I know it's been a while, my only plea is that I had writers block and had to go and attempt writing a Watch fanfic to get rid of it. Anyway, chapter 6 is here and I'm sorry I kept you waiting-beware, Teatime got a bit out of hand. R&R, please.

After having played several games of chess, in which Susan was surprised to find herself struggling to win, they finally stopped. It was only then that Susan realised that Death had left the room much earlier.

'That was such fun, Susan. Why don't we have another game?'

'I think it would be a better idea to find grandfather. I didn't even notice he'd left.'

'Was that because I was such diverting company?' Teatime appeared to be asking a genuine question. He really believed it was possible for his presence to be a source of pleasurable distraction. Susan wasn't going to consider the possibility that he could be right.

'No, it was because I was afraid of taking my eyes off you in case you started "inhuming" my pieces.'

'Chess is so much easier when you think of it as a hypothetical exercise in tactical assassination.' Teatime seemed extremely cheerful. 'And I had to keep an eye on you. You kept glancing towards the fireplace. You weren't considering a certain metallic object, were you?' He grinned.

Yes. 'No.'

'Oh.' Disappointment tinged the syllable.

'Are you trying to tell me that you would like me to think about killing you?' Susan was sure she would never understand Jonathan Teatime.

'As you refuse to become an assassin and inhume, then I suppose that killing would have to be a second best, yes.'

Susan was speechless.

Teatime saw the look on her face. 'If we didn't keep trying to kill or inhume each other then something dreadful would probably happen. Great A'Tuin would die, or the Ice Giants would break free, or something. Besides it makes things so interesting and you wouldn't like to see me bored.'

Susan had to concede that boredom was probably the only thing that could make Teatime worse. If he got bored he would probably alleviate his boredom by devising new ways to inhume things that should be uninhumeable. Like dimensions or atoms. Even now he was playing with his knife as he spoke. As she watched he twisted it in a way that made it reflect and refract the light in a strange way, that caused his glass eye to develop an odd purple shine and made her very nervous. He seemed to sense her nerves, because he glanced up sharply and, without any time seeming to have passed at all, was leaning across the chess board with his knife just caressing her neck. It was almost tender, the way he stroked her skin with the cold metal. Susan noted that he had not disturbed a single chess piece. Although he probably compensated for this by being so disturbed himself.

'Susan do you think that I would cut your throat right now?'

'Yes.' That was the easiest question I ever answered.

He frowned. 'But I don't think I would, you see. Because that would be messy and inelegant. And I must learn.'

Susan rolled her eyes.

Teatime carried on. 'And, if you remember, you are still to interesting for me to inhume. It's so strange, I've never met or even heard of anyone I couldn't attempt to inhume before I met you. Nor had I consider pokers as an effective weapon. The poker is mightier than the sword, Susan. You taught me that.'

He was doing his favourite trick now, whispering into her ear, both to alarm her, and also to make her struggle to hear. She knew he enjoyed the fact that she knew that he knew that she was actually trying to hear his words. As though they meant something. As though he meant something. She knew he could see her getting more and more infuriated by him. She knew what he was though. He was a devil wearing the guise of an angel. Because it made the things he did that little bit more devilish, and added a new dimension of horror. If he looked like the average thug the things he did would be more acceptable. But he looked like a perfect if somewhat old child. He certainly behaved like one.

Before she could reply he had whirled across the room, tossed her a poker and the clang of metal meeting metal shattered the relatively peaceful (for Teatime and Susan) atmosphere.

Death didn't even bother to go and see what was going on until he heard the screams. He wondered what Susan had done to that poor boy (Death had not consulted reality about Teatime).

There. Chapter 6 ends on a cliff-hanger. The more reviews I get the quicker I'll write (I'm sorry, that's just the way I am). But whatever happens I WILL update, even it takes me forever to write the next chapter. I don't abandon fics.