So, I feel like the days are getting longer on my updates. It doesn't mean that I'm forgetting about it, it actually is because I'm trying to get it right, because for some reason now it's more difficult to get something written. But, a big thanks to Jackykay, my proofreader/rewritter, for not going crazy when I send her the new chapter to go over. Now, I'll stop my rambling and let you guys read.
Rachel sat alone in her back yard with Santana's words running through her head in a loop. She knew on some level some of what Santana had said to her had to be true, but considering this was her former tormentor she was talking about and with all she had to worry about related to her health, she knew she would need a few other opinions. So two hours after Santana had left she called Quinn, Tina, Mercedes, and Brittany and ever since her breakup with Santana wherever Brittany was these days so was Sugar. Which is how all five girls found themselves sitting in Rachel's bedroom listening with rapt attention to her recap of the past two days, afterwords the girls sit with obvious shock showing on their faces. Their reactions are pretty much exactly what Rachel had expected them to be, all except for Brittany and Sugar's. Although this could be because Sugar was new this year and knew nothing of any of the gleeks past relationships with one another and Brittany being Santana's best friend already knew.
"You know, I think she's got guts to show up to a session after you told her to stop coming around," Mercedes said breaking the silence as Quinn and Tina nodded along.
"If anything it shows that she really does care about you Rach. I think you should give her a shot," Tina voiced. "I mean given she can be scary sometimes, but she was telling you the truth when she said you don't go out very often and obviously she truly cares about you."
"Yeah, it's time to stop thinking about the negative and focus on something brighter," Quinn stated.
"Besides Rachy, Sanny doesn't like to show her soft side, she always says that when she does, people won't think she's a bad ass, and every time she does, she ends up getting hurt," Brittany said with a frown. "When she told her grandma that she liked girls, she disowned her. She told her to never come back to her house because she shouldn't be putting her in an "uncomfortable position" by telling her and that people have secrets, that being one. One of the most important people in her life just threw her out with the trash."
"I didn't know that," all four girls whispered to themselves.
"Yeah, so you should give her a chance. I'm not saying to put your heart out there on the line, but just let her try. She really doesn't want to lose you without at least having the chance to have been with you."
"It's not that simple guys," Rachel stressed. "Because I can't just forgive her for everything she's done to me, and what happens if I don't make it? I don't want to put her through that. It'd be torture."
"But what if you do make it Rachel? What if you make it and what if you just take a step out of your own way and just let her try? Let her court you, but make it known that you don't just forgive her for everything that's she's done to you. Because if you do that and she does court you and be the romantic Santana that Brittany and I know is there, then you could fall for her and if you do make it then that's just one more thing to have when this is done," Quinn tried to reason with her. "Just think about it."
As Rachel laid in bed that night she thought about what everybody said, especially what Santana had said. Was she really just standing in her own way? Were her reasons for not wanting to start something not valid? Yes, maybe she was only focusing on the negative and yes maybe she should give Santana a shot, however; she just cannot forget about what she's done to her.
The next day during free period Rachel found Santana sitting in the auditorium.
"Hey, I haven't seen you all day," Rachel said as she took a seat next to Santana smoothing out her skirt as she sat.
"Cheerios this morning was extended by like 2 hours. Absolute. Torture." Santana groaned. "And Coach is pregnant, with who's vagina I don't know, but she told me that she was. Anyways, how was your morning?"
"I have no complaints about my morning, other than somebody let Coach Sylvester have a child. I was looking forward to talking to you though," Rachel answered.
"Well, I'm here now. So what did you want to talk about?"
"You were right, about what you said last night, you were right," she started. "You were right about everything. I'm too busy thinking about the negative side of things and worrying about something that might not happen, all the while there's someone amazing that's been there with me through all of this."
"Obviously you're talking about Q right?" Santana joked. Causing her to get an elbow to the ribs.
"I'm talking about you Santana," Rachel giggled. "But Quinn has been there for me as well. Stop trying to stall me. Anyways, as I was saying, you've been amazing these last few months and if I'm really honest with myself, it's been enough to show me that you really do care about me," she paused to take a breath. "I'm not saying that I forgive you for all the things you've done to me in the past, but I'm willing to try and while that happens, I suppose if the offer is still on the table I'd like to see where starting something with you could lead."
"Really? I mean yesterday you were completely against the idea of dating anybody, what changed?" Santana asked.
"Well, after you left last night, I had a conversation with a few of the girls about these past few days; is it alright that I told them?"
"It's fine, I promise."
"Right, well I had a conversation with them and they made a lot of sense, given a lot of it was Brittany, but everything that was said made what you said clearer. I'm not saying that I want to start this right away with we're instantly girlfriends and in love because I am not in love with you. But that doesn't mean that I can't be."
"I understand. I wasn't expecting to fall in love with you, so I get what you're saying" Santana said.
"Right, so we can take this slowly and I just I need you to prove to me that I'm not making a mistake because I am still weary of you sometimes. So what do you say?" Rachel said.
"I'd say alright. Although, there is something I need you to do too…" Santana replied, "I need you to stop thinking about the negatives and I want you to try and sing Rachel. Just try."
"Santana, I can't. It could worsen my vocal cords an-"
"That's bullshit Rachel," Santana cut in. "Weren't we both in that room when I asked the doctor about you singing? Because I remember what he said. It's not going to be bad as long as you don't start trying to be Broadway Rachel and just do something softer that you don't have to strain your voice with."
"I know," she whispered out.
"What is this really about Rachel?" Santana asked gently. "If you know then what is it really?"
"I-it's jus- I ju-Santana, I'm afraid." Rachel stuttered out. Santana's gaze softened. "I'm afraid that I won't sound like I used to. My voice is what I need to be a star on Broadway and if I can't sing then that dream is shattered. I can't take many more complications in my life Santana," she cried.
"Shhh, come here," Santana said taking Rachel into a hug. "It's going to be ok, Rach. You're more than just your voice and even if you don't sound like you did before I'm going to be here to help you get back to that. You're too talented not to be on Broadway," she said as she gently rocked back and forth trying to comfort the crying girl. Rocking turned into sitting on the floor which finally turned to sitting on the stage, kicking their legs back and forth.
"So, I have another session today," Rachel said finally breaking the silence. "Will you be there?" she asked shyly.
"Of course I will, I haven't missed one since I started coming, I don't plan on missing any now," Santana stated as she glanced at Rachel. "Can I ask you something though?"
"Considering I just had a meltdown and you didn't run away, I think you deserve to ask me something."
"Don't laugh," Santana warned. Rachel shook her head no. "Alright, so know you want to take it slow, so I feel like it's safe to ask this. I know that you have sessions Monday, Wednesday and Thursday, but would you like to go out to dinner with me Friday night? I promise I'll take you somewhere with vegan options and not just Breadstix."
"Like a date?" Rachel asked. Santana nodded quickly. "I'd like that," she answered while tucking her hair behind her ear.
"Awesome. So," Santana said with a tiny smile. "Walk you to class?" she asked holding out her hand for Rachel after hopping off the stage.
Rachel hopped off the stage as well. "Considering we have history together I think that sounds like a great idea. Let's go," she answered taking Santana's hand.
R&R, but be gentle.