Chapter 6

"It was a trap!" Shepard barked at the holo-projection in front of her. She paced back and forth in the small space provided as she glared daggers at the man who continuously claimed to be on her side. As always the Illusive Man was reclining in his chair while the ever present sun sat behind him, the strange red and blue glow shadowing the man's features. The man took a drag from his cigarette and the Commander had to hold in the urge to sneer. She hated the smell of smoke but the man was light years away so the smell would never reach her. Every time she came into the debriefing room she would leave with a headache from the man before her. This time Shepard felt a larger headache form as the conversation dragged on. First chance she got she was going to shoot the Illusive Man in the foot… and the crotch… Hell, she'd just shoot everywhere and her problem would be solved.

"It was necessary. Look, Shepard, I know you don't like my methods but at least I get results" the Illusive Man leaned back in his chair and puffed a cloud of smoke from his cigarette, seemingly unimpressed by the cold glare he was receiving. Smug bastard probably just thinks I can't touch him, Shepard thought bitterly.

"You had half a colony abducted, almost got my friend killed, and practically told the entire galaxy I was your minion! And for what? To see if your theory was right? Well congratulations, the Collectors still want my head on a platter!"

"I know you're upset-"

"No! I already told you once I'm not your friend. You may have rebuilt me from bits and pieces but you know nothing about me. You want my help? Then no more sacrificing innocents"

The man sat quietly a few moments, contemplating the Spectre's words as he extinguished his cigarette "Very well, we'll try it your way. Just so you know, I've added three more dossiers. I had them sent to your computer" the Illusive Man gave the Commander a hard look and realized anything else he tried to say would be cut off. He had already explained everything necessary, he would contact her when he had more information "I'll be here if you need me" and with that the projection ended.

"No... you won't" Shepard muttered as she stormed back to her cabin, rubbing her temples as she went. The entire crew kept their distance as the Commander passed through, pretending they didn't notice her. She silently fumed during the slow elevator ride to her cabin, her foot tapping against the metal floor and her hand reaching toward her neck. Her hand reached for something under her chin but grabbed nothing but air. She looked down at her chest and sighed as she realized what she wanted to grab was no longer there so instead her hand fiddled with the collar of her shirt anxiously.

As soon as the doors slid open Jeanette stepped off the lift and into her room where she threw herself down on the bare mattress as she went back over her latest mission in her head. The trip to the colony on Horizon was less than pleasant. Mordin barely finished his new invention to ward off the Seeker Swarms and they had no idea if it would actually work until they landed on the surface, "field testing" as Mordin said. Luckily it did work but even without the Seekers trying to paralyze them, Shepard's team still had to fight off hordes of collectors and husks.

The colony had been helpless with their defense towers offline and calibrations wrong. Shepard fought off their enemies as she ordered EDI to recalibrate the targeting system, the process a slow one as more husks and collectors showed. Once back online, the guns fired at the collector ship but they proceeded to take off with half the colony already aboard. That's when Gunnery Chief, or Operations Chief now, Ashley Williams showed. Apparently she'd been placed there for an outreach program between the Alliance and outer colonies. A cover story. Turns out the Alliance had been tipped off that Horizon would be attacked and they were attacked because Williams was there. The collectors wanted Shepard and the best way to do that was to go after people she knew.

That wasn't the worst part of the reunion. Williams called her a traitor, much like everyone else, that she not only betrayed the Alliance but mankind as well. She claimed Cerberus was behind the attacks and they were using the Commander. It sounded too familiar, the Council always claimed that Saren was manipulating her but now it was Cerberus. Shepard tried to explain what was really happening but no matter how logical it sounded the officer wouldn't listen. Even Garrus tried to reason with her but Ashley thought the turian had gone crazy if he was working for the pro-human group. She refused to help a traitor and before she left she gave one last bitter remark "Maybe it was for the best when you left Kaidan to die on Virmire, so he wouldn't have to witness this! I don't know why he cared for you anymore"

Shepard was pissed that her old squad mate, own friend would accuse her of being a traitor but she understood where Ashley was coming from. Would Shepard be so willing to help a known terrorist group if her commanding officer had been dead for two years and was all of a sudden on the other team? She doubted it.

Two years. That fact still didn't sit well with her. It seemed like yesterday she was enjoying shore leave before heading back out to take care of anymore geth but it was two years ago. Two years and everything was different and she was still in the dark.

Soon Shepard sat at her private terminal in her cabin, just going through the motions and not even realizing what she was doing. She kept replaying the conversation in her head and barely realized she had turned on the computer. It was open to her messages with a blank window up to send, Ashley's name already typed on the screen. Shepard sighed as she typed away. Ashley was furious but at the moment Shepard could do nothing to fix their friendship. So she just typed a detailed explanation of how after two years she awoke on a Cerberus base with no choice but to help and how the Reapers were controlling the collectors. She finished her message with a sincere apology and sent it. She wasn't expecting a reply, not anytime soon anyway but she hoped the Alliance officer would read it and believe her, she needed someone to believe in her. At least she still had Garrus.

She glanced over at the end of her desk where a photo sat. She had discovered it when she rummaged through the crate Garrus had left her. It was a photo of her team during the hunt for Saren. She reached over and gently picked it up, the holo image bright and detailed. They had taken the picture in front of the Mako, down in the cargo hold.

"What are we doing again?" the krogan sounded annoyed as he stood in the back, being one of the taller people after all. He had just been cleaning his gun when the Commander had dragged everyone into one spot. He didn't like this many people in close proximity to him.

"We're taking a picture, dear Wrex" the Commander replied as she set up a tripod and adjusted her camera, a look of deep concentration on her face as she made the most miniscule adjustments to it.

"Why?"

"Memories of course"

"No, I mean, why am I here? I'm not what you humans call photogenic" the krogan huffed, his armor plated chest sticking out just a tad in defiance and intimidation. He really didn't understand aliens sometimes, especially when it came to the human Spectre, you try to decipher her and you were bound to go crazy.

"I like having photos of my friends. When I get old and senile in my retirement I want something to look back on, besides just look in a mirror and you'll see you have an award winning smile. So just stand next to Garrus... and try to look less disgruntled"

"I don't think that's possible for krogans" Garrus teased, Shepard noticed the turian had finally started to loosen up around people. Turns out that the hard working C-Sec officer had a funny side, not that Wrex thought it was all that funny.

"Quiet, turian"

"Hurry up with that thing Skipper and get over here!" Ashley was fidgeting, she didn't do well with staying in one spot for too long because she was always ready and itching for the next fight. The man next to her however, was practically as stiff as a board. Kaidan apparently wasn't very photogenic either as he looked like a single word would have him bolt before the camera went off but he stood his ground.

"Hold on, Ash. It has to be just right" once the timer was set and the angle to her liking, Shepard raced back to the group, skidding to a halt between Ashley and Kaidan as she spun on her heel to face the camera lens. She earned yelps of surprise from the two marines as she threw her arms over their necks, effectively putting them in headlocks and pulled them close to her with a large smile on her face "Say cheese!"

The quarian tilted her head in confusion, white orbs blinking behind a purple mask "Why would we…"

"Just say it, Tali" the Commander spoke around her smile, her face pulling a little strangely at the effort.

"Why cheese?"

"I believe it's a human custom, used to force a smile when you finish off the word. I think it's one of their stranger... Ah!" the light flashed brightly in Liara's eyes and she moved to rub them when she heard the click of the photo being taken "Oops… I think I ruined the photo"

"Nonsense! The best photos are always the wackiest" Shepard released her hold on her friends, letting Kaidan step away to grab the camera, he flipped a switch to it to view the photo. He started laughing as he handed it off for Liara to see.

"She's right, priceless" the Lieutenant couldn't stop laughing at the photo. Unbeknownst to the Commander, Wrex had turned to the turian with a finger jabbed against Garrus' chest and said turian had raised his hands up in peace though his face held a bit of mischief in them. It was clear he had tried to mess with the krogan. Tali's head was still cocked to the side and a hand rested under her chin as though she was deep in thought. Liara's face was scrunched, one eye shut to keep the flare of the camera from blinding her, the other opened wide in surprise and her hands half way up to rub at her eyes. Ashley and Kaidan both gave an awkward smile as they were pulled close to the Commander who had one of the biggest smiles anyone had ever seen on her.

"I want to see!" Tali squeezed next to the asari and giggled "Can I get a copy, Jean? Please?"

Shepard glanced down as something warm hit the back of her hand "Fuck" she sighed as she reached for something to wipe the blood off with "I thought I was done with this"

The flashbacks had indeed started to recede but apparently not gone. She didn't think it would cause many problems, in fact it was mostly just annoying as she watched different degrees of worry from her friends' faces. Did they truly think she was incapable of taking care of herself? Granted she did die but to watch her every move just rubbed her the wrong way. Garrus was being the worst of the lot, probably because she saw more of him than Chakwas or Joker as the two usually stayed in their little sanctuaries while the turian roamed about freely. What made it worse was his mood swings. He'd be passive one second, aggressive the next, he'd go from laughing at her jokes to scowling at a wall and then fretting over her. What happened to his squad was eating at him and the look of vengeance always reached his eyes at the name Sidonis which is why she never brought up the topic of Omega, not that he would tell her much anyway.

Garrus tried his best to act like nothing was bothering him but an actor he was not. Shepard had known him long enough to know all his tells. His mandibles clenched tight against as mouth as he tried to come up with a sly response on the spot or when caught red-handed, his eyes stilled completely when he got nervous, and his right leg twitched when he had the urge to hit someone. It's how she always beat him at Skyllian Five poker but he never seemed to quit. Everywhere she turned she caught a glimpse of worry from him even when he tried to play it cool. It was touching that he cared so much, he was like a brother to her after all but she didn't need a babysitter, especially one on the verge of madness. If he wanted to help her he could start by helping himself. She wasn't ready to lose a friend and she be damned if that friend was Garrus but at the moment she had no idea what to do with him much like how he had no idea what to do with her.

After a while Shepard learned to school her features, which she was far better at than Garrus, and acted like she was completely aware of the current situation even though she was losing herself in the past. It would work too until blood dripped from her nose. She'd use a sleight of hand to wipe the blood away before anyone could notice but she couldn't keep the charade up forever. Either the memories would fade back into exactly that, memories, or she'd end up getting killed… again.

When she turned back to her computer she saw that twenty minutes had passed. She brushed off any worry before it could sprout and opened up the dossiers she'd been given. Two of them were on Illium, a drell assassin and asari Justicar, while the last was out on the fringes of the Milky Way. A smile grew on her lips as she read the name: Tali vas Neema. But as much as she wanted the quarian back by her side it was a far more logical choice to head for Illium first seeing as it was closer.

Just as she sent the coordinates to Joker a message popped up on her screen:

Shepard, I need to speak with you privately. It's urgent.

-Miranda

This happened every time. As soon as Shepard ordered the ship out for a mission she got a lovely call from the Cerberus agent. Shepard would indulge the operative and ask what the problem was and each time the woman had the gall to tell her who she should bring, what was truly important, and make sure she wrote a complete report afterwards. Unless the woman had crashed into a bulkhead she should remember who it was she was talking to. Cerberus brought Shepard back, this was her mission, her crew, and no way in Hell was she going to take orders from Ms. Lawson. What was hysterical was that the woman was always surprised by how uncooperative Shepard was. So once again she decided to indulge the brunette and speak with her.

When the Commander arrived at the operative's office she was caught off guard by the open expression on the woman's face, she looked worried, even upset. Miranda tried to school her features, apparently not expecting the Commander so soon but it was too late, Shepard had seen her vulnerable.

Just great, Shepard thought bitterly. She had seen that sad look before on other, if she starts crying I'm leaving.

"Shepard, I… I need a favor… if you'd please" something was definitely nagging at the operative if she had to resort to using please but the Commander listened intently anyway.

It seemed a simple enough favor, rescue her twin sister from a maniacal dictator or whatever. Move her sister and her family somewhere safe, a transport was already set up so the Commander just had to make sure everyone got there safely. No ties to Cerberus, a completely personal favor asked from a woman Shepard didn't see eye to eye with, but as much as she would have loved to say no to the women she found she couldn't. Miranda needed to stay focused for the mission and fretting over a sibling would not help but also, Shepard knew what it felt like to lose a sibling and she wouldn't let someone else feel that pain.

Besides, the mission shouldn't interfere with her recruitment as the move wasn't for a couple of days. The Commander figured she'd take one day to get the assassin, the next to get the Justicar, and the third rescuing some damsel while her crew got a bit of shore leave and if she was really lucky she'd get a day to herself. Then it occurred to her, she wasn't that lucky.

"You're bringing me along I hope"

Shepard turned to see Garrus walk into the armory, headed straight for his locker "And what makes you think I'm going anywhere?" she saw his mandibles clench tightly, meaning that she wouldn't like his real answer so she waited for him to bullshit.

"You're getting your gun" the turian shrugged, a human habit he seemed to have picked up.

"How do you know I'm not just getting it out to clean?" the mandibles tightened further "You hacked my computer again didn't you?"

"Noooo"

"Liar"

"Okay, you got me. So what are we doing?" the teenager leaned over the fence with a mischievous smile on his face. The boy's short hair was a sandy blond, not much different from Jeanette's and his blue eyes danced with laughter "Hope it's as fun as last time"

Jeanette sighed as she looked at her older brother, after the disaster Jason made last time she wasn't taking him anywhere anytime soon. She could only stand her brother's presence for so long before he grew into too much of a hassle. She loved him, she really did but he never realized when he was crowding someone.

"I'm going to go recruit someone, you are staying behind"

"What?"

"Look Garrus, I appreciate your help. You've volunteered for every mission but if you keep at it you're going to drive yourself into the ground. You're taking shore leave along with the rest of the crew"

"So who's going?"

"Jack and Kasumi. I haven't seen Jack in action yet and Kasumi says she's been getting bored"

"Jean, I really think that I should…"

"No. Sorry Garrus, girls' night out. And if you persist I will order you on a forced shore leave. Understood?" the turian nodded before retreating the way he came, almost sulking, it was scary how much he reminded Shepard of her brother. She took a deep breath as she hoped the blood hadn't dripped from her nose while under the turian's gaze.

Garrus hadn't seen the blood. He smelled it, something he long since memorized, which was something he should probably categorize as a bad thing. If Garrus was being left out of a mission he had to find another way to keep an eye on his friend. Garrus didn't trust the crazy biotic to watch Shepard's back even for a second. The tattooed woman scared him a little and if she wanted to she could rip the Normandy to shreds with her biotics, meaning he had to talk with Kasumi. With a bit of luck she would agree to watch for any signs that Shepard was not entirely there while on the mission. The thief had an excellent perception, able to see the tiniest of movements, she also knew how to stay silent so Shepard would never find out. He'd be dead meat otherwise.