John was pleased with the clinking of the glasses against the table and each other. His head was low, watching the absent light float through. He was on his third shot of whiskey, or possibly he had already switched to bourbon at that point. It all really tasted the same to him and he didn't care anymore.
"John. May I sit with you?" The voice was soft and he knew it before he turned in his chair to look at Justin Taylor.
Crap, John thought, why did it have to be him? "Sure."
"Looks like you have a head start on me."
John sighed, signaling the bartender at Woody's. "Yeah, well. Don't drink too much. You've got that biking thing after all."
Justin just shook his head solemnly. "It seems like I'm not going anymore."
John pawed one of the cool shot glasses between his hands. "Yeah? That's a shame."
"Rage has been given a movie deal in Los Angeles. Michael wants me to go."
"And you're suspicious?"
The bartender came and set down two shots. Justin reacted predictably to his with a stern face. "Well, I wasn't until now. Damn, man, what are you drinking?"
John shrugged. "I've gotta be honest. I stopped paying attention awhile back."
"That's apparent."
"So, Justin, why so glum? Isn't this what you wanted? To making a living with art?"
Justin bit down on his lip. "We both know this isn't what I ultimately want. Sure, art is great, but fuck it if there's no love involved."
John chuckled, working a crick in his neck. "You should have been a poet, Justin. That was beautiful. I'm sorry if I'm not too sympathetic for the crash that is your fairy tale with Brian."
The next set of shots arrived and Justin narrowed his gaze at John. "Jealous?"
John snorted. "Sure. We'll go with that." Several moments of silence passed.
"I mean..."
John hissed. "Stop trying to explain Taylor. I know how screwed up everything is."
"Then why are you here?"
"Because, my little artist friend, my jump is toward the other end of the pond. A friend has offered me an engagement at his club in London. It's supposed to be everything I want as well."
Justin lifted his shot glass to John and they proceeded to clink with sarcastic intent. "How about that, then? We both get what we want."
John scoffed. "Yeah, at a price."
Justin shrugged. "Nothing's free in this world and it's not like..."
"That's easy for you to say. Brian will be around a lot longer."
Justin lowered his voice. "And Ben would hate for you to put your life on hold for him."
"But he knows that I would."
"I have no doubt of that. But we can surprise them both with adult decisions."
John shook his head, reaching back for his coat as he stumbled off his stool. "Screw that. I came here to escape being an adult."
John stumbled alone into the darkness. It was night, early or late didn't matter anymore to him. It was cold enough to need a jacket but warm enough that tears couldn't freeze. He remembered this bridge, this place. A connector between school and the avenue, the old house that had been left abandoned. They had named it, stocked it with Gatorade. And now it was gone, the promises all empty. John hurt.
That was the irony of it all. He could look over the drafty overpass and down towards the speeding cars below and all he could see were the faces he had left behind and yet more faces. He hated himself at that moment. He loathed the torrent of decision, and yet there his future lay like the chasm of all things before him. He would never stop performing. But John had no desire to take this task, no matter how much he knew he wanted to see the world. He had seen Ben, and shouldn't that have been enough?
He didn't really register the car horn right away. It blared selfishly into his thoughts. He caught glimpse of the dark eterior and he cursed. John was not that type of person, didn't care how drunk he looked. Further, the whole sorrow thing had put a big buzz hold on the drunken state. The last person in the world John Tripp wanted to see was that fucking whore Brian Kinney.
"Why don't you like him?" Ted had asked once, off-hand at Babylon.
John had shrugged them. "It seems so unnatural."
"What, being wanted like that? It's the most natural thing in the world sweetie." Emmett took a sip of his drink.
"That's not quite what I meant. I feel like he's just a whore, just opposite to where he doesn't pay for it, others pay for it. It's just like the whole thing of nature has gone off track if that's normal."
"We're not exactly the pictures of normality ourselves." Ted had scoffed.
John shrugged. "Once again, not what I mean."
"You'd better sort your feelings out before you get too jealous, Big Red."
John sighed at Emmett. "I'm not a stick of chewing gum, Em. And I'm not jealous. At least not of him."
Emmett shrugged sideways with his chin. "Are you sure? Because, from where I'm sitting, you're way more jealous than you let on."
That stupid scowl was present from the driver's side. Brian Kinney in his ultimate fucking machine. John sighed. The night just kept getting better.
"Not planning to throw yourself off the side are you? I'd hate to be that clean-up crew."
"Brian Kinney. Decided to wander around with the mortals for awhile?"
Brian snickered. "My, my. You've become a cynical little fag, haven't you?"
John shrugged. "I sure as hell haven't lost my sense for irony."
Brian signaled to the passenger seat. "Get in the car."
"I'll find my own way, thanks."
Brian's face turned serious. "John, just listen to me for once."
John shook his head. "Yeah, cause your philosophy on living totally appeals to me. I'd rather not. There's nothing you can say..."
"Michael told me about the offer."
John snorted through his nose, crossing the headlights of the car. "Except for that."
The car roamed through town a bit, both passenger and driver awkward in their silence. John hated small talk and Brian was uneasy about making it in regards to Michael's shadow. He was sufficiently aware that John was a threat to Ben and Michael and yet he never approached the subject. At best, that was a dangerous thing for Brian to allow to pass. The best thing he knew was to create a distraction that would get John to change his mind.
"Where are we?" John looked at the brick building in the alley. "This isn't my apartment or your loft."
Brian looked up at the building. "You're very astute. Just follow me."
John stopped at the door. "I'm not going in there."
"Why not? What did you think was going to happen when you got in my car?"
"I assumed you were trying to keep me from making a big mistake."
Brian chuckled. "The mistake was letting you in the group in the first place."
"At least, I can say that you're honest Brian."
"Honesty is a trait I never lacked." Brian opened the door and signaled John inside. "Oh come on, I'm paying at least."
John rushed in. "Oh no. I'm not letting the great Brian Kinney pay for a night at the baths for me. I take care of myself."
Brian handed his money to the man behind the glass after John. "Fine with me. Just try not to get in my way."
John's locker was across from Brian's. He stripped from his t-shirt before I said another word. "I don't know how you got me in the door."
Brian opened his locker door with a bit of a slam. "You're gay, John. You love this shit."
John hung up his shirt, releasing his belt. "That's not true. Not really. I was always more like Cole Porter. I mean, the act itself is great, but the sex can be....icky sometimes."
Brian turned, naked except for socks, which he was pealing off at the moment. "Then why stay?"
John shrugged as he nestled his shoes at the bottom of the locker. "Well, because I've paid for it first and foremost. And second is to show you..." John began to walk away from the lockers and up the stairs and away from Brian. "...that not everything you know is true."
John cursed to himself a bit as he lost himself in the darkness. He hated blackout night at the baths. The whole point of sex was to see what you are doing and it annoyed John when random hands moved out from the darkness. The sounds of sucking making that gross noise in his ears. But he continued moving, traveling, trying his best to avoid the King of Liberty Avenue. He had no desire to see Brian for the rest of that night...or day. Whatever the hell it was then.
He came upon an open area that was decidedly not the maze. He avoided the maze, getting lost there was not an amusing experience, especially during a blackout night. Not that it was a difficult maze, but there was no scrap of light to see with and he hadn't perfected the x-ray vision yet. No, it would have been worse if Brian Kinney had paid for him. That was all John Tripp knew.
He saw the tattoo before the man. It slashed his bicep, three concentric rings. They were intertwined, but it wasn't some tribal barbed wire. The biceps were lean without being overdone and the man's teeth weren't too white either. John was pleased to see that the man stopped right before him.
"Hey." His accent was Australian and his towel barely hid a nicely-wrapped foreskin.
"Evening."
The man with no facial hair and a lean surfing physique spoke again. "What are you looking for?"
John chuckled. "Don't promise something you can't deliver."
The stranger smiled. "I always did like a challenge, mate."
"You from Perth?"
The stranger shook his head. "Let's just say I'm here on business."
John grabbed for the man's crotch. "I'd hate to keep you from yours."
The stranger nodded and went to knees in an instant. John inhaled through his nose. The man had good use of his tongue, that was true. He could float on the thick accent, John didn't mind. The whole anonymity thing, maybe that was made hotter just by the fact there had been alcohol in his system quite recently. If nothing else, the man knew what it took to make another hard.
John found that his wandering had led to the cells. The iron lattices were slightly slick with sweat, but that would be the least of his issues if the man hadn't picked up a condom. He wanted to make sure that...
"Hey. You two are pretty hot. Could you use another hand?" The voice was a lot deeper, the skin tone much deeper.
John's skin filled with goosebumps in spite of the heat. "Depends on what you have in mind."
"Maybe this." The other, darker stranger, allowed his hand to roam over John's chest, pulling his body back and watching the cocksucker trail with them slightly. They were mostly already at the wall and so it wasn't really anything of a trek. John could almost see the man's hand in the light. He wasn't incredibly dark, like an Indian even. He was possibly a light Afghani or a dark Italian. Either way, John could feel the safely-bound hard-on already pressed against his hole.
"Careful where you stick that thing."
The stranger behind him chuckled in his ear. "You have to be when it's this big."
John could feel the pair of men pounding upon his body. One was ebbing with the tide while the other flowed gratefully. He was being treated by an anonymous assortment of people at the same party. John had always known the source of his viability was his charm and this was more use of his body. John hadn't known that weapon before or even that pleasure from the anonymous. He could see Brian's thinking and understood how it just floated you away into a place where you didn't worry or you weren't someone's responsibility for a few minutes.
John was thirsty for a cock of his own, but knew that the time would come when he would seek it. It was before much longer that his number was called and he had to leave. His twilight had been like a United Colors of Benetton ad in various rooms, but the blush of that first cell had stayed for so long.
He wasn't drunk on love or booze by the time he had finished and he was right in the assumption that Brian would be long gone before him. Truth be told that Brian's green car was already probably snug at home. The first lights of Liberty Avenue flicked on and people began about their day, most staying from the disheveled looking choreographer of Babylon.
John flumped into one of the seats at the diner, a far corner from his normal joint. He didn't expect the boys this early, didn't want them seeing him either way.
"Hey baby. Getting your special today?"
John sighed as he looked up at Kiki. "It's frightening when you're here enough to get your own special."
"Not really. It's dependable, safe, solid."
John sighed. "Well, that, or I'm just in an awful rut. How about some cocoa too, and then you sit down here and we'll have some gossip."
"You always know how to brighten a girl's morning!"
John saluted Kiki as she flounced away, returning later with food and hot drink. She sat opposite him and John gazed over Kiki, thinking.
"Do I have something on my blouse?"
John was mid-chew and had to swallow before answering. "No. I was just....a million miles away."
"Well, whatever it is makes you look incredibly unattractive. Are you okay, baby? It looks like you haven't slept."
John shrugged. "I haven't."
"Well, tell Kiki all about."
John snorted. "Brian Kinney. I think that's all I should have to say."
Kiki's eyes went wide. "No!"
John wrinkled his nose. "Oh God! That's not what I was talking about."
Kiki heaved a sigh. "Well, that's good. I would hate to think I was the only one immune."
John chuckled as he took a drag of cocoa. "Don't worry. You're not."
"So Brian Kinney..."
"Was just trying to help me get to London sooner for his own purposes."
Kiki furrowed her brow. "Why wouldn't you want to go to London for that job?"
"Does everyone know? My God, this is worse than high school."
Kiki winced a bit. "The main thing is for you to do what makes you happy. You know what Ben wants and what Brian wants, but what do you want? What do you love?"
Kiki got up from her seat after that as a couple of patrons walked in. John sighed, looking at his half-eaten pancakes. They were all right, he knew. But this choice he couldn't have hated more.