he was, unfortunately.

"It's not very nice," I said, and I think Al understood the finality in my tone. "I'm going to change."

"All right," he said, stretching back against my pillows, putting his hands behind his head. I raised an eyebrow at him, and he raised one back, not even trying to hide his smirk. "Go on."

"Get out," I demanded, narrowing my eyes.

"Fine, fine," he said cheerfully. More cheerful than I'd ever seen him. "I'll be at your front door in about ten minutes."

"Okay," I said softly, watching as he climbed out of my room and went back towards his room. As soon as he was out of sight, I dropped my clothes on my bed, shut the window, locked it and closed the blinds.

Just precautionary measures.

Al pretty much charmed the pants off my parents.

I'm serious. You never would've known that this was the same boy who was making derogatory comments towards girls just ten minutes before, or even that he was the one who picked on me for the last six years. He was so sweet in front of them, promising I'd be home by twelve and complimenting me on my clothes. The same ones he'd made fun of.

The boy could act when he wanted to, that was for sure.

As soon as the door shut behind us, he dropped the act entirely. His customary I-don't-care-about-anything expression was back. I had come to really resent it, in all honesty.

"So, how are we getting there?" I asked as we walked along my driveway. "Floo?"

"Side-along apparation," he replied tersely, dropping my hand. For some reason, he was staring at my parents' car with a sort-of wistful look. "When did you learn to drive?"

"Erm." I shrugged, a little caught off guard. "Last summer, when I turned sixteen. My dad taught me."

"Oh."

"Why?"

"My dad doesn't have time," he admitted. He didn't meet my eyes - in fact, he seemed determined to avoid them. "Can you teach me?"

Merlin, he reminded me so much of his eleven-year-old self just then.

"Sure," I said, smiling to myself. "If you want to teach me apparation."

His lips twitched. "Okay."

"I'm pretty bad at it."

"I'm sure I'll manage," he said, grabbing my arm. Without even a split-second warning, he twisted around and we were hurtling through the enclosed space - and then, suddenly in an apartment lobby.

I hated apparation.

Al grabbed my hand and led me down a narrow hallway and up the stairs. It was one of those apartment complexes in which each floor was its own apartment, and apparently Kevin's was at the very top. On the fifth floor.

As we climbed the wooden stairs, I could vaguely hear music. By the fourth floor, it was reasonably louder, and I hoped the neighbours wouldn't mind, but Al seemed pretty unconcerned. In fact, as we reached the fifth floor, he didn't bother to knock; he just kicked off his shoes and dragged me inside.

The first thing I noticed was the smell. Like cigarettes, but... weird. The place was pretty small, dimly lit and honestly a little disgusting. I looked to the right as Al shut the door, down another narrow hallway to a couple of bedrooms and a bathroom. To the left, where most of the people seemed to be, was a larger living room and kitchen.

Then I noticed the people. The ones that were hobbling around, sprawled across the floor, sitting on the couches, hopping on the counters. Cups seemed to be everywhere, most people were smoking and everyone has inebriated.

Al slung his arm over my shoulder, smirking. "Welcome to my world."

When Al was younger, he was shy. And when I say shy, I mean he was that kid who hid behind his mother whenever he didn't know somebody. It was an extreme, in all honesty. When we went to muggle school together to learn how to read and write, he pretty much stuck by my side for the first couple of months before opening up a bit. It's probably why we become such good friends: I was the only one he knew.

I couldn't see how that boy grew up and was offering me a cigarette.

I took it my hand, turning over the white stick. Cancer stick. Death stick. It had so many negative names, and in all honestly, I wasn't sure which one to believe. Al had taken his own cigarette and led me over to the corner, where Kevin, Abbey, Steve and another guy I didn't know were seated on the wrap-around couch.

"Hey, you made it!" Abbey exclaimed as we sat down beside them. "Mandy, you look great."

I managed a weak smile. My mind felt hazy, like I was the smoke in the air. I couldn't think properly or wrap my head around what this was, exactly. Was it a party? It didn't seem like one, mostly because there weren't enough people. But there were quite a few of them.

"Well, now you know," Al said smugly, wrapping his arm around my waist. "I guess you could call this our hangout."

"Your hangout," I said numbly, unable to take it in.

"Yeah, these are our friends."

"You guys have a lot of friends," I commented, and Kevin laughed.

"Not everyone is a witch or wizard," he told me, "so don't use your wand." He passed the lighter to Abbey, who lit her own cigarette and held the flame for Al. He lit his cigarette and inhaled deeply.

Abbey held the lighter for me. I was frozen.

Al laughed at the look on my face and took the lighter from her. "I think it might be Mandy's first time smoking, guys."

"That's cute," Abbey said, chuckling.

"Innocent, huh?" Steve said, speaking for the first time since I'd gotten there. I had the impression he didn't say much. He grinned at me from his place on the floor and put a hand on my knee. I had the strong urge to shake it off. "Maybe we'll leave the weed for next time."

Al and his friends laughed again, and I wanted to shrink into the couch.

"Here," Al said gently, turning to me. "I'm going to light the end, and you just have to stick the other end in your mouth and inhale."

I merely stared at him.

"Snap out of it," he said playfully. He seemed so relaxed in comparison to how he had been all week. He kissed my cheek and I blinked, shaking my head to clear it - only to find myself staring at the cigarette in my hand.

"It's amazing," Kevin said in a tone I assumed was reassuring. "Trust me."

I glanced to Al. "I dunno."

"Can't believe I went a week without this," Al admitted, unashamed. He flicked the lighter so the flame appeared again and held it in front of me. "Come on, it's not going to hurt you."

I took a deep breath. I felt like I couldn't think. There was something horribly wrong with this picture, but everything was just closing in on me, squeezing me into that corner. Honestly, I was almost scared of what they would do to me if I didn't try it.

And I loved that.

I held up the tip of the cigarette to the flame; it lit and frayed immediately, a stream of smoke escaping from the tip. With another reassuring glance from Al, I put the cigarette to my lips and inhaled.

Al and his friends burst into laughter as I coughed out the fumes. The cigarette taste was filling my mouth, and I wasn't sure if I liked it. It was dirty. Bitter and strong, almost like coffee. I was becoming more and more lightheaded, my limbs numbing a little.

"Okay, guys, show's over," Al said, chuckling and pulling me up. "We're going to get drinks."

"I don't drink," I muttered to him as we headed to the kitchen.

"You don't smoke, either," he pointed out, smirking. I blushed. He opened the fridge and brought a can onto the counter. "You probably should keep smoking that."

I looked at the still-lit cigarette in my hand. "I don't really want to anymore."

"Wuss."

I narrowed my eyes and took another drag. For some reason, Al looked pleased.

"So you've never done any of this," he said, opening the can. "I mean, you've never even drank?"

"I've had Butterbeer," I said feebly, and he laughed.

"Doesn't count."

"I've been to a party," I said defensively.

"This isn't a party," he told me, handing me a plastic cup half-filled with beer. "Kevin just met a lot of muggle people around here, and they just keep coming over."

"This happens every night?"

He shrugged and put out his cigarette on a dish. I did the same. "Not every night, but pretty often. Kevin's pretty laid back about that stuff." I followed him back into the living room, nearly bumping into him as he froze.

"Err, let's go over here," he mumbled, dragging me over. I looked back to the corner; Steve and the other guy had left, and Abbey and Kevin were wrapped up in each other, kissing fiercely.

Al pulled me into the couch on the other side of the room, and I nearly spilled the beer. He didn't seem to notice; he was busy staring determinedly into his cup. Then he took a long swing, draining it.

"Sorry," I said gently, gesturing to his friends with a nod of my head. "Must suck."

"I guess." He exhaled loudly and pulled me closer, so I was practically on his lap. "Are you going to drink that?"

"Maybe next time," I said, and he downed my drink, too.

"Steve's going to get you to try weed next time."

"He creeps me out," I admitted, and Al laughed. "He does! Why are you friends with him?"

"He's not so bad, trust me."

"Kevin's much better."

"Only because you fancied him," he retorted, shaking his head. "You know, it's not that hard to get his attention. You could've gone out with him a long time ago."

"What do you mean?"

"He'll go out with anyone who'll sleep with him."

I blushed deeply at this, and moved slightly off Al's lap as I began to stammer. "You know I'm not that kind of person."

"Yeah, your brother's girlfriend is more like that," he said, sniggering.

"And Abbey." He suddenly fell silent, eyes going back to Kevin and Abbey, still snogging in the corner.

"I guess so."

Something inside of me twinged in annoyance. "Why do you like her?"

He didn't answer, but threw his cup onto the floor and grasped my hips. With a squeak, I fell into him, gripping at his torso as an attempt to steady myself. He smirked at me. I could only stare.

I was just about a hundred percent sure I wasn't thinking straight or clearly, and I couldn't figure out why. Was it the smoking? Why did I try that? I knew it was bad for me, but I just... did it anyway. And I knew I'd do it again.

Maybe it was the rush of knowing something is wrong and doing it anyway. The weird feeling when your heart is beating wildly out of your chest, everything so uncomfortable and out of your control but freeing, in a way.

And I loved that feeling. It's what I craved.

So maybe that's why I was ignoring the nagging voice in the back of my head when Al handed me that cigarette, when just then, he was leaning in to kiss me and try to make Abbey jealous. I didn't want to hear about how cigarettes were bad for me. I didn't want to hear about how this was a big mistake and I shouldn't let Al use me for this strange, exhilarating rush.

His lips more or less slammed onto mine. I nearly jumped back from the force as he pinned me to the arm of the couch, moving his mouth quickly over mine and deepening the kiss. I could barely keep up; he tasted like the cheap beer and cigarettes, but I sucked it up and kissed him back. I mean, I promised. I was going to at least try to help him with his stupid love life.

That is, until he pulled back.

"Stop, Mandy," he groaned, his face still only inches away. "You're fucking awful at this."

My jaw dropped.

He shifted, slipping a hand behind my neck. His breath was brushing softly against my lips, but I couldn't meet his eyes. I couldn't breathe. "How many guys have you kissed?"

"I..." I wanted to punch him, and burst into tears of humiliation. All at once.

"Not many, I'm guessing." I felt his hand reach to my ponytail and pull at my rubber band to let my hair free. He pressed a softer kiss to my open mouth. "Am I right?"

"No," I lied, my voice quiet and wavering. I didn't think I was this bad. I really didn't. I mean, I couldn't have been amazing, but...

He smoothed out my hair and pressed his body up against mine. I was in actual shock. Why was I letting him treat me like this? He just insulted me, and all I could do is let him keep touching me. The nagging voice was back, and I wasn't ignoring it this time.

Am I really that bad at this?

"Okay," he whispered. I felt his hand on the skin of my hip. Under my shirt. Holy Merlin. "We'll start slower. Less teeth."

"I wasn't using teeth," I whispered defiantly, narrowing my eyes. And just when I was beginning to feel like myself again and tell him off, he starting kissing me again. Slower, like he was convincing me to stay.

And fuck, it was working.

But it felt wrong. My mind was racing. I wanted to do this right this time. I wasn't that bad at this, I knew I wasn't, but suddenly I didn't have a clue to what I was doing. What did I do with my hands before? How was I even using teeth? Were my eyes even closed?!

"Less tongue," he muttered in between kisses. "Also, it would be nice if you kissed me back."

Kiss him back.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT DO WITH MY HANDS.

I let my hands slowly wind around the back of his neck, and as carefully as I could, I pressed myself back up against him. Al immediately began kissing me more frantically, and I finally closed my eyes.

When we broke away sometime, he was grinning. Smirking. Smug. I couldn't even tell anymore, and I didn't want to. I wanted to stay close to him, because he was only person I was even close to trusting in this place, but I wanted to run far away. He made me feel so small, and I could barely stand it.

"Mandy?" he said quietly, still panting a little. I pushed myself off his lap in the tiny space between him and the end of the couch, still refusing to look him in the eyes. He must have noticed, because he was peering at me. "You okay?"

I nodded, standing. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. "I want to go home."

"Are you sure?" he asked, standing and cupping my face. I nodded again and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, kissing my forehead. For some reason, it felt more intimate than the snogging we'd just done.

"I didn't mean it," he whispered.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. "What?"

"You know." He kissed my nose. "Come on, we still have some time. We'll stop for food before I take you home." I took a deep breath and accepted his outstretched hand.

I didn't know what was coming over me. Whether it was the fumes and drugs around the apartment, or misplaced judgement from snogging someone for so long... I was just going along with what Al said. Taking his shit. And I didn't know why.

But I had a feeling it was because I kept seeing glimpses of my best friend.