Chapter 6

After leaving the party, Will had come straight upstairs and had crawled into Jem's bed, certain Jem would be up shortly. When he didn't show, Will fell asleep, and was now waking to the bedroom door opening and the glare of witch light flooding in. The door closed abruptly and Will heard a deep breath, so he picked up the rune stone sitting on the bedside table. The stone flared to light, and just beyond it's greenish cast, Will saw Jem put a hand on his chest and then fall backwards against the door, blood pouring from his nose. He coughed and more blood came from his mouth as he fell to his knees, gasping.

"Inferion will get his revenge," Jem mumbled.

"I should have never left you!" Will exclaimed. He leapt out of bed and struck a match to light a candle, then hurried over to Jem. Jem put a hand up and Will helped him out of his coat, then shirt, knowing all too well that he could scream all he wanted, but most everyone was still down at the party. Jem collapsed onto the floor, coughing and gasping. His eyes rolled back and he started to shake. "Just fight it, okay?" Will begged. He ran to the bureau and threw it open, looking for the silver box.

"On the dresser," Jem said. He took another breath but it wasn't deep enough, and he began to see blackness crossing his eyes as he slowly started to lose consciousness. Will ran back over and knelt beside Jem. Jem could see Will's hands shaking. No matter what happened, Will always panicked. Jem didn't understand how Will could always be so cool headed in battle and so unhinged when it came to him. Will never cried, as badly as he could get hurt, but Jem's suffering could bring him to tears. There were things Jem wanted to tell Will, and he reached up and put a hand on Will's cheek as Will prepared the injection.

"What?" Will asked, looking up. Tears were running down his face and he looked desperately frightened.

Jem opened his mouth, not sure what he was going to say, but then he said, very quickly, "Let her know I still…" and then the blackness descended onto him.

A moment later Jem felt the knifelike point of the needle slamming through skin, muscle, and then his heart, and he gasped, eyes opening, as he reached up to grab the syringe, only Will pushed his hand away, pressed the plunger down, and Jem felt the immense amount of powder flow into his heart and then burn as it flooded into his chest. In a second he could breathe again and he coughed the remainder of blood onto the floor before looking at Will.

"Let her know you still what?" Will asked. "Jem?"

"I still love you," Jem whispered. "I love you, Will." Will stood up, his bare feet slipping in the blood as he turned his back on Jem, who still lay on the floor.

"No, you don't," Will said.

A short while later Will helped Jem into the bathtuband then began scrubbing the floor with a bucket of hot water Sophie had brought before she had scurried away. He hoped that he had made it clear to Sophie that no one was to know about this. Since the age of thirteen, Will had been taking extra precautions to keep Charlotte as unaware of Jem's attacks as possible. She had once summoned two Silent Brothers to take a closer look at Jem and they had wanted to take Jem with them, somewhere, to study him closer. Will feared that it would only take one bad attack for Jem to be sent away to somewhere he would be tortured to death in the continued search for a cure.

It had always been this way, for as long as Will could remember, in his life spent with Jem. After Jem was finally able to leave the Infirmary and move into a room of his own, Will would wake up night after night to Jem's hysterical cries from the next room over. If no one came, Will would go sit with Jem until Jem finally fell asleep.

Will hadn't set out to be fall in love with Jem. It had been more of a natural progression. Jem was first someone to frolic about the Institute and surrounding gardens with, chasing one another when he had the energy, or quietly laying in the grass watching the birds when he was having a bad day. When it came time for formal schooling, Jem then became a close study partner. He and Will would spend hours together memorizing theories and working on vocabulary. If they had an important test the next day, Jem would show up at Will's door after dinner, and they would study until they fell asleep together.

One cold winter day four years before now, Will and Jem had been studying in their favorite spot, which was a small alcove on the second floor of the library. The alcove was only big enough to hold a table, and that table was covered with books and sheets of paper. The only source of light came from the stain glass window at the far end of the alcove, which flooded light across the room and bathed Jem in a multicolored glow. Jem had done a good deal of growing over the summer and fall, not that Will would admit to noticing.

Will was sitting beside Jem on a bench, and Jem had one pencil behind his ear and was chewing on another and he read and reread a page in a dusty book. They were working on a report on the history of runes. Jem was being studious, and Will was being bored and antsy.

"So what do you think?" Will had asked.

"I'm afraid no one has any sort of idea of where persuasion runes came from," Jem said.

"Why are we even focusing on the persuasion runes?" Will asked. "The combat runes are far more interesting."

"I like the persuasion runes. They can make people think whatever someone wants them to think," Jem said. "Consider this. If I had one, I could convince you of all sorts of things."

"Such as…?" Will asked. Jem smiled.

"I could convince you that you were a duck. I would tell you that you had the flippers and the beak, the whole nine yards, and you would believe me," Jem said. "I could convince you that you could fly, though that might end poorly. I could even convince you to kiss me."

"And why would I want to kiss you?" Will asked.

"Because there is a reason why you want me all to yourself up here, instead of downstairs where everyone else studies," Jem replied. "Sometimes, I see you looking at me… the way I look at you."

In that moment, Will realized all that Jem had left unsaid and he had needed no other persuasion. All of the little smiles and sideways glances Jem had been giving him for the last few months suddenly made perfect sense.

From the bench Will shoved Jem onto the floor. Jem grabbed Will by the back side and pulled him on top of him, and they smashed their faces together so hard that it took a second for things to get worked out properly. Jem's eyes were open, Will's lips were tense, but then Jem laughed, Will laughed, and then they were kissing once more. After a few sweet kisses on the lips, Jem opened his mouth a little and Will slipped his tongue between Jem's teeth. Jem closed his eyes and kissed back in the same manner.

Jem could feel every inch of Will pressing against him but he wasn't heavy. With curious fingers he slid his hands up Will's side and beneath his shirt, to his warm skin, but then Will sat up and wiped at his nose, which was bleeding from the initial contact. He wiped his hand across the sleeve of his shirt and Jem grimaced and offered him a handkerchief. Then, they sat side by side, leaning against the stain glass window, waiting for the other one to talk.

"How long have you wanted to do that?" Will finally asked.

"A very long time," Jem had replied, and he straddled Will's lap and kissed him again.

They stayed in the alcove, kissing, touching, and experimenting with things that had felt very good, until Henry had called them to dinner, then they had stood, quickly put their appearances to rights, and in the midst of everything swore that it would never happen again. Will believed it would never happen again, and was certain that it wouldn't, up until Jem had collected the books and went downstairs to see Henry waiting for them. He took in their tattered appearances and swollen lips and asked if they had been fighting again. Jem smiled the smile and said they had been. The next day, back in the alcove, it happened again, and before either of them knew it, they were disastrously behind on school work but experts in one another's bodies. If Henry would have known, he would have never let them swear as Parabatai.

There assignations were not only reserved to the library, as their rooms were right next door to one another, and were there for easy to sneak into. Will understood the signals that Jem would send, as Jem only played the violin late at night when he was interested in someone listening to it. Neither discussed anything when they were together that way, it was just understood that they were together, and that was it. Will had no plans for marriage or family, he only hoped to be like the other Shadowhunters he knew of, the ones who never married but instead opted to share their home solely with their parabatai.

Sometimes, when Will was scrubbing up yet another mess, part of him wanted to stop, and never start again. The bedroom floor told the story of the attacks Jem had endured in here. The blood didn't always come back up, and in several places there were stains which were black in the witch light. Every once in a while Will would move the furniture around so as to cover them as much as possible. This attack had taken place in front of the door, and Will was considering investing in a rug to cover the stain. It would be expensive, but would hopefully brighten the room and hide the blood.

He was so intent on his task, on all fours, scrubbing the latest black blood away in the glow of a substantial chunk of witch light, that he didn't notice the candle light coming from the bathroom until he heard a floor board squeak. He looked up to see Jem standing in the doorway, one hand holding a towel around his waist, the other holding a candle. His body was a palate of colors, ranging from the red runes spiraling in and out of black runes bisected by white scars of used runes. There were other scars as well, from the one across his stomach from the torture he endured when he was eleven, to the one on his shoulder from a training accident he had when he was fourteen, and then the still tender looking wound on his chest from his battle with the clockwork creatures. Scars were part of being a Shadowhunter, but Will knew Jem bore far more scars than he could display.

Will tossed the rag he was using into a bucket and walked over. Jem set the candle down on a tea table. In the passing light Will caught a glimpse of Jem's runes, and he blinked once or twice and noticed that they had shimmered, just a little, and that they weren't the midnight black they usually were, and he might have said something, had Jem not stepped forward and kissed him.

Will jumped. He wanted to step back but knew that rejecting Jem while he was in this state might cause Jem to completely unravel. Jem needed something, and Will was fully prepared to give him whatever he might want. Now Jem's hand was on his lower back, he was pressing them together, and his tongue was melting into Will's mouth.

The towel fell as Jem's hands, still warm from the bath, slid across Will's collarbones, then down the front of his chest, one thin layer of cotton being all that kept their skin apart. With steady hands compared to Will's subtle shaking, Jem slid the first button from the button hole on Will's shirt, and the shirt parted and Jem leaned forward and kissed the center of Will's chest, then the bottom of his neck, and then placed several soft kisses up the side of Will's neck. Will turned his head and kissed Jem on the lips, Jem leaned against him, his hands reaching up to unbutton another button.

Will ran the tips of his fingers up the tight skin of Jem's lower stomach, and they parted, each trying to take things slow when each knew what the other wanted. The scent of peppermint was in the air from the toothpaste Jem used, and Will's lips stung from it, but then Jem brushed his lips back against Will's and they were back to burning from the kiss.

Jem unbuttoned another button and then slid his hand inside of the shirt, his fingers quickly caressing Will's chest before he released the last button and the shirt finally fell open. Jem smiled and then kissed Will on the neck, he sucked lightly and then pulled away, found another spot, and did the same. One piece of clothing remained before they would each be naked in the candle and witch light, and Jem carefully untied the drawstring on Will's pajama pants, and they fell to the floor. Will kicked them aside, and pulled Jem into bed.

When the sun began to rise, Jem finally pulled away, and Will sat back against the pillows on the bed. They had yet to speak beyond words said between gasps. Will could love how his body fit with Jem's so perfectly. He would never desire another thing if only Jem could be at his side until the day they died, hopefully, at the same time.

"What was that all about?" Will finally asked.

"This is hardly the first time we stayed up all night making love," Jem replied. "I wanted you."

"But you were in such a terrible mood at the party," Will said.

"Rest assured you had nothing to do with it," Jem said.

"I do like you very much," Will said, running his fingers up and down Jem's arm. "I don't want to like anyone else but you."

"Will you love?" Jem asked.

"Love is useless; it only sets people up for disappointment," Will said. "Loving someone means giving them permission to wound you at any given time. I don't want to live like that."

"But I love you," Jem said. "Will you hurt me?"