Movies They Can't Do Together!
Men In Black!
Stefan: Wow. Lookie what we have here.
Jason: Pfft. Damn pig.
Sam: *Taps on the car Jason's in* What's in the trunk Jason?
Jason: None of your business.
Stefan & Sam: *Shake heads*
Jason: I'm kidnapping Bella.
Stefan: *Sighs* Dude you are a good looking guy and you don't need to keep kidnapping teenage girls.
Sam: *Walks over to the trunk and opens the door*
Jason: Don't go back there. *Tries to get out of the car*
Stefan: *Pushes on the car door* Whoa. Where are you going, Vorheeds?
Jason: Get. Away. From. The. Fucking. Car.
Sam: Um, K?
Stefan: *Looks over at Sam then back to Jason* What.
Jason: Dumbasses!
Girl: AAAAAHHHHH!
Sam: What do I do!
Girl: GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!
Stefan: AGAIN!
Jason: My oldest daughter doesn't come visit me.
Stefan: SO YOU GET ANOTHER GIRL PREGNANT!
Sam: *Screams* SO MUCH SLIME!
Random guy: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!
Damon: *Smirks* I thought you were going to be at work.
Random guy: *Growls*
Damon: That's what your wife said. *Wiggles eyebrows*
Random guy: *Face turns red* I'll kill you again! *Pulls out a gun*
Damon: Yeah, good luck with that.
Random guy: Then I'm going to call the cops!
Damon: *Pulls a badge out from his back pocket*
Random guy: O.o?
Random guy's wife: I love you Damon!
Random guy: Bitch get back inside! I'll deal with you in a minute!
Damon: So what are you going to do with the cop who fucked your wife?
Random guy: ...
Damon: Huh?
Random guy: This...*Transforms into a tentacle monster*
Damon: O.O!
Stefan: *Walks down the hallway* I can't believe T quit!
Pam: After what that man seen I don't blame him. When he was getting medical attention his mental state was shot to hell which one of his thumbs went as well.
Stefan: So I going to find another partner huh?
Pam: Yep.
Stefan: You fucked him already didn't you?
Pam: I never suck and tell.
Stefan: *Sigh* Ew.
Damon: Where the hell this this?
Elena: This is...
Damon: Have we slept together already?
Elena: Not in a movie. *Clears throat* Please, Mr. Sal...
Damon: Want too?
Bonnie: *Hits him with a baseball bat*
Elena: Was that?
Bonnie: Sshh. Let's go before he wakes up. We'll have someone drag him to the testing room.
Damon: *Wakes up* BAW~! *Looks around the room and sees other guys*
Aiden: He woke up.
Derek: Should had stayed asleep.
Eric: He has a cute ass.
Aiden: Yeah. *Takes a step from him*
Eric: Like that could ever stop me.
Damon: What am I here for?
Josh: We've here to take a test. See. *Waves a paper*
Damon: *Grabs the paper and rips it up then sets it on fire*
Josh: *Gasp*
Damon: I hate test!
Josh: Don't take it out on mines!
Damon: Sissy.
Bishop: *Walks into the room* Hello men.
Everyone expect Damon: Hello sir.
Damon: Yeah. Sure.
Bishop: You are all here to get a spot on the government best kept secret in the world. We...
Damon: Not really a best kept secret if your telling us.
Bishop: Aha. *Holds his hands behind his back* I hope none of you fail. *Looks at Damon*
Damon: Pfft. I never fail.
Bishop: Sure you won't. Let's go to the next room and keep this moving along shall we?
Stefan: So these are the replacements? To replace T, someone who isn't really replaceable?
Pam: Ahh! God stop asking questions, your voice hurts my ears.
Stefan: Says the harpy from planet bitch.
Pam: It's Planet Bitchness, okay. Besides, we found him.
Stefan: Who?
Pam: *Points at Damon through the little window* My future ex husband, who knows how to handle a gun.
Stefan: I don't like him.
Pam: You don't have to sleep with him, I will, again. But you just have to deal with him, train him so he can be like you Kay. Besides you may even like him, T didn't like you in the beginning.
Stefan: Fine.
Bishop: Mister Salvatore, out of all the shooting targets why did you shoot, stab, and break the cut out of Tiffany? What did Tiffany ever do to you?
Damon: She looked like a Jugdey little bitch.
Bishop: Really? Care to explain.
Damon: I would but I wouldn't see the point of it all. So...no.
Bishop: Hahaha! *Grabs his arm a twisted it. Making him fall to the floor*
Josh & Aiden: OH Shit.
Derek & Eric: *Shake heads*
Bishop: I like you. You're an asshole but we can beat that out of you if we choose you.
Damon: Let go of my arm asshole!
Bishop: *Laughs louder* Come on everyone let's go to the other room. I want to show you something. *Let's go of Damon's arm then walks out the room*
Everyone: *Follows him*
Damon: Goddamn it my arm! Fucking bitch...
Stefan: *Walks over and drags Damon by the collar from the group* Hello, my name is Kay.
Damon: And my name is bitch I can walk like a human.
Stefan: *Lets go of his collar* Let's go. We need to do things and to show you things.
Damon: What if I said no?
Bonnie: *Mouths out behind Damon* Can I hit him?
Stefan: Meh...Not right now.
Bonnie: *Mouths out* Call me when you do.
Stefan: Put your hand on the ball.
Damon: No.
Stefan: J. Put your hand on the ball.
Damon: Why couldn't you guys change my name to Captain McBadass.
Stefan: ...No. J.
Damon: Why do I have to put my hands on the ball?
Stefan: Because it's fun.
Damon: Wait...do I get powers?
Stefan: ...Yeah. Sure.
Damon: Fine. *Places hands on both sides of the ball*
Ball of doom: *Burns off prints*
Damon: ...
Stefan: J.
Damon: ...
Stefan: You okay?
Damon: ...
Stefan: I'll just take it as okay.
Damon: ...*Falls over and screams*
Stefan: Or not.
Damon: YOU FUCKING DICK WAFFLE!
Stefan: Yeah, you're ready for this job.
Damon: GOD!
Damon: My fingers.
Stefan: J. *Driving down the street*
Damon: My fingers.
Stefan: Well you destroyed most of Headquarters so you got your pity revenge.
Damon: I have no finger prints.
Stefan: I told you so.
Damon: No. You said I will get powers
Stefan: I lost T. For you.
Damon: Who the hell...
Stefan: Since you are new here, let me give you a few rules. Do not touch my radio, do not touch my hula girl and do not touch the big red button that is sitting between us.
Damon: Fuck you. Fuck your radio *Plays with the volume*, fuck your Hula girl *Molests the hula girl *...
Stefan: *Puts on a seat belt*
Damon: And most of all fuck your *Pushes the big red button*
Stefan: ….
Damon: See nothing …...AAAHHHHHH!
*Car moves really, really fast*
Damon: *Tries to grab the wheel*
Stefan: *Slaps Damon's Hand* Please be calm.
Damon: If I wanna go fast I'll do it myself!
Stefan: *Chuckles* I think we should start on a mission now.
Damon: DUDE WE ARE ABOUT TO DIE!
Stefan: Sorry I thought you didn't give a fuck.
Damon: DUDE!
Stefan: *Boredly* Oh no a brick wall.
Damon: SHIT!
Damon: *Lets out a breathe* K. Is this 'mess with Damon' Day?
Stefan: Nope. It's mess with 'J' Day.
Damon: Fuck you.
Stefan: *Looks him up and down* Meh. *Walks away*
Damon: HEY! GET BACK HERE!
Edward: Haha, dead body! *Draws on the side of the dead man's face*
Stefan: Hello?
Edward: Um, are you related to this body in anyway?
Stefan: No.
Edward: Then what are you here for and I totally wasn't touching the naughty bits.
Damon: …
Stefan: We're from the FBI, I'm Clark, and he's...
Damon: Kent.
Stefan: *Glares at Damon*
Edward: Hi Clark, Kent. What can I do for you?
Damon: Well you can stop that cat from eating that man's nose.
Edward: HEY! *Shoos the cat* Sorry about that, he's was with the dead body and he wouldn't move so I decided to take him in.
Stefan: What's his name?
Edward: Your momma.
Damon: Really?
Edward: Sad isn't it. At first I thought the cops where playing with me.
Stefan: We are here to get a report on the body and then we will be on our way.
Edward: Sure and stuff but don't you wanna leave for a minute and things.
Stefan: ...What is this a movie parody?
Edward: Well...
Stop breaking the forth wall!
Edward: *Sigh* Don't you have to figure out that, that guy laying the the slab is an alien prince and that the thing you're looking for is on that cat and the bug thing is going to kidnap me.
Damon: If you knew all this stuff why didn't you just stop it?
Edward: Because the bug guy is going to kidnap me. *Points behind them*
Damon & Stefan: *Both turn around then gets knocked over*
Bug guy: *Runs over and picks up the cat and Edward* OM NOM NOM! HAHAHA! *Runs off with Edward*
Edward: *Yells back* HE'S TAKING ME TO THE OBSERVATION TOWERS AT THE NEW YORK STATE PAVILION SO HE CAN GO HOME AND LET THE PRINCE'S PEOPLE KILL US!
Damon: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?!
Edward: IT'S CALLED THE 90's! ASSHOLE!
Damon: Well he's/she's doom.
Stefan: The whole world will end if we don't hurry and get that orb.
Corpse face: *Moves*
Damon: ….Hell no. *Walks away*
Stefan: *Rubs forehead* You kill the bug guy.
Damon: Yep.
Stefan: Using the hostage as a weapon.
Damon: Yep.
Edward: Fucking asshole.
Stefan: I quit. I give up on this world. *Tries to walk off but Damon holds on to his arm*
Damon: *Evil smirk* K please, I'm going to make you suffer like I did.
Stefan: I alright suffered when that bug ate me.
Damon: Oh, Steffie I'm going to make your life miserable as we work side by side.
Stefan: How do you know my name?
Damon: *Smirk*
Stefan: Pam.
Damon: Yep.
Edward: Is no one going to help stop the bleeding here! *Holding his leg*
Damon: ...Bye.
So that's it.
Damon: It was way bloodier.
Stefan: He beat the bug with Edward.
Edward: You know what. I'm waiting and making a list of everything you do to me so when you least expect it I'll will let my rage rain down on your head Damon. I will make Beilbers look like little angry puppies when I'm through with you bitch.
Damon: Yeah. Have run with your "Rampage" Jodie Foster.
Edward: I'm coming for you.
Damon: Okay! You act like I never heard that before. Let's get this show going and shit.
What's wrong with you, grumpy?
Damon: Who's Julian?
….*Clears throat* N...no one.
Damon: *Holds up a piece of paper* Who is Julian Bowers, Rob Stark, Jon Snow, Jake, Joanna, and the blond woman with the dragons.
W...w...well, look, see. Shit.
Damon: *Pulls out a lighter and burns the paper then smiles* I'm going to kill you. Really slowly.
Pam: *Shakes head*
P...pam! Help.
Pam: *Shrugs*
NOOOOOOO!
Damon: ….*Let out a breath* Let's start the show!
Dean: Um, did I miss something?
Just the usual death threats. *Gulp*
Shac89: ( A Fissure opens up spewing black smoke and Lava and then a giant black scaled Basilisk slithers out. Just then the Serpentine Monstrosity explodes in a black light, and Shac89 appeared with a mischievous smile on his face.)
*Blinks* Why can't I ever do that?
Damon: Because you're stupid.
Aw.
Shac89: greetings Chi I see the whip was a success. Now for the torment to begin, first lets have Sam and Dean fight Stefan and Damon, but Dean and Sam will be Lucifer and Michael.
Dean: You heard the man.
Sam: *Evil smirk*
Stefan: This is already a bad.
Damon: Stop being a pussy. I need to take so stress...*Gets punch in the face by Sam*
Sam/Lucifer: Come on Damon. I choose you first but I guess I chose wrong.
Damon: *Takes off jacket and throws it at Edward*
Edward: Hey! I ain't you're hanger!
Stefan: *Shakes head*
Shac89: Castiel will take is half breed children to Disney World, and Pam will,take Insanity to the torture room for some "fun" with Chi also.
Yay!
Damon: NO!
Dean/Micheal: GLOWINGSWORDSSAYWHAT!
Damon & Stefan: What?
Dean: *Smiles*
*Skips towards the room* Be back guys!
Sam/Lucifer: *Splits the ground in two*
HEY!
Sam/Lucifer & Dean/Micheal: WHAT!
Clean my room when you get done!
Dean/Micheal: Yes ma'am.
Sam/Lucifer: Who is this bitch, my mother?
Damon & Stefan : *Groans*
Sam: We were easy on them.
I think I see Stefan's spline over here!
Stefan:Just don't kick it. Okay.
Damon: I would but I can't really move much.
Dean: Haha.
Veronica Mars: Yay I'm here before Rogue!
Edward: Good times.
Veronica: (Hugs Edward tight) Promise you will never frolick with Bella ever.
Bella: I'm right here! Jerks.
Edward: Arug.
Veronica: I feel sad for Damon, I am not a Vamp Diaries fan but after Bonnie's sexy danger guy comment I really hoped they would hook up. One the bright side being an adventurer will be awesome Damon think of all the cool places and exotic women you would get to meet and you wouldn't have to put up with the knock off Bella (points at Elena).
Elena: Hey! One I was here first and two, I'm a bad ass now.
Veronica: I think its weird that Elena and Katherine are now half sisters. Maybe the best ending would have been Stefan gets Elena and Damon and Katherine reconcile because in the books the brothers hate each other because they blame each other for Katherine's suicide and when Katherine does return its a surprise for both Damon and Stefan. She loves Damon more in the books... well I'm glad that over.
Katherine: Meh.
Damon: Don't start.
Edward: Why are you being nice to him!
Veronica: I just like looking at the bright side I think if we are positive then the world is a better place.(Kisses Edward on the cheek) Bye everyone. I love Edward!
Edward: *Sighs*
Damon: Pedo bear!
Edward: Like you can talk.
Damon: ...Yeah.
Rogue: Happy Birthday Chi a Pet! Here have all these hot Anime men on me! *Snaps fingers and all the hot anime men appear shackled one after the other* You can only use em once then the go back to their world... You should start with Heiei first you know shortest to tallest. Here this is a 'Kick ass' ticket I will kick the ass of any person whose blood you drop on it to activate the card.
Charity: *Looks over at Damon*
Damon: You better stay over in the lollipop guile woman.
Katherine: I'm watching you...
Castiel: Your eyes should be on me...
Katherine: I'm multitasking.
Rogue: So they're going to have a spin off show from VD called 'The Originals' I think that would do way better than VD in any case... You read my stuff Chi I am flattered :D. I liked VD when Damon didn't give a fuck I did like the moment he and Bonnie were hugging in the forest... it was so cute. The annoying thing about VD is they take these 2 week breaks after every 3 episodes - idiots!
Charity: It seems like every show is doing that. Got damn Scandal! I fricken waited for you and you just give me three episodes! You fricken dick hats! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL!
Damon: So scary. *Rolls eyes*
Rogue:So Chi what did you get on your BDAY? Any sexy gifts? *Rogue winks at the Chi a pet*
Charity: *Blushes*
Rogue: LOL he really screamed like a little girl during mama? I bet you wanted to sit several rows away from him. This is why i don't let my parents go to public places, they must stay home and do my bidding bwaahhahahahahaha!
Eric: ...I can see it.
Where do you be at?
Eric: I just come and go. Like the wind or a random person on Vampire Diaries.
Damon: *Growls*
Stefan: Burn!
Damon: You're from the same show.
Stefan: Like I give a shit.
Rogue: Well tomorrow is Monday another start to another boring ass work week why can't wee be the naked hairless apes God intended us to be. I want to
live in a civilization of nudists.
Pam: She's going to get you for being late.
Charity: *Sighs* I know.
Rogue: Don't try to wrap your mind or understand Twilight - it's a trap, the more you try to understand itthe more your braincells die until you turn into a twitard with drool falling out your mouth going "edward good", "I love Edward"
Veronica: HEY!
Charity: Yeah! My Edward looks like Julian Bowers!
Edward: Charity *Snaps fingers in my face* I look like Robert Patterson.
Charity: ...Aw!
Bella: I know right.
Edward: Very funny, till the fangirls come.
Rogue: Shut up *Looks at Cas and Kat in the corner* It's a no brainer we're going to need a name for a third angel vamp child... if its a boy then CJ for a girl hmmmmmmm Katie yeah!
Katherine: Meh.
Rogue: Oh yes a man of Letter's is what Sam and Dean's paternal grandfather was, it does sound like a gay club but the men of letters were actually quite powerful until a Demon possessing their grandmother wiped out all the men of letters. Sam and Dean finally have a home in this sort of hideout place the men of letters used. Dean was so cute when he was buying groceries and stuff he's really into the we actually have a home thing.
Charity: Aw.
Dean: *Blushes*
Rogue: I don't think you will fall for Elena's kid Damon firstly the kid would be your niece or nephew unless Elena being the whore she is screws Matt and secondly VD vampires don't have living sperm unless they're in this wonderful world that Chi created in which case beware of Damon's sperm.
Charity: Unless they make Elena have a magical womb or turn them human. Magical womb babies. That have angel wings and demon eyes and ...
Stefan: Please stop.
Rogue: Stefan you are right lets just burn down Mystic falls with Elena in it.
Katherine: I'll come help you.
Stefan: Now let's get a shit ton of gas.
Bonnie: You've been kind off distant from your husband.
Pam: *sighs* Yeah
Eric: *Yawns* She's pregnant
Damon: O_O
Chi: Neuter the bastard!
Damon: How many kids do I have now? *Counting in his head*
STOP SPREADING YOUR SEEDS MAN! I bet every kid in the world now has some tie to you.
Damon: But I'm doable.
Dean is too!
Damon: Take it back.
Nope.
Damon: Take it back.
Nope! I will do Dean...
Dean: Again.
Julian Bowers, Rob Stark, Jon Snow...
Damon: *Holds up a knife* Look I found this lying around. Wonder how am I going to use this little thing here.
Well then...*Runs*
Damon: You should know by now.
Stefan: *Shakes head* We want to thank everyone for reading and we also want to thank Shac89, Veronica Mars and Rogue Assasin for reviews. Peace,
Pam: Morning sickness.
I don't want to die today!
Damon: You talk about neuter how about we give you one, but for your guts!
Sam: Bye guys!
Insanity attack!
Insanity: I love you! *Chases after Damon*
Damon: *Turns and runs away* DAMN IT!