Warning: you have been warned of the second half of the chapter
"... Nightfur. StarClan honors your determination and spirit. We welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan."
It was nearly three weeks later and the newly named Nightfur proudly sat straight as her clan cheered her name.
She was surprised to see her littermates cheering just as loud as the rest of them. Did they forgive her for her temper? The temper she'd let get out of hand? Not that she'd directed it at anyone besides them.
It wasn't her sister's fault that WindClan had left her damaged.
She realized that her little sisters were almost four moons old. She wasn't sure how she hadn't noticed. She felt guilty for not being the best big sister. She hadn't been the best sister to any of her siblings.
She wasn't sure she wanted to get to know them. Nightfur still felt like she was looking over her shoulder everyday just to make sure her death wasn't coming.
She felt her excitement die down with her thoughts but refused to let others know what she was thinking.
The black warrior still felt like everyone was pitying her because of her leg, but she knew they'd all gotten past it. Well, apparently, some part of her didn't know that.
She felt excited again at the thought of seeing Nutwhisker again. They were just friends. And they hadn't had to fight each other. Yet.
She really hated the voice of reason that seemed to pop up whenever it felt like it.
Ones the yells died down, Pinestar continued. "You will watch the camp tonight."
The newly named warrior knew that the Leader wanted to say something more. She had a feeling she knew what it was.
Had he stayed longer than expected because he'd taken her as an apprentice? Had he stayed to finish her training?
Others waited for him to continue. She glanced at Lionpaw who looked worried and knowledgeable. He knew too.
Pinestar didn't say anything more and dismissed the clan before retreating back into his den for the night.
Nightfur followed him, Lionpaw right behind her. It wasn't night-fall quiet yet, her vigil didn't start until then.
"Why didn't you say what you wanted?" Nightfur asked curiously.
Pinestar turned and gave her a wary look. "I said what was needed to be said."
"If you don't want to be leader, just say it." She forced herself to keep her temper in check. "If you want to be a kittypet then just leave."
The leader looked at her with wide eyes, as if wondering how his former apprentice knew his secret. He glanced at Lionpaw who shook his head in answer.
Pinestar's eyes narrowed at Nightfur. "Have you been spying on me?" He accused.
"No. I've just been observing everything. You disappeared more than once in the few moons. Did the battle scare the battlescard leader?" Her expression was emotionless.
Before he could protest her words, she went on. "The clan doesn't need a leader with paws in both worlds. The clan needs someone who puts everything for their clan."
"I've given this clan eight lives!" He snapped. "I don't want to give up my last one!"
"StarClan gave you those nine lives for ThunderClan. It's a little selfish to not give up all of them for your clan, don't you think?"
She shot Lionpaw a glare when he opened his mouth to speak. He quickly closed it and held his tongue.
"I've given eight lives in three years!" He spat. "I've watched my clanmates die around me! I've watched borders change and change and change! I've been in more battles than you can imagine." His eyes were cold. "I've lead ThunderClan through tough times. I deserve to spend my last life in peace."
"Then retire like all the other cats do when they've served their time."
Nightfur glanced outside, suddenly dreading watching the clan. If the leader didn't have his heart in protecting his clan, why should she? She shook that thought off. He'd given his heart and soul long enough. Anyone his age would have retired by now.
She glared over at the leader. "Obviously I can't tell you what to do, but I think you need to decide once and for all where your heart truly lays."
She turned and exited the den. She shouldn't have said what she'd said — even she didn't know where her loyalties lay. Did her loyalties lie more with Nutwhisker or her clan? She felt like she needed to leave. She needed to get away. Had she just trapped herself in the clan?
She sat silently in the middle of the camp for the night, icily glancing around to make sure she knew where everyone was.
Stormtail approached her the next morning, saying that her vigil was over. She could eat something and go make a nest and rest for a few hours before her warrior duties began.
She wasn't hungry, and she wasn't feeling tired, but she knew he'd ask what was wrong and she didn't want to have a conversation about what she felt with her father.
She slightly dipped her head to him before turning and padding to her new den. Where was she supposed to sleep? She didn't want to take someone else's nest…
The warrior saw an open nest next to her sisters and hesitantly moved over to them. Bluefur cracked open an eye.
"That nest is free." She yawned, standing touching noses with her sister. "We're really proud of you." She added warmly.
Nightfur settled herself in her new nest, wishing she was back in the Apprentices' Den. It didn't feel as crowded.
She listened as her sisters padded out of the den. Hours must have passed and she still hadn't slept. She pushed herself to her paws, feeling drowsy. She stretched to get blood flowing and left the den.
"Nightfur," Sunfall called her over "I want you on Bluefur's hunting patrol."
She blinked the tiredness away from her eyes and nodded at the deputy as she went to join her sister's first patrol (as leader). Thistlepaw and Adderfang were hunting with them as well.
She wondered if it was time for Thistlepaw to become a warrior. She was sure he'd be promoted with his sisters, since Sweetpaw and Rosepaw hadn't spent time ill.
She trekked behind the rest of them, her ears pricked to hear what she could. When Bluefur signaled for them to stop so she could hunt, she waited for Thistlepaw to make a noise.
She inwardly sighed when he did. Bluefur turned on him, furious, for he had scared off the prey. The apprentice shrugged which made the blue warrior even more furious.
They split off into solo hunting with Thistlepaw as watch. He complained that the crippled cat should keep watch since he could hunt better that her.
Nightfur had to remind herself that he was her clanmate and that Snowfur liked him. That was the only thing that kept her from clawing his ears off.
It seemed like her not reacting was all that was holding Bluefur back. Adderfang, however, hissed at him to show respect to his clanmates.
Nightfur moved silently through the undergrowth. It was warm weather and it would be plentiful. No cat would go hungry. She hoped.
She let out a hiss of irritation when Thistlepaw called a false warning.
Now she wanted to claw some realism into the tom, but clenched her jaw and kept hunting. She ignored his other warnings until it was Adderfang who called it.
She flinched and ran with a fat mouse in her jaws to where her clanmates were gathered. Bluefur and Adderfang where spitting at the dog from where they were crouched in a tree. A rabbit lay next to her sister.
Nightfur stiffened when the dog smelt her. She couldn't outrun a dog. Not by a long shot. She'd be It's prey before she got a running chance.
Still, she had to try. And she doubted they'd care about the fat mouse if it were used as a distraction. The thought crossed her mind but before she could act on it, her clanmates leaped from where they were perched, Bluefur's rabbit in her jaws.
She turned and ran, her clanmates hot on her trail. She was sure the dog was right behind them.
Bluefur darted in front of her, running to get help.
Nightfur got halfway to the camp when her leg started cramping. Perfect timing.
She wouldn't be any use in a battle with a dog. She was out of breath and she knew she couldn't be useful if she froze in terror every time or used her leg as a crutch.
Nightfur tossed her prey away and crouched, ready to fight the dog, when Thistlepaw came barging through and and started fighting the mutt.
He hissed at her to go, that he could handle it. She hesitated before resuming her run, picking her prey, and racing into camp.
Already cats were exiting to help the apprentice as she pushed her way through.
She knew they weren't needed when she heard whining and saw the dog fleeing with some nasty claw marks.
Bluefur had followed her down to make sure she was fine and Adderfang hadn't had a chance to attack before Thistlepaw ran it off.
Still, a patrol was sent to make sure it was off their territory. Needless to say, Thistlepaw became Thistleclaw after that reckless show of bravery.
Nightfur was exhausted when she climbed into her nest that night. I'll have to tell Nutwhisker tomorrow. She thought tiredly.
XxXxXx
Warning: If you ignored the first warning here is your second
Nightfur woke up for Dawn Patrol the next day, still not fully rested. She doubted she'd ever get enough sleep. She thought back to when she was a kit, nestled safely beside her sisters and mother.
She never realized how much she'd miss those midday naps and days of not worrying about a thing.
They were patrolling the ShadowClan border and felt excitement jolt through her at the prospect of seeing Nutwhisker again. It had only been a few days, but it felt longer.
She was falling head over heels for him and she didn't know if she wanted to stop her feelings. Now that she was a Warrior, it'd be easier to slip away to meet him. Her paws tingled in anticipation.
When she saw Nutwhisker, she had to fight against the urge to rush to meet him. He gave her a rueful smile and followed his clanmates.
She fought against the wave of disappointment. They'd just have to talk later, then.
We've barely known each other for a moon, she tried to rationalize. How can I be sure that what I feel is real?
Nightfur had never been in love. Not as human, and certainly not as a cat. She didn't know what it felt like to be in love and have your heart broken.
She was torn between logic and feeling. Logically, she knew she shouldn't be even considering getting into a relationship with the ShadowClan tom, but her feelings told her to take a chance on him.
Once her patrol was over, she tried sneaking away. She hoped that she could talk to Nutwhisker. She'd told him that she'd passed her warrior assessment a few nights ago. He'd been proud that she was getting the name she'd earned moons ago.
Before she could leave the camp, Pinestar called her to his den. Her heart dropped.
"Yes, Pinestar?" She mewed warily as she pushed her way into his den.
"Thistleclaw tells me you ignored his warnings about the dog yesterday." The leader's eyes narrowed. "You put your clanmates at risk."
"He kept—"
"I don't care if he was calling false alarms or not. You all could have been killed because of your recklessness."
"My recklessness?" She growled. "If he hadn't raised three false alarms prior to that, I wouldn't've ignored him!"
"You are—"
"You think I don't know that I run with a limp? That I'll never be able to do my job to my full capacity? I did what you wanted: I stopped pretending like it didn't exist."
He glared at her. "You can't afford to ignore any alarms false or otherwise."
Nightfur glared right back at him. "I don't need a wannabe Kittypet telling me what to do."
The leader looked furious at her words. "I am still your Clan leader." He hissed the words.
"For how long? A few day? Half a moon, at most?" She didn't care that she was talking to Pinestar in such a way. If he wanted to be a soft-hearted housecat, then he forfeited any respect he'd earned.
He looked like he was going to snap something back at her, but instead growled "Get out of my den."
Nightfur turned and exited the den. She immediately left the camp, her fur ruffled as her temper refused to simmer down. She didn't want to talk to anyone. Not her clanmates and not Nutwhisker.
She wanted to be alone, but at the same time, she didn't. She wished she could talk to somebody. Despite what she said, she did have some respect left for the Leader. She couldn't betray her clan.
Even if her heart was saying that it wasn't her clan anymore. That she didn't belong in any clan. She swallowed as she found herself sitting next to the spot where she usually met Nutwhisker.
She crouched under a bush. She didn't want to think anymore. She thought to much as it was. She pressed her paws to her ears.
Stop being depressed over your clan. She growled to herself.
But she wasn't depressed. She was angry.
Angry at whoever stole her life and made her a cat.
Angry at WindClan for killing her mother and leaving her crippled.
Angry at Pinestar for not trusting her.
Angry at Snowfur for falling for Thistleclaw.
Angry at Thistleclaw for making her look stupid and incompetent as a warrior.
Angry at herself for wanting to live instead of die for her littermate's destiny.
She had just become a warrior. She couldn't just… leave ThunderClan, but she was miserable. She couldn't just leave the clans, she couldn't just leave Nutwhisker.
Even though she was falling hard for him, she felt closer to him than she did anyone in her own clan. It felt like he was her best friend.
The black warrior had moved her paws at some point. She lifted her head when she scented Nutwhisker nearby. She didn't know how long she'd been crouched beneath the bush, but she'd moved to laying.
"Nightpaw?" He mewed worriedly when he saw her. "What's wrong?"
She didn't have the strength to tell him about her new name. She barely had the strength to look at him and register the worry etched on his face, in his eyes. Was it bad that she didn't care?
"I shouldn't be here." She whispered numbly. She couldn't feel anything. Hate, depression, anger, happiness. She couldn't feel what she'd just been feeling when she'd stormed out of her camp.
She saw him flinch. "Then why are you here?"
"I don't belong." Her mind felt fuzzy and she felt detached from her emotions. Her tone had gone from portraying a little emotion to none in a matter of seconds.
"What do you mean?" He mewed in alarm. He'd never heard her sound… so emotionless. She had always seemed so strong, but right now she looked broken and weak and he didn't know how to help.
"I don't belong." She repeated, resting her head on her paws.
"Of course you belong." He was at a loss as to what the right words were. He could see that she wasn't focusing on what she was saying. She probably wasn't hearing what he was saying and both those combined terrified him.
He crossed the border and settled next to her. She looked so fragile and small.
She gave him a bitter laugh. "ThunderClan doesn't need a crippled warrior."
Nutwhisker knew it wasn't Nightpaw talking. It was… but at the same time, it wasn't. He couldn't describe it if someone asked. "What makes you say that?"
She turned her blank gaze to him. "I can't move as fast as the other warriors. I can't defend myself …"
"Of course you can defend yourself!" He touched noses with her. She flinched back. "Just because you need help doesn't mean you're any less of a warrior."
He realized he didn't know her new name, but it wasn't the time to ask.
"I shouldn't be… here."
He had a feeling she didn't mean here as in where she was, but he didn't know what she meant.
She pushed scrambled out from underneath the bush and he didn't hesitate before following. "I need to get home."
She wasn't padding towards the ThunderClan camp. Did she have another home?
He padded beside her. "Your home isn't this way."
"It is." She insisted.
Nutwhisker still hadn't found out what had gotten into her.
"I need to see my Mother and Father." She added, as if that made anymore sense.
"Your mother is dead." He gently reminded her
She adamantly shook her head. "She isn't dead." She sounded so sure about that.
"They've been looking for me for over year."
Her gaze still hadn't come back into focus, and her tone still didn't hold any emotion. It was making him nervous.
"They've always known where you were." He stepped in front of her, she tried stepping around him. He decided to go with what she was saying, even if it made no sense to him.
"Then why haven't they come to get me?" She sounded distraught. He felt a little relief that there was some emotion she managed to use. She'd stopped trying to get around him.
"Because you're better where you are." He placed a tail on her shoulder and guided her back to the bush she'd been under where he'd found her. She obviously didn't want to be in her camp, or else she would have been there and someone there would have talked with her.
Even if wasn't her he was talking too.
They settled back under the bush.
"Pinestar thinks I'm a liability." She looked exhausted, but he knew she wasn't going to sleep until she said what she needed to say. It might take all day and night, but it didn't matter to him.
"Do you think you are?" He didn't take his gaze off her.
She shrugged. "It doesn't matter what I think."
"He's going to make me be an apprentice again." She whispered. "He's going to make me be a Medicine Cat Apprentice." She sounded miserable.
He some relief with the return of emotion to her voice.
"He can't make you do something you don't want."
She turned her head away. "The Clan leader's word is law." She reminded him.
"He can't make StarClan accept you as a Medicine Cat."
"But Featherwhisker can."
She was a thousand steps away even with her laying beside him.
"Even he doesn't control StarClan."
"What if it's StarClan's will?"
"If it were, you wouldn't've had the determination to earn a nest in the Warriors den."
"How can you be sure?" He saw her eyes focus on him. He wasn't sure if she was back, if whatever had come over her had passed.
"Because you don't have the patience that comes with being a Medicine Cat." His sister was patient enough, as short tempered as she was.
"I'd hate to keep calling you Nightpaw when it isn't your name anymore." He added teasingly.
Her gaze was calculating as she stared at him. "I didn't tell you?" She sounded genuinely confused. "It's Nightfur now."
She leaned against him. "I'm tired." She mewed with a yawn.
"Then sleep."
She could sleep, but he wasn't going to. He felt the need to watch her and he wasn't sure how he'd manage that with her in ThunderClan and him in ShadowClan.
I hope that wasn't to much. I hope it wasn't dark. I don't know if I should have Pinestar killed and Bluefur be Sunfall's only deputy or if I should have Pinestar leave and follow canon a lil bit.
NightmareTheFoxWitch: I suppose I can let you been captain )
Snowcrystal of Thunderclan: ScFi stories can get scary :u
Moonblossom32: I agree. Nightfur should not die. And I think I'm leaning more towards she doesn't. One of her kits will probably be the feature of the next series. Can't decide if they should be in ShadowClan or ThunderClan, though.
Sunfrost21-KITSTAR: oooh thank you for the complement. I feel extra pressured to tell an amazing story. I feel like it isn't exactly a hint hint anymore.
Sierra stanley 52: I never see any fanfictions with Nutwhisker in it! I feel like we all forgot about the poor tom; everyone focuses on Yellowfang a lot more. Rowanberry? Nutwhisker? Who are they? I knew Foxheart and that was about all I knew before I went digging for possible mates for Nightfur.