Christine was sleeping, when Spock left the house like he used to do every morning for the last two weeks. Hastily he did get ready. It was always the same. During the day time his obligations to Kanar kept him at court. In the late afternoon he arrived at home and during the night he merged with her. He wasn't sure when exactly he had begun to call the small, ragged house his home. And above all; why... Lately he had spent a lot of time trying to solve this question. This planet was in many ways like Vulcan, at least in this regional climate zone. The dry and hot air did him good. He was used to it. The atmospheric humidity was low, the nights bitterly cold and the days were torridly hot. There was no need to adjust the climatic controls or even to wear another layer of clothes beneath his Starfleet uniform to keep the cold from creeping into his bones like he had to on the ship. This had to be the reason! It had nothing to do with the strange familiarity he felt towards the nurse. After a good deal of thought he came to the conclusion that the climate was the most logical reason why he felt at home.

Apart from that, the resemblance to Vulcan ended. His ability of adaption to alien cultures was put to the test severely. Kanar did demand every ounce of control he was able to summon up. Just a few days ago he had been able to stop him from raising an army and invading the nearby Sterim. Spock was sure he would have razed the smaller city to its grounds. What made Sterim attractive to Kanar on the one hand was its fertile soil; there was flourishing the fivefold amount of what the agriculture was earning him on his own land – and on the other hand there was the chance of capturing a high rate of females. In Kanar's eyes the attack would be very rewarding. Spock had to bring up all his power of persuasion to make the greedy ruler understand that brute force would not get him any advantage at all. Well, he would have the women of one or two generations, but beyond that, there was the harvest of only one year he could gather. He would leave scorched earth. Nobody would be left to restore the damage or to farm the land. The city, its functional infrastructure, its working men and farmers; all would be gone!

It took Spock quite a while to get through to Kanar.

He told him, it would be wiser to expand his diplomatic relations to Sterim. Kanar possessed unlimited mineral resources in the mountains of his estate with which he could deal. Sterim should trade its natural products in for salt, gold and iron ore. It would be a win-win situation and Kanar would - if he would handle wisely and smart- within a few years have made Sterim depend on him. Spock didn't take too much pride in his recommendation, but it offered the only way to avoid a military invasion and along with that the shedding of blood. With the point, that Sterim's inhabitants would further more be able to assiduously impregnate women; he had convinced Kanar for good. Spock tried to keep the guilty little voice in his head down. It was the most logical thing to do, he told himself. Anyway- it was much better than laying butchered in the burning ruins of a formerly flourishing city. What took him by surprise was the fact, that Kanar had chosen him to travel as his delegate to Sterim to start the negotiations. It was a long journey and Spock didn't like the thought of leaving Christine behind at all. Kanar was cunning. Spock wasn't able to turn him down without losing his face. After all he had been the one who had suggested the mission to the ruler. The fact that Kanar asked about Christine, right after his so called wish, which forced him to go did not add to Spock's ease.

These were his thoughts when he set forth to the palace this morning… these and a still sleeping Christine.

Three days ago she came to him and asked how she could shield herself. At first Spock didn't understand what her point was. Her serious and pale face looked pleadingly up to him and he would never forget the pain he saw in her features. Then he understood. She was afraid he would sense her feelings during their nightly arrangement. How could he have been so ignorant, he wondered silently. Three years on the Enterprise and the constant dealing with human feelings should have taught him some lessons, especially when it came to women. She was suffering the same way he did! He had assured her that he was concentrating only upon himself, that he would never dare to invade her mind; it didn't calm her down.

"I know we did agree not to speak of it Mr. Spock, but this one time – we have to!" she begged.

He sat down across the table and looked her in the eye, inquiringly and prompting at the same time. She was totally bent out of shape as if she had struggled a long time and finally hadn't seen any other solution than to confront him. Her breathing rate was accelerated and she played nervously with her hands.

"I'm human…"

He raised a brow at this, for it was quite obvious that she was.

"Please, Spock!"

"I'm sorry, Miss Chapel. Go on!"

She started again.

"I'm human and therefore I don't have your self-discipline by nature. If this shall work until the Enterprise comes to our rescue, I'll need your help, Sir! You are a touch-telepath and I can most certainly claim that I am much more emotional than any Vulcan… maybe even more than most humans are as well. You think you are able to blank me out, but I'm not sure of that. I don't know for how long I can lock my feelings anymore. Weeks? Days? What is going to happen when I'm no longer up to it? Please help me! Do it for yourself and for me. I don't want you to sense unintentionally what I'm feeling! "

Suddenly Spock's mouth felt very dry. It had been thoughtless to believe they could handle this so easily. Well, he was able to, but he should have included the human factor into this. She suffered because of him. She was forced to devote herself to him as well as he was forced to take her. She didn't like it any more than he did. He couldn't tell for certain what was raging in her, but by her face which seemed very painful it had to be something terrible. How had he been able to underestimate that? Had he really thought it wasn't hard for her because she once had had a crush on him? If he was honest to himself he had hoped - somewhere deep in side- that this was still the case, actually. It had simplified everything. At Panar nothing had pointed in that direction and it had been a relief that she didn't make advances towards him. He was highly unfair. First he wanted her to spare him with her affection and as soon as it showed of advantage, he had counted on even this unwanted affection!

Well, the situation indicated, that nurse Chapel had actually gotten over her infatuation and that he had been the one who was too ignorant and comfortable to accept it.

Deep within - he felt nothing. If he had been able to get frightened, he would have gotten. Not because he felt nothing, but because it took him by surprise! Since two weeks this was the first time he became aware of the emotional storm flood which surrounded him and which were rioting in the barbaric inhabitants of this planet and in the human he lived under the same roof with. For two weeks he had simply forgotten that he was an island in this very flood and didn't feel anything. Oblivion had been so easy, so tempting.

"What can I do, Miss Chapel?"

"Is there a kind of meditation I can learn; something that allows me to shield myself? I have tried it on my own, but I'm not really sure how long it'll work anymore."

Spock pondered. She wasn't a Vulcan; she wasn't used to perform those techniques.

"It won't be easy, but we can give it a try. If you wish it, we can start tomorrow. I have to get a few implements which will help you to get an easier access into the meditation."

"Good", she showed a small smile but it vanished instantly.

"There is something else which I'm concerned about and I have to talk with you about it now, as we are already discussing the matter." She paused.

"And that would be?"

"What if I get pregnant?"… phhu. She had said it. It was out.

Spock looked at her astonished.

"You don't have to be concerned. As you know, I'm a hybrid and therefore non-procreative." He told her with a very sober, scientific voice.

Deep within - he felt nothing.

It was the void, he had almost forgotten for two weeks and which roomed again in him now.

On his way to Kanar his thoughts wandered back to Christine, to all of the little touches during the nights, which had had crept into their bed unconsciously, to the warmth of her body beside him, to the small noises she made when he joined her. It was strange that he had to think of it right now. He shook his head to get rid of it, as he climbed up the stairs to the palace.