"Harleen! Harleen Quinzel! Is that really you?"
Harley had just started to relax at the party when she heard the familiar voice across the ballroom. "Yeah, it's me, Aunt Ruth," she said, forcing a smile as a large, middle-aged woman hurried over to her, and seized her in a bone-crushing embrace.
"Oh my God, it's been ages since I've seen you!" Aunt Ruth exclaimed. "Let me look at you! Still too skinny, I see, but some people think that's attractive, I guess. Guess you weren't going to put on weight living on your own, since I remember you can't cook very well, but I thought you might have found someone to fatten you up somehow. But I guess not."
"Uh…I…" stammered Harley. She had forgotten how her aunt would just say whatever popped into her head, without considering whether it might sound offensive or not. But then she supposed subtlety had never been a family strong suit.
"Are you still in Gotham?" continued Aunt Ruth. "I remember you wanted to work there after you graduated, though God knows why. The weather's terrible, and the crime rate is simply unbelievable, or so they say. Is it really that bad there?"
"Well…" began Harley.
"Apparently they need some vigilante in a cape running around because the police can't deal with the criminal scum the way they should," said Uncle Herschel, coming over to join them. "And that's by shooting them down in the street like the dogs they are. Hello, Harley," he said, kissing Harley's cheek.
"Yeah, that's…" began Harley.
"Honestly, dear, better you than me living there," commented Aunt Ruth. "We've just come back from visiting Isaac in Hawaii. No complaints about the weather there, or the crime rate. It's all luaus and campfires – they don't call it paradise for nothing!"
"Is Isaac still in banking?" asked Harley.
"Well, he's CEO of the bank now, if that's what you mean," replied Aunt Ruth. "And engaged to just the sweetest girl – we'll send you an invite to the wedding. I swear, I've never seen a happier or more affectionate couple – they're like something out of a fairy tale."
"That's nice," said Harley. "Mom said he'd be here?"
"Oh, he was going to be, but his fiancee came down with a cold, and he wanted to stay with her and take care of her while she's sick," replied Aunt Ruth. "He'd just do anything in the world for her. Like I said, just the most loving, devoted couple."
"That's nice," repeated Harley, feeling her forced smile start to grate.
"I don't suppose you've had any luck in that department?" asked Aunt Ruth. "Finding yourself a nice young man, I mean. Of course I always pictured you as one of those ambitious women who put their career before their family, and I imagine you don't have a lot of time to date working as a doctor. You are still working as a doctor, aren't you?"
"Yep," lied Harley. "At Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane."
"Well, no wonder you're still single and alone," commented Aunt Ruth. "You can't meet many nice men in a lunatic asylum, can you?"
"No, you can't," agreed Harley, through gritted teeth.
"And then I suppose a lot of men are intimidated by a smart girl," continued Aunt Ruth. "I remember you can sometimes come across as a little opinionated too, and many men don't like that. Plus you always had these weird ideas that you'd voice without thinking how they might sound to other people…"
"Yes, how embarrassing that must have been!" laughed Harley. "Thankfully I grew out of it," she added, pointedly.
"Anyway, this is such a wonderful occasion for your parents," continued Aunt Ruth, who clearly hadn't picked up on Harley's insult. "Married thirty years! That's quite an achievement. Though I wouldn't be surprised if Isaac and Susan make it to thirty years, just like your uncle Herschel and I have. Not that your achievements aren't impressive too, Harley," she added, patting her on the back. "But it's a shame that you haven't been able to find anyone, a nice-looking girl like you. Maybe get your mom to fatten you up while you're here, huh? You might have better luck if you get some meat on your bones."
"Yeah, hopefully," agreed Harley. "Speaking of Mom, I'd better go see how she's doing. Excuse me."
"Got cornered by Aunt Ruth, huh?" asked Mrs. Quinzel, smiling as Harley hurried over to her parents.
"Barely made it out with my life," agreed Harley, grabbing a glass of champagne. "I think I'm going to be needing a lot of this tonight."
"I didn't get a chance to tell you before the guests arrived, but you look absolutely beautiful," said Mrs. Quinzel.
"Aunt Ruth says too skinny," replied Harley. "But thanks, Mom. You and Dad look great too."
"Yeah, great," agreed Mr. Quinzel. "I spend hours in a suit at the office, and now I get to wear one on the weekend too."
"George, stop complaining," sighed Mrs. Quinzel. "Sometimes I wonder how we made it to thirty years," she muttered, sipping her champagne.
"You did tell Aunt Ruth you were still a doctor, didn't you?" asked Mr. Quinzel.
"Yes, Dad," sighed Harley. "I told her I worked at Arkham, and she said that was probably the reason I was still single."
"And you didn't correct her on that, did you?" asked Mr. Quinzel, concerned.
"What was I gonna say, Dad?" demanded Harley. "Yeah, Aunt Ruth, I haven't found a nice young man, but I got a middle-aged murdering psychopath boyfriend, maybe you've heard of him, the Joker?"
"Would you not say that name out loud?" demanded Mr. Quinzel. "It'll summon him or something."
"Dad, he's hundreds of miles away in Gotham," retorted Harley. "I've got a friend looking in on him to make sure he stays there too. Not that he wouldn't anyway, because he respects me enough to respect my wishes. Which is more than pretty much everyone here does," she muttered.
"Mr. and Mrs. Quinzel, congratulations," said an attractive young man, coming over to them and shaking their hands. "And this must be your daughter Harleen, is that right?"
"Call me Harley, everyone does," said Harley, shaking the man's hand.
"Harley, this is Adam Bernstein – he's the son of Mr. and Mrs. Bernstein from downstairs," said Mrs. Quinzel.
"He's a partner in a law firm," said Mr. Quinzel, pointedly.
"Oh. That's nice," said Harley. "Given how much I personally…respect the law."
"Your parents have told me so much about you," said Adam, smiling at her. "You're a doctor, right?"
"Yep, at Arkham Asylum in Gotham City," said Harley.
"Wow, beautiful, brainy, and brave," commented Adam. "Are you staying in Brooklyn long? Maybe we could get coffee sometime."
"Um…that's sweet, but…I really don't think so, Adam," said Harley. "I'm kinda…seeing someone back in Gotham."
"Oh. That wasn't the impression your parents gave me," said Adam, frowning.
"It's a relatively new relationship - she only just told us," interjected Mr. Quinzel. "Nothing serious, and it probably won't last."
"Thanks, Dad," said Harley, forcing another smile.
"It's not Batman you're seeing, is it?" laughed Adam. "I hear he can be a little flighty."
"No, it's not Batman," agreed Harley.
"No, it was kinda…meant to be a joke," said Adam, slowly. "Batman, and bats being flighty…uh…your parents said you liked jokes."
"Did they?" asked Harley. "Well, maybe they misspoke. I have kinda an odd sense of humor, don't worry about it. Most people don't really understand it. Anyway, my glass is empty…"
"Allow me," said Adam, taking it from her.
Harley sighed as he headed off. "Will you quit trying to set me up with people?" she demanded, rounding on her father.
"That was one person!" snapped Mr. Quinzel.
"Mr. Quinzel, is this the daughter you were talking about?" asked another young man, coming over to them.
"Yes, Mike, this is Harley," said Mr. Quinzel. "She's a doctor, and she's single."
"Actually, I am seeing someone," said Harley, through gritted teeth.
"Your dad speaks very highly of you," said Mike. "I'm a doctor myself, and I can certainly see why you're as proud of her as my parents are of me."
"Is that true, Dad?" asked Harley, turning to her father. "Are you proud of me? Or are you only proud of me because I'm a doctor? If I stopped being a doctor, would you stop being proud of me?"
Mr. Quinzel was saved the trouble of answering by his wife tapping on her glass. "Welcome, everyone, and thank you so much for coming," she said, beaming around the room. "It's not often that George and I get to entertain, mostly because George hates functions like this," she said, and the crowd laughed. "But we're certainly pleased that so many friends and family have come to help us celebrate our thirty years of marriage, including our daughter Harleen, by far the best thing that's come out of our thirty years of marriage."
There was applause as Harley gave an awkward nod. "Now if everyone would please head into the function room, dinner will be served momentarily," said Mrs. Quinzel. "I hope everyone's hungry."
"Please tell me I'm sitting at the head of the table with you," said Harley, following her mother into the function room.
"Yes, you are," said Mrs. Quinzel.
"But you've got Adam Bernstein on your other side," added Mr. Quinzel.
Harley sighed. "Allow me," said Adam, reaching her chair before she did and pulling it out for her. "I got your champagne," he said, handing her the glass back.
"Thanks," said Harley, trying to keep smiling. She sipped the champagne in silence as they waited for the first course to be served.
"That's a nice necklace," said Adam at last.
"Thanks," repeated Harley, touching the pendant.
"Who's J?" asked Adam.
"The guy I'm seeing," retorted Harley.
"He gave you jewelry already?" asked Adam. "I thought your dad said it was a new relationship."
"He just said that because he doesn't approve of the guy," retorted Harley, sipping her champagne again. "And he's hoping to set me up with someone else."
"Why doesn't he approve?" asked Adam.
"Because the guy's kinda…unusual," said Harley, slowly.
"Is he not Jewish?" asked Adam.
"No, he's not Jewish," agreed Harley. "But…that's not the only reason he doesn't approve."
"What's the other?" asked Adam.
"Well, there are lots," said Harley. "I've kinda given up my career as a doctor for him…I mean…because of him, I guess."
"Wow, that's a big step," said Adam. "You must really trust him."
"Yeah, I do," agreed Harley. "People say I'm crazy…but I do."
"Why would it be crazy to trust your boyfriend?" asked Adam, puzzled.
Harley sighed, fed up with all the questions. "Because he's the Joker," she retorted.
Adam stared at her. "The Joker?" he repeated. "The notorious supercriminal, the Joker?"
"That's him," said Harley, nodding. "The one and only."
"But the Joker's girlfriend is…" began Adam, but then he trailed off, his eyes widening. "Oh my God…you're Harley Quinn!" he exclaimed.
"Not so loud!" hissed Harley. "We're trying to keep it under wraps!"
"But…but…I mean…the Joker!" gasped Adam. "He's…he's not going to show up here suddenly, is he?"
"Maybe if you keep talking about him," retorted Harley. "You know that old saying, speak of the devil and he shall appear."
Adam's face paled, and he immediately shut up. Harley grinned. Little did she know how prophetic her words were about to become.