Disclaimer: I dont own this shit, please dont sue me Kurt Sutter!
Author's note: I just can't stop, just when I think I'll take a day off from writing, all of these ideas come floating into my mind. :)
2009
Tara drove down the winding road that lead into Charming, California, she turned up the music on the radio, letting Tim McGraw's soothing baritone calm her nerves. Her headlights shined on the "Welcome to Charming, California Population 17,874" sign and her heartbeat sped up. Calm down Tara, she told herself. It's not as if flashing lights and sirens would go off the minute she crossed into the city limits. She let out a pent up breath, practicing the breathing techniques that she learned from her yoga instructor.
She had landed the pediatric residency at St. Thomas Community hospital, which was located on the boarder of Charming and Lodi. Tara's grip on the steering wheel tightened as she drove into the town proper. She never thought she would be nervous to come back to the place that had been her home for 18 years, but here she was scared witless. She slowed down as she passed by the Teller-Marrow garage, she thought of pulling in to the parking lot, but at the last minute she changed her mind and continued onto her original destination. As she drove through the town she noticed that little had changed. The library had expanded, and there was a new beauty shop where the bookstore had sat, but other than that everything was same. Tara took comfort in that. Right now she needed steady.
She had left Chicago in a rush, only giving her boss one day of notice. She had spoken with him about the situation with Joshua and he had understood, telling her that if she ever wanted to come back that he would welcome her with open arms.
Joshua Kohn was Tara's ex-boyfriend. Tara had not dated in 8 years when she met Josh. She had thought about it, she had been asked out, a lot, but every time she thought she mind say yes, Jax's face came to the forefront of her mind. She felt like she was cheating on him. She wasn't even sure that she had a heart to give to anyone because she felt as if she had left in Charming with Jax.
She had met Josh when he brought his wounded partner into the Emergency Room. He had been nice to her, talkative, so much so that Tara could just listen to him. He had come back to the hospital every night for a month looking for Tara, bringing her flowers, candy and dinner. Finally she had said yes to him, but now she realized that was the second biggest mistake of her life. He was an agent with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. He was also the catalyst that had sent Tara reeling back to her hometown. He had been beaten Tara, breaking one of fingers and blackening her eye, but Tara could handle that. She could handle moving from place to place to get away from Josh, but he had stepped over the line and now Tara was determined to protect what was hers. The abuse had started slowly, little comments about Tara's intelligence, snide comments here and there about her body. They were always done in a slick, easy way so that Tara was second guessing herself all the time.
One day Tara had come home in the middle of the day and passed out on the couch, she had just spent the last 30 hours at the hospital. Joshua had shaken her awake, looking down at her as if she had done something wrong. Tara had sat up, slightly dazed and still half asleep. He had begun questioning her, where had she been? He had been waiting for her call for two days, and this was how he found her, passed out on the couch without any regard to his feelings. Tara had slowly come awake, staring at Josh like he had lost his mind. She had stood, turning to walk to her room when he had grabbed her arm and slapped her across the face. Tara kicked him out, taking his keys from him. He had apologized starting the flower parade again at the hospital. Tara had gone to the police station to get a restraining order, but they had refused her. She didn't back down, she kept trying for her restraining order until finally a cop with kind eyes had given her the nod on the R.O.
That didn't stop Josh though, oh no it seemed to make him want her MORE. So much so that he broke into her new apartment and attacked her, raping her and beating her to a pulp. That night had been the night that he had crossed the line. She had left her apartment, leaving everything behind except a few essentials. She had moved from place to place around Chicago, hoping that Josh would eventually lose interest.
5 weeks later Tara found out she was pregnant. The week after that she went to get an abortion. When she walked outside of the clinic Joshua was sitting across the street in his silver sedan, watching her. He stared at her hard for a moment and then sped off, leaving Tara standing there in fear.
Tara pulled up in front of her father's house. The lawn was overgrown, weeds were taking over the house. Her father had died 5 years earlier, Tara had come back to Charming briefly for his funeral, but had not stayed at this house. Tara sighed to herself while she surveyed the mess in front of her, she had a lot of work to do.
Tara's first week back in Charming had been a whirlwind of work, sleep, work, sleep. As soon as she walked through the doors of St. Thomas she had been slammed with patients, she barely had time to think let alone clean out the crap from her father's house. Today was her first day off in four days, and she intended to get some cleaning done, and stock the house with food and supplies. She cleaned the kitchen out first, tying a bandanna around her face, she scoured the kitchen with bleach and water. When she was done it shined. She opened the door of the garage, feeling along the wall for the light switch that she knew would be there. When she got the light on, she sat back and looked at the black car that had been the only baby her father had ever known, that was piled up with crap. Old newspapers, beer bottles, things that Tara was afraid to identify cover the outside of the old black beauty.
Tara went into the house and grabbed two big black garbage bags, she walked out into the garage and got to work.
When she was done cleaning the off the car, she went back into the house and grabbed the keys off the table, she grabbed her purse and her grocery list and headed back into the garage. She lifted the old garage door, and came face to face with Donna. They both screamed, Tara started to slam the garage door back down but was stopped by Opie's hand on the bottom of the door. Donna had a gun aimed directly at her heart. They stared at each other for a moment, both wide eyed. Suddenly the fearful moment passed and they ran to each other hugging each other tightly and speaking to each other rapidly.
"I didnt know you where back-...
"I was gonna come by...-"
"Oh my god!" they both squealed and Opie rolled his eyes at them both. He waited for them to let go of each other before he walked over to Tara, swung her around and lifted her up into a big bear hug, swinging her around in a circle.
Tara hugged him back, "Opie" she said. She had missed him, she had missed them both. She communicated with Donna via e-mail every once in a while but the last 6 years that had been sporadic at best. Opie put Tara back on the ground. He was smiling from ear to ear.
"It's about damned time you got your ass back here Knowles!" he exclaimed. He was smiling from ear to ear, he looked into the garage, searching for Jax. Surely he knew before anyone else that Tara was back, he had to be there.
Tara followed Opie's gaze, wondering what he was looking for. Then it hit her, he was looking for Jax.
"He's not here Opie" she said quietly and then turned back to Donna. She grabbed her old friend's hands.
"How have you been?" she asked her.
"We're hanging in there" she said, her smile slipping a little. Her eyes flicked over to Opie, and he nodded in understanding and walked over and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and then took off on his bike. Tara noticed that he was not wearing a Sons of Anarchy cut.
She frowned and Donna saw.
"He quit the club after he got out" she said, reading Tara's mind. "Club's the reason he got locked up in the first place" Donna said her voice slightly bitter.
Tara wrapped her arm around Donna's neck and guided her back into the house. She didn't want their reunion marred by bitterness. She had missed her friend and wanted to catch up.
"Sorry the kitchen smells like bleach, didn't have many cleaning supplies and could only use what I could find" Tara said feeling a bit ashamed of her house.
"No worries sweety" Donna said kindly. She smiled at Tara, it was so good to see her, god.
"What brings you back to Charming?" she asked trying not to be nosey but curious all the same.
"It's a long story" Tara said
"Well I've got time, kids are in school. Let's make some coffee and catch up" Donna said. She was curious about Tara but really she just wanted to spend time with a friend.
Tara looked guilty. "Umm actually I was just on my way to the grocery store for some supplies, and then off to Marcus' Diner for breakfast" Tara said. She wanted to invite Donna to go with her, but she wasn't sure if their friendship could just pick up right where it left off. Tara fingered the locket at her neck and Donna's eyes followed the movement. Surely that was not the same locket Jax had given Tara over 13 years ago. She leaned forward slightly and got a better look at it. Yea it was. She looked at her friend, hmmm, that was strange.
"I could tag along," Donna offered hesitantly, "We could catch up"
"Okay" Tara said quickly. Tara was actually pretty excited that Donna wanted to hang out. It made her happy that at least two people in town didn't hate her guts. She knew that everyone would not be as welcoming. "We can take my car" Donna offered and Tara was totally grateful and agreed quickly.
Tara and Donna had gone grocery shopping together. Tara had gotten everything on her list and then some. When Tara pulled the list out of her purse Donna had shaken her head and said some things never change. They walked around the grocery store getting items and giggling like they were 14 again.
They were currently sitting in Marcus' Diner, they plates empty and cups of steaming coffee in their hands. The conversation between them was easy, like no time had passed at all.
"So", Donna said smiling over at Tara, "spill"
Tara reached up and grabbed her locket rubbing it slightly between her fingers. She smiled at Donna, she was debating what to tell Donna and what to keep to herself. She looked into Donna's eyes, knowing she couldn't keep anything from her friend and began from the beginning.
Gemma was walking by Marcus' when she glanced in the window, and stopped in her tracks. She blinked. There in front of her, across from Donna sat Tara. They were laughing together as if a day hadn't passed. Gemma felt the old familiar rage begin to boil in her chest. She walked over to the entrance of the cafe and pushed through the door. She walked over to the table where Tara sat.
"Well, well looks like someone is slumming it" Gemma said looking down her nose at Tara.
Tara looked up, her heart jumping to her throat. She looked Gemma directly in the eye and nodded her head.
"Gemma" she said acknowledging her.
"What the hell are you doing back here?" Gemma said harshly not caring that she was drawing looks from the surrounding tables.
Tara's hand reached for her locket, letting the familiar warm smooth surface calm her suddenly frazzled nerves.
"I'm here to take care of some family business Gemma." she said calmly.
"Make sure you make it quick" Gemma said sarcastically.
"It was nice seeing you too Gemma" Tara said turning back to Donna and dismissing the one only woman she had spent the majority of her life admiring.
Gemma wanted to slap the shit out of this little bitch in front of her, but she didn't, she muttered "stupid bitch" under her breath, turned on her four inch heel and walked out of the restaurant.
Donna looked back at Tara. Tara's face remained composed but her hand was working overtime on that locket again. Donna reached across to table and grabbed Tara's free hand. She rubbed the back of it in an effort to calm her friend down.
"That was tough" she said
"Yea" Tara whispered. Looking down at the table. Gemma hated her, she felt like I rejected child.
"She'll get over it" Donna said, "If not she'll get under it" she said with a wink, using one of their old sayings from high school.
Tara laughed lightly.
"So tell me about medical school" Donna said trying to distract Tara.
Tara's hand fell away from the locket. Hmmm, Donna thought, curiouser and curiouser.
"Well, it was fun. Good but tough, so tough. It was like I had to go in there and be this ballbuster everyday. I had to be the best at everything, because I was a woman. You wouldn't believe it but women are still considered a minority in the medical profession today. So it was like this HUGE challenge, and I conquered it." Tara said with a big smile."I was top of my class."
Donna rolled her eyes. "Duh, Tara, I would expect no less from you." she said and then she smiled. "So tell me why you decided to come back here, leave Chicago"
Tara looked away, her hand briefly touched the locket again. Donna watched the movement. "There was a guy, he was really...intense...things got physical. I tried to leave him but he began to stalk me, I think moving over a thousand miles away would put an end to it all." She finished and looked back at Donna with a sad little smile
"Well your safe now" Donna said touching Tara's hand again."Do you have a gun?" she asked.
"Yes, I have my dad's old revolver" Tara said
"Alright, make sure you carry it on you at all times" Donna said. "Now let's get back to your house and get to work on that bad boy" Donna said. Tara smiled at her and left a $20 on the table. They both grabbed their purses and walked out of the restaurant.
Tara and Donna spent the afternoon in Tara's house cleaning out the rooms. By the time 2:00 pm rolled around they had ten garbage bags filled to bursting. Tara mentioned painting, but said that she would be working for the next three days, Donna gave her the house number and address and told her to call when she was ready to start painting. Tara gave Donna a big long hug, kissed her on the cheek, and said that she would take her up on the offer.
Tara watched Donna pull away from her house and then wandered into the garage. She pulled the keys to the cutlass out of her pocket and attempted to start it. To her surprise it purred to life. Tara backed it up out of the garage and into the driveway. She jumped out of the car leaving it running and went to lock the house down. She drove through town slowly, not wanting to push the car too hard. When she reached the city limits she opened it up, letting the car gallop for the first time in 6 years.
When she pulled back into the driveway of her father's house, she a motorcycle parked in the grass beside the driveway. She pulled in slowly, her palms sweaty and her hands beginning shake. She could feel her breathing increase, and she tried to use her yoga breathing to calm herself down. She would recognize Jax's Harley Dyna anywhere.
She opened the door of the cutlass and got out of the car. She expected him to be sitting on her front step but he was not, she wondered where he could've gone, maybe he was in the back of the house. Tara made her way carefully through the yard. Making sure to keep her eyes on the overgrown grass for snakes. Tara hated snakes, even the so called no poisonous ones scared the beejesus out of her. She eyes were glued to the ground, so she didn't see the person walking toward her until she had run directly into his chest.
Tara flew into an immediate fight or flight reaction, grabbing for her purse and the gun that was inside. She barely heard Jax yelling her name over and over.
"TARA!" he yelled at her shaking her slightly. She looked at him with a dazed expression. She immediately wrapped arms around him, happy that it was him and not Josh.
Jax stood there for a moment in confusion, and then slowly wrapped Tara in his arms. Holding her close was like being washed over with a fresh breeze of air. His heart sped up, and he pulled her closer, wanting to pull her into his skin. Tara held onto Jax, laying her head over his heart. She had this feeling of complete calm settle over her, and she knew she was home. Jax rubbed his hand over her hair, it wasn't as long as it used to be, it now just reached her shoulders, but he liked it.
They pulled back from one another simultaneously, staring into one another's eyes. They released each other at the same time, but still stood close to one another.
"Hey" Jax said.
"Hey" Tara said. She continued to stare at him, trying to find something to say to him.
He stared at her, trying to find something to say to her.
"Opie-
"I was gonna-"
They looked at each other and then laughed. Tara held her hand out and raised her eyebrows indicating that he should go first.
"Opie came by the garage today and told me you were back in town." he began and smiled slightly,"he told me Donna got the drop on you, thinking you were robber or some such shit"
"Yea, the welcome wagon in Charming has changed quite a bit since I left. Now instead of a fruit basket, you just get a soccer mom with a 9mm pointed at your heart" Tara said and they both laughed at that and relaxed a little.
"I just wanted to come by and see if it was true" he said looking at her in eyes. Tara stared back, she couldn't believe how much she missed those eyes. She suddenly had the feeling of wanting to jump into his arms and spill everything to him, but she knew she couldn't, she had to do this right or all would be lost.
"Thanks Jax" she said looking away from him and staring at her feet.
"Welcome home Knowles" he said and touched her shoulder until she looked back at him, with that he turned on his heel and started to walk toward his bike.
Tara ran to catch up with him.
"Can you make time to talk with me sometime in the next week, Jax?" she asked quickly pushing past the lump in her throat. "You and Gemma" she said quietly
He frowned slightly at her, he was about to say no, but she looked so vulnerable standing there, how could he refuse her anything?
"Sure, I'll talk to mom and we'll set up a time" he said, and just because he could he touched her waist, leaned over and kiss her forehead, then turned to leave.
Tara stood there watching him get on his bike, and stood there long after he was gone. She touched the spot he had kissed, it was as if no time had passed at all. Her feelings were exactly the same, if not stronger. She sighed and turned to go into the house, making sure to push a chair against the door after she closed the door.
Jax was in the garage under a car trying to fix a problem that the prospect had caused when he heard a bike pull up into the parking lot of Teller-Morrow. He slid out from under the car and grabbed a rag for his hands. A dark blue triumph pulled up into the near the opening of the garage and the rider got off. Jax noticed that the rider was shorter than him and a bit of blond hair came out from under their helmet. Jax couldn't see this person's face because they were wearing a full coverage helmet. Jax assumed it was a woman.
Maybe she needed help with her bike. He continued to walk over to the unknown rider, assessing this chicks body. Wasn't his type really, first because he wasn't that into blonds, and second because the closer he got the younger her body looked. Jax stopped at the edge of the garage and the rider close the distance between them. Jax noted that she was limping heavily as she made her way to him. Maybe she had gotten into an accident and needed a bit of help. He called for Chibs, yelling loudly over his shoulder.
She whipped her helmet off and Jax was shocked to see the face of a young boy appear. He looked Jax directly in the eye, and Jax felt as though he has been sucker punched.
"You Jax Teller", the pre-teen kid asked him without pretense. All Jax could do was nod, he knew those eyes, they had haunted his dreams for 11 years.
"I-..." the kid said but he never finished his sentence because he passed out landing squarely on Jax's chest.
Jax caught the kid, slowly lowering him to the ground with both of his hand. When he lifted his left hand away from the kid's back it was covered in blood. Jax went into panic mode. He screamed for help, and five people came running out of the club, his mother came running out of the shop office.
Tara was asleep in the on-call room when her pager began going off like crazy. She looked down at it and realized it was a pediatric emergency. She quickly slipped on her shoes and ran out of the room running toward the emergency entrance of the hospital.
When she made it to the victim, she noted that one of the nurses was on his chest performing CPR. As she ran up to the gurney she could hear the stats of the patient being yelled out to her.
"White male, approximately 10 years in age, multiple stab wounds to the front and back torso..." the stats continued but Tara didn't hear them anymore. Her heart had stopped in her chest when she got a good look of the face of the patient on the gurney. She began barking out order, going into super doctor mode, not feeling or seeing anyone except the child in front of her.
Tara walked out of the emergency anxious to get up to the surgical floor so that she could get started on the surgery of her latest patient. A nurse grabbed her arm from behind. Tara turned to stare at her patiently.
"Dr. Knowles, the people that brought the boy in are waiting for an update on his condition," Tara nodded and asked where they were the nurse gave her a frightened look and said the emergency waiting room. Tara wondered at the nurses behavior, but could not spend too much time on it because she had to get up to assist in this surgery. She walked quickly into the waiting room and for the second time in a week walked face first into Jax's chest. He grabbed her arms and steadied her, and suddenly she was surrounded by what she believed to be the entire Charming SAMCRO family.
She looked up and Jax, and he stared back at her impassively, he knows she thought.
She took a deep breath and addressed the room at large.
"He coded, meaning that his heart stopped beating, but we managed to bring him back, we're running tests right now to look for internal bleeding, if we find any we'll have to go in and operate" she said still staring at Jax's chest. She could feel his eyes lasering into her skull. "I'll update everyone as soon as we know something" she said, and with that she turned and fled the room. She could feel the tears rising and she would be damned if she would break down in front of these people. She walk quickly into the hallway, not seeing the look that passed between Gemma and Jax. She was struggling to get a hold on her emotions when the nurse from earlier walked up to her.
"Dr Knowles, did you happen see any identification on the 10 year old that came in a few minutes ago, I'm trying to figure out his name so we can attempt to contact his relatives" No need Tara thought bitterly.
She felt someone approaching her from behind, she didn't need to turn around to confirm that it was Jax, but she did anyway. She looked him directly in the eye when she replied to the nurse's question, "His name is John Jackson Teller."
Tara looked John's x-rays with the lead pediatric surgeon, they saw some bleeding that would need to be repaired. Tara went to scrub up in the scrub room, pushing everything from her mind and focusing on the the task at hand. Her son's life was in her hands, she brought all of her training to the forefront of her mind before she entered the operating room.
4 hours and two heart stopping moments later, Tara walked out of the operating room triumphant. She still had her surgical scrubs on when she walked down to the emergency room to see if the SAMCRO family was still waiting for news.
They were. Tara let out a tired sigh as she entered the room. She would just give them the fact, she didn't think she could handle any confrontations tonight. She had just spent the last 4 hours fighting for her son's life, she didn't think she could handle much of anything except a bed.
Again, she didn't focus in on anyone in particular in the room. "We had to perform surgery, when we got in he had more damage than we originally thought, but we managed to patch everything up. He isn't out of the woods yet, the next 24 hours will be critical to his survival" Tara spoke like a robot but inside she was crying, crying. She turned to leave the room when she heard Gemma say,"Just a moment Doc!" and then she heard Jax say, "MOM! Leave her alone!" she kept walking trying to block all of them out. She was going to have a break down, she could feel it rising from her chest. She spotted a bathroom at the end of the hallway and nearly ran into it slamming the door behind her as the first sob ripped from her throat. She couldn't breathe and she felt dizzy so she sat on the floor. The package of M&M's that she had gotten from the vending machine rose to the back of her throat, she crawled over to the toilet and threw up, her body dry heaving when she had thrown up all of the contents of her stomach.
She heard the door open and she attempted to say "Someone's in here" but the person pushed through the doorway anyway. It was Jax, he walked over to her and picked her up. He carried her down the hallway and got on an elevator, he got off on the appropriate floor and carried her into the on-call room. He laid her on the bed, and took off her shoes. He sat on the edge of the bed and began rubbing her back. Tara cried her heart out. Her son, her life was in this very hospital suffering and it was all her fault! She thought he would be safe anyway from her. Jax continued to stroke her back, letting her cry. Eventually Tara cried herself out, and became quiet, she felt sleep pulling her down and her eyes growing heavy. She could still feel Jax stroking her back and she fell asleep.