The Uchiha compound had been destroyed when Pain's attack had flattened Konoha, and left nothing more than a crater ringed by rubble. Sasuke wished more than anything that it was still there, that he could return to his childhood home, and sit in Itachi's old room. It had been so many years since he'd last been in there, but he could still remember every little detail of its layout. But it was all gone now, so instead Sasuke sat, hugging his knees, on the wooden stump in the clearing where Itachi had once helped him to practice his kunai throwing.
He'd never wanted to have children. After the childhood he'd had, and the life he'd led, he knew he'd make a really shitty father. He knew nothing about kids, other than how miserable they could feel when they were all alone in the world. But Naruto had BEGGED him, with that desperate look in his eyes. He wanted a family. Sasuke wasn't enough for him. He needed more, and Sasuke had been powerless to refuse him.
He'd comforted himself by telling his brain over and over that the medicine would never work. It had been designed for pandas for crying out loud! It never should have worked, but it had. Not just for Naruto either, but for some other poor sod as well, purely by accident. Shit. It was all such a mess. And now, when Naruto should have been happily celebrating his newly discovered pregnancy with his lover, he was all alone, probably crying and heartbroken. The mental images made his chest throb with a dull pain.
Sasuke should've stayed with him. He belonged by the Dobe's side. He'd known that for years. It was the only place where he'd felt like he was home since Itachi had massacred their clan. Ever since the war, he'd been living only for his beloved Dobe's sake. But now, when Naruto needed him the most, he'd abandoned him. When Itachi died before his eyes, he'd been left the sole survivor of the Uchiha clan, except for that crazy son-of-a-bitch Madara. Even that psycho Uchiha had died in the war, mostly thanks to the all-powerful tag-team he made with Naruto. He'd lost his last blood relative, and now he'd willingly run out on the only family he had.
Naruto was the one who'd wanted this child, but it wasn't just Naruto's. It was half his too. It was half Uchiha. It was half Sasuke. It was theirs, the product of their love-making. It was a gift, a precious thing which he was extremely lucky to be getting. He should have been overjoyed, just as Naruto had been when Tsunade gave him the news. So what was he so fucking scared of? How could he be such a coward?
But what if he did this, what if he went back to Naruto, and begged for forgiveness, and raised this child with him, only for the child to grow up to become a monster, like Orochimaru or Madara, or even like Sasuke had been when he'd almost killed Sakura? What if Sasuke was such a terrible parent, with only darkness in his heart to share, that the child became a powerful, evil person whom only Sasuke and Naruto could kill? How was he supposed to face Naruto if he let that happen? How was he supposed to live with himself?
Of course, with Naruto for the baby's other parent, it should grow up to be a regular ray of sunshine, a little hero absolutely brimming with the 'Will Of Fire' from the second it was born. But what if something happened to Naruto? The war might be over, but there would always be dangerous bad guys in the world, and Naruto was the only one strong enough, besides himself, who could handle some of them. What if Naruto was sent on an S-rank mission one day, and never returned? Or returned in pieces? How the hell would Sasuke cope with raising their kid on his own?
The trouble was, it was even more difficult to answer the question, how was he supposed to live without Naruto? If he left him, where was he supposed to go? When the entire world had turned their backs on him, when even Sakura and Kakashi had made up their minds to kill him, only Naruto had remained. Only Naruto had still called him his friend. The only place left for him in the whole world, would always be directly at Naruto's side.
His old friends may have forgiven him over time. His students might respect him now. But, without Naruto, life wouldn't be worth living anymore. After Naruto had dragged him back to his senses during the war, and brought him back to Konoha's side, for a long time he'd felt like the world would be better off without him in it. He remembered what he'd been, the darkness which had been in his heart. Naruto's warmth had burnt most of it away, but traces of it would always be left to remind him. He'd thought so many times about killing himself.
Then, when he'd been at his most despondent, Naruto had kissed him. He'd kissed him, and touched him, and brought life flooding back into his body. That night, the two had become lovers for the first time. Since then, he'd never again thought about harming himself. For Naruto to love him so much, there had to be some part of him which was worth keeping alive, didn't there?
But how could Naruto ask this of him? How could he ask Uchiha Sasuke to become a father? It was too much. He might be a genius, and he may be an extremely powerful shinobi, but he could NOT be a father. Except, he was going to become one whether he accepted it or not. He didn't want this child to grow up with him for a father, but did he want his child to grow up without one of his or her parents? Sasuke sighed, frustrated and confused. What the hell did he want? Shit, he didn't even know anymore. "Itachi, what would you have done?"
(I am a dictionary page break. I know what xanthophyllous means.)
Naruto didn't know where to go, so he just kept walking. He couldn't return to his empty apartment. Maybe he could disappear for a while to Mt. Myoboku. Then again, he didn't think he could stomach the food there, especially when his morning sickness kicked in. He loved his village. He really did. Nothing was more precious to him than Konoha, except maybe Sasuke.
Hell, he loved his village so much that he wanted to become the Hokage someday. But, right at that moment, he would've given anything at all to be anywhere else in the world. He just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. When his feet eventually stopped moving, he looked around and found himself by the three wooden posts where Kakashi had once done the bell-training with him, Sakura, and Sasuke.
Shit. Every time he thought about Sasuke, it felt like someone had punched him. He didn't know how long he'd be able to take it. Dammit, he needed his Teme by his side. He couldn't do this without him. He didn't even want to try. As he sat with his back against the post he'd once been tied to, and his face in his hands, all he wanted was to feel Sasuke's strong arms wrap around him, and his silky voice whispering that everything was going to be alright. He stayed there for a while, until he had no tears left to cry, then got up and started walking again. He had to keep moving.
He still couldn't go home. He couldn't walk into an empty apartment. If he had to do that now, he'd start crying again, and he'd only managed to stop an hour ago. He sat in Ichiraku Ramen, staring at the bowl in front of him, but he couldn't eat. He felt so empty. What was he supposed to do now? Had it really been that selfish of him, to ask Sasuke to raise a child with him? To want a family? Would he still have taken that medicine if he'd known this would come of it? Maybe. Maybe not. But it was too late to think like that now.
Sasuke was gone, and it didn't look like he'd be coming back. Shit, he was crying again! He roughly wiped the salty liquid from his eyes. He didn't need anybody seeing him like this. He was well used to being alone. He could survive on his own one more time. He still had his friends, and soon he'd have the baby. Sure, it would hurt like hell every time he remembered that he no longer had Sasuke, but he'd get over it eventually. He had to. But he really didn't think he could.
Iruka sighed, staring at his bowl of ramen. He'd needed to get out of his apartment, and get some fresh air. Sakura had insisted he get something to eat, as well. Still, he just couldn't bring himself to pick up his chopsticks. Just looking at the noodles made him feel ill. He glanced over to his right, and saw Naruto looking ready to cry, a full bowl of ramen in front of him. That was when he remembered where he'd drank that accursed tea.
"Naruto, come with me. You look like you need to talk." Naruto looked up at him, startled. He rubbed a tear from his eye one more time, before standing. He left some money on the counter for his untouched meal, and Iruka did the same. The pair walked through the village silently until they reached the cenotaph next to the training area where Naruto's team had once done their 'bell training' with Kakashi.
"Naruto, have you spoken with Tsunade recently?" Naruto looked at Iruka confused, but he nodded. "She mentioned she was meeting you today. It doesn't look like she told you about me, though. I know about the tea, Naruto. I'm the one who drank the medicine, and accidentally got pregnant." Naruto fell off his seat with a surprised yelp. "YOU? Oh crap, Iruka-sensei, I'm so sorry! I never meant for you to get dragged into this. Are you okay?"
Iruka smiled tiredly at his ex-pupil. "No, I'm most definitely not okay. I steal one cup of tea, and have a single, drunken one-night-stand, and now my supposedly male self is pregnant with my best friend's baby, and I haven't the first clue how I'm supposed to tell him. That explains why I couldn't bring myself to eat my ramen tonight. What I want to know is, why couldn't you eat yours?"