Story: Somewhere Only We Know

Rating: Teen

Chapter Title: And It Made Me Complete

Author's Note: No, I will not explain the end of the last chapter, nor will it come up for a long, long time, unless you pay very close attention. Just a little teaser. But, I will tell you that after this chapter you're all going to hunt me down with pitchforks unless you're really, really insightful and figure it out. Don't worry. It'll all turn out good in the end, and please keep reading even if you hate LC – you know I'm LL forever. 

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, nor am I in any way affiliated with them. Chapter and story titles taken from Somewhere Only We Know by Keane.

It's funny how when you're dreading something it comes quickly, and when you can't wait time passes as slow as it seems possible. In the month following her promise to Chris, time occasionally sped by so fast she thought she had pressed fast-forward, and other times seemed to crawl along at a snail's pace. It just went to show how mixed her feelings were.

According to Aimi, Lorelai was the only virgin amongst their group of friends, though no one except her and Chris knew. She assumed that meant that Chris had already done it, which hurt a little, because she figured he must have done it while they were apart during one of their many breakups. But it also felt good to know what, come the end of those two months, he would know what he was doing.

On December twenty-fourth, she woke up in the middle of the night with her senses alert. She stood up and walked to the window, and sure enough, the first snowflakes were just beginning to fall. It was three in the morning, but in a semi-awake state, she slipped on boots and a coat and went silently downstairs. It definitely wasn't the first time she was sneaking out, but her destination was less than scandalous. She ended up in the clearing, which was by this time covered with a thin layer of snow, and she cleared a patch on the boulder and sat to watch it fall. She was toasty in her flannel pajamas and coat, but her face was cold in the twenty-something degree weather, but she didn't mind. The drifting flakes hypnotized her, until she dozed off.

She woke up with snow imbedded in every crease of her clothing, her face and hands freezing, but bathed in sun. She stood up, shaking it off, and began to run, knowing that if her mother woke up and she wasn't there, there would be hell to pay. A sore ache in her heart reminded her that she hadn't seen Luke in several weeks: he didn't play softball during the winter, and it was hard for him to go to the woods every day. Besides…

But no. That wasn't an issue, it never had been, and it was stupid to go thinking about it now. In just a few days she would have slept with Chris, would have been considered no longer a virgin, and she could put those worries to rest. It occurred to her how ridiculous it was that her social status was now determined by whether she had had sex or not, because really, then she should have…no. She snuck through the front door and crept upstairs, dropping her coat and boots and crawling back under her deliciously warm covers in her damp pajamas. When the clock struck nine she figured it was safe to get up, so she changed into warmer clothes and went downstairs.

"Merry Christmas Eve Morning," she declared in a slightly ironic fashion as she entered the living room.

"Hello, Lorelai," Emily said calmly. Lorelai shrugged and helped herself to a muffin. Winter break started today and lasted until two days after New Years. She and Chris were meeting on New Years Eve, for…it. It was awful that it was so planned, so thought out, but in a way it was good. It took less worrying no her part. She sighed and stood, and went into her room to call Aimi, of all people. But the matter she was calling was not one she could discuss with Luke – God no – and it had to do with Chris, so Aimi was her only hope. After a few rings there was a click and a groggy,

"Hello?" She heard a guy's voice in the background, and rolled her eyes.

"Aimi. It's me."

"Oh…hey, Lorelai."

"Sorry, did I wake you up?"

"It's okay. What's up?" She could picture her sitting up, pushing the naked guy away and telling him to sneak out the window. Typical Aimi.

"Um…I wanted to talk to you about Chris."

"Sure. What's the deal with you guys? You haven't talked since, like, the beginning of December."

"First," she whispered. "December first."

"Okay…"

"Well, the thing is. Um. We're doing it on New Year's Eve," she blurted.

"Romantic," Aimi said dryly. "So why aren't you talking? Is it like a bride and groom not having sex before their wedding day for like a month, only pushed back a couple steps?"

"Sure," she said. And that we just…don't….talk.

"So why are you calling?"

"Um…oh, god. This is embarrassing."

"I'm not giving you techniques."

"Ew! God, no! I just – what do I do?" Aimi sighed exasperatedly.

"You do him," she said flatly.

"No. I mean…so, we're meeting at a hotel. Paradise Hotel, to be exact." Aimi snorted on the other end. God, was that girl a bitch. "So…what do I say when I see him?"

"You say, 'hi.'"

"Okay…what do I wear?"

"Lace bra and panties under a short not denim skirt and a sexy top," she rattled off as if she was asked it every day.

"And…birth control."

"What about it?"

"Should I use it?"

"He'll have a condom, won't he?"

"But…"

"They're 97 effective, Lorelai. So unless you have sex one hundred times, you won't get pregnant." This seemed like surfer's logic to her, but she shrugged an moved on.

"So, I say hi, I'm looking like a whore, and not protected. So we go up to the room, right? Then what?"

"Hmm. You can either talk, or you can just kiss him."

"Okay. And then…"

"Then you have sex. Do I need to explain that, too, or is it clear?" She made a face.

"It's clear. And what do I tell my mom?"

"That you're going to my New Years Eve party and staying over at my place." She exhaled.

"Okay. Okay." She exhaled sharply. "Thanks, Aimi, thanks…I'll see you at school."

"Happy devirginization."

"And a merry Christmas to you, too." She hung up and went to her dresser, looking through her underwear. Nothing lace, and certainly nothing slutty. She didn't wear slutty underwear, because until a couple months ago she hadn't planned on anyone seeing it. Of course, then she had made this clandestine decision with Chris. She shrugged and instead moved onto clothes. She really didn't want to deal with a shirt and top. Too much fumbling. So instead she laid her short black dress over her chair and then sat on the edge of her bed. It was in seven days. Thankfully, it would be over in seven days and about ten minutes.

She stepped off the bus on the twenty-seventh, wearing her new red coat that she had bought with the gift card from her mother, a wrapped package under her arm, and a determined look on her face. Her hair was gathered in a loose braid that hung across her shoulder, and her jeans topped furry boots. Her eyes scanned the small town, and then she marched into the pharmacy, straight to the counter. A slightly heavy, irritated looking man looked up as she entered.

"Hi," she said. "Is Luke here?"

"Luke!" he bellowed, his eyes not leaving hers. In a few seconds, he emerged. There was a hint of stubble on his cheek, and a red flannel shirt. God, I never thought you knew… she banished the thoughts from her head. She didn't need that, didn't need random catch phrases flowing through her head now. He stopped short when he saw her.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"C'mon." He gestured outside, and they walked outside right behind each other. She sat on a bench, and he sat next to her.

"So that's your dad? He seems…nice."

"What's up?" he asked shortly, and she handed him the present.

"Here."

"What is it?"

"Merry Christmas. Just take it." He did. "You don't have to open it now if you don't want to…or whatever," she finished lamely.

"Thanks."

"You don't come anymore," she said softly after a moment of silence.

"It's winter. I - "

"You came last winter."

"Look, just…"

"What?"

"I do go. You're just never there."

"Funny how that works out. What's wrong, Luke?" He shot her a dark look.

"You should go."

"Luke…come on."

"No. You should go. I'll see you, if you're there when I am. Or whatever."

"Luke - "

"What?" he snapped, and she blinked, taken aback. There was a side of him she'd only seen on rare occasion, and never directed towards her.

"Just – Luke - "

"Stop saying my name if you're not going to follow up with anything."

"What did I do?"

"It's not – look. Just go, okay? Go, and let's just…forget about this."

"Forget about what? I don't want to forget about this, this has been the best year of my life!"

"Then you shouldn't have - "

"I shouldn't have what, Luke?"

"Nothing. Just go. Go." She sighed.

"Merry Christmas," she said again, quietly. She leaned forward the tiniest bit for a hug, but he sat straight, and then stood.

"Yeah. You too." And then he was gone. She sat back on the bench and closed her eyes, willing the tears to stay back. What did I do wrong? She wondered desperately. She couldn't stand to think that she had lost a good friend for no real reason at all. But maybe it was what he said, maybe he really physically couldn't come anymore…

He came last winter.

On December thirty-first, Lorelai stood outside the Paradise Hotel in a short black dress and a shrug. Her hair fell around her shoulders, her high heels hurt her feet, and her heart thrummed in her chest. She was freezing.

There he was.

Without saying a word, he passed his arm through hers, and Lorelai and Chris entered the hotel.

"Hayden. Room for two," he told the receptionist, and handed her his credit card. They were handed a key in return. "Come on, Lor," he said, and they went to the elevator. "You nervous?" he asked.

"No," she said honestly. "Why? Are you?"

"Kind of," he admitted. "I don't want to disappoint you."

"I don't exactly have anything to compare it to, do I?"

"That's true." They got off the elevator on the fifteenth floor. You're fifteen… she mentally punched herself, and let him lead her down the hall to room 18. Eighteen…you're too young…

"Okay. Let's go," she said when they were in the room, the bed directly in front of them. God, she couldn't believe that this was going to be her first time with Chris, in a crappy hotel room. But she was doing this. She had to.

"Okay." He stepped towards her, tossing his jacket to the ground and helping her off with hers. He slipped his arms around her and kissed her tentatively, then again. And then again. And then again…

She lay on her side, staring at the bedspread in her direct line of vision, unblinking. A gentle hand rested on her shoulder, and she turned.

"What?" she whispered, drawing the sheet closer towards her.

"I just didn't know that you'd…"

"Shh," she said quickly. "Don't…Chris. Just go to sleep." She kissed him quickly and turned over, pulling the sheets around her and curling her knees to her chest, letting the tears fall down her cheeks, but not allowing any sound to escape her lips. Her shoulders quaked as her grip on the sheets tightened, and the tears pooled to form a wet circle on the white sheet. She finally stopped crying, but her eyes never closed, and she stared at the bed all night, until the sunlight came in shafts through the shades and she stood up. She dressed and left, leaving Chris asleep in the queen sized bed.

"You've reached the Danes home. No one can come to the phone right now, so leave a message and we'll get back to you."

"Hi. Luke. It's me. Lorelai. Look…I don't know what happened, but please just call me, okay? My number is 556-7859, so just call, okay? Please? Okay…bye."