Author's note – Woo! It's finally here! The long awaited chapter! It's quite funny – each time I say I'm going to update sooner I end up updating later. I'm sorry about that – but hey! I write pretty long chapters, so maybe you can forgive me. ;D (puppy eyes) I do have a good excuse this time anyway. Trust me, I would've updated much sooner if I could but when I went on holiday there was no internet connection… :'( But I HAVE been writing a lot – in my squishy blue fanfiction book. That's right… SQUISHY..
'Frozen' by Within Temptation is my chosen song for this chapter. Play it where you want, if you want to!
Disclaimer- I do not own Vampire Knight, only the characters that I have made up and haven't starred in the original story. Not that I'm making money off this though…
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Chapter Six – Heart Of Snow
Yuuki's eyes remained bruised, dark purple welts shadowing, unwavered, from the young pureblood's lack of sleep. She was weak and thirsty – but would not dare to close her eyes to regain much-needed energy.
Not even for a minute.
She couldn't. She wouldn't. The pain was too much. If she could lie awake forever, avoid sleep beyond the folds of time she would do it. If she let go, released her grip on her consciousness she would be left to the part of herself she couldn't control, the side of her she fought down as every second passed by with dragging reluctance.
Because every time Yuuki left her mind unguarded, memories and images flooded in. Ones she couldn't bare to see.
Zero haunted her in her dreams.
Her unconscious mind couldn't cease thinking about him. Every night varied in their content – but in each one starred the same moonlight eyes, ivory complexion and tendrils of falling hair.
That's why Yuuki came to the conclusion that the only escape was to never sleep at all.
Yuuki needed a cure. She needed a distraction – she needed Kaname to counter the gaping wound in her life. His very presence was like a drug, just preventing her from falling apart – and she craved him to numb the pain.
But he wasn't back yet. He was nowhere to be seen.
He had business to take care of which didn't concern her and in which she had no right to intrude. Whatever he was seeing to, he had said that he was doing it for her benefit. He was kind. He was loyal.
But couldn't he see that he would benefit her most by being with her now by her side?
Yuuki had given up her past life to be with him – yet now it was as if he was hardly here at all. Couldn't he see that she needed him? Needed him to make up for all her losses?
She made her way to the dining room, still dressed in her nightgown. A water pitcher stood on top of the table and she floated sleepily towards it, pouring its substance into a clear crystal glass. The blood pills followed and Yuuki chugged the solution down. She couldn't drink it quick enough. It was never enough.
Her hand shook as she speedily poured herself another glass. She was so thirsty. She lusted desperately for real blood.
When would her brother be home?
She continued to feed for a further fifteen minutes, wiping her face as some of the 'blood' dribbled down her chin until she dropped her glass in shock, the crystal shattering as it met the floor.
It was as if a ripple had spread through the air to reach her. She gasped. Could her instinct be deceiving her or was he actually here? Or had she finally fallen asleep? But – no, agonizingly her dreams belonged to Zero. She had no choice but to be awake. He had returned. She could feel his presence so close, unable to stop the flush of excitement smothering her.
Yuuki's exhausted eyes lifted and she ran to throw open the door in her nightgown, dashing around the labyrinth of her 'home'.
She found him standing in the empty ballroom, clad completely in black.
"Onii-sama!", she cried.
His face was like a bright shining light at the end of the tunnel. The sharp angles of his elegant face and his brimming eyes provided the distraction from her misery she was looking for. His stern, humourless face softened a little as he embraced her.
"Yuuki… my dear girl…my princess", his hands fastened like restraining metal, stiffly around her, unwillingly to let her go. His little girl felt fragile and breakable, and she drew energy from his embrace, managing to find a shade of sanctuary surrounded by him.
"Why were you gone so long?", Yuuki squeaked.
Kaname stepped back and gently held her face in his hands, tracing the purple bruises residing to curve, to frame her warm brimming red- brown eyes.
"I hope it wasn't for my sake that you've deprived yourself of sleep" Kaname's face betrayed nothing yet Yuuki panicked, sensing a tinge of regret in his eyes and voice.
"No!', she shouted, before growing quickly silent. A faint blush tinted her vampire complexion as she immediately regretted her outburst.
"I've just been unsettled recently". She avoided his eyes, cringing. She felt a stab of self-hatred as she realized that part of her was betraying her fiancée. Even now as Zero flashed into her mind from her memories, causing her knees to almost buckle. Kaname loved her more than anything – he had proved it on numerous occasions – and all she could do was hurt him- lie to him.
Yuuki's eyes flickered to the nearby door, widening as she noticed a familiar figure appearing behind Kaname.
"Seiren-senpai?", came her puzzled voice. She smelt faintly of blood and she was dressed entirely in black, not unlike her pureblood lord, equipped with various weaponry.
"What are-?"
Kaname broke her off with a smothering kiss and she almost choked as his lips met hers.
Yuuki felt something fall to the pit of her stomach and she felt… dirty. His lips were soft, but devastating – and each touch tore a figment within her body. She felt raw and sinful – a true vampire feasting off his feelings, trying to desperately feed the darkness, which had seemed to bloom within her heart.
She didn't deserve him. She didn't deserve anyone.
He was hers- but she couldn't have him, not without sinking him down to her pitiful level. Kaname had gone through so much to bring them together – yet Yuuki felt with a sudden sickness and revulsion that the effort had been wasted. She loved him, but she was too weak a creature to have enough heart to pay him back. She leeched onto his presence to prevent her from falling apart. She used him, and she hated herself for it. But she couldn't stop. He was her life support.
Once. In the past when everything felt so much lighter, Yuuki remembered.
It was an evening, standing in the corridors of the school she knew so well.
And she hadn't been alone. She could see clearly in her head the tall figure of Zero before her. His silver hair was falling gently over eyes filled with concern – concern belonging solely to her as her shrouded past twisted her mind.
She remembered very clearly the feeling of knowing that she could tell him anything and that he'd understand anything she told him. He knew her better than anybody else. He'd always listen, protect her from what she feared the most – an anchor to hold her down when her confusion drifted her away.
Hesitation plagued her before she confided in her childhood friend with a question that had been troubling her for days.
"…hey…if I become a vampire… do you think my heart will grow stronger?"
Pain and anger reflected within the pure irises of his eyes. His pain was hers.
Now she had her answer.
Slowly they parted and Kaname's eyes held her softly, yet solemnly as he gently tucked one of her locks neatly behind her ear. Yuuki's eyes drifted back towards the spot where Seiren had stood and blinked. The young bodyguard was free from her black attire and waited seemingly for Kaname's audience in a silk lilac kimono with not a bloodstain in sight.
Yuuki had still to master vampire speed, it seemed.
Kaname's eyes closed and opened as he realized he could distract Yuuki no longer. He turned and walked over to Seiren, his long black coat giving him the impression of a shadow.
"You're early", he stated coldly.
"We have visitors", she answered, her long single braid swinging slightly as she bowed shortly for Kaname.
His expression didn't change at this shared news. Yuuki guessed that he had already known. Nothing seemed to ever pass his notice.
"Let them in", came his curt reply.
Yuuki studied her brother, mystified at how even now, she could never work him out – know what he was thinking. A dark aura seemed to radiate from him… but Yuuki also knew that Kaname was one of the gentlest people she had ever known. He was the one who had ever known. He was the one who had saved her life all those years ago after all.
But Yuuki couldn't deny that as gentle as her brother could be, there was something about him, which scared her.
Kaname turned away from Seiren, the ghost of a smirk lurking on his lips as he walked swiftly away. Yuuki didn't know whether to stay or follow. He stopped and looked over his shoulder.
"Seiren…", he toned.
He saw her nod briefly and then walked out of the room, seemingly satisfied.
Yuuki stayed frozen, shocked by the lingering memory of Kaname's 'smirk'. She hadn't seen something like that for a long time. She watched as Seiren walked off, leaving her alone in the empty room.
Wait – what guests?
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"You crazy bitch! Where in hell are we going?!", Aido asked, earning a hard glare from Kain as he slashed through the early winter snow. He had already fallen several times and his usually flamboyant hair fell flat, wet, on his face.
"We're nearly there! Just shut up moron! You're only making this trip more miserable than it already is", Ruka shrieked back.
"I still cannot BELIEVE", marched Aido, "we are making our way through the wilderness based on some conversation you had with a dead woman"
Ruka scowled. "It was Shizuka-sama. Show some respect."
Kain was in deep, deep pain.
On numerous occasions had he tried to block out the repeated bickering out of his mind – but to no avail. It was hopeless. He was starting to suspect that the two of them actually enjoyed arguing – that it was their source of entertainment.
God knows he should have escaped with Shiki and Rima.
For hours all they had seen was an endless sheet of white bleaching the green of a vast field, which seemed to stretch on forever into the distance. The sky was a black abyss, with not a star in sight and they were all thirsty. The supply of blood tablets was running thin and Kain prayed that it would hold till they reached their destination – especially with his cousin's appetite. Kain knew from unfortunate experience Aido could eat a horse if he wanted to.
"She's DEAD. How could she guide you to Kaname-sama?", Aido was very exasperated.
"I suppose for brains like yours things like these are too much to handle", came the haughty reply.
Aido fumed with fury.
"You're delirious! If you had more brains than me then you would have advised us to dress more warmly this morning. You're the only one who knows where in the world you're dragging us to! Right Akatsuki?"
Kain just sighed.
"Maybe we could have prepared better if we could have left the hotel suite earlier. But SOMEONE overslept as usual and SOMEONE insisted to take ages curling his hair!"
Aido gasped, his face churning a deep red.
"I do NOT curl my hair."
Ruka snorted in a strangely dainty fashion.
"You can't hide from ME Hanabusa. I SAW the curler AND the way you drooled over that Loreal shampoo advert"
Aido looked very much affronted, but managed to gather some pride by fingering his damp golden locks.
"I'm sorry if I just like preserve my hair's natural lustrous shine and volume"
Ruka burst out laughing, causing him to scowl.
"When you find your hair limp and lacking the shine I possess – don't come crying to me!"
Now it was her time to scowl.
"And I'll have you know that I'll NEVER let you borrow my haircurler!"
He trudged off, further into the snow – trying to retain some dignity and ignore the endless snorts and 'because you're worth it's following behind his back.
"I am worth it", Aido muttered angrily to himself, concentrating on planting one foot in front of the other in his Dior boots.
He raced ahead of the others, cursing at the snow. Maybe it was for that reason that an aristocrat like Aido Hanabusa managed not to notice the large metal gate approaching in the horizon. It was only when it started to open, the metal screeching, screaming in his ears in his ears that he looked up, mouth opened wide at the strange landmark breaking the endless haze of white around him. He could've sworn that it wasn't there before.
A biting gust of wind, caused by the impact of the gate slammed into his chest and he strained his eyes against the endless veil of falling snow. A clang of metal vibrated hazily through the air and a small figure of seemingly of medium height glided effortlessly through the snow. Aido noticed subtly as he felt Kain and Ruka joined him on either side.
"This is it", Ruka whispered almost silently by his side.
Seiren approached the three of them slowly, her stride giving the impression of a panther, despite the tight fit of her pale kimono. She stopped as she stood before her old fellow students who waited shivering in the cold. She inspected them all stoically, her eyes tracing the set of blonde, orange and peach coloured hair and their complimenting eyes.
Yes. It was definitely them. She hadn't been mistaken.
Satisfied, Kaname's bodyguard turned without comment and retreated back to the hidden manor, expecting her guests to follow – and follow they did.
Ruka's eyes narrowed thinner than usual into slits, due to the snow and the absence of an expected welcome, despite the butterflies flying circles frantically in her stomach.
Kaname's presence was nearly within her reach.
She felt a rush of purpose and dread, stronger yet vulnerably weaker, as she followed Seiren down underneath the once undisturbed layer of snow.
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"Yuuki"
The deep voice echoed softly but loudly off the high ceiling of the room she had been left in. The owner of the name jumped as she sat alone on the white marble floor.
"Onii-sama?",she asked uncertainly.
The question came as little more than a whisper but it didn't go unheard.
"Join me please. Spare a little time to be with me, I'm in the study"
Yuuki clambered up to stand firmly on her feet, smoothing her gown as she headed towards the direction of the voice. Soon she reached the maple door of the room that she had never dared once to enter. It creaked and Yuuki silenced it as it was opened to reveal a contrastingly dark study.
Maybe it was because Kaname felt more comfortable in the dark – whatever the reason, the room was decorated in shadows, their numerous shapes fanned out like gossamer. The only light supplied was an antique oil lamp, which settled on a rich dark mahogany desk next to the ever present chess board Kaname always seemed to be occupied with.
Overall Yuuki thought the dark study suited Kaname perfectly. Amongst the many bookcases and papers it contained there were handkerchiefs and antique objects, along with rich curtains gently waving in folds. It occurred to her that it wasn't much unlike the study she had seen briefly a few times in the moon dorm within the Cross Academy. Dark blood crimson seemed to be the theme, matching Kaname's eyes as he gazed warmly in Yuuki's direction.
Yuuki was glad that there wasn't much light to see with as she felt a faint blush creep up her neck and through her cheeks. He was staring at her with an intensity she felt she didn't deserve. She almost wished he would look away. As he sat there, perched by his desk, Yuuki looked in awe at how powerful he appeared. His every feature screamed of majesty. It was almost…daunting how handsome he was. She felt small, unworthy and grateful to even have the chance to stand in the same room as him, be so close.
"Make yourself comfortable Yuuki, I need to speak with you"
Yuuki shuffled over to the little, yet elegant chair in the opposite far corner of the room. She froze as her sensitive ears detected a slight crack as she bent down to sit on the chair. She warily looked up to meet two gleaming ruby eyes piercing her with what appeared to be anger swimming behind their glassy surfaces.
"Yuuki"
He motioned to the chair beside him, his eyes tracing her every move. He seemed to enjoy saying the word, savoured its sound as his eyes devoured her face.
As Yuuki came to sit beside her brother, their shoulders gently brushing. She felt an overwhelming wave of shyness hit. It made her feel the need to create some space, vacuum, between them – yet another part of her was drawn to him, a surge of admiration at the sight of his majestic features.
For a while, nothing was said. The room remained void of sound except for Yuuki's quick breathing. Kaname's middle finger stroked one of the drawers hiding under the mahogany desk. There seemed to be something within it which occupied part of his mind.
"Do you know where you've been staying these last couple months, Yuuki?" He broke the pregnant silence.
Yuuki was surprised by this sudden turn of conversation.
"N-no Kaname-sama"
He frowned slightly at the added suffix to his name.
"This is the house of our ancestors. The Kuran household. The Kurans have ruled the vampire world from this manor for thousands of years…"
She blinked. Well that made sense. But what was the relevance?
"In every room, there are antiques passed down from the members of our family. Some are nothing much but some are also… of undeniable value…"
Every word he said was poised, his speech always tactful, his posture perfect – his composure unshakable.
"Kaname-sama?" What was he getting to?
He paused, his eyes closing and opening before he turned to face her, his head close to hers.
"And there's one I've been meaning to give to you for quite some time"
His hand gently slid the desk drawer open.
Yuuki gasped.
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Both Seiren's and Ruka's stiletto heels made tapping sounds on the shiny marble as the four of them made their way through the mansion. The endless number of halls were making even Ruka's head spin and she wondered quietly to herself how Seiren could know her way around here so easily.
Seiren's walking finally came to cease in a corridor not far from the main centre of the mansion and she stopped before three separate doors, lined neatly on the left side, the bedrooms, which had been assigned for their party.
Ruka's eyes scrutinized her surroundings. Every feature reminded her of Kaname. She could feel his presence seeping through every wall. She felt a ripe chill pass through her body and she could almost hear the ticking spinning within her head. She felt hot with impatience and she felt the urge to move surge to fill every muscle.
How could she ignore her feelings when she could feel him so near?
Both Kain and Aido chose a room each and Seiren, without waiting, turned to leave, spinning gracefully on her heel.
Ruka panicked slightly as her easy path to Kaname walked away from her, further into the building.
"Wait!", she called out, her voice already starting to break.
Seiren continued to walk.
"Where can I find Kaname-sama?!"
Ruka's fist clenched as Seiren ignored her, leaving her standing in the hallway outside their bedrooms. Her eyes teared slightly and she rapidly entered her room, ignoring Kain's concerned expression as she closed the door with a slam behind her. Her body trembled, as she remained pressed against the door.
She already knew what she would do. She would wait until she was sure she could go unnoticed and then she would go search for Kaname herself. And no-one could stop her.
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Yuuki felt her heart pang and shock run through her as her eyes were captivated by the object which Kaname came to gently cradle in the palm of his hand.
It was without a doubt the most beautiful object she had ever seen.
It was a stunning engagement ring with so much beauty that it radiated all that was around it. The gold band gave the appearance of a river of creamy running gold, harvesting a blossoming red diamond, carved delicately in different directions, the flat smooth surfaces reflecting in flecks of rainbow light. Gold webbing wrapped around the glittering jewel with budding rubies framing the almost flashing core. Overall, the ring gave the impression of a webbed flowering rose, made to rest on a slim finger.
Yuuki couldn't move, her mind swimming at the image of the ring. She was speechless – no word came to rise.
"I know that we are already engaged. We always have been since we were children – destined to become like mother and father, do you not remember, Yuuki?"
Her mouth hung open slightly, her heart fluttering as she tried to the find the centre within the maze of her mind.
"But… I want to do this properly…"
He rose from his study chair to stand on Yuuki's other side.
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Ruka couldn't stand to wait anymore. Slowly her hand curled around the door handle, easing the door smoothly open. She poked her head out into the hallway, scanning its contents for someone who might notice her intruding – and after finding no one, stepped warily out of her room. Every slight sound she made seemed to make echoes in her head and heart alone as she quickly paced her way through the Kuran manor.
Kain, sensing her presence on the other side of the door followed her, whilst escaping her notice.
Ruka was on the brink of running as she frustratingly found that every door she opened lead to a room with no Kaname inside it. Her breathing was quick and stifled as her head spun, revolving around the endless number of doors, which wouldn't cease to surround her. She was close to giving up when a certain door captured her attention.
She stopped, her eyes grazing its red maple door.
Kain stopped too, watching Ruka's back with concern.
Ruka took steps towards the door, her hand outstretched.
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Yuuki could feel nothing, barely breathe as she witnessed Kaname down on the floor, supported on one knee by her feet.
"Yuuki, would you do me the pleasure of marrying me? Would you become my dear girl forever?"
What she felt next took her breath away.
"Of course… Onii-sama", a wide smile plastered to her face.
The study door swung open and both Kaname's face and Yuuki's heads turned to meet the shocked, hurt expression of Souen Ruka.
For a while, all that could be heard was silence, dragging at a slow pace across the room.
"Hello Ruka…..Akatsuki", came Kaname's greeting, his position unmoving, on one knee holding the jewelled ring in his hand.
Kain appeared from in the shadows to stand behind Ruka, much to her surprise. His hand rested on her shoulder as she trembled, her mouth open-mouthed in a pained expression. Kaname turned back to Yuuki as if no interruption had occurred, sliding the ring onto her finger, so swiftly that she barely detected its movement to touch her skin.
"We are to be married", he stated, talking to the three of them, whilst staring deeply into Yuuki's swimming eyes.
Kain could feel Ruka's pain as if it was his own and Yuuki made no comment, overwhelmed with emotions. She drowned in confusion, paralysed by the feeling that overthrew her control.
She was happy wasn't she?
So why did her insides feel like ice, limbs – icicles ready to snap off? Warmth and ice collided through her veins, around her heart in a devastating circle.
"You three, including Aido, have arrived just in time. I need you to help prepare for the wedding"
So Aido was also here then…
Ruka's voice finally broke through her frozen prison of a body.
"When is it? When will it be? The…wedding?..", her voice broke on the last word. How long before he was forever beyond her reach?
"In a month…"
Yuuki's thoughts continued to race without stopping.
Why was it so cold?
A reason came to mind, but she refused to consider it, pushing it firmly down straight away in her mind.
Why was it snowing again? Why was the snow always red? Why was it snowing inside Yuuki's heart?
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So there it is!
Okay, I need some major help and advice now from my awesome reviewers! Is KanamexYuuki too dominant in this story? I'm quite worried that people might start to prefer Kaname when this story is going to take a ZeroxYuuki turn. It's really hard, I have to admit trying to nudge romantic love into sibling love … especially when Kaname is so damn good looking. That makes it even harder! And I don't want people to hate Kaname either… just like Zero a lot more! _ XP Is there a good balance?
Oh dear, what a tricky mess I've gotten myself into. Typical. Just typical. (face palm)
Lastly, I've decided to put a blog-ish thing on my profile, where I might hint when the next update will be as I'm writing. If there's any news it will be there. You're welcome to look at it whenever you want.
Please Read and Review!!!