Rey wakes in the middle of the night to the sound of Ash crying, but when she reaches for her, she isn't there.
She sits up in bed, rubs her eyes with flat palms and looks around the room. The outline of Kylo is in the corner, holding the baby, but he is very still. He usually paces and bounces, but she is now screaming at the top of her small lungs and he is doing nothing but holding her flush against his chest.
"Kylo?" Rey mumbles, sleepily. "She might be hungry, give her to me." She sits up in the bed, and the sheets fall to her waist. Her top had been discarded earlier, and she pulls the sheet back up to cover herself for the moment. He doesn't respond, though, he doesn't move. She crawls closer to the edge of the bed, and outstretches an arm while letting out a giant yawn. "C'mere."
Worry and fear start to creep up through Rey's chest the longer Kylo stays quiet, the longer Ash's screams go completely uncomforted. Worry and fear and anger, she is crying, their baby is crying like the world is ending and he does nothing. She stands up and snatches the baby from his arms without a struggle. Rey kisses the top of her head and runs her hands over Ash's arms, legs, her little tummy. "What is wrong with you?" Rey asks, holding Ash close and bouncing her slightly. She stares up at Kylo sharply. "Did you do something to hurt her?"
"I didn't."
These are the words that Kylo barely seems to breath out, and then he turns to her. She notices that he is fully dressed for the middle of the night. His eyes are wide and strange, and Rey unconsciously takes a step back. He looks dangerous. He is always dangerous, Rey tells herself, but she knows that she doesn't believe it. He hardly seemed dangerous when he was pressing his forehead to hers and kissing her neck, and he seems almost gentle when he is pulling Ash into fresh, clean nightclothes.
This Kylo Ren is darkness. This Kylo Ren grips the lightsaber at his side, and Rey realizes too late how foolish she has been.
"We are going," Kylo finally says, breaking his eye contact with her. His hand releases the lightsaber. He begins to throw open drawers, pulling out the diapers and baby clothes Rey keeps in the top drawer. Rey slumps where she is standing, and she lets out a breath that, for a moment, she believed to be her last.
She tries to recover, and she takes a pause before speaking again. "Going where?"
He doesn't bother to address her question. "Get dressed," he says, and he tosses her some pants and a top over his shoulder. Rey doesn't know whether to trust him, not while her heart is still pounding from a few moments before. The alternative, however, is just going back to sleep and waking up and going back to sleep and waking up and repeating that for the rest of her life. She pulls the shirt on over her head, and replaces the sleep pants she has with the studier, brown ones that Kylo handed her.
Rey puts up her hair with steady hands but a tightness in her chest, unsure of what is about to happen. Yes, she had once thought that anything was being better than being trapped in this room, but that was before she had gone to see Snoke earlier in the day. She hopes that they aren't going back there. She doesn't think that they are, though.
Kylo's energy is different, though, more frantic than she's ever seen.
"I'm going to need you to pretend like you're being taken somewhere against your will," he says as he puts the packed bag under his robe. He has donned his mask again. Taking the arm not balancing a baby on her hip, he tugs her along, a little roughly, out of the door.
"That won't be difficult," Rey says, stumbling as they step out into the hallway. She lowers her voice as they start to walk down the fluorescently lit corridor. There are a few stormtroopers at the end of the way, but they seem to automatically disperse when they see Kylo walking toward them. He turns them around a corner and they keep walking. Rey tries to push into his mind to figure out what is going on, but he senses her almost immediately.
"I feel you there," he says in no more than whisper. "And yes, we're leaving. Now stop messing with my mind so I can think."
Leaving. Is it really possible, just like that? They can just walk through some doors?
It's too easy. No ordinary soldier on night guard wants to confront Kylo Ren, so they glide through the halls unaccosted. As far as they know, he has the authority to be doing whatever he wants. No one can see what is inside of his head. No one but me, Rey thinks. And Snoke, her mind adds, willing that she not purposely discard that fact. The night is cool when they step outside. Rey feels moisture in the air and it tickles her skin. Kylo has let go of her arm by this point, and she walks behind him, weaving through ships as he looks for something specific.
"Can you fly this?" he asks, patting a gloved hand on metal. It's small, it's discreet. It can barely fit the three of them with a baby on the second's lap.
Can she fly it?
Of course she can. Rey already feels lifted and carried far away.
It is only when they are completely out atmosphere, out of site of the planet entirely, when they are just an insignificant drop among the stars Rey stares at with a renewed and awed appreciation, that she appreciates the full weight of what had just happened. She turns to Kylo, who has taken off his mask and is rubbing the sides of his temples, slumped over in the co-pilot seat. He looks completely drained, and somehow paler than he already was.
"You've defected," she says plainly.
His dark eyes meet hers, and his expression doesn't move. "Let's see how far we can get," he says finally, not exactly answering. "At best we have until maybe until mid-morning before they notice we are actually gone- at worst, they already know."
"Where are we going?"
"We probably need to get rid of this ship as soon as possible," Kylo says. "They will be able to track it. Anywhere we go in this, they'll be able to find us." He is sitting in the copilot's seat with an arm tightly wrapped around Ash to hold her in his lap. He looks as if the magnitude of everything he has done tonight is just hitting him now. "After that, I'm not sure."
"Maybe I should contact-"
"No," Kylo says, and his voice is strong and insistent. Panicked, almost, if Rey is reading it correctly. "That the first place they will look for us, and they will be hunting for us, Rey. Besides, I won't go back there. No matter what I've done tonight, the Resistance is still my enemy. I haven't switched sides. There is no love lost for them with me. It's only you. And her." At this, he smooths a thumb over Ash's dark hair, following the alongside her ear to the nape of her neck.
He keeps speaking, but Rey, drunk on her newfound freedom and the feeling of the controls beneath her hads, can barely concentrate on a sentence at a time. He's right, of course, going back to the Resistance base right now would be dangerous, not just for the three of them, but for everyone. Snoke, the First Order- they would not want to risk Kylo Ren becoming a weapon for the enemy instead. They would strike immediately if they thought he had joined them.
Rey is tired, but sheer adrenaline keeps her focused on her task. As far as she can tell, no one is after them, yet, which is almost strange to her. Even with this small ship, someone should have noticed the unauthorized take off. Worrying about that won't get them any farther, she tells herself, and Rey grips the controls tighter. She glances over at Kylo out of the corner of her eye. The feeling rolling around in her stomach isn't gratitude- she's not grateful for being released from somewhere she should have never been imprisoned. Still, his words drift into her mind and they stay there.
It's only you. And her.
"You must be out of your mind if you think I'm going to buy this off of you."
The junk dealer is a small man, maybe no more than four feet tall, with shriveled pink skin and a shrewd gaze. He runs his hands over the side of the ship, looking very much like he wants to buy it off of them, but he still shakes his head when he stands away from it. He wants it desperately, wants to gut it for expensive parts in prime condition, but it is too dangerous, too First Order, too very stolen.
"I told you," Rey starts to whisper to Kylo, but he puts a hand across her chest and walks closer to the man.
"You do want the ship," he says. "You will buy it from us. For twice the price you would normally offer. It is in such excellent condition."
"I'll buy it from you," the junk dealer says. "For twice the price."
Rey opens her mouth, but closes it again. Ash is awake again, moving against her chest. She gives a hungry little whimper, and Rey pulls her shirt aside slightly so that she can nurse while swaddled against her chest.
"You do realize," Rey says as they start back into the town street. "That, besides what is essentially stealing, you also just signed that man's death warrant?" The idea sits heavy in her stomach, that she was finally escaping the First Order only to leave death in her wake. She didn't like the idea of involving innocent people in their escape like this. It wasn't fair.
"Am I supposed to care about his life?" Kylo sounds angry at having his methods questioned. "I didn't realize the life of a junkyard crook on a backwater planet was worth more to you than the life of our daughter."
"It isn't! But we could have found a way-"
"You didn't stop me," Kylo says, turning to face her as they stopped on a street corner. The words hit Rey like a punch in the gut, because she knows that they are true. She could have done something about Kylo tricking that man, but she hadn't, because deep down she knew that it was their only way out. Kylo shakes his head and reaches into his pocket to pull some of the money they had been given for the ship, counting a large chunk of it out. "Let's just skip to the end of whatever pointless fretting you need to do to assuage your guilt for letting that happen. It is done, I need you to take most of this money and go buy us something to get off of this planet. I'm going to go buy essentials we might need." He grabs one of Rey's hands and places a large stack of bills in her outstretched palm.
Rey looks at the stack of money, then back up at him. "You want me to go off on my own to buy a ship?"
"Yes. I feel like you'll have a better grasp of what is getting the most for our money. You're more of the pilot. I'll be taking Ash with me, though." He sees the indignation on her face, and rolls his eyes. "Not just as insurance, but because I don't think you want to go with a baby into a business negotiation."
Rey can't deny that he is right. Whatever type of seedy place she is going to find someone to sell her a ship on the spot for cash, she probably doesn't need to be bringing a child into it. Still, it twists something inside her when sees Kylo and Ash turn a corner and disappear into the city, after making plans to meet up at the same spot in a few hours. Rey hasn't been away from Ash since the day she was born, not until the day before, at least, and that was only a room away.
She shoves the money in her pocket and continues down the street by herself.