hello everyone.
i took advantage of my school break to make this chapter more quickly than i was planing. Hope i could update again soon.
anyway, thanks again to Aankh for the spell check. and thanks to anybody who took the time to read this.
I'm really proud of this chapter, and i really hope to know what you think of it.
CHAPTER 6
It was a sunny day. Not a "burningly bright" sunny day, where the Ankh river would become so dry that trees start to grow on it. Such a weather would be unfit for a mid sektober(1) day. Instead, it was a rather cold sunny day, the kind where children complain about the embarrassing sweater their parents gave them to play outside.
The Ankh-Morpork city watch was also enjoying the weather. Most of them were awarded a day off, since the crimerate was lower than usual this month. But if there were less cops working in the city right now, there was still a good bunch of them managing the "not relay criminal but kinda annoying" problems of the city, like illegal parking and night fuss. And because those cops need someone to direct them, most of the officer were still working. That is why captain Carotte, captain Angua, sergeant Littlebottom and sergeant Detritus were still working. That, and they also had a lot of ongoing cases to finish.
The four of them where waiting in the commander's office. They needed to make their report to Vimaire. Who shall be arriving soon, but with him you're never sure. It was Detritus who broke the silence.
"Captain Carotte, have plan to go see dwarf mine in Lancre when we go there?"
"Yes, sergeant. I wrote very often to my parents, but it's been years since I last saw them.(2)" Said Carotte, a small hint of nostalgia in his voice. "Beside, I need to introduce the commander and everyone to them, I keep talking about you, they deserve to meet you properly."
"If it's not rude, what are you parent stance on the emancipation movement?" asked sergeant Littlebottom. She was one of the most prominent member of the Dwarven Emancipation Movement (DEM), a movement with the objective to open up the dwarven culture to gendered representation, since traditionally dwarf don't show their gender to other.
"Do not worry, they accepted it. There should not be a problem." He looked at his clock. It was 8 and 5. Vimaire was late. "Maybe we should send someone get him. Its rare for him to be late"
"Do not bother Carotte." said Vimaire while opening the door. "I just had something to do at home."
"Your son wanted you to take him to work?" said Angua.
"No, he was sleeping when i left. I just had to tell to a newcomer where were the traps." Said Vimaire, pulling out a pin from his workweek.
"You hired someone? I through that Willikins would have taken that as a personal insult if it happened." snarked Angua, before looking at the picture drawn by young Sam "Well, this time I look like something. And there are no spelling mistake, isn't that right, Dretitus?"
"I'm no Dretitus. I'm Detritus" Said the troll, with a voice barely covering his delight at being drawn by his boss's son.
"To tell you the truth, captain Angua, I did not recruit anyone. Sybil and I will just be hosting someone for a while." He took a step back to admire the drawing of his son. With this one, he now had enough to make an art gallery. " Anyway, back to work. Angua, Cheery(3), did we receive Klatch's answer about Wormsberg?"
"Yes. The sheriff of Klatch accepted to send him back to Morpork so that he could be tried for his crimes." Angua hated this man, but she was not the only one. Theodore Wormberg was a dangerous man. He poisoned one of the few clean water tank of the city 3 months ago, causing the death of 17 people, including 5 children, before escaping abroad. Unluckily for him, he was quickly arrested there by the sheriff for a totally unrelated crime. After a month of negotiations, he will finally be tried for his crimes.
"Perfect. Carotte, what about the cold case expert group i wanted you to create? I'm sick of people giving us case that are years old. I don't want this kind of stuff disturbing the course of the Watch anymore."
"We have found potential candidates, but this kind of expert need a lot of training, and that would be very expensive." Said Carotte. He understood the annoyance of his boss. Receiving cases that dated from before the Watch was efficient is annoying, it requires a lot of energy and effective, and slows down the whole Watch.
"Don't worry about the cost. I've got enough money to pay the formation. It's time all that gold is used for something useful." He turned toward the troll. "Detritus! What about the... Detritus, did I give you something to do?"
"No, sir." Answered the sergeant
"Then why are you here?"
"Dwarf been complain'in. Watch's canteen in rats penury, so are most restaurant..." Dwarf eat rats, with sauce. It's a sort of cultural food, specific to a civilization that live under the ground.
"But it's the rat season. It's alway the rat season. How come there is a rat penury? The ratcatcher guild haven't done anything so how is it possible!? And what does that have to do with me!?" groaned Vimaire
"They want to import rats. From the mountain." said the troll, with a perfect impassible on his face. But with a face made of stone, that's normal.
"Fine. I will let you deal with the imported rats. Angua, keep an eye on the Wormberg matter. I want you to personally handle his arrival on morporkian ground." He waited for her to nod before continuing. "Carotte, i need you to prepare the visit of Lancre. You're from here, find us a nice travel route, a place to sleep and so on."
"What about me?" asked Cheery. " I don't have anything to do?"
"Actually, yes, you will suppervi..." There was a lot of noise coming from the entrance of the watch post. "Damnit! What's happening! WASHPOT, IT'S BETTER NOT BE A RELIGIOUS CONFLICT AGAIN!" He shouted while storming out of the room.
"And so, the kingdom of Lancre has Verence II as a king since that incident..." Explained Sybil to Louise.
"I don't understand. Did the people believe the witch without verifying? It seems awfully convenient that a man in love with one of them was also the heir to the throne." Asked the young girl. "But then, they are magic user, so i guess they should have a certain degree of authority."
"I'm not an expert on the matter Louise, but i know that in the mountain, witches have the same influence than the high priests, sometimes even more. Witches are a serious matter for people there." Sybil took a look at the window. It sure was a bright day. She considered bringing Louise on a tour of the city.
Louise, on the other side, was delighted to see there where kingdoms that had the proper amount of respect for magic users. " I'm really interested by those mountain kingdoms. Would this be too much to ask for a visit ?"
"You're lucky, Louise. Sam is going to go to Lancre as an ambassador in two weeks. If you're still there by then, you'll be coming with us." She smiled, before realizing what she had been insinuating. "Of course, I'm sure your parents will have come back for you by then."
"Yes, they probably will have." Said the young girl. But there was doubt in her voice.
Sybil tried to change the subject. "Well, another notable kingdom, this time way closer to Ankh-Morpork, is Sto lat, who is located in the Sto plain. I do know the Duchess of Sto Helit, she is a hard working and serious girl, and is efficient enough to work as a teacher. She is Sam's teacher, by the way, and I met her at the parent-teacher..." She continued for a while, pulling different anecdotes and notable facts about the people on the Disc.
Meanwhile, Willikins was preparing tea. He had been surprised when Louise asked him for wine in the morning (4). He had a tough time explaining her that she was under Morpork's legal drinking age. After long explanations, he convinced the young girl to drink tea. He opted for Chamomile and cinnamon, a tea ideal for relaxation. After Putting water in the kettle, he suddenly heard a sound coming from outside. He knew what this sound was. Someone had fell in one of Vimaire's traps.
With a sigh, he left the kitchen, and went out in the garden. After a quick look around him, he determined that the intruder fell in the Polished water hole. One of the most vicious traps.
Inside the hole, there was a man and a woman in civilian clothes. So, not assassins. Or not the conventional ones. They where swimming as hard as they could, trying to find something to hold on to on the polished wall of the hole.
"Well aren't you unlucky, falling in this trap of all." said the butler.
"It's not that bad. It could have been a lethal trap." said the woman, while her partner seemed to struggle with keeping his head above the water. "As long as you know how to swim, i mean."
"OH, this one is slowly lethal. But aren't you worried about your friend?" Snarked Willikins.
"Well, if you're here, it's to send us a ladder." She said with an hopeful tone. "No?"
"Why don't you tell me what you were doing first?" Willikins glared at the intruders with the coldest butler glare imaginable. He was very attached to the Vime family, and took their safety incredibly seriously. "Then, depending on your answer, I might get you a ladder."
"Oow, Come on. My friends is struggling. Have you no heart?" she complained. She tried to act defiant, but honestly, this butler was more intimidating than expected.
"Well, I don't have a heart for people who try to murder the occupants of this house."
"But we're not here to kill anybody. We're Paparazzi, not killers." She said, panicked by the sudden realization that she was starting to struggle.
After a short hesitation, Willikins sent down the ladder. "You're what?" The two journalists quickly grabbed the wooden construct, and took a deep breath.
"Paparazzi. The name's a pun i don't get, - but according to our boss, - it's the new edge in journalism. - We follow people around to get the - closest to the truth." the man explained, between two inspirations.
"We were following on the big new of the week." said his partner. " The new kid at the Vime family."
Willikins glared at them even more. "The what? Listen you shit-diggers, what happens to the Vime family and who they host is none of your business." He was so angry that you could ear him hiss. Or perhaps it was the kettle in the house. But nobody would dare to ask. "Now you're gonna leave. And if I find another one of you paparasite, or whatever you call yourself, in a trap, I'll be sure to leave you in it, lethal or not." the two paparazzi did not even have the time to react that Willikins was already pushing them toward the exit.
"Now, if you will, i have a tea to make." Said the butler while closing the gate behind them.
The two of them stayed in front of the house, kinda shocked by the reaction of the butler.
"Well, here goes our big new. Now the Norbert twins will get the article on the Vimes." He said. "And our backup article on the martial prowess of the Bursar and Dibbler is kinda weak in comparison."
"That butler was so hiding something. Like it was so obvious." She said, completely ignoring her partner.
"Are you even listening to me, Andrea? We only have a shit article for this week. If this keeps going, we're never gonna get that promotion."
"Chill, Arthur. The twins are morons, the boss is gonna get bored to death of them. Eventually. And when that happens, we're gonna get the spotlight." She said, while still looking at the house. Willikins appeared behind a window, saw them, and closed the flap after a quick and furious glare. " totally hiding something. Now i want to get to the end of this story."
Arthur sighted. " Listen, we're not gonna get any information while this butler is keeping watch. It's no use."
"Exactly. That's why you'll make a diversion."
"Yeah yeah... Wait what? NO! You make the diversion!"
"No, you make the diversion, Arthur Harring. Unlike you I can swim, witch give me better chance of succeeding."
"Yeah, but I'm a better climber. You make the diversion Andrea Williams." They kept glaring at each other, until they saw Willikins coming out of the house with a pair of very very sharp scissor and started to prune the hedge, while looking at them with a very cunning, and frankly scary, stare.
"Yeah, Nope, we're leaving." Said both of them with a perfect coordination.
The watch was in a dire situation. The watchmen where being overwhelmed by a mass of reporter and journalists, all of them screaming questions that could not be heard in the overall chaos. When Vimaire arrived, there was a brief instant of silence before the noise started again, even more powerful than before.
"DETRITUS, MAKE THEM SHUT UP." Said the commander.
"WHAT, SIR?" Asked the troll.
Vimaire motioned a finger in front of his mouth. Troll are not always smart under our climate, but today was a cool day, and Detritus knew of this gesture.
"SILEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Screamed the lieutenant, effectively silencing everyone in the room. The reporters stared at him, then let their gaze slide toward the commander.
"All right! What's the meaning of this! Why did you all come here, I don't recall anything noteworthy happening in the last few weeks." Said Vimaire, kinda angry.
There was a silence, before Sacharissa Crisplock, reporter for The Times spoke.
"Commander Vimaire, what is your reaction toward the rumors concerning your guest?"
"What rumors? And how do you know about..." He tried to say, before being cut by another reporter
"Is this girl related to you or the Ramkin family?"
"Listen, I don't know where you got this, but..."
"Why is her hair pink? Is it a coloration, or is it of surnatural origins?"
"Could you guys just let me..."
"She was seen at the Unseen University. Is she the illegitimate daughter of Lady Ramkin with a mage?" This time it was too much.
"Detritus." said Vime
"SILEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Screamed the troll again.
Vimaire glared at the audience, furious about the insinuations. "First, I don't know why her hair is pink, and i frankly don't care. Second, who my wife and I decide to host is none of your business, and if we decide to host a friend's child, it only involves us. And if I hear any of you tried to enter my home to find information, I swear I will stop being so friendly."
The reporters looked at eachother. Who would be dumb enough to try to enter in Vimaire house uninvited? And seriously, he was already not very friendly.
Vimaire started to talk again. "Now all of you, get out. I don't want you in here, disturbing the work of my men." He motioned them the door.
All the reporter started to leave, while also taking picture of the Watch post for posterity.
The whole room was then filled with a long silence. Most of the watchmembers where staring at there commander.
"What?" said Vimaire.
"You know, sir..." Started Nobby "... It's not a problem if you got a ..." He was promptly cut by two dwarf agent who put their hand on his mouth.
"What Nobby was trying to say, sir..." Started sergeant Colon "... Is that none of us will believe this rumor. No one. Right guys?"
All the Watch nodded in unison.
"Good," said Vimaire " Cause there's not a ounce of truth in these rumors."
"You mean she does not have pink hair?" Asked Brick, Detritus's adopted son, with a disappointed look. He really wanted to see colored humans.
"Well, that part is true, but that's the only thing about it that is." said the commander. "Now all of you, get back to work."
Outside, all the reporters were discussing about what Vimaire had said. They where all agreeing that the commander was hiding something, but that there was not point to push things, as the watch and Vimaire would not say anything more.
"Well, my dear colleagues, I'm sure that there is no point for us to report anything. This is, after all, a rumor, nothing serious." Said one of them.
"Indeed, colleagues, there is no point in writing an article about it." Said another.
They all went back to their respective publisher, each convinced that the other had been tricked into not publishing anything about this story.
CHAPTER END.
(1)the Discworld calendar is very different from ours. A full rotation of the Disc, or full-year, is 800 days, but people use the half-year, which is 400 days, as it is easier to use. One half-year is made of 13 month, which are Ick, Offle, February, March, April, May, June, Grune, Auguste, Spune, Sektober, Ember and December. With the exception of Ick, which is 16 day long, all months are 32 days long.
(2)Carotte Ironfounderson is a dwarf of human origins. He was raised by the Ironfounderson family in the mine, but ended up leaving his family when he reached human adult size. Dwarves mines are not made for 1m80 (about 6ft) people.
(3) Lieutenant Littlebottom's nickname
(4) In Halkeginia, there is no legal age for drinking, and most noble drink alcohol from the age of eight. It is to be noted, however, that their wine is thinned with water. But Their cider is not.