AN: Soooooo I haven't uploaded in ages due to no inspiration at all. But I got some writing mojo back recently so here's a little chapter to get back into the story. Hope you like it :).
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Quinn POV:
Looking at my bedside table I noticed it was already two o'clock the second time I woke up today. The little power nap had certainly provided what I needed. The fatigue I felt before had faded but I still felt restlessness. Since I didn't have to meet Puck till 4 I should be able to squeeze in a run before that. Maybe that would get my mind off of things. Moment later my feet were pounding the Lima pavement.
All those years of exuberant cheerleading training had permanently programmed some running routes in my brain. I'm pretty sure that when I'm old and senile and cannot remember my own name I will still be able to walk these routes by heart. I selected a nice 10k in my brain that would take me to the Southern town boarder and put on some up-tempo music. The opposite direction of Lima Heights. Just to be sure.
With every step I felt my thoughts drifting away from me. The restlessness that had settled in my chest disappeared with every drop of sweat. Somehow running always had this effect on me. It was likely the reason why I still managed to be this fit, in addition to my gymnastics practices. Yale gave me enough to stress about so also enough to run out of my system.
Moments later a tall blonde figure caught up with me. A little annoyed that someone was getting me out of my flow I looked to my right, into the smiling face of Brittany who apparently was talking to me. Pulling out my earbuds I caught the last phrase of her sentence ''…so I think Lord Tubbington also misses you''.
I slowed down while looking at her. ''Did you run here all the way from Yale? Isn't there a train?'' she asked excitedly.
I made a full stop, my chest still heaving from due to my previous pace. ''Hey Britt. It's really good to see you. I didn't run from Yale but arrived yesterday by train actually''.
A genuine smile broke on her face. Two strong arms enveloping me in a tight hug. ''I've missed you Quinn. You look good''.
She couldn't possibly be serious since I probably resembled a sweaty otter in gym clothes by now but then again, Brittany was practically incapable of true lying. A pang of guilt rushed through me. She should be slapping me instead. I broke the no.1 friend code by sleeping with Santana. Even though we didn't really talk much since I moved away I still considered her my friend. I even talked about her this morning with my mom, how could I've not thought about what this would do to her?
She held me a little tighter until I tapped her on her bicep. ''Struggling for breath here''
She giggled. ''Right. The running''. Honestly it had more to do with my inability to be in such a close proximity to her at the moment than anything else. My mind was working full speed how to cut this rendezvous short without being rude or hurting her feelings. Just as I opened my mouth to excuse myself she looked up down.
''Have you spoken to her?'' she asked her feet. Another pang of guilt shot through me, accompanied by a wave of nausea.
She was visibly nervous. Carefree Brittany was nervous. Even though here nerves were evident I was still in awe with how expressive her body is. More telling than anyone's I know.
''We talk''. She nodded in response. ''It has been really hard on her too you know, your break-up'' I added, suddenly feeling like an imposter. The restlessness I was running from caught up with me like a tidal wave. Combined with the exercise, guilt and nausea I felt my legs tremble.
''Yeah. We talk as well. But it is not like it used to be. When you all still lived here and we had sleepovers all the time''. Oh god, those sleepovers. That would be horrible. They had already become increasingly uncomfortable as San and Brittany started to hook up when they thought I was asleep already, but now? That would pretty much be a nightmare. I sensed that she was about to propose a sleepover. Desperate times call for decreased politeness.
''Listen Britt, it's great to see you but I kind of have to go. I have another 6k to run and I am seeing Puck this afternoon''.
She smiled again. ''You are seeing Puck? I like you together''.
I rolled my eyes. ''God no. I am not seeing Puckerman. We are just meeting up later today''.
''Oh okay. Then I guess I'll see you later''.
''Yes. I'll come over for diner this week okay?''. Just because I am a horrible friend doesn't mean Britt should suffer a cold shoulder from me.
She smiled and nodded again. ''That would be great! I'll make pop tarts''.
I started running again until Brittany was out of sight. My head was spinning with everything that happened. The restlessness and nausea becoming more prominent. I hadn't thought about Brittany for a second in deciding to sleep with Santana last night. How could Santana not have thought of her? Or maybe she had. Maybe I was just a surrogate-Brittany like all those girls in Louisville. I felt the sour taste in my mouth as vomit shot up through my oesophagus. I put my hands on the nearest trash can as I threw up. My body was actively trying to release all the confusion. Or maybe it was just the leftover liquor in my system.
Seeing Brittany made this whole situation of me potentially liking San completely irrelevant. I would probably be selfish enough to do that to her. Santana however would never hurt Britt that way. Regardless of what my mum thought, it was too late. They weren't together anymore but that didn't matter. San still belonged to Brittany.
I really wanted to brush my teeth and take a shower so instead of finishing my run I just headed home. After the longest 4k of my life I found myself in the shower, brushing my teeth and cleaning all this confusion of me. Even if I don't know what it was that I felt about Santana, it didn't matter. It was never going to happen again. Just one day in and I could already feel my personal growth deteriorate.
Somehow I managed to arrive early in the auditorium. I counted on Puck not having changed a thing so he'd probably be late. The tune of Simon and Garfunkel's 'Homeward Bound' had been playing on a loop in my head since boarding the train yesterday. So why not sing some tunes, for nostalgia sake?
As soon as I'd finished the first sentence I heard Puck join in behind me. Of course he brought his guitar, I should have known. We did a little side hug when Mike appeared through the side entrance joining our song. Right behind him was Santana. She looked gorgeous in a simple blue dress with cap sleeves and a great cleavage. I looked down and wished I had worn something sexier. My heart shot to my throat as she did a little awkward wave in our direction. I didn't know Puck had invited more people to our little get-together. Her voice sent my senses into overdrive. Just mere hours ago that honey cone voice of hers had been whispering some very dirty things in my ear. So much for my resolve to not let this confusion get to me.
If I'm being really, truly honest with myself I am not confused. I haven't been for months. Well, I might be about my exact feelings. My bodily response at least is crystal-clear. As our eyes locked across the room, she smiled mischievously. A pang of annoyance that shot through me as she hugged Mercedes dissipated as fast as it had emerged. Lounging against the balustrade I saw her look at me intently. Like she was looking through rather than at me.
The air of relaxed confidence that is so characteristically Santana surrounded her like an aura. I surely felt a lot different, as I was suddenly very aware of my body. I sped towards Finn who just emerged from back stage as a distraction. Though we'd all been apart for several months now we obviously hadn't lost our dorky and somewhat dramatic habits. I was curious whether Puck had arranged for more people to be here. Things could get awkward really soon if Rachel would make an appearance, with Finn and all.
''Home for the holidays. Just like we promised''. San raised her eyebrow at me while her signature smirk spread across her face. I heard Finn mumble something and Puck respond wanting to kick his ass but they were background noise to my focus on the beautiful woman in front of me. San had hit puberty early; her worldliness had always made her unattainable for the other girls. But in front of me wasn't a girl anymore. She is a woman. I don't know how I hadn't noticed it till now.
Puck announced a group hug and San walked towards me. My arms opened on autopilot as she pressed her body into mine. I felt her cheek brush against mine as my arms enveloped her body. Her hair smelled amazing. Something minty and fresh, with something uniquely Santana. That scent that I remember from all over her body. I felt my heartbeat speed up. This certainly was not solely lust. As soon as she pulled back and our eyes met again I knew. I'm royally fucked, because I like her. I really really like her.
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Finn was being an authentic moron because he insisted on giving us a tour on 'his new stamping grounds' as he called them. Even though we had all just graduated a couple months ago. As we left the theatre San sauntered towards me. Placing her had lightly on the small of my back she leaned in.
''You look good Q. Sated almost''. Looking for my tongue, I felt her hand slide across my back as she quickened her pace to reach Mercedes. ''Hey weezie, hold up. Tell me about your big career plans in L.A.'' It literally took me minutes to recover from just such a small touch. These were going to be some long days if I didn't get my ass in check.
Halfway through Finn probably realized that his tour was truly ludicrous so with some pouting he also agreed so just head over to Breadstix for drinks. It was great to catch up with everyone. I'd been so preoccupied with Santana that I hardly noticed the others before entering the restaurant.
Puck obviously hadn't changed much, only the girls were different and his stunts a little wilder. But his stories always made for good conversation. It does surprise me though that Mike and Mercedes see each other on a regular basis at the East coast. They've never exactly been friends back in Lima. Next to taking his classes Mike had been teaching dance to little kids and Mercedes. Mercedes' loud comments that she was definitely better than the 9-year olds weren't very convincing since Mike kept laughing and shaking his head
At entering I had managed to pull Mike in the booth to sit next to me before San had even taken off her coat. I most definitely could not take her body against mine for the next hours without transpiring into a complete frenzy.
''Yeah, but guys, I'd like to propose a toast. To almost all of us keeping our promise to come home for Thanksgiving'' Puck said, raising his glass.
As we cheered and clinked our glasses Mercedes decided to bite the bullet. ''Has anybody heard from Rachel or Kurt?''
''Well I know Blaine's been texting him but Kurt won't text back'' Mike added.
''Rachel e-mailed me'' I heard myself say. I could feel two pair of eyes warping towards me. Finn's and Santana's. I hadn't told her our last call that I'd been in touch with Rachel increasingly. Though I still hadn't asked her about Shelby or if she knew that she was in New York. Glancing to my left I could see the question linger in Santana's eyes.
''She said she's not really sure what's she doing for the holidays yet''. Honestly, she told me she didn't want to deal with Finn back in Lima. She sounded quite happy so I could imagine why. Next to Finn being not even remotely good enough for her of course. But somehow Rachel never managed to see that second point. Even though he was kind of an idiot we did spent a lot of time together in the past. And he did look very sad.
Swallowing my pride I added ''I'm sorry what went down with the two of you''.
''Well, I think it's sweet that you and Rachel keep in touch Quinn'' Mercedes piped up.
''Well, she basically e-mails me every other week to remind me that I still haven't used the train ticket she gave me''. I said to no one in particular. Somehow, this made Finn look ever sadder. He probably couldn't wait to rip it out of my hands and go on my behalf.
While explaining why (Straight A's, secret society, the works) I tried to ignore San's obvious eye-rolls as I talked about my life at Yale. Seriously, what is up with her?
''How's Louisville Santana?'' Mike inquired. ''You like it there?''
''Hmm. Kentucky, Midwest, KFC, cheerleading and a swim team. Not much to add'' she said while staring at me.
''You're on the swimteam?'' he asked incredulous. Probably remembering the dislike she had always displayed when coming close to pool-water, claiming it was bad for her Latina locks or something.
She snorted. ''I wouldn't say on the whole team. But something like it yeah''. The smug smirk on her lips was definitely not reaching her eyes that were shooting cold daggers.
''Oh okay. And you and Bri…'' he continued
''I'm not talking about it'' she snapped. The whole table feel silent, waiting for some implosion.
''I… Just… I... I'm going to the bathroom''. With that she stood up and left. Both Puck and Mercedes looked at me questioning.
''Don't look at me. You heard her. She's not talking about it''. I said to no one in particular.
''Is she okay?'' Mercedes asked. ''She didn't make a snarky remark in, like, 40 minutes''
''I'm sure she's fine. Brittany is just a touchy subject. I'll go check on her''. With that I left the booth. That had been a lie though. S had little trouble talking about of with Britt since our first phone call right after their break up. I also wasn't looking forward checking on her since my earlier efforts to avoid her close to me. But since I am supposed to be all evolved now I cannot let my own feelings for S turn me into a bad friend. Even though I honestly had no idea what was up with her. She appeared kind of all over the place…
''San. San, are you here?'' I said while knocking on the bathroom door. ''Are you okay? Seemed like Mike's question made you pretty upset?''.
''Just leave it Q'' she said through the door. This was ridiculous, she reminded me of Rachel throwing one of her tantrums.
''Oh come on, don't be such a drama queen. We've discussed your break up with Britt at length. Why are you this upset at hearing her name? Just open the door so we can have an adult conversation''
San opened the door looking furious. ''I'm being a childish drama queen? Really Q, really?!''.
I sighed. She was obviously angry with me. ''What is that supposed to mean?''
''Oh geeh, I don't know. Little miss perfect with straight A's and your secret Hilary Clinton sorority. You're not even a Democrat!''. For a second I was impressed with Santana thinking about politics but of course she does. She is a lot smarter than she lets on.
''Something wrong with that? It is true. And for the record, I might be a Democrat in the future'' I asked her haughtily, not having the patience to put up with her bullshit.
Her face distorted with anger. ''GOD. You're just SO insufferable at times!'' she was practically fuming by now. ''You're just sitting there on your high horse waiting for them to worship you and your perfect life. News flash Q! Your life is not perfect. You know it, and I goddamn well know it. I just hate it when you're like this!''.
''Like this what? Trying to make something of myself? Being proud of my accomplishments? Wanting to take credit for who I am becoming?'' I fired back.
''No. Fake! You're being fake out there with them. Who says you're not doing the same with me? They are supposed to be your friends and you put on the perfect Quinn show. Being here is like stepping into some twisted time machine where you have degressed back into some Stepford Q. And you, and all of them have your perfect plans. Even freaking Frankenteen has some idea for his future. It sucks, and it is a creepy Single White Female on Mr. Schue, but it is a fucking idea''.
At this point it was glaringly obvious that I was serving as a neat anger proxy for her insecurities. Santana had always known to do the easy emotions well. Wearing snark and anger like an armour so no one would dare to dig deeper, to see the turmoil underneath.
''San…'' I sighted, but she wasn't done yet.
''I just can't take it. From them, sure. But not from you. You have to be real Q''. She sighed.
We both remained silent for a while staring at each other. I reached out, caressing her lower arm with my fingers. I felt a little jolt of electricity shoot through my body but decided to ignore it. Now was so not the time.
''San…'' I whispered, but she interrupted me.
Her raspy voice made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. S had lowered her walls just enough to show me a little bit of her self.
My hand moved down to hers. As she interlaced our fingers she stepped a little closer into me. ''Fuck all of them'' she whispered.
''But at least be real with me Q. Because if you're not, then what the fuck am I doing taking your advise and staying in Kentucky?''. She sighed. Done ranting I could see tears replace the fight in her.
I brought my free hand up to her face. ''Hey San. Look at me. I am real with you. I always am. At times more because it is impossible for me not to, than because I really want to. You know my life is not perfect. And you know I am really, truly proud of you that you are trying at Louisville. But you are Santana Lopez. Professional Vixen. You don't need an idea for your future. You are your idea''.
My thumb languidly caressed her jaw line as she raised her eyes to meet mine. I felt my heart do that little flutter again. Suddenly I registered how close we were standing. Quickly dropping my hands from her face I could see San's eyes darting to my lips and back up again. The tension between us growing with the second. I tried to think of all the reasons I had listed earlier to keep my distance.
She is your best friend Quinn. There's Brittany. Think of Brittany. But I could only conjure a vague image in my brain of her. My head was filling with Santana. Her unique scent. The way her fingers were touching mine. How close we were standing. Her darkened eyes. Her perfect, luscious, full lips. As I darted my eyes down to those beautiful plump lips I knew I was done for.
As an out of body experience I felt myself raise my hand to her face again while I leaned in. As soon as my lips brushed over hers I came rushing back into my body. Santana's lips smashed against mine while she pushed me into the side of the bathroom stall. I locked the door with my free hand as I felt her tongue on my bottom lip, requesting permission. This kiss wasn't gentle like our previous encounter started. It was demanding and passionate. This was clearly about her showing me who's boss and me letting her.
As soon as I opened my mouth I felt her tongue massage mine. The warm, wet muscle felt amazing against mine. Santana was most definitely the single best kisser I've ever known. She moved us around so my back was now against the bathroom door and we had a little more space. She pulled back a little, pulling on my bottom lip with her teeth. Just enough to hurt a little. Soothing the spot right after with her tongue.
I opened my eyes and saw her stare at me with hooded eyes. I don't think I can ever get enough of Santana looking at me like that. Some sort of carnal instinct was awakening within me. All my nerves shot. I want more.
While she moved her lips to my ear, her hands snaked under my shirt, unceremoniously raking her nails till her hands cupped my bra-clad breasts. My nipples stiffened instantly without her even really touching them. Her hands started to work at my boobs immediately.
''So this is one of your other spots? I told you I'd find out''. She husked in my ear. Giving me goosebumps all over my body. Before I had time to respond she reconnected her lips to mine. Licking, kissing and nibbling so I was already becoming uncomfortably turned on. Instead of responding verbally I took her wrist and guided one of her hands away from my breast, underneath my skirt and into my panties. Without hesitation Santana pushed the fabric down and cupped my dripping core with her hand. Swallowing my moans with her mouth she moved her fingers through my folds. She pushed two fingers inside while her lips descended to my neck. How the hell did I get from deciding to keep some distance to getting fingerfucked by my best friend in an uncomfortable restaurant toilet?
The ministrations of her fingers however were enough to erase these thoughts from my mind. I could feel my breathing become increasingly erratic. Without Santana's lips my moans were hard to stifle. The feeling of her lips on my neck, two digits knuckle-deep inside of me, her thumb flicking my clit… It all had me dangerously close to the edge already.
Mercedes voice filling the restroom felt like a bucket of cold water.
''Girls, you killed each other yet? We are ready to leave but if you want to stay a little while longer that's also cool''
Santana unceremoniously pulled her hand from my panties. In a matter of seconds she looked royally pissed off again. ''No, we'll come with''. She started to move me to open the door.
''Actually Mercedes, could you give us another minute. San and I weren't finished talking yet''. My eyes must be shooting fire by now, as my voice was cold as ice. For a moment it looked like Santana was cowering a little before pushing her jaw forward defiantly.
''Hell to the yes. I'm not touching that one. Just text me if you want to know where we are''.