Published: 21st October 2004
Disclaimer: Gundam SEED characters belongs to Sunrise, Bandai and Sotsu Agency. However the plot of this quirky tale and blond-jackass boy Saigo are mine.
Warning: Unconventional character interpretation. This chapter contains mild swearing and implied m/m activity between Kira and Athrun. I'm trying REALLY hard to control my natural slasher instinct and refrain from slashing them to PLANT and back coz this fic is R-rated after all... c'est la vie.
Author's Note: Wow, thanks to all the wonderful folks who have reviewed this quirky Kira/Athrun/Kira fic. I really appreciate it. It makes writing this fic so much more enjoyable. Beta by Starkiller, ElsewhereCW and Passo. Any mistake in grammar, punctuation and spelling are wholly mine.
Ahem. Athrun's birthday is coming up. I will be releasing Tequila Game on Oct 29. This side story depicts what ACTUALLY happened between chapter3 and 4. Clues were scattered throughout chapter4 and 5, and I'm sure you bright sparks would have picked up on those. Enough teasing. Now go read.
◊ Between Friends ◊
Chapter 6: Resolution
Hidden in the protection of the elongated shadows of the dimly lit car park, Saigo grinned as the scene continued to unfold not twenty metres away from him.
Oh dear, it seemed that everything was not well in Paradise.
Smiling maliciously, he receded into the shadows, and became one with the darkness.
Fifteen minutes later, Kira was still curled on the narrow backseat, feeling exhausted and miserable from the effort of holding back his tears. His mind was filled with chaotic thoughts, and he had no clue how to set them straight. He hugged his shoulders and wished he were still a child, so that he could run to his mother for comfort. But he was twenty now, and whatever problems he had he must resolve them himself. Reality hurt.
He choked back a dry sob and scrubbed his face roughly until his skin felt raw. He really was too old to be crying over the matter, but he couldn't help it – he felt as if someone had twisted a knife in his guts, leaving him bleeding and aching.
A loud smash jolted him out of his wits. His bolted upright, and his eyes widened in shock.
A series of fissures lined the rear left window where Athrun had hit it with the fire extinguisher he had liberated from a nearby wall. Kira watched dumbstruck as Athrun swung the tank hard against the window, causing the glass to crack. Athrun dropped the fire extinguisher with a loud clatter and punched at the crack with his bare fist.
Kira stared, disbelieving; the shock paralysing his limbs.
Athrun persisted. He hammered at the crack repeatedly until a small hole appeared. Gritting his teeth, he ripped the safety glass off its frame, pushed his hand through and disengaged the lock.
Kira's instinct to flee kicked in. He scrambled over towards the front passenger seat. His hand barely connected with the door handle when Athrun wrenched open the other door and tackled him. Kira screamed as his head connected sharply with the dashboard as they went sprawling in a tangle of arms and legs.
Presently, Kira found his voice and grunted, "Get off me, Athrun."
With his head hanging upside-down, the handbrake digging awkwardly in his rear, and Athrun's weight on top of him, Kira was feeling extremely uncomfortable. He tried to shove Athrun off, but gravity worked against him. Frustrated, he settled for a dirty stare.
A pair of green eyes stared back at him victoriously. Athrun tightened his grip on Kira's arms and said flatly, "No. Not until you hear me out."
Giving up, Kira turned his face aside and muttered sullenly, "Fine. Have it your way."
To his annoyance, Athrun remained motionless on top of him, making it impossible for him to move.
"Get. Off. Me." God, the handbrake was really hurting.
After what seemed like an eternity, the grip on his arms disappeared. Athrun rose to his knees and pulled him upright. Turning around, Athrun closed and locked the door on his side, effectively barricading them in.
For some minutes, they sat in silence, glaring at each other.
Finally, Kira leaned against the door, crossed his arms and muttered, "You broke the window."
Athrun grimaced humourlessly. "You made me do it." He sucked on his knuckles. "Shit, that hurts."
Gazing down to the other boy's hand, Kira's eyes widened in a faint rush of disbelief as he caught sight of the blood on Athrun's knuckles.
"You're bleeding," Kira blurted, before he could stop himself.
Athrun shrugged. "I've been through worse," he said nonchalantly. He wiped his knuckles against his trousers.
For a fleeting moment, Kira looked aghast. Quickly remembering his annoyance, he clamped his mouth shut and hardened his expression.
"Serves you right," Kira said dryly. "Just don't expect me to pay for the repairs. Or to get the blood off your trousers."
"Fine." Athrun snapped waspishly.
There was a significant pause; Kira looked cross as he waited for Athrun to break the ice. When Athrun remained silent, he cleared his throat loudly and said, "You said you wanted to talk. So, talk."
Athrun studied him for a moment longer, not knowing where to start. He had operated on pure adrenalin; the act of chasing after Kira and vandalising their car had fairly exhausted him. He ran his hand through his sweat-dampened hair and pushed his fringe out of his eyes. Kira noted his hesitation, and his eyebrow arched.
"Cat got your tongue?" Kira asked, his voice dripping sarcasm. "Or did Cagalli?"
Athrun looked offended. "It's not what you think, Kira," he started slowly.
Kira's eyes narrowed. "What? I heard and saw it all, Athrun. I'm not bloody dumb."
"What did you hear exactly?"
"About you … playing ewe to my ram." Kira shuddered, feeling mildly revolted as he repeated Cagalli's explicit analogy. "And your denial that you are gay."
Athrun looked affronted. "Of course I'm not!"
"Not what?"
"I'm not gay!"
"Oh yeah?" Kira snarled as he rose to his knees.
"What the hell are you driving at?" Athrun said, frowning.
"Are you screwing with my head, Athrun?" Kira's voice was sharp as a blade. He jabbed at Athrun's chest with his forefinger. "What do you think I am then? A girl?!"
Athrun slapped his hand away, his eyes narrowing in turn. Kira wasn't making any sense – why on earth should he think Kira was a girl? What kind of warped logic was that?
"Get a grip on yourself, Kira. It's not like you," Athrun warned him. "Why should I think you're a girl? Last time I saw, you're all boy."
Taken aback by Athrun's bluntness, Kira was rendered speechless for a few minutes.
Another thought suddenly occurred to Kira; so terrible and dreadful that it drained his anger. He slumped back against the seat and said bitterly, "Are you toying with me? Or are you so lovelorn that you substituted me for Cagalli?"
Athrun blinked, mildly startled.
What the blazes was Kira talking about? What was he implying by saying that he, Athrun, substituted him for his twin sister? Why would that foul idea even crossed his mind?
Athrun furrowed his brows; then suddenly the answer seemed to crystallise – Kira was the one who had been unsure of his own sexuality, and Athrun had to an extent, played a part in leading the other boy down the merry path towards self discovery. He had done it for purely selfish reasons, because he was hopelessly obsessed with Kira, but he had never considered himself or Kira for that matter, as gay. 'Gay' was a hateful label imposed by closed-minded people, and as far as Athrun was concerned, they could all eat shit and die.
As for insinuation that he was using Kira as a substitute for Cagalli, that made Athrun's blood run cold.
"I never did, you know that," Athrun said, soberly. "I really like you a lot, Kira. You, Kira, and not Cagalli."
Kira looked perplexed. "Then, how come you're denying that you are gay?" he demanded.
Athrun's mouth turned down in distaste. "Don't you understand? Gay is a label, Kira. It's hateful and discriminatory. Stop using it because I hate it," he said tersely. He slammed his fists against the steering wheel for emphasis.
Kira was stunned by the force of Athrun's anger. He gazed searchingly at his best friend, momentarily at a loss for words.
Athrun pretended to study his grazed knuckles thoughtfully, but his focus did not leave the other boy. Finally, he leaned back on the seat and sighed, "Look, Kira. I like you and you alone. It so happens that you are my best friend and a boy. Frankly, I don't know if that makes me gay or what." He paused, letting the words sink in. When Kira remained silent, he gave Kira a sidelong look and added, "Honestly, I don't give a damn."
"Of what others might think?"
"Do you?" Athrun fixed him with one of his piercing gaze.
Tearing his eyes away reluctantly from Athrun's, Kira chewed on his bottom lip. He fiddled with the shift stick as he mulled over the question. He certainly didn't expect that from Athrun. Athrun wasn't one given to admitting his emotions lightly, and his repeated admission that he liked Kira seemed genuine. However, Kira needed assurance that Athrun fully understood the gravity of the situation they would face should they decide to take their friendship to another level.
Drawing in his breath, Kira reached across and took hold of Athrun's left hand. He ran his thumb slowly over the other boy's knuckles, his expression pensive.
"It doesn't matter to me either, Athrun. But Cagalli thinks otherwise," Kira reminded him quietly. "So would others."
Athrun studied Kira's profile in the ensuing silence. Something seemed to be bothering him; something indefinable just below the surface of his consciousness.
"Your parents, you mean?"
Kira was momentarily stunned. He had never given a thought how his parents would react or say if they found out. While they knew Athrun and him were staying together, they had no clue whatsoever of the latest development in his and Athrun's relationship. They had known Athrun since he was six, and had considered them as brothers. In hindsight, his parents had always turned a blind eye at their sometimes intimate behaviour – either out of ignorance or trust, he didn't know. Fear welled in him.
"I … I didn't think about that. About mom and dad," Kira admitted slowly.
The colour drained from his face as he imagined his parents' reaction. He could deal with their wrath, but he wasn't entirely sure how to deal with their disappointment. He wasn't sure he could cope. He gave a small cry of anguish and clutched at Athrun, his eyes wide as saucers.
"Oh god, Athrun ... what should we do? They'll kill us!"
Taken aback by the shock apparent in the other boy's face, Athrun recoiled in his seat. He didn't expect such a violent reaction from Kira. To be honest, he was under the impression that if and when the time came, confessing to Kira's parents would be a cakewalk compared to if he had to confess to his father — had the latter been alive. The late Zala Senior would probably have put a couple of bullets through them first and ask questions later.
Athrun hesitated for a while, and then he pulled the other boy into his arms and hugged him tightly. He buried his face in Kira's hair and breathed in the other boy's scent deeply. A faint smell of tequila lingered on his sweat-flecked scalp. Athrun smiled wanly, his hands gently stroking Kira's back, willing the tension to ease under his touch. He breathed deeply, steeling himself for what he was about to say next.
"I can't help feeling the way I do about you, Kira. But, I don't want to get you into any trouble with your mom and dad," Athrun said evenly, his tone belying his misery. He let go of Kira; his hands flopped to his sides and he stared blankly at his palms. A single tear slid down his cheek and he wiped at it with the back of his hand, angrily.
Kira looked up, a mixed look of dismay and incomprehension evident in his eyes. "Athrun ..?" he stammered. Suddenly he felt scared.
"I'll stay away from you if it helps to make things better. Maybe I should move out …" Athrun trailed off, sounding dejected.
A sudden slap stung his face, shocking him out of his despondence. His hand flew to his cheek, and his eyes widened in disbelief.
"Kira …?" Athrun croaked, utterly stunned.
Kira shoved him hard on the shoulder, his violet eyes narrowing into dangerous slits.
"Move out?" Kira's hands shot out and he gripped Athrun's face roughly. "Are you going to throw away fourteen years of friendship just like that? Like it means nothing to you?" Kira snarled. He drew his hand back, and slapped Athrun hard one more time. "Are you out of your freaking mind?!" Kira's voice rose, fury lending it a sharp edge.
Dumbstruck, Athrun could only stare wildly at Kira. He opened and shut his mouth a few times, suddenly speechless. Feeling incredibly foolish, he snapped his mouth shut and settled for an icy glare.
Kira's chest rose and fell erratically as he returned Athrun's glare. Minutes passed in tense silence.
"You are not going anywhere, Athrun," Kira growled. "Not after what you did to me."
Athrun rubbed his cheek and drew his brows together, puzzled. "Did what?"
Kira gritted his teeth, looking furious. "I suppose you don't remember?"
"Remember what?" A weird feeling started in Athrun's guts, and his hands felt suddenly clammy. His eyes darted towards his friend's face, and the expression he saw there made him break out in cold sweat. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about what happened last night!"
From the look on Kira's face, Athrun knew his Weekly Shitty Luck Quota was about to be dealt another blow. He remembered fooling around in bed with Kira, drinking themselves blind … and waking up practically naked. Everything in between was one big blank. No matter how hard he tried, nothing triggered his memory. The weird feeling grew and coalesced until it became all-consuming. Athrun's heart thumped audibly in his chest. He shook his head.
"You really don't remember, do you?" Kira looked at him incredulously. His violet eyes flashed dangerously.
Athrun shook his head again. "What happened?" he stammered, fearing the worst. A sour taste rose in his throat, and he swallowed thickly.
Kira didn't reply; he merely kept his gaze level on Athrun as he undid the various buckles on his shirt. He drew the shirt over his head and balled it in his hands.
"You happened," Kira snapped, pointing at his bare torso.
Athrun's eyes widened when he saw the bruises -- now an impressive shade of reddish purple, circling Kira's neck and upper torso. There were roughly seven in all, and he instinctively knew what they were. There was no question about it; those bruises were love bites, so intense that Kira's Coordinator body still bore the marks after a good fifteen hours.
Athrun felt suddenly sick as nausea hit him full force. His hand flew to his mouth, and he gurgled thickly, "I think I'm going to throw up."
Ignoring Kira's indignant protests, he pushed the car door open, staggered to a darkened corner and vomited noisily. His shoulders shook, and his breath burned in his throat as he braced one arm against the wall, and rested his forehead in the crook of his elbow. A dull pain in his temples was all that remained of the nausea he felt moments before.
Visions of Kira's bruised upper body floated before his eyes. He shuddered.
How the hell did that happen? Surely Kira wasn't idiotic enough to allow that to happen without his consent. If for some bizarre reason he had forced himself upon Kira, he was sure Kira would have had punched the lights out of him. Kira was more than capable of kicking the crap out of him, and had done precisely that on various occasions.
However, the other boy's apparent indignation clearly hinted at something darker; something that Athrun had no recollection of whatsoever.
"Fuck," Athrun swore through clenched teeth. "Fuckfuckfuck."
He trudged to the car, head in his hands and sat heavily on the bonnet. He closed his eyes as morbid thoughts invaded his mind. Obviously, from the physical evidence on Kira's otherwise unmarked torso, some monkey business had happened when they were both drunk. But how far exactly did they go?
Perhaps he bruised himself falling off the bed or something, Athrun thought, clutching at straws.
His conscience nagged at him. It was physically impossible for Kira to inflict those marks upon himself. There was a limit to what a Coordinator was capable of, and inflicting a love bite on one's own neck was one of them. Athrun blanched at the realisation that they must have gotten carried away while intoxicated.
God, what have I done?!
Athrun groaned and slapped his forehead. He wished all that had happened were merely a nightmare, and that he would wake up soon.
The sound of approaching footsteps, soft and hesitant, jostled him back to reality. Athrun kept his eyes closed, not moving a muscle, his ears keen. He didn't need to open his eyes to know that Kira was standing barely a few feet away from him. He could sense the other boy's presence, could feel Kira's anxiety breaching the small distance between them.
"Athrun? You okay?" Athrun heard Kira asking, his voice underscored with concern.
Athrun nodded, but his eyes remained closed. He felt genuinely mortified; he didn't want to face Kira and see the physical evidence of his handiwork on the other boy's body. The footsteps came nearer, and Athrun heard the sound of Kira settling beside him – so close that he actually felt the tangible warmth coming off the other boy presence. A shiver crawled up his spine as warm arms curved around his shoulders, and Kira was hugging him tight.
Drawing in a deep breath, Athrun screwed up his courage and tilted up his face towards his friend – and saw Kira peering at him, a look of worry on his face.
"Kira? What … what happened last night?" was the first question out of his mouth. "Did we … did we do anything?"
Kira scratched his nose and stared into the middle distance, a small frown furrowing his brows. After a lengthy silence, he raised his eyes and admitted sheepishly: "I don't know."
"What?" Athrun couldn't believe his ears. "You mean you can't remember either?"
Kira shook his head, feeling embarrassed. "I woke up in bed with you, and … and I saw these marks on me." He paused, averted his eyes and added quietly: "Uhm … we were naked."
"WHAT?" Athrun turned white.
"Well, almost," Kira quickly corrected himself. He decided not to tell Athrun about the sticky stuff on their bellies. The shock might just finish Athrun off, or make him throw up again.
Athrun heaved a sigh of relief. "That rules it out then," he said slowly.
Kira looked puzzled. "Rules what out?" Then, the penny dropped. "OH!" His hand flew to his mouth, and his face reddened. He looked acutely embarrassed. "Athrun! That's gross!"
Eh? Athrun thought. So, he still has control issues …
"That's good, right?" Athrun asked instead.
"I … I guess so."
No matter how often Kira had dreamt about the both of them getting down and dirty with each other, the very idea of actually doing it still scared him stiff. He had no clue how the actual mechanism of same sex intercourse worked, and he doubted if Athrun knew any better. If, and a very big if that is, he reminded himself grimly, they decided to do it, he'd rather not be drunken and disorderly. Ugh.
Shivering slightly, Kira said indignantly, "That still doesn't explain how this happened!"
Athrun peered at the bruises and touched them gingerly. Kira's skin felt nice and warm under his fingers.
"You sure you didn't knock yourself or something?"
Kira threw him a dirty look. "Very funny, Athrun."
"Does it bother you?"
Kira glared at him. "What kind of question is that?! Of course it bothers me."
"Even if it was entirely your fault?"
"What?"
Athrun nibbled on his nails thoughtfully. "You goaded me into that stupid drinking game."
Kira stared at him, speechless.
"What was it? 'Lick, suck and swallow'." Athrun went on, heedlessly. "In fact, you asked for it, if you ask me."
Kira couldn't believe his ears. "Fuck you."
"Fuck you," Athrun retorted, without rancour. "You got away lightly with just some … bruises. I was the one who got punched by your crazy twin. I have to listen to all those nasty things she said. And to top that, you slapped me."
"Athrun …" Kira warned.
Ignoring Kira, Athrun droned on, "Ewe to your ram, indeed." His eyes flashed angrily. "Do you know how insulting that was?"
Kira looked appalled. He bit his lip, and snorted, "I heard. That was gross." He swivelled to face Athrun. "Even if it's true, it's none of her business!"
Athrun raised his brows. Kira was giving him the Piercing Stare Associated With Annoyance. It was supposed to mean: what are we supposed to do now?
Athrun returned it blankly.
"My 'crazy' twin happens to be in our home right this moment. And I bet she's poking her nose where it's not wanted," Kira said testily. "So, what do you intend to do? Are you going to run away with your tail between your legs?"
Athrun grimaced. He didn't need to hear that, and certainly not the image that his mind conjured about anything between anyone's legs. A muscle twitched in his cheek. He raised his hand and rubbed his neck, looking thoughtful. Kira tapped his fingers on the bonnet, feeling impatient. He could see him thinking.
"I guess we better tell her the truth," Athrun began slowly.
"And what is 'the truth' exactly?"
"That you and I are …" Athrun trailed off. He lowered his head and stared at his hands.
"That we are what?" Kira persisted. If Athrun even dare to mention the words "best friends with benefits", he vowed to punch him senseless, fourteen years of friendship notwithstanding. His hands turned to fists.
Athrun raised his eyes and looked at the other boy's face searchingly. He could almost taste the tension that rolled off Kira in palpable waves. Drawing in a deep breath, he reached out and touched Kira's face.
"That we are together." Athrun paused; his eyes bore into Kira's vivid violet. "Right?"
Stunned, Kira could only gape at the other boy. His mind spun. He must have misheard.
"What … what did you say?"
Athrun tightened his grip. "We are together, right?"
"I … I …" Kira faltered. A sudden thought struck him. "You're not still drunk are you?"
"Never felt more sober in my life."
Athrun released his grip on Kira and stood up. He stretched sinuously and stared at nothing. Truth was he felt completely clear-headed. Whatever Cagalli's opinion of him was, it didn't matter. She could call him names, and label him gay for all he cared. All that wouldn't matter because ultimately it was his decision. Athrun vowed not to let anyone boss him around – present company excepted.
Kira remained seated, his head bowed. He dare not imagine Cagalli's reaction if they were to saunter in and tell her point blank that yes indeed, they were a couple. But were they really? Although both he and Athrun had expressed their less-than-platonic feelings for each other, they had done nothing serious beyond lip-locking and heavy petting. He wasn't entirely sure if those counted for anything.
You're in denial, Kira Yamato. His conscience spoke up out of the blue. Admit it, you want your best friend in a less than holy manner. You have been subconsciously wanting him for a long, long time.
We're just very good friends!
Hmph … good friends don't heavy pet.
Eh?
Stop being foolish. How else do you explain your dreams?
"I don't know!" Kira muttered to himself, sotto voce.
Then why were you so upset when you saw Cagalli kissing him if it doesn't mean anything to you? His conscience countered.
"Arrgh!" Kira clutched at his head and moaned. Now it was his turn to feel sick. He almost jumped out of his skin when Athrun touched his shoulders.
"Kira, you okay?"
He nodded. "I'm … I'm fine." He paused, and chewed his bottom lip. "Athrun …"
"Hmm?"
Kira raised his chin and gazed at the dark haired boy through half-lidded eyes. Athrun arched an eyebrow, curious. What now?
Struggling inwardly to control his nerves, Kira took a deep breath and said firmly, "Yes. We are together."
"Great," Athrun said brightly.
His heart soaring, he caught hold of Kira's wrists and pulled him gently. Kira slid off the bonnet and Athrun quickly wrapped him in his arms, not caring that Kira was half-naked and that they were in a semi-public place. Leaning over, Athrun kissed him briefly on the cheek. They stared at each other, straight-faced.
"C'mon, put on your shirt. Let's go out and get something to eat. I'm starved."
"Good idea," Kira agreed, the heavy burden that had been plaguing him no longer weighing him down. "Let's give Cagalli some time to sort her head out before we break the news to her."
Athrun threw him a sidelong look and chuckled. "Sounds good to me."
Cagalli checked her watch for the hundredth time. It was almost ten thirty P.M. and there was no sign of either Kira or Athrun. She scowled as she sank deeper on the sofa, feeling alternately grouchy and sleepy. She was drifting between sleep and consciousness when she heard the door creak open slowly.
"Is she still here?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Damn."
Cagalli sat up abruptly, an ugly look distorting her face. Kira and Athrun froze on their way to the bedroom.
"Well?" she said without preamble.
Kira crossed his arms and returned her stare evenly. "Well what?"
"What the hell is happening here? Where were you —"
Kira cut her off impatiently. "If you're going to give us another lecture on your moralistic views, then spare us, Cagalli. We don't need to hear it again. What goes on between Athrun and I is strictly our business. You stay out of it, if you know what's good for you."
Cagalli shot to her feet. "Since when did you grow a pair?" she barked. She turned towards Athrun, her nostrils flaring. "You! You put him up to this."
"Oh, shut up, Cagalli." Kira cut in.
"How dare you!"
They glared daggers at each other, each resolutely unwilling to back down.
Athrun cleared his throat loudly. A pair of identical faces snapped around to look at him. Athrun took a half-step forwards and put his arms around Kira's waist, hugging him from behind. His eyes remained fixed on Cagalli, his face devoid of its usual pleasantness.
"The truth is, yeah, you guessed right. Kira and I … we are together," Athrun said, matter-of-factly. He tightened his arms slightly.
On cue, Kira nodded. "That's right," he said, turning to look at Cagalli. He reached behind him and placed his hand on Athrun's cheek to emphasise his point. "Happy now?"
Somewhat to their surprise, Cagalli, up until that moment supremely cocksure, suddenly suffered an attack of anxiety. She stood in an uneasy silence, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Her eyes darted first towards Athrun, to Kira, and back to Athrun again.
"Bastard," she hissed. "You … you lied to me!"
"Cagalli," Kira warned, his tone harsh. "Drop it. Just let it go."
Cagalli goggled. "But … but …" she trailed off, aghast.
Kira looked unfazed. "No matter what you think, no matter what you say, it won't change the fact." He paused, studying Cagalli intently for some time before adding in a rush: "We love each other, really."
Everything seemed to come to a standstill in the space of a heartbeat. Tension hung heavily in the air.
Oh God, Kira thought, appalled at his own gall, but it was too late to snatch those words back. Did I really mean to say that?!
Athrun closed his eyes, his head spinning. He wasn't expecting that. He felt as though he was falling from a very high place – spinning and tumbling over and over before crashing into his corporeal body. His grip on Kira tightened reflexively.
"Yes," Athrun heard himself agreeing fervently. "That's true. We ... we really do."
Cagalli staggered backwards, as if reeling from a physical blow. The back of her knees bumped against the coffee table, and she sat down hard. The blood drained from her face, her breath harsh in her throat. She looked up into their emotionless faces and felt herself grow cold inside.
"You lie," she choked out, her mind reeling. "Stop it. It's not even remotely funny."
Drawing in his breath, Athrun said evenly, "That's the truth, learn to deal with it."
Cagalli felt as though the ground had opened up beneath her feet and swallowed her whole. Conflicting emotions surged through her – shock, despair, torment, disbelief – all fighting to gain the upper hand. Kira's declaration, uttered with absolute conviction, and Athrun's fervent confirmation shattered her resolve. Never in her wildest dream had she expected to hear those words. Her anger, once white-hot, suddenly lost its focus. Frustration welled in her. She struggled to maintain her composure. Her eyes darted towards Kira, who stared back at her in an eerily calm manner she was unaccustomed to.
Oh god, I can't deal with this, not even if I live to be a hundred, she said silently. Oh god, please give me strength…
Eventually, she looked away, her eyes troubled, unable to fight the emotional exhaustion that threatened to drown her.
Kira studied his twin in the ensuing silence. From the set of her shoulders to the telltale shimmer in her eyes, he could tell that Cagalli was just as emotionally weary of the whole thing as they were. He pulled away from Athrun, and crossed the room towards his twin.
"Cagalli, I didn't mean to upset you," he said, kneeling beside the coffee table and putting one hand on Cagalli's knee. "I'm sorry, but that's the truth. I can't change your mind – if you're going to hate me for what I am then so be it."
Cagalli remained quiet for a long while, her eyes fixed on the floor. She could feel Kira's eyes on her – searching, pleading and hoping for her understanding.
Lie to him ... A small voice whispered insidiously in her mind.
Suddenly she felt so sick and tired.
Lie to him ... if you love him, lie to him ... The voice persisted.
She smiled wanly, and put her hand over Kira's. "That's all right. If … if that's what you really want. I just don't want you to get hurt. No matter how silly you can be sometimes, you're still my younger brother."
Kira took a deep breath, and smiled nervously. "You mean it? You're not mad at us anymore?"
Cagalli pondered for a while, then shook her head. "No. But I still don't understand why. Sometimes you make me so frustrated it drives me crazy." She paused, lifted her chin and looked piercingly at Athrun.
You hurt him and I'll kill you, her eyes said it all.
Athrun nodded once. He turned his face, staring at nothing.
Kira brightened, and hugged her tight around the waist. Cagalli grimaced.
"What's that for?" she demanded.
"Nothing." He tightened his grip. Cagalli face turned the colour of beeswax; sometimes Kira forgot how strong he was and just then he was crushing her ribs.
"Get off me," she wheezed. "Go squeeze your boyfriend or something, you big crybaby."
Kira looked aghast. "Cagalli!" He immediately let go, his eyes misting and his cheeks reddening.
I must be mad, Cagalli thought wryly. I should be knocking some sense into his head, yet, I'm helpless when he goes all teary.
Pushing him away gently, Cagalli reached out and ruffled his hair roughly. "I need some time to think," she said evenly. "And you two need to clean up. God, don't you ever ventilate this place?"
Kira's blush deepened. He stood up and shuffled his feet, looking embarrassed. He decided to ignore Cagalli's last remark.
"Um, yeah. It's late and we have lab tomorrow morning. You can stay if you want." He paused and looked at Athrun. Athrun rolled his eyes and shrugged, as if saying 'it's your funeral'.
Kira looked sheepish. "Erm, the bedroom's in a mess, so you'll have to make do with the sofa."
"No worries."
"Athrun?" Kira turned towards the other boy.
Athrun gave a curt nod and disappeared into the bedroom. He appeared a moment later with a pillow and a blanket. He threw it onto the sofa and tugged at Kira's elbow. Kira looked at him, perplexed. Come on, he mouthed silently. He wanted to put a physical barrier between Cagalli and the two of them, just in case Cagalli changed her mind and started her diatribe again.
When Kira hesitated, Athrun gripped him hard around the shoulder and fairly hauled him off towards their bedroom. He slammed the door shut, and secured the lock.
Cagalli sat where they had left her; unseeing, unspeaking – despair in her eyes. She felt heartsick and near to weeping. Finally, she staggered to the sofa and buried her face in the pillow.
Am I doing the right thing? She thought dubiously. Her breath hitched in her throat and her eyes stung. Oh gods –
Her breath caught again, and she screwed her eyes shut, but this time she couldn't control the tears of frustration from streaming down her cheeks.
Kira cast his eyes up to the ceiling, one arm under his head, unable to sleep. He fidgeted, as the cool night breeze coming through the open window caused goosebumps to rise on his skin. Too bad his blanket was with Cagalli now.
"Cold?" Athrun asked, sounding amused.
"Mph."
"Come here."
"No way."
There was a creaking of bedsprings as Athrun sat up slowly. "Stop being stubborn. You'll get a chill."
"Hrmph." Kira turned onto his side and faced the wall. He curled himself into a tight ball and shivered slightly.
A pillow hit him squarely on the head. He whipped around, startled, and made a face, but the effect was lost as Athrun chose that moment to toss the blanket over his head, obscuring his view. Kira thrashed around a bit, finally freeing himself from the confines of the offending item.
"Very funny, Athrun," he snarled, sounding mildly annoyed.
Athrun stuck his tongue out at him and slid into bed beside him. He pulled the blanket over their shoulders and curved his arms around Kira's mid-section, his chest pressing against the other boy's back.
Caught unawares, Kira stammered: "Oh hey – what do you think you are doing?"
"Shush." Athrun cautioned him, jerking his head towards the door. "Keep it down."
Kira's eyes widened in disbelief, alternately amazed and appalled at Athrun's gall. "Athrun …" he protested, trying to keep his voice low.
Pressing his lips close to Kira's ear, Athrun said softly, "I sleep better when you are with me." He pressed his palms lightly onto Kira's middle, just below his navel. "I feel safer somehow."
"Excuses," Kira countered, slapping Athrun's hand sharply. "You're just horny."
"Mmm, maybe," Athrun answered. "But so are you," he added teasingly.
"Mph."
Kira's eyelids fluttered as Athrun trailed a string of light kisses at the back of his neck. His hands immediately covered Athrun's, and their fingers intertwined.
"Cagalli's outside," he reminded Athrun unnecessarily.
"Then we do it quietly," Athrun whispered mischievously.
Kira elbowed him hard. "You're terrible."
Athrun chuckled, a warm and delicious sound, and rubbed his palms against Kira's middle again, this time insistently. He couldn't remember what happened last night, but he remembered the other time and he craved for a repeat. He nudged Kira persistently.
Without a word, Kira turned around, leaned close and pressed a kiss on Athrun's mouth. Athrun sighed and kissed him back, their tongues brushing fleetingly together, before breaking away gently.
"Go to sleep now," Kira said, patting his face lightly.
Athrun looked unhappy. "Play with me."
Kira rolled his eyes. "We have morning lab tomorrow." Kira said quietly, and then he realized Athrun wasn't there anymore. He looked down in surprise. "Cut it out, Athrun. We have morning lab tomorrow."
"I know." Athrun replied, his voice muffled as he burrowed under the blanket.
A few minutes passed.
"It's late." Kira swallowed, sounding strained.
"I know."
Kira's eyes slid shut and he gripped the blanket tightly. His knuckles turned white. "Athrun … you sicko."
"I know that too." Athrun answered, not in the least repentant.
And after that … Kira didn't resist.
To be continued
Reviews appreciated. I'm going for an equal relationship because that's how I see them. As long as Athrun and Kira are together, I don't really care who takes the lead --- do you? Wish List: I want Asukira fanart...
Disclaimer: Gundam SEED characters belongs to Sunrise, Bandai and Sotsu Agency. However the plot of this quirky tale and blond-jackass boy Saigo are mine.
Warning: Unconventional character interpretation. This chapter contains mild swearing and implied m/m activity between Kira and Athrun. I'm trying REALLY hard to control my natural slasher instinct and refrain from slashing them to PLANT and back coz this fic is R-rated after all... c'est la vie.
Author's Note: Wow, thanks to all the wonderful folks who have reviewed this quirky Kira/Athrun/Kira fic. I really appreciate it. It makes writing this fic so much more enjoyable. Beta by Starkiller, ElsewhereCW and Passo. Any mistake in grammar, punctuation and spelling are wholly mine.
Ahem. Athrun's birthday is coming up. I will be releasing Tequila Game on Oct 29. This side story depicts what ACTUALLY happened between chapter3 and 4. Clues were scattered throughout chapter4 and 5, and I'm sure you bright sparks would have picked up on those. Enough teasing. Now go read.
Cagalli's nostrils flared as she stared at the tube of lube. Why the hell would Kira buy such a thing if they were not planning on using it? Oh wait, maybe they ran out of the stuff, and this was a replacement pack.
The thought of her secret love interest and her brother doing each other made her shudder with disgust. No wonder Athrun was adamant that she didn't enter their bedroom. Well, no one was home to stop her from poking around now.
The memory of Kira and Athrun's caper caught on the vidphone screen still burned vividly in her mind. It took a while for the shock to sink in, and she had spent the next few days in a state of confusion and denial, until rage finally kicked in. Giving Kisaka the slip, she had gotten on the first available flight out of Orb to confront the two miscreants.
Cagalli crossed the living room in a few steps, drawing to a halt before the bedroom door. Her hand closed on the doorknob. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open.
Her heart stopped momentarily as her eyes took in the scene before her – the empty liquor bottle, the glasses on the nightstand, the clothes scattered on the floor, one obviously unslept-in bed (she wondered whose it was) – and one very rumpled, much slept in bed. She gagged as a pungent musky odour assaulted her nostrils.
It was blatantly obvious they had been sleeping together.
A queasy feeling rose up her gorge. Enraged, she hurled the tube of lube across the room, hard. It hit the bedside lamp, causing it to tilt and fall to the floor.
She spun around and kicked the wall violently as she shrieked her lungs out.
Hidden in the protection of the elongated shadows of the dimly lit car park, Saigo grinned as the scene continued to unfold not twenty metres away from him.
Oh dear, it seemed that everything was not well in Paradise.
Smiling maliciously, he receded into the shadows, and became one with the darkness.
Fifteen minutes later, Kira was still curled on the narrow backseat, feeling exhausted and miserable from the effort of holding back his tears. His mind was filled with chaotic thoughts, and he had no clue how to set them straight. He hugged his shoulders and wished he were still a child, so that he could run to his mother for comfort. But he was twenty now, and whatever problems he had he must resolve them himself. Reality hurt.
He choked back a dry sob and scrubbed his face roughly until his skin felt raw. He really was too old to be crying over the matter, but he couldn't help it – he felt as if someone had twisted a knife in his guts, leaving him bleeding and aching.
A loud smash jolted him out of his wits. His bolted upright, and his eyes widened in shock.
A series of fissures lined the rear left window where Athrun had hit it with the fire extinguisher he had liberated from a nearby wall. Kira watched dumbstruck as Athrun swung the tank hard against the window, causing the glass to crack. Athrun dropped the fire extinguisher with a loud clatter and punched at the crack with his bare fist.
Kira stared, disbelieving; the shock paralysing his limbs.
Athrun persisted. He hammered at the crack repeatedly until a small hole appeared. Gritting his teeth, he ripped the safety glass off its frame, pushed his hand through and disengaged the lock.
Kira's instinct to flee kicked in. He scrambled over towards the front passenger seat. His hand barely connected with the door handle when Athrun wrenched open the other door and tackled him. Kira screamed as his head connected sharply with the dashboard as they went sprawling in a tangle of arms and legs.
Presently, Kira found his voice and grunted, "Get off me, Athrun."
With his head hanging upside-down, the handbrake digging awkwardly in his rear, and Athrun's weight on top of him, Kira was feeling extremely uncomfortable. He tried to shove Athrun off, but gravity worked against him. Frustrated, he settled for a dirty stare.
A pair of green eyes stared back at him victoriously. Athrun tightened his grip on Kira's arms and said flatly, "No. Not until you hear me out."
Giving up, Kira turned his face aside and muttered sullenly, "Fine. Have it your way."
To his annoyance, Athrun remained motionless on top of him, making it impossible for him to move.
"Get. Off. Me." God, the handbrake was really hurting.
After what seemed like an eternity, the grip on his arms disappeared. Athrun rose to his knees and pulled him upright. Turning around, Athrun closed and locked the door on his side, effectively barricading them in.
For some minutes, they sat in silence, glaring at each other.
Finally, Kira leaned against the door, crossed his arms and muttered, "You broke the window."
Athrun grimaced humourlessly. "You made me do it." He sucked on his knuckles. "Shit, that hurts."
Gazing down to the other boy's hand, Kira's eyes widened in a faint rush of disbelief as he caught sight of the blood on Athrun's knuckles.
"You're bleeding," Kira blurted, before he could stop himself.
Athrun shrugged. "I've been through worse," he said nonchalantly. He wiped his knuckles against his trousers.
For a fleeting moment, Kira looked aghast. Quickly remembering his annoyance, he clamped his mouth shut and hardened his expression.
"Serves you right," Kira said dryly. "Just don't expect me to pay for the repairs. Or to get the blood off your trousers."
"Fine." Athrun snapped waspishly.
There was a significant pause; Kira looked cross as he waited for Athrun to break the ice. When Athrun remained silent, he cleared his throat loudly and said, "You said you wanted to talk. So, talk."
Athrun studied him for a moment longer, not knowing where to start. He had operated on pure adrenalin; the act of chasing after Kira and vandalising their car had fairly exhausted him. He ran his hand through his sweat-dampened hair and pushed his fringe out of his eyes. Kira noted his hesitation, and his eyebrow arched.
"Cat got your tongue?" Kira asked, his voice dripping sarcasm. "Or did Cagalli?"
Athrun looked offended. "It's not what you think, Kira," he started slowly.
Kira's eyes narrowed. "What? I heard and saw it all, Athrun. I'm not bloody dumb."
"What did you hear exactly?"
"About you … playing ewe to my ram." Kira shuddered, feeling mildly revolted as he repeated Cagalli's explicit analogy. "And your denial that you are gay."
Athrun looked affronted. "Of course I'm not!"
"Not what?"
"I'm not gay!"
"Oh yeah?" Kira snarled as he rose to his knees.
"What the hell are you driving at?" Athrun said, frowning.
"Are you screwing with my head, Athrun?" Kira's voice was sharp as a blade. He jabbed at Athrun's chest with his forefinger. "What do you think I am then? A girl?!"
Athrun slapped his hand away, his eyes narrowing in turn. Kira wasn't making any sense – why on earth should he think Kira was a girl? What kind of warped logic was that?
"Get a grip on yourself, Kira. It's not like you," Athrun warned him. "Why should I think you're a girl? Last time I saw, you're all boy."
Taken aback by Athrun's bluntness, Kira was rendered speechless for a few minutes.
Another thought suddenly occurred to Kira; so terrible and dreadful that it drained his anger. He slumped back against the seat and said bitterly, "Are you toying with me? Or are you so lovelorn that you substituted me for Cagalli?"
Athrun blinked, mildly startled.
What the blazes was Kira talking about? What was he implying by saying that he, Athrun, substituted him for his twin sister? Why would that foul idea even crossed his mind?
Athrun furrowed his brows; then suddenly the answer seemed to crystallise – Kira was the one who had been unsure of his own sexuality, and Athrun had to an extent, played a part in leading the other boy down the merry path towards self discovery. He had done it for purely selfish reasons, because he was hopelessly obsessed with Kira, but he had never considered himself or Kira for that matter, as gay. 'Gay' was a hateful label imposed by closed-minded people, and as far as Athrun was concerned, they could all eat shit and die.
As for insinuation that he was using Kira as a substitute for Cagalli, that made Athrun's blood run cold.
"I never did, you know that," Athrun said, soberly. "I really like you a lot, Kira. You, Kira, and not Cagalli."
Kira looked perplexed. "Then, how come you're denying that you are gay?" he demanded.
Athrun's mouth turned down in distaste. "Don't you understand? Gay is a label, Kira. It's hateful and discriminatory. Stop using it because I hate it," he said tersely. He slammed his fists against the steering wheel for emphasis.
Kira was stunned by the force of Athrun's anger. He gazed searchingly at his best friend, momentarily at a loss for words.
Athrun pretended to study his grazed knuckles thoughtfully, but his focus did not leave the other boy. Finally, he leaned back on the seat and sighed, "Look, Kira. I like you and you alone. It so happens that you are my best friend and a boy. Frankly, I don't know if that makes me gay or what." He paused, letting the words sink in. When Kira remained silent, he gave Kira a sidelong look and added, "Honestly, I don't give a damn."
"Of what others might think?"
"Do you?" Athrun fixed him with one of his piercing gaze.
Tearing his eyes away reluctantly from Athrun's, Kira chewed on his bottom lip. He fiddled with the shift stick as he mulled over the question. He certainly didn't expect that from Athrun. Athrun wasn't one given to admitting his emotions lightly, and his repeated admission that he liked Kira seemed genuine. However, Kira needed assurance that Athrun fully understood the gravity of the situation they would face should they decide to take their friendship to another level.
Drawing in his breath, Kira reached across and took hold of Athrun's left hand. He ran his thumb slowly over the other boy's knuckles, his expression pensive.
"It doesn't matter to me either, Athrun. But Cagalli thinks otherwise," Kira reminded him quietly. "So would others."
Athrun studied Kira's profile in the ensuing silence. Something seemed to be bothering him; something indefinable just below the surface of his consciousness.
"Your parents, you mean?"
Kira was momentarily stunned. He had never given a thought how his parents would react or say if they found out. While they knew Athrun and him were staying together, they had no clue whatsoever of the latest development in his and Athrun's relationship. They had known Athrun since he was six, and had considered them as brothers. In hindsight, his parents had always turned a blind eye at their sometimes intimate behaviour – either out of ignorance or trust, he didn't know. Fear welled in him.
"I … I didn't think about that. About mom and dad," Kira admitted slowly.
The colour drained from his face as he imagined his parents' reaction. He could deal with their wrath, but he wasn't entirely sure how to deal with their disappointment. He wasn't sure he could cope. He gave a small cry of anguish and clutched at Athrun, his eyes wide as saucers.
"Oh god, Athrun ... what should we do? They'll kill us!"
Taken aback by the shock apparent in the other boy's face, Athrun recoiled in his seat. He didn't expect such a violent reaction from Kira. To be honest, he was under the impression that if and when the time came, confessing to Kira's parents would be a cakewalk compared to if he had to confess to his father — had the latter been alive. The late Zala Senior would probably have put a couple of bullets through them first and ask questions later.
Athrun hesitated for a while, and then he pulled the other boy into his arms and hugged him tightly. He buried his face in Kira's hair and breathed in the other boy's scent deeply. A faint smell of tequila lingered on his sweat-flecked scalp. Athrun smiled wanly, his hands gently stroking Kira's back, willing the tension to ease under his touch. He breathed deeply, steeling himself for what he was about to say next.
"I can't help feeling the way I do about you, Kira. But, I don't want to get you into any trouble with your mom and dad," Athrun said evenly, his tone belying his misery. He let go of Kira; his hands flopped to his sides and he stared blankly at his palms. A single tear slid down his cheek and he wiped at it with the back of his hand, angrily.
Kira looked up, a mixed look of dismay and incomprehension evident in his eyes. "Athrun ..?" he stammered. Suddenly he felt scared.
"I'll stay away from you if it helps to make things better. Maybe I should move out …" Athrun trailed off, sounding dejected.
A sudden slap stung his face, shocking him out of his despondence. His hand flew to his cheek, and his eyes widened in disbelief.
"Kira …?" Athrun croaked, utterly stunned.
Kira shoved him hard on the shoulder, his violet eyes narrowing into dangerous slits.
"Move out?" Kira's hands shot out and he gripped Athrun's face roughly. "Are you going to throw away fourteen years of friendship just like that? Like it means nothing to you?" Kira snarled. He drew his hand back, and slapped Athrun hard one more time. "Are you out of your freaking mind?!" Kira's voice rose, fury lending it a sharp edge.
Dumbstruck, Athrun could only stare wildly at Kira. He opened and shut his mouth a few times, suddenly speechless. Feeling incredibly foolish, he snapped his mouth shut and settled for an icy glare.
Kira's chest rose and fell erratically as he returned Athrun's glare. Minutes passed in tense silence.
"You are not going anywhere, Athrun," Kira growled. "Not after what you did to me."
Athrun rubbed his cheek and drew his brows together, puzzled. "Did what?"
Kira gritted his teeth, looking furious. "I suppose you don't remember?"
"Remember what?" A weird feeling started in Athrun's guts, and his hands felt suddenly clammy. His eyes darted towards his friend's face, and the expression he saw there made him break out in cold sweat. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about what happened last night!"
From the look on Kira's face, Athrun knew his Weekly Shitty Luck Quota was about to be dealt another blow. He remembered fooling around in bed with Kira, drinking themselves blind … and waking up practically naked. Everything in between was one big blank. No matter how hard he tried, nothing triggered his memory. The weird feeling grew and coalesced until it became all-consuming. Athrun's heart thumped audibly in his chest. He shook his head.
"You really don't remember, do you?" Kira looked at him incredulously. His violet eyes flashed dangerously.
Athrun shook his head again. "What happened?" he stammered, fearing the worst. A sour taste rose in his throat, and he swallowed thickly.
Kira didn't reply; he merely kept his gaze level on Athrun as he undid the various buckles on his shirt. He drew the shirt over his head and balled it in his hands.
"You happened," Kira snapped, pointing at his bare torso.
Athrun's eyes widened when he saw the bruises -- now an impressive shade of reddish purple, circling Kira's neck and upper torso. There were roughly seven in all, and he instinctively knew what they were. There was no question about it; those bruises were love bites, so intense that Kira's Coordinator body still bore the marks after a good fifteen hours.
Athrun felt suddenly sick as nausea hit him full force. His hand flew to his mouth, and he gurgled thickly, "I think I'm going to throw up."
Ignoring Kira's indignant protests, he pushed the car door open, staggered to a darkened corner and vomited noisily. His shoulders shook, and his breath burned in his throat as he braced one arm against the wall, and rested his forehead in the crook of his elbow. A dull pain in his temples was all that remained of the nausea he felt moments before.
Visions of Kira's bruised upper body floated before his eyes. He shuddered.
How the hell did that happen? Surely Kira wasn't idiotic enough to allow that to happen without his consent. If for some bizarre reason he had forced himself upon Kira, he was sure Kira would have had punched the lights out of him. Kira was more than capable of kicking the crap out of him, and had done precisely that on various occasions.
However, the other boy's apparent indignation clearly hinted at something darker; something that Athrun had no recollection of whatsoever.
"Fuck," Athrun swore through clenched teeth. "Fuckfuckfuck."
He trudged to the car, head in his hands and sat heavily on the bonnet. He closed his eyes as morbid thoughts invaded his mind. Obviously, from the physical evidence on Kira's otherwise unmarked torso, some monkey business had happened when they were both drunk. But how far exactly did they go?
Perhaps he bruised himself falling off the bed or something, Athrun thought, clutching at straws.
His conscience nagged at him. It was physically impossible for Kira to inflict those marks upon himself. There was a limit to what a Coordinator was capable of, and inflicting a love bite on one's own neck was one of them. Athrun blanched at the realisation that they must have gotten carried away while intoxicated.
God, what have I done?!
Athrun groaned and slapped his forehead. He wished all that had happened were merely a nightmare, and that he would wake up soon.
The sound of approaching footsteps, soft and hesitant, jostled him back to reality. Athrun kept his eyes closed, not moving a muscle, his ears keen. He didn't need to open his eyes to know that Kira was standing barely a few feet away from him. He could sense the other boy's presence, could feel Kira's anxiety breaching the small distance between them.
"Athrun? You okay?" Athrun heard Kira asking, his voice underscored with concern.
Athrun nodded, but his eyes remained closed. He felt genuinely mortified; he didn't want to face Kira and see the physical evidence of his handiwork on the other boy's body. The footsteps came nearer, and Athrun heard the sound of Kira settling beside him – so close that he actually felt the tangible warmth coming off the other boy presence. A shiver crawled up his spine as warm arms curved around his shoulders, and Kira was hugging him tight.
Drawing in a deep breath, Athrun screwed up his courage and tilted up his face towards his friend – and saw Kira peering at him, a look of worry on his face.
"Kira? What … what happened last night?" was the first question out of his mouth. "Did we … did we do anything?"
Kira scratched his nose and stared into the middle distance, a small frown furrowing his brows. After a lengthy silence, he raised his eyes and admitted sheepishly: "I don't know."
"What?" Athrun couldn't believe his ears. "You mean you can't remember either?"
Kira shook his head, feeling embarrassed. "I woke up in bed with you, and … and I saw these marks on me." He paused, averted his eyes and added quietly: "Uhm … we were naked."
"WHAT?" Athrun turned white.
"Well, almost," Kira quickly corrected himself. He decided not to tell Athrun about the sticky stuff on their bellies. The shock might just finish Athrun off, or make him throw up again.
Athrun heaved a sigh of relief. "That rules it out then," he said slowly.
Kira looked puzzled. "Rules what out?" Then, the penny dropped. "OH!" His hand flew to his mouth, and his face reddened. He looked acutely embarrassed. "Athrun! That's gross!"
Eh? Athrun thought. So, he still has control issues …
"That's good, right?" Athrun asked instead.
"I … I guess so."
No matter how often Kira had dreamt about the both of them getting down and dirty with each other, the very idea of actually doing it still scared him stiff. He had no clue how the actual mechanism of same sex intercourse worked, and he doubted if Athrun knew any better. If, and a very big if that is, he reminded himself grimly, they decided to do it, he'd rather not be drunken and disorderly. Ugh.
Shivering slightly, Kira said indignantly, "That still doesn't explain how this happened!"
Athrun peered at the bruises and touched them gingerly. Kira's skin felt nice and warm under his fingers.
"You sure you didn't knock yourself or something?"
Kira threw him a dirty look. "Very funny, Athrun."
"Does it bother you?"
Kira glared at him. "What kind of question is that?! Of course it bothers me."
"Even if it was entirely your fault?"
"What?"
Athrun nibbled on his nails thoughtfully. "You goaded me into that stupid drinking game."
Kira stared at him, speechless.
"What was it? 'Lick, suck and swallow'." Athrun went on, heedlessly. "In fact, you asked for it, if you ask me."
Kira couldn't believe his ears. "Fuck you."
"Fuck you," Athrun retorted, without rancour. "You got away lightly with just some … bruises. I was the one who got punched by your crazy twin. I have to listen to all those nasty things she said. And to top that, you slapped me."
"Athrun …" Kira warned.
Ignoring Kira, Athrun droned on, "Ewe to your ram, indeed." His eyes flashed angrily. "Do you know how insulting that was?"
Kira looked appalled. He bit his lip, and snorted, "I heard. That was gross." He swivelled to face Athrun. "Even if it's true, it's none of her business!"
Athrun raised his brows. Kira was giving him the Piercing Stare Associated With Annoyance. It was supposed to mean: what are we supposed to do now?
Athrun returned it blankly.
"My 'crazy' twin happens to be in our home right this moment. And I bet she's poking her nose where it's not wanted," Kira said testily. "So, what do you intend to do? Are you going to run away with your tail between your legs?"
Athrun grimaced. He didn't need to hear that, and certainly not the image that his mind conjured about anything between anyone's legs. A muscle twitched in his cheek. He raised his hand and rubbed his neck, looking thoughtful. Kira tapped his fingers on the bonnet, feeling impatient. He could see him thinking.
"I guess we better tell her the truth," Athrun began slowly.
"And what is 'the truth' exactly?"
"That you and I are …" Athrun trailed off. He lowered his head and stared at his hands.
"That we are what?" Kira persisted. If Athrun even dare to mention the words "best friends with benefits", he vowed to punch him senseless, fourteen years of friendship notwithstanding. His hands turned to fists.
Athrun raised his eyes and looked at the other boy's face searchingly. He could almost taste the tension that rolled off Kira in palpable waves. Drawing in a deep breath, he reached out and touched Kira's face.
"That we are together." Athrun paused; his eyes bore into Kira's vivid violet. "Right?"
Stunned, Kira could only gape at the other boy. His mind spun. He must have misheard.
"What … what did you say?"
Athrun tightened his grip. "We are together, right?"
"I … I …" Kira faltered. A sudden thought struck him. "You're not still drunk are you?"
"Never felt more sober in my life."
Athrun released his grip on Kira and stood up. He stretched sinuously and stared at nothing. Truth was he felt completely clear-headed. Whatever Cagalli's opinion of him was, it didn't matter. She could call him names, and label him gay for all he cared. All that wouldn't matter because ultimately it was his decision. Athrun vowed not to let anyone boss him around – present company excepted.
Kira remained seated, his head bowed. He dare not imagine Cagalli's reaction if they were to saunter in and tell her point blank that yes indeed, they were a couple. But were they really? Although both he and Athrun had expressed their less-than-platonic feelings for each other, they had done nothing serious beyond lip-locking and heavy petting. He wasn't entirely sure if those counted for anything.
You're in denial, Kira Yamato. His conscience spoke up out of the blue. Admit it, you want your best friend in a less than holy manner. You have been subconsciously wanting him for a long, long time.
We're just very good friends!
Hmph … good friends don't heavy pet.
Eh?
Stop being foolish. How else do you explain your dreams?
"I don't know!" Kira muttered to himself, sotto voce.
Then why were you so upset when you saw Cagalli kissing him if it doesn't mean anything to you? His conscience countered.
"Arrgh!" Kira clutched at his head and moaned. Now it was his turn to feel sick. He almost jumped out of his skin when Athrun touched his shoulders.
"Kira, you okay?"
He nodded. "I'm … I'm fine." He paused, and chewed his bottom lip. "Athrun …"
"Hmm?"
Kira raised his chin and gazed at the dark haired boy through half-lidded eyes. Athrun arched an eyebrow, curious. What now?
Struggling inwardly to control his nerves, Kira took a deep breath and said firmly, "Yes. We are together."
"Great," Athrun said brightly.
His heart soaring, he caught hold of Kira's wrists and pulled him gently. Kira slid off the bonnet and Athrun quickly wrapped him in his arms, not caring that Kira was half-naked and that they were in a semi-public place. Leaning over, Athrun kissed him briefly on the cheek. They stared at each other, straight-faced.
"C'mon, put on your shirt. Let's go out and get something to eat. I'm starved."
"Good idea," Kira agreed, the heavy burden that had been plaguing him no longer weighing him down. "Let's give Cagalli some time to sort her head out before we break the news to her."
Athrun threw him a sidelong look and chuckled. "Sounds good to me."
Cagalli checked her watch for the hundredth time. It was almost ten thirty P.M. and there was no sign of either Kira or Athrun. She scowled as she sank deeper on the sofa, feeling alternately grouchy and sleepy. She was drifting between sleep and consciousness when she heard the door creak open slowly.
"Is she still here?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Damn."
Cagalli sat up abruptly, an ugly look distorting her face. Kira and Athrun froze on their way to the bedroom.
"Well?" she said without preamble.
Kira crossed his arms and returned her stare evenly. "Well what?"
"What the hell is happening here? Where were you —"
Kira cut her off impatiently. "If you're going to give us another lecture on your moralistic views, then spare us, Cagalli. We don't need to hear it again. What goes on between Athrun and I is strictly our business. You stay out of it, if you know what's good for you."
Cagalli shot to her feet. "Since when did you grow a pair?" she barked. She turned towards Athrun, her nostrils flaring. "You! You put him up to this."
"Oh, shut up, Cagalli." Kira cut in.
"How dare you!"
They glared daggers at each other, each resolutely unwilling to back down.
Athrun cleared his throat loudly. A pair of identical faces snapped around to look at him. Athrun took a half-step forwards and put his arms around Kira's waist, hugging him from behind. His eyes remained fixed on Cagalli, his face devoid of its usual pleasantness.
"The truth is, yeah, you guessed right. Kira and I … we are together," Athrun said, matter-of-factly. He tightened his arms slightly.
On cue, Kira nodded. "That's right," he said, turning to look at Cagalli. He reached behind him and placed his hand on Athrun's cheek to emphasise his point. "Happy now?"
Somewhat to their surprise, Cagalli, up until that moment supremely cocksure, suddenly suffered an attack of anxiety. She stood in an uneasy silence, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Her eyes darted first towards Athrun, to Kira, and back to Athrun again.
"Bastard," she hissed. "You … you lied to me!"
"Cagalli," Kira warned, his tone harsh. "Drop it. Just let it go."
Cagalli goggled. "But … but …" she trailed off, aghast.
Kira looked unfazed. "No matter what you think, no matter what you say, it won't change the fact." He paused, studying Cagalli intently for some time before adding in a rush: "We love each other, really."
Everything seemed to come to a standstill in the space of a heartbeat. Tension hung heavily in the air.
Oh God, Kira thought, appalled at his own gall, but it was too late to snatch those words back. Did I really mean to say that?!
Athrun closed his eyes, his head spinning. He wasn't expecting that. He felt as though he was falling from a very high place – spinning and tumbling over and over before crashing into his corporeal body. His grip on Kira tightened reflexively.
"Yes," Athrun heard himself agreeing fervently. "That's true. We ... we really do."
Cagalli staggered backwards, as if reeling from a physical blow. The back of her knees bumped against the coffee table, and she sat down hard. The blood drained from her face, her breath harsh in her throat. She looked up into their emotionless faces and felt herself grow cold inside.
"You lie," she choked out, her mind reeling. "Stop it. It's not even remotely funny."
Drawing in his breath, Athrun said evenly, "That's the truth, learn to deal with it."
Cagalli felt as though the ground had opened up beneath her feet and swallowed her whole. Conflicting emotions surged through her – shock, despair, torment, disbelief – all fighting to gain the upper hand. Kira's declaration, uttered with absolute conviction, and Athrun's fervent confirmation shattered her resolve. Never in her wildest dream had she expected to hear those words. Her anger, once white-hot, suddenly lost its focus. Frustration welled in her. She struggled to maintain her composure. Her eyes darted towards Kira, who stared back at her in an eerily calm manner she was unaccustomed to.
Oh god, I can't deal with this, not even if I live to be a hundred, she said silently. Oh god, please give me strength…
Eventually, she looked away, her eyes troubled, unable to fight the emotional exhaustion that threatened to drown her.
Kira studied his twin in the ensuing silence. From the set of her shoulders to the telltale shimmer in her eyes, he could tell that Cagalli was just as emotionally weary of the whole thing as they were. He pulled away from Athrun, and crossed the room towards his twin.
"Cagalli, I didn't mean to upset you," he said, kneeling beside the coffee table and putting one hand on Cagalli's knee. "I'm sorry, but that's the truth. I can't change your mind – if you're going to hate me for what I am then so be it."
Cagalli remained quiet for a long while, her eyes fixed on the floor. She could feel Kira's eyes on her – searching, pleading and hoping for her understanding.
Lie to him ... A small voice whispered insidiously in her mind.
Suddenly she felt so sick and tired.
Lie to him ... if you love him, lie to him ... The voice persisted.
She smiled wanly, and put her hand over Kira's. "That's all right. If … if that's what you really want. I just don't want you to get hurt. No matter how silly you can be sometimes, you're still my younger brother."
Kira took a deep breath, and smiled nervously. "You mean it? You're not mad at us anymore?"
Cagalli pondered for a while, then shook her head. "No. But I still don't understand why. Sometimes you make me so frustrated it drives me crazy." She paused, lifted her chin and looked piercingly at Athrun.
You hurt him and I'll kill you, her eyes said it all.
Athrun nodded once. He turned his face, staring at nothing.
Kira brightened, and hugged her tight around the waist. Cagalli grimaced.
"What's that for?" she demanded.
"Nothing." He tightened his grip. Cagalli face turned the colour of beeswax; sometimes Kira forgot how strong he was and just then he was crushing her ribs.
"Get off me," she wheezed. "Go squeeze your boyfriend or something, you big crybaby."
Kira looked aghast. "Cagalli!" He immediately let go, his eyes misting and his cheeks reddening.
I must be mad, Cagalli thought wryly. I should be knocking some sense into his head, yet, I'm helpless when he goes all teary.
Pushing him away gently, Cagalli reached out and ruffled his hair roughly. "I need some time to think," she said evenly. "And you two need to clean up. God, don't you ever ventilate this place?"
Kira's blush deepened. He stood up and shuffled his feet, looking embarrassed. He decided to ignore Cagalli's last remark.
"Um, yeah. It's late and we have lab tomorrow morning. You can stay if you want." He paused and looked at Athrun. Athrun rolled his eyes and shrugged, as if saying 'it's your funeral'.
Kira looked sheepish. "Erm, the bedroom's in a mess, so you'll have to make do with the sofa."
"No worries."
"Athrun?" Kira turned towards the other boy.
Athrun gave a curt nod and disappeared into the bedroom. He appeared a moment later with a pillow and a blanket. He threw it onto the sofa and tugged at Kira's elbow. Kira looked at him, perplexed. Come on, he mouthed silently. He wanted to put a physical barrier between Cagalli and the two of them, just in case Cagalli changed her mind and started her diatribe again.
When Kira hesitated, Athrun gripped him hard around the shoulder and fairly hauled him off towards their bedroom. He slammed the door shut, and secured the lock.
Cagalli sat where they had left her; unseeing, unspeaking – despair in her eyes. She felt heartsick and near to weeping. Finally, she staggered to the sofa and buried her face in the pillow.
Am I doing the right thing? She thought dubiously. Her breath hitched in her throat and her eyes stung. Oh gods –
Her breath caught again, and she screwed her eyes shut, but this time she couldn't control the tears of frustration from streaming down her cheeks.
Kira cast his eyes up to the ceiling, one arm under his head, unable to sleep. He fidgeted, as the cool night breeze coming through the open window caused goosebumps to rise on his skin. Too bad his blanket was with Cagalli now.
"Cold?" Athrun asked, sounding amused.
"Mph."
"Come here."
"No way."
There was a creaking of bedsprings as Athrun sat up slowly. "Stop being stubborn. You'll get a chill."
"Hrmph." Kira turned onto his side and faced the wall. He curled himself into a tight ball and shivered slightly.
A pillow hit him squarely on the head. He whipped around, startled, and made a face, but the effect was lost as Athrun chose that moment to toss the blanket over his head, obscuring his view. Kira thrashed around a bit, finally freeing himself from the confines of the offending item.
"Very funny, Athrun," he snarled, sounding mildly annoyed.
Athrun stuck his tongue out at him and slid into bed beside him. He pulled the blanket over their shoulders and curved his arms around Kira's mid-section, his chest pressing against the other boy's back.
Caught unawares, Kira stammered: "Oh hey – what do you think you are doing?"
"Shush." Athrun cautioned him, jerking his head towards the door. "Keep it down."
Kira's eyes widened in disbelief, alternately amazed and appalled at Athrun's gall. "Athrun …" he protested, trying to keep his voice low.
Pressing his lips close to Kira's ear, Athrun said softly, "I sleep better when you are with me." He pressed his palms lightly onto Kira's middle, just below his navel. "I feel safer somehow."
"Excuses," Kira countered, slapping Athrun's hand sharply. "You're just horny."
"Mmm, maybe," Athrun answered. "But so are you," he added teasingly.
"Mph."
Kira's eyelids fluttered as Athrun trailed a string of light kisses at the back of his neck. His hands immediately covered Athrun's, and their fingers intertwined.
"Cagalli's outside," he reminded Athrun unnecessarily.
"Then we do it quietly," Athrun whispered mischievously.
Kira elbowed him hard. "You're terrible."
Athrun chuckled, a warm and delicious sound, and rubbed his palms against Kira's middle again, this time insistently. He couldn't remember what happened last night, but he remembered the other time and he craved for a repeat. He nudged Kira persistently.
Without a word, Kira turned around, leaned close and pressed a kiss on Athrun's mouth. Athrun sighed and kissed him back, their tongues brushing fleetingly together, before breaking away gently.
"Go to sleep now," Kira said, patting his face lightly.
Athrun looked unhappy. "Play with me."
Kira rolled his eyes. "We have morning lab tomorrow." Kira said quietly, and then he realized Athrun wasn't there anymore. He looked down in surprise. "Cut it out, Athrun. We have morning lab tomorrow."
"I know." Athrun replied, his voice muffled as he burrowed under the blanket.
A few minutes passed.
"It's late." Kira swallowed, sounding strained.
"I know."
Kira's eyes slid shut and he gripped the blanket tightly. His knuckles turned white. "Athrun … you sicko."
"I know that too." Athrun answered, not in the least repentant.
And after that … Kira didn't resist.
To be continued
Reviews appreciated. I'm going for an equal relationship because that's how I see them. As long as Athrun and Kira are together, I don't really care who takes the lead --- do you? Wish List: I want Asukira fanart...