Chapter 6
A/N: Aww, jeez, guys... Sorry it's been a while. I felt bad about it, so here's a little something to keep you reading (if anyone is still reading). Still working on the ending, one more chapter after this! Thanks everyone!
A loud scream of agony echoed from the kitchen of the Smith residence.
"All right, head's out! Worst part is over, Jerry, just one or two more pushes, and you're done. I mean, unless something goes wrong or whatever."
Jerry panted for a few seconds before throwing his head down and putting everything he had into the next push.
"Huh...That, uh, that didn't seem to do anything," Rick said, staring under the sheet. "I mean, if anything, it looks like the baby's trying to go back in."
"It's what?!" Jerry screamed, pushing again.
"Dad, that sounds like shoulder dystocia," Beth said from her position behind Jerry. "You know, when the baby's shoulder get stuck in the pelvis?"
"Oh, yeah, that makes sense with Jerry having a narrow man-pelvis. Let me just look this up."
"Y-you said the w-worst part was over!" Jerry sobbed.
"Unless, Jerry, I said Unless!" Rick yelled back, frantically skimming the WikiHow article. "Okay, okay, no-uhrp-nobody panic, I-I got this. Jerry, you're gonna need to-"
The iPad in Rick's hands suddenly exploded. "Wha-? What the fuck, Apple?!" Rick complained, dropping the smoldering device before it could electrocute him.
"Put your hands in the air, Rick Sanchez."
The entire family turned to see a group of nine blue aliens in grey uniforms quickly filter into their dining room, all armed with laser rifles pointed at the Smiths. The one who had spoken held a small handgun that he aimed at Rick.
Rick made no attempt to raise his arms.
"Oh, thank god," he said in total seriousness. "For a second I thought I was holding a Samsung."
"I said 'hands in the air!'"
"Yeah, 'like you just don't care,' I heard you the first time," Rick said. "Look, I'd love to chat, but I'm literally in the middle of delivering a baby here. Seriously, it's half out."
The leader turned to a pair of Laurokians on his right. "Get the child."
"Now wait just a second," Rick said, standing between Jerry and the approaching aliens. Morty and Summer placed themselves at his right and left, holding up their own the laser guns. "I have no problem with you taking the baby and going. That was how Maikki and I planned it from the beginning. But I can't let you kill this idiot."
Jerry moaned again, still trying fruitlessly to push the rest of the baby out.
The pair of aliens looked back at their leader, awaiting instructions.
"You think invoking Maikki's name will excuse you for stealing her child?" the leader said, calmly.
"See, that's the thing, I didn't steal the kid, I saved the kid. The-uhrp-The least you could do in return is not kill my son-in-law."
"How naive do you think I am?" the leader said. "Maikki didn't know this, but I am also a traveler. I have met and dealt with hundreds of Ricks before, and I've never seen one who could spare two thoughts about anyone but himself. Unless…" The Laurokian stared hard at Rick, as if trying to examine something beyond his outer appearance. "No, the chances are one in a million…"
"Not u-uh-nder these circumstances," Rick said, smirking.
"Have you ever been to a planet called Glapflap?"
"Never set foot on it in my life. Had a nice stay on its third moon, though, if you don't count the part where ha-ah-alf of my closest friends died."
"So it is you. Have you heard what they are calling you?" He was slowly beginning to lower his gun.
"Yeah, I've heard, and it's fucking stupid. Besides, this is-uhrp-this is it for me. I'm done. The galaxy's gonna have to find someone else to take its shit to the shit-store. I've got myself and four-meh, three-point-five-other pains-in-my-ass to take care of these days."
"But you were helping Maikki. She...She trusted you to help save Laurok?" The Laurokian's gun was now pointed safely at the carpet.
"That's what I've been trying to tell you motherfuckers. I'm on your fucking side. But, as much pleasure as it would bring me, I can't let you kill my daughter's husband...She'd never forgive me. So could you maybe tell your men to back the fuck off and let me handle this?"
The Laurokian leader nodded to the aliens on his right and left, who lowered their guns.
"You've got five minutes to deliver that baby alive."
"Won't need it," Rick said, now back between Jerry's legs. "Alright, Jerry, this is the home stretch. It's time to get this baby out."
"You need to turn over onto your hands and knees. The article said this can help open up the pelvis," Rick said, already nudging Jerry's right side.
"I can't-AGH!-I can't move right now," Jerry said, still moaning in agony.
"You're gonna need to. Didn't you hear Beth? The baby is literally stuck. Now turn over."
Rick supported the baby's head as Beth worked with him to help turn Jerry onto his hands and knees, with little to no help from Jerry, who kept moaning with the current contraction.
"There you go, Jerry, come on now, big push!" Rick said, in his most encouraging, least sarcastic tone. Jerry groaned long and low as he pushed one last time. The rest of the alien baby slid out into Rick's waiting hands and Jerry collapsed onto the table.
"Holy shit, you actually did it," Rick said, emerging from under the sheet with a tiny, blue, fluid-covered alien. He held the baby face-down and gently patted its back until it gave a wet gasp and started crying. He handed it to Beth, who abandoned her post at Jerry's side to clamp and cut the umbilical cord with surgical scissors from the kit. She quickly wrapped the baby in one of the towels from the pile next to the table.
The Laurokian leader stepped forward, impatient. "Give it to me," he demanded.
Beth held the baby protectively against her chest and threw a worried glance at Rick.
"Give it to him, sweetie," Rick said, gently.
Beth glared at her father. "It's a 'he'," she grumbled, reluctantly passing the baby to the blue alien.
The Laurokian shifted the towel and studied the baby, curiously. "His coloring is strange…" He turned the baby over, running one hand over its back. "This...this child has wings!"
"Yep. You're looking at the galaxy's first and only documented Laurokian/Parckellite hybrid," Rick said.
"Disgusting," the Laurokian muttered, despite the intense interest he showed in the child.
"Yeah, it's still got a lot of gunk on it from being inside a human two minutes ago," Rick said, though he was well aware of what the alien really meant. "Give it back for a second, I need to clean it off and make sure it's breathing properly." He plucked the baby from the alien's arms, grabbed the pile of towels, and headed to the kitchen. He placed the towels in the left basin of the sink and began to clean the baby with warm water in the right basin. The Laurokian leader followed him.
"A hybrid child was never part of the plan. Maikki must have lied to hide her shame at being raped," the alien said, shaking his head in disgust.
"Good guess, but you got it all wrong. The birth of this little freak of nature was planned from the beginning. Well, obviously not the part where Maikki was killed and had to transfer the baby to Jerry, that was just crazy random happenstance."
"I'm not following," the alien said.
"The gist is that Maikki and this kid's Parckellite father have created the savior your people have been looking for," Rick said, gently rinsing the infant in the basin.
"This child's very existence is an abomination; I fail to see how you could possibly pass it off as our savior."
"Spare me the sermons, we both know you're only using your people's religion to keep control over them."
The Laurokian leader narrowed his eyes. "And you think you're so clever for deducing that?"
"An idiot could've figured it out. I just prefer we keep everything out in the open. Now listen up: The first step was to get the attention of Laurok and Parckel focused on one thing: the pregnancy of an important leader. Easy task with Laurok, since they're expecting a messiah any day now and Maikki was the perfect candidate to be its mother. It was easy to get Parckel's attention too: This kid poses a threat to the planet since everyone knows the moonies can't wait to unite under a cause like this one. We planned on dealing with assassination attempts, but, clearly, someone fucked up."
The Laurokian bowed his head. "That was our fault."
"Maikki used the last of her strength to save this baby. Now that we have it, the next step is to reveal to both sides what the baby truly is: a representation of peace and love between planet and moon."
"You can't be serious. Maikki fell in love with a Parckellite?"
"Of course not. Can't you recognize your own game? It doesn't matter what the truth is, it matters with the people think is the truth."
Rick watched the wheels begin turning in the Laurokian's head.
"That's right," Rick continued, "You're seeing the headlines now, aren't you? 'Star-crossed Lovers Beget Child of Hope' or 'Interspecies Miracle Proves Race Compatibility.' Well, you know what? I got something even better. You see, I haven't even revealed our trump card yet-"
Rick was interrupted by a sudden scream from the dining room.
"Shit, now what?" Rick said, pulling a dry and bundled up alien baby from the left basin. He and the Laurokian leader rushed back into the dining room to find an orange, humanoid alien holding Morty tightly and pressing a gun against his head.
"Stan? What the hell are you doing here?!" Rick said.
"I'm here for my son."
"Stan, I need you to stop for a second and think about what you're doing. We're friends, aren't we?" Rick said, alien baby in one arm and other arm outstretched in a pacifying gesture.
Tristan glanced over at the rest of Rick's family, grouped together around the kitchen table, holding each other for dear life.
"You told me not to get attached. And it turns out you're not just attached-you've bred!"
"And look at all the shit I'm getting for it!" Rick yelled back, gesturing to the room. "You know how much easier it would be if I didn't care what you do to these idiots?"
The Laurokian leader, who until now had held an expression of terrified wonder, finally spoke up.
"The Parckellite Prince is the father?" he sputtered.
"Oh, great, another fan. Give me your underwear, I'll sign it," Tristan said, gun still held tightly against Morty's temple. "Look pal, I'm not a prince anymore. I'm bailing on this whole affair as soon as I get my son. Now, hand him over, Rick!"
"It's-It's perfect!" the Laurokian said, as if he hadn't heard. "Royal blood- easily proven with a DNA test. By their own laws, they will be forced to acknowledge him as a prince! And if we play up this fake love-story enough…"
"Are you listening to me? It's not fucking happening!"
"I think you need to calm down," the Laurokian leader said. He snapped his fingers and the rest of the Laurokians took aim at Tristan.
"Woah, woah, woah, hold on a second," Rick broke in, "We need to even out this Mexican standoff." He aimed his own gun at the newborn alien in his left arm. "There we go. N-uh-ow we're getting somewhere!"
"Dad, what the fuck?!" Beth screamed.
A/N: Thanks for reading!