AN: I quoted New Moon at the beginning of this chapter. The quote kind of sums up what was going on with Bella, while Jacob was phasing on the Cullen's front porch, etc. etc. This whole chapter is in Bella's point of view. There is more to come. I separated the big long chunks into smaller paragraphs, so there easier to take in. (See what you say in your reviews is taken into account, So review!) So enjoy!
BTW, I don't own twilight or any of the characters. Stephenie Meyer does though. I don't own the title either. But the Myriad does.
"Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me." – Bella Swan (Pg 93, Chapter 4 of New Moon by Stephenie Meyer)
Bella POV
If only Edward could read my thoughts. Could feel my pain. Maybe he could find me. He would be disgusted to see how far I let myself sink. His words, his absence, led me to a place I didn't want to be. To a realization I couldn't face. I needed him more than I thought. The wind picked up. My clothes were stained with mud, gravel, and leaves. I attempted to brush myself off. I lifted my body off the cold ground. I wouldn't let myself tumble any farther. My arms felt heavy, like weighs pulling my body to the ground. I straightened my back. I started down the path, the path that I once traveled to my death. Gravel was parted from where my brakes had pierced the ground. And another where my body had hit the ground. I couldn't control my thoughts; I tried concentrating on my family. The people who still loved me. Jacob would hate to see me this way, he would hate Edward. Edward. His beautiful face. I couldn't forget him. I was petrified I would forget him. Charlie would be worried beyond belief. Renee would be regretful, regretful that she ever let me go to Forks. I was falling apart. I had torn apart my life in a matter of hours. Everything seemed unreal. So fast. It happened. I lost my train of thought. I couldn't concentrate on one topic. Everything was flying past me. I had to be dreaming. I couldn't still be walking. I was speeding toward the road at a pace faster than natural. The distance began to shorten; I was coming closer to the road. A sharp pain jabbed inside my stomach. The speed was making me nauseous. This was a dream. I must not have made it. I must have died. I have to be dreaming. I couldn't bring myself to look. I slammed my eyelids shut. I couldn't watch. Another sharp pain stung my insides. I moaned in pain. The flying stopped. The world was spinning around me. I wanted to hurl. I opened my eyes. Holding back the vomit. It was him. I did die. I was not in Edward's arm's. I couldn't be. I am not in Edward's arms. He set me on the ground, accessing my composure. "Bella, What happened?!" Edward spoke. He was almost singing, but not in a sweet melody, his voice was full of scorn. I couldn't hold back anymore. Vomit crawled up then violently escaped from my throat. Even if I wasn't dead. I was now. Of embarrassment. His hands were pulling my hair from around my face. After my upheaval; I was flying again. Wrapped in his arms. Flying toward the open road. Petrified. This wasn't Edward. It couldn't be. This wasn't real. I closed my eyes. I couldn't watch.
...
Suddenly, I was on the ground again. "Bella, what have you done to yourself?" Edward was trying to stay calm. He was burning inside. I couldn't speak. What could I say to him? I couldn't comfort him. I couldn't comfort myself. In the time he left, I had lost control of myself, and my entire way of life. I had attempted suicide. Sacrificed my truck. And completely lost my mind. There were no words to describe the emotion I felt. It had been hours since his leave. It felt like years. His face was sullen. Accessing my every move, at this moment I wanted to read his mind. What made him leave me? Does he see what he's done to me? His eyes shifted from topaz to black. He was dying inside. All at the sight of me. What had I done to myself? I looked down at my arms; I couldn't bear to face him. Not like this. "I'm taking you to Carlisle" he shouted. Pulling me into a cradle, he took off into the woods. Not slowing, only speeding up, faster and faster. My heartbeat racing almost at the speed of his feet. The wind began to slow. He was slowing down. I still couldn't bring myself to speak to him. He stopped, setting me to the ground. "Stay here" he barked. I didn't. I had to see what he was following. I couldn't let him out of my sight again. I couldn't let him leave. I followed him. Or at least the path he took. From behind the largest tree, I watched him. Walk cautiously toward his home. A large russet colored animal stood before him. Growling in his presence. Wolves didn't normally get that massive. "Jacob?" he asked. The silent conversation began. I couldn't understand what was going on. What did Jacob have to do with this? Edward answered every question. "What? I don't think you have any idea what you're talking about." You could cut the tension with a knife. What was he talking about? I couldn't take it I had to know what was going on.
...
I stepped from behind my hiding place. "Jacob?" I asked. This couldn't be my Jacob. Massive and dangerous. Jacob? Realization came quickly; First beach. Jacobs's family, a descendant of wolves. He was a wolf? Edwards's words became frantic. "I didn't hurt her. I would never hurt her." Within seconds, the words connected with my brain. I was a mess; Covered in blood and sod being carried in by a vampire. If it really was Jacob, this was grounds of….. The wolf leaped into the air, pouncing toward Edward. "NO!" I screamed. "STOP Jacob." I ran into the crossfire. I couldn't let him hurt Edward. The earth shuddered as he landed above me. Knocking me to the ground. My heart was pounding in my chest. A blur of motion swirled around me. Carrying me to the porch, sitting me on the steps. His cold hands were wrapped around my face. He was beautiful. Even his onyx eyes dazzled me into submission. "I'm sorry" his voice was sad. I knew immediately what was happening. I couldn't let this happen. Edward and Jacob circled, each waiting on the other to pounce. Edward moved first. The breaking of bones assured his blow. Swiftly he struck again this time to Jacobs's hind legs kicking them from under him. More shattering. "STOP, Edward! You've done enough" I pained. The wolf bowed to Edward like a servant to his king. Yelping in pain. Jacob's wolf form began to retreat. His body morphing into his original form. He lied naked, moaning in agony. I ran to him.
...
My Jacob. "Jacob" I asked. I was unsure that it was him. That this was real. That I wasn't dreaming, or dead. How much of this had really happened. Edward spoke quickly "Jacob, I had to do that. I apologize." He flipped his cell phone open, quickly dialing, and then speaking into the mouth piece. I stared at Jacob's pained body. He quickly grabbed his jaw. I touched Jacobs altered face and he began to whimper. His pain was my pain. Tears ran down my face. I let this happen. I shouldn't have let Edward do this. To Jacob, who was protecting me. I hadn't protected him. "Carlisle will be here momentarily" Edward spoke. I couldn't bear to look at him. He was a monster. Tearing my soul, from me. Hurting Jacob. Hurting me. Breaking my pride, tearing me down emotionally. Each minute, a pained conclusion. I was without him. Each hour, a blow to the chest. He said that didn't want me. Time was burning my heart, a burden, each minute I sat with Jacob. Edward had come back. And I was petrified. Now that he was back in my life. How long until he'd leave again?
...
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