John somehow found his way back to the hospital that morning, tired, sweaty, and eyes bloodshot. George was sitting in his chair beside Macca's bed, head lowered onto the bed and asleep. John could see the remnants of tear tracks streaking downward along his face. Jane was on Paul's other side with his hand still clutched in hers, head in her free hand and also asleep. Only Ringo had disapeared.

John collapsed in one of the other empty chairs, eyes heavy and yet sleep wasn't coming anytime soon. He'd walked all night, and somehow nothing had been solved. Paul was not miraculously sitting up in bed awake. The world had not returned to a simpler time. Nothing was made easier for John in any way.

"Mornin'." Ringo said, his deep voice cutting into the silence. He held a bag and a tray of coffees in his hands. Out of all of them, he was the cleanest and best groomed at the moment.

"Where 'ave you been then?" John asked tiredly.

"Couldn't watch," Ringo shrugged, "Besides I seem to be the only one thinking clearly what with you disapearing and everyone else acting like he's already dead."

"Already dead?" John spat.

"Calm down John, you know I don't think-"

"It sure sounds like it!"

"John seriously, calm down. Don't wake George and Jane by screaming. Besides, do you think Paul wants this here, right now?"

Those seemed to the magic words, John paused, glaring intensly at Ringo but staying quiet.

"Just leave." He finally huffed.

"Fine, have to call Brian anyway." Ringo said, trying to remain calm. Someone had to. John obviously wasn't going to, and neither where the Ashers. And Paul was like a big brother to George, who had never lost anyone close to him since Stu died. He wasn't a veteran of hard times. There was no way he was going to be properly functioning at the moment.

Ringo set the bag of food and the coffees down and turned and walked out the door, "I'll come back a little later okay?"

John snarled as he left, turning back to watch over Paul.

Paul bit his lip, unsure. Live or die?

Die, and be with his mother again. Never feel pain again, possibly never feel anger or frustration or annoyance. Never have another bad thing happen to him for all eternity. Just die and be safe in his mother's arms, see Stu aain, meet Buddy Holly maybe.

Or live... wake to horrendous pain he'd been begging to go away for what felt like forever. Face the frustrations of day to day life with John and the others in the recording studio. Or whenever he made Jane mad or sad or embarressed. If he lived, would he face more pain? This, this dull throb still inside him reminded him of the accident. That was already enough pain for a life time for him. Hell, that was hell for him.

He looked at his mother, his beautiful, perfect mother. And bit his lip.

"Do you remember that time... when I destroyed the family Christmas ornaments on accident and tried to write a letter to Santa begging him to make me one of his elves so I wouldn't get in trouble?" He was as scared now as he was then.

"Yes." Mary smiled kindly, her eyes shining.

"And... and when you found out you didn't yell or nuthin', just said it was an accident and I could move on."

"Well what was I supposed to say? It was Christmas, and you were allready upset enough as it was." Mary said, leaning over to brush her son's dark bangs out of his hair.

"Well, do you also remeber when I grew frustrated playin' me guitar and you said I could do it, that I could go farther than you or dad."

"And you have. I'm so proud." Mary said, smiling.

"My friend John, you don't know 'im but he's my closest friend. Helps me write the songs we sing an' all that. He always asked us where we were goin'. To the toppermost of the poppermost we said." Why was this such a hard decision?

"That's quite an ambitious friend you have their." Mary said.

Paul laughed and he felt something inside him snap.

Die, and be seperated from John, George, and Ringo for a long time. Watch them grow old and lead their lives while his was cut short. They'd die and have so many amazing stories to tell when they finally reached him again, and all he'd have are the memories they already shared. Die and watch them, and his family, and Jane and the Asher's suffer through losing him. Die and watch John lose yet another important person to his life. Ironically almost the same way he'd lost his mother. That was how they bonded actually, losin' their mothers...

Or live... and see their smiling faces a few more times?