Hello everyone!
Yes, that's right, another chapter is here in front of your very eyes, and this time it didn't take me a whole month to do it :D
Now the story continues.
Coward.
The one word that in one way or another has been associated with him for as long as he could remember.
As a child, he was often subjected to the name by both his classmates and the adults involved in his life.
The very first time he'd properly heard of the phrase was the choice of words his own father had hurled at him during an argument between him and his mother. He'd only been three years old at the time so didn't fully understand the meaning behind it, but what he did know was that it would be the start of a very complex chain of events.
After that Crilly had taken up the task of heedlessly taunting him on a daily basis, more often than not did the word coward along with many others came tossed his way. Every time that dreaded word left his lips felt as if he'd cut himself then had salt sprinkled on it, the great affliction increasing by the day. Though it did become a little easier to handle once his and Tristan's paths had crossed.
Even Tristan's gran had openly called him a cowardly custard when being reluctantly introduced to her shortly after he and Tristan had become friends, the way it flawlessly slipped from her lips as if she'd been let in on the long-term plan to break him down bit by bit. Then again, it had soon become apparent that she hadn't liked anyone.
But it wasn't until this war began that the word coward took a whole new meaning to him.
Never had it occurred to him that a single event could change his entire perspective of one word within just a matter of seconds. That event being a conversaton between him and General Spencer.
"Sir, I have reason to believe that the soldier Ernie Rodgers we're to have executed at dawn is underage," had been Kevin's attempt at saving the boy soldier from impending doom by informing General Spencer of his profound discovery shortly after their one to one talk. Soon realizing his efforts were to go to no avail as he watched the General glower down at him, his fists clenched as if he were to hit him for his unreasonable actions.
"If a boy's old enough to come strutting into a recruitment office, claiming he's a macho man, then he's old enough to take responsibility for his actions," the General counter-argued, pointing a stern finger towards the Captain who seemed to shrink at the impact of his words. "Besides, any so-called man who in a perilous situation thinks with his legs is nothing more than a gutless, pigeon-hearted coward. Even a feeble-bodied man of your position should understand that."
The moment General Spencer finished his sentence left Kevin speechless. There was nothing his brain could wrack up that would have served as an appropriate response.
"Yes sir," was all he could say after spending a good couple of minutes in silence.
Just as he was about to make his way out from the Generals office, a loud clearing of the throat stopped him in his tracks. With a sharp rise of the eyebrow, the General gestured for Kevin to sit on the chair infront of him, causing the Captain to feel slightly uneasy. Once he'd sat down the General causally leaned forward, hands clasped together, his firm expression softening a little.
"Kevin Darling, I'm telling you this not because I think your a squeamish little toad that would dive three feet underwater to escape his duties, but for your own, if you like to call it, incentive."
Darling gulped but swallowed down his fear with a nod.
"I shall not repeat this so listen carefully. Cowards die many times before their deaths, the valiant never taste of death but once."
Darling gulped for the second time, knowing exactly what the Generals words meant.
"Understood sir," he responded in a whispered agreement as he stood up to leave, sensing General Spencers pondering eyes following him out the room.
Never in his life had he experienced something so eye-opening as this. The reality of his role in all this plain and clear for him to see.
He just hoped he wouldn't succumb to becoming the coward everyone else in his life were convinced he was.
He's got no idea on how long he's been asleep for, but what he does know that he's once again trapped under the clutches of a morbid nightmare.
But this time it's different.
He's in the midst of it all. The agonizing screams of fellow soldiers echoing within the distance, their shadows displaying the horrific trauma they sustain. The bellowing gunshots attacking them from all angles. Bullet whizzing past his head, close enough to shave his skin. The rain that falls in crazy chaotic drops saturating him, the gusting wind carrying them in wild vortices one moment then in diagonal sheets the next.
All of a sudden the catastrophic scene seems to fade as an unknown source of light shines into view.
At first, Kevin fears the worst.
"I'm dead, oh god I'm dead," he whispers. Only to be proved wrong when the gunshots start up again.
However, the focus on the gunshots soon shifts when the light that now engulfs his vision arranges itself into a human form, seconds later dimming down to reveal the instantly recognizable figure of his lifelong best friend looking straight at him.
"Tristan," Kevin breathes out in a mixture of shock and joy. "Tristan my god, you're safe!" He then adds in a triumphant squeal of delight.
At first, Tristan doesn't say a word, just stands there. Having noticed his friend's unusual lack of a response, Kevin's moment of relief draws to a halt when taking a closer look at Tristan's appearance.
It's at that moment he notices several scars across his face, his eyes that once held such character now dull and lost. Structure wise he's thin and frail from the shortage of food, swaying ever so slightly as the unsteadiness of his physical state takes its toll on him. Despite his attenuated image, he's calm and collected amongst all the chaos around them, unfazed by the ruthless pelts of rain battering his face. Or perhaps he didn't care.
But then something changes. Looking up at his friend, Kevin watches Tristan's emotionless facial expression examine him as if he were only now beginning to recognize him. He's soon approaching him, a strong steady march guiding his footsteps towards him. Kevin smiles as he gets closer, hoping he would receive the same reaction. A sharp chill runs down Darlings spine as he watches Tristan's features harden with every step he takes, Kevin's smile vanishes completely when realizing his friend's powerful strides were in aid of anger, the tension of his muscles making it clear that this wasn't to be a jolly reunion.
"YOU BLOODY COWARD!" Tristan barks as he grabs the Captain by the collar, gritting his teeth in pure rage as spit flies from his mouth and right onto Darling's cheek, seconds later turning to face the other way, taking deep shuddering breaths. He then slowly turns back round to look at Kevin square in the face, not once breaking the eye contact.
Darling, on the other hand, is shaking furiously, the word coward ringing in his ears during the time he spends attempting to gather up the courage to explain himself. He is soon silenced when finding himself only inches apart from Tristan, his clouded brown eyes darkening when whispering his next choice of words barely audible.
"You left me to die."
Kevin gasps the moment they leave his mouth. "I-I d-didn't, Tristan please!"
"I didn't, I didn't!" Tristan coarsely imitates with various hand gestures, mocking Darling's desperation for him to listen.
"Well luckily for me I know someone who unlike you, doesn't scarper in the face of fear." Darlings eye twitched sharply at Tristan's emphasis on himself. He then made a move to his left, startling Kevin for a second before realizing someone was to join them.
"Hello Darling," came the all too familiar voice of Captain Blackadder as he stepped into view. A wide Cheshire cat grin dancing across his lips which he directed towards the whimpering Kevin before taking his place next to Tristan.
"B-B-B-Blackadder?" Kevin stammered, his heart hammering against his chest when gawping in horror at the one person he didn't wish to lay eyes upon, was yet again here to torture him for his own amusement. He couldn't even get away from Blackadder in his dreams.
"Now," Tristan began, swiftly interrupting the quivering Kevin, he and Blackadder taking a brief glance towards each other, sharing a moment of manic glee. "My friend Blackadder and I reckon its time you were charged for the offense of cowardice."
Darling stared at the two men, his mouth wide open in sheer disbelief.
"B-b-but Tristan, y-you can't be friends with him, anyone but him! He's the most medalling, untrustworthy man in the entire army!"
Tristan scoffed. "Oh, and I can trust you can I?" Seconds later Kevin clamps a hand over his mouth, desperate to hold his stomach contents in as Tristan lifts up his shirt to reveal the raw extent of his injuries, his entire bottom half having been blown clean off then sewn back on, leaving him with hideous scars.
Captain Darling was at a loss for words.
"That's what I thought," Tristan spat darkly. "Which is why it's only right that you should die for your offenses," he then added in a terrifyingly calm tone.
At that moment Kevin tried to approach his friend, only to discover that he was tied to a pole, the bounds which firmly held his hands to his back tightening with every move he made.
"Seems as though you won't be able to wriggle out of this one my darling!" Tristan sniggered haughtily, grinning with delight when Kevin twitched at the jibe towards his surname. Something he'd been on the receiving end of by many, but never Tristan. The very fact alone making the situation much more painful.
Eyes bulging, Kevin had to refrain from himself from letting a high pitched squeaking sound as he watches Tristan take out his gun. But instead of placing the bullet inside it, he slowly lifts it up and passes it to Blackadder who accepts the weapon gracefully.
"If you would like to do the honors sir."
"Why thank you, Lieutenant Malone," Blackadder responds with a satisfied raise of the eyebrow.
"READY!" Tristan then shouts, making sure to project his voice so both men know what is to come.
Kevin's breathing is bordering on hyperventilation as he watches Blackadder load his gun, a devilish smirk running across his lips, making his entire face gleam with pride.
"AIM!"
"Tristan I beg of you, please reconsider your wish to kill me!" Darling tries to reason with him once more as hot tears run freely down his cheeks. Tristan ignores him. He can't work out which is worse. The fact that Blackadder held the gun that in a matter of minutes would ultimately end his life, or that Tristan took pleasure of counting down what little time he had left on earth.
"Any last words Darling?" Blackadder questions, his voice dripping with false sincerity.
Kevin opens his mouth to comply but is unable to formulate even the simplest of sentences. Whimpering as his eyes trace Tristan and Blackadder's every movement, Captain Darling can feel the shadow of death hover over him, the atmosphere suddenly becoming colder, his fate drawing nearer to a close.
"I-"
"FIRE!"
With a pained yelp, Kevin Darling jolts to the ground, the raging hot bullet tearing tunnels through his chest. Seconds later nausea bubbles within him, which combined with the agony of the single gunshot causes the air around him to sting him like an army of wasps going for the same area.
With his vision rapidly declining, from the very corner of his eye, Kevin is only just about able to make out the shadow of his former best friend mouthing the word coward before turning on his heel with Blackadder in tow, beaming at each other with substantial accomplishment.
"Tristan wait!" Darling cries, but it's too late, Tristan was gone. He had left him to die. Shakily lifting the hand he'd placed on his chest soon after the bullet hit, he lets out a horrified gasp as the sight of his palm caked in his own blood fills his fuzzy view.
All he could do now was sink into the grasp of death clutching him, the task of breathing becoming harder to carry out with each second that ticks by. Soon enough his raspy gulps for air catch on each other, all feeling in his body draining away as his heartbeat pounds loudly, alongside his fading screaming pleas. His consciousness now floating in and out through an empty space filled with a thick static, the reminders of his life blurring in front of him.
He tries calling for help, but no one comes.
He never wanted this. He doesn't deserve this.
He's going to die, he can sense it all too well.
He can't die, he doesn't want to die.
No one cares that he's going to die.
He doesn't deserve to die.
He's all alone, on the cold hard ground bleeding to death. The last breath he is to take robs him of his ability to speak, a cry dies in his throat as the unstoppable force of darkness looms over him...
"Arghhhhh!" Is the blood-curdling scream Kevin lets out before he can stop himself, with only enough time to thrust the duvet to the floor before his door slams open, revealing a fuming General Melchett in front of it. If looks could kill he would be a well and truly dead man. All he could do was helplessly watch the General glare daggers into him, his mustache twitching as anger overrides him.
"What on earth is the meaning of this Darling?!" General Melchett yelled, his tense posture making the said Captain wish for nothing more than to shrink away.
"S-spider sir," Darling quickly babbled out, not wanting to prolong the conversation any further than necessary.
"You really are a confounded fool aren't you?!" General Melchett responded with a sharp harrumph, pointing an irked finger towards the latter who stared at the floor in silence.
"Yes, sir," the captain agreed in a defeated whisper.
With one last muttered comment about him being a good for nothing imbecile, General Melchett spun on his heel and out of the room. Leaving Kevin to fight with his inner sorrows as he makes a hasty grab for his duvet, slamming his head onto the pillow before tossing the sheets over himself.
Clutching at the material as his facial features crumple up, no effort is made to stifle the gut-wrenching sobs that escape him that night.
The following morning brought no joy to the table. The number of hours of sleep lost to those recurring nightmares were beginning to take a serious toll on the captain. Today had been by far the worst morning he'd ever experienced, and what made matters worse was that Blackadder was on his way to the office under General Melchetts orders.
Standing up to relieve himself from the stiffness of his muscles due to hours of sitting in the same position, Kevin rolled his shoulders backwards, releasing a few pops and cracks from various places. He then proceeded to walk around the office, his legs also in need of a good stretch. Despite it having been over a month since being shot in the foot, he still limped a little. No way on earth would he limp in front of Blackadder, after all, he had to hold some dignity to his name.
He was about to make his way back to his seat when the doors to the office burst open, his nemesis Blackadder stepping through without as much as a salute for him. However, due to Blackadders arrival, his focus had been placed on the other Captains movements, resulting in Darling misjudging the distance between him and the desk, stumbling into the said object.
"What do you want Darling?" Blackadder cuts in, eying up his recent moment of clumsiness.
"That's Captain Darling to you!" Kevin snaps as he regains his officious composure with an irritable twitch, retreating back to behind the desk to avoid Blackadder's presence.
After waiting a couple of minutes in total silence for the General who still hadn't turned up, a thoroughly bored Blackadder began to once again taunt the latter.
"You know Darling, I'm beginning to think that you actually like having me around to keep you in check."
"I only tolerate you for military purposes and not for any other reason, believe you me!" Darling spat, directing a withering scowl at Blackadder whose facial features seemed to laugh at the very gesture.
"I see," meaning he didn't. He then raised an eyebrow, irking the other captain whose all too aware of the underlining slyness that lay beneath the innocent action.
"Dammit, Blackadder!" Darling cursed. "Honestly, I have a good mind to-"
"To do what?" Blackadder interrupted. "Paperclip me to death?"
Darling let out a sarcastic huff. "Don't flatter yourself Blackadder, I wouldn't put my paperclips through such a frivolous act of torture."
"But you see no problem in doing that to me?"
At this point, Darling was more than tempted to tell that mouthy git to sod off. But after some consideration, he thought better of it and settled for the silent treatment. Arguing with Blackadder only seemed to increase his inability to deal with deluded idiots who thought big of themselves, dealing with General Melchett was more than enough to cope with on a daily basis. Speaking of whom still hadn't turned up for his appointment.
What was keeping him?
A sharp twinge in his chest drags his thoughts away from the General, his surroundings changing drastically from the familiar sights of the office to one of the battlefield.
He's no longer looking at Blackadder. Instead, he's looking at Tristan caked in blood, silently clutching his gun and shaking his head, his face twisted in a mixture of fury and anguish at how he'd been brave and died while Kevin who'd escaped was still amongst the living. Just like he was in the dream.
"Coward!" He shouts, fat tears sliding down his cheek, his facial features scrunching up in disgust.
"Coward!" He shouts again, only this time louder with a booming impact to his voice, making it sound like a clap of thunder ready to pound Darling into oblivion.
Kevin can only lower his head in shame, he can't bear to look at him, there's nothing he can do that would make a jut of difference.
"Coward!" Tristan yells, again and again, soon manifesting into a chorus of chants. Each time more sinister and aggressive, that one word sending Kevin further into a state of guilt-induced panic.
He can't cope, he has to find a way to stop this.
"Tristan, please..."
"Tristan?" The familiar voice belonging to Blackadder questioned, raising a confused eyebrow towards the flustered captain, jolting him back to the present.
"What?" Kevin said in an exasperated gasp.
Blackadder gave him a look crossed between a frown and a curious glance. "Who's Tristan?" He repeated, looking at Darling straight in the eyes.
"What on earth are you talking about?" The other Captain questioned sternly, both hands firmly gripping the pencil he was currently using.
"Triss-tan," Blackadder said in a patronizingly slow voice. "Sounds like someone quite important, so, who is he?"
Kevin did a double take, the reality of the situation suddenly kicking into gear. At first completely baffled as to how Blackadder was spouting out the one name that meant a significant amount to him, even more so when he'd never openly talk about his friend to anyone, especially not to the likes of Blackadder.
Unless he-
Oh god...
"H-how much did you hear exactly?" Kevin asked as fiercely as he could master, a heavy stammer dominating his tone of voice as the possible reason abruptly occurred to him.
"Well apart from your incessant mumbling, your unsteady breathing and the mentioning of Tristan's name several times, nothing much really," Blackadder dryly retorted.
Just as he had suspected.
Kevin hid his head in his hands. "Oh god," he muttered before looking back up at Blackadder with an unreadable facial expression.
"I think you should go."
Blackadder frowned. "But what about my appointment with the General?" He asked although it was more of a statement than a question.
"I highly doubt General Melchett will turn up, you're not the first one he's summoned then forgotten about. So there's no point in you staying."
"Not trying to get rid of me are you Darling?" Blackadder mocked. "Besides, I want to know more about this Tristan bloke."
"I'm not talking about this with you." Kevin bit out, trying his luck despite being fully aware that Edmund wasn't going to relent easily.
"Come on Darling, aren't you at least going to enlighten me on some of the fond memories shared between you and Tristan?"
"Just leave!" Kevin warned, directing a cold hard glare towards Blackadder.
Blackadder who instantly picked up on the fact he may have hit a sore spot, stopped in his tracks for a moment before reverting back to his menacing ways. Though he couldn't deny the general interest behind his teasing manner.
"Who's Tristan then? A childhood sweetheart of yours?"
"Don't be ridiculous Blackadder!" Kevin objected, his breathing slightly heavier than before.
"One of Melchetts chums you took a shine to then?"
"I don't have time for this..."
"No on second thoughts, I suppose you prefer the ones in uniform don't you Darling?"
"He was an old friend. We enlisted together if you must know." Kevin spat, getting dangerously toward the end of his tether. His clenched fists tightening around the pencil that was slowly on the brink of snapping as a result of the tension.
"Must be a sorry state then. Havent heard of a Tristan around our side of the trenches though, probably ducked out as soon as he could if your anything to go by."
"I really insist that you stop this- "
"Bet you he's off in France somewhere with more women than you can shake a stick at if he's that way inclined-"
"I mean it Blackadder, leave now!" Kevin ordered, standing up to mark the authority in his words, praying to god that he would for once take the hint and bugger off. However, the wavering of his voice diminished any traces of superiority he wanted to convey, his breathing now on the brink of becoming unstable.
The ragged breaths he took captured Blackadders unwanted attention, who at that point realized he may have taken things too far. So in an attempt to reason with him, Blackadder resorted to using the Captain's first name in hopes it would ease some of the tension between the two. Only to discover it would do anything but.
"Kevin-"
"FOR GOD SAKE BLACKADDER, JUST FOR ONCE DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD AND GET OUT!" Darling roared, shaking with fury as he violently snaps his pencil in two. Something Captain Blackadder had never thought he would be at the receiving end of, especially not from the likes of a yellow pencil pusher like Darling.
Something was definitely going on.
Without another word, Blackadder left the building, seconds later subjected to a jump scare when a huge commotion of various clatters and clanks came from the office he'd just been thrown out of. Or more precisely Darlings desk.
Darling himself was a mess of shallow breathing and vicious ruminations of what had just happened circling madly around his mind, the many objects that usually occupied his desk lay in a disarrayed heap across the floor that he'd hurled off the desk in a mixture of panic and rage.
"Have to get out," he whispered to himself as he made a move to stand up. His already fragile state of mind messing with his senses as he trips over the chair he was sat on just a few moments ago, landing face down on the floor, leaving him to stumble out of the room with an even more bruised ego than ever before.
Just a minute after his exit, the door to the office creaked open allowing Blackadder to step through a second time, his eye diverted to the mess beneath him. He was about to observe the aftermath of his former actions when he trod on something flat, bending down to pick up whatever it was he'd stepped on, raising both eyebrows when realizing it was a diary belonging to Captain Darling.
For a moment, the book sat heavy in the palm of his hand, knowing all too well that inside contained Captain Kevin Darlings deepest thoughts, wishes, and secrets. Those which should stay hidden from his prying eyes. On the other hand, of course, Captain Darling had been acting a lot more hostile towards him since the near blackout episode he had back in the trenches, and not to mention the times he'd overheard him mumbling to himself on several occasions.
All he could confidently say was that something was plaguing him and this diary would most likely supply the answer to the question of what. Yes, it would be an invasion of Darlings privacy if he was to read it, but at the same time his curiosity and dare he say it concern for the man was becoming a little too strong to restrain.
Besides, since when did Edmund Blackadder respect the concept of privacy?
With a quick glance in both directions in the unlikely event of Darling catching him out, Blackadder swiped for the diary and shoved it inside his army regulation jacket before making his way back to the trenches.
Just as a small note you can expect the next chapter to be up in the next following week or so. Farewell for now!