Karlendar

by Combination-NC

For the first twenty-four days of December, we shall open a slot of the Karlendar! ..What? This is a story of heartbreak in motion; about watching a friend suffer and suffering with them, without realising that you suffer, as well. This is about tower walls closing in, of the nature of escape, and coming to decisions when faced with injustices you can no longer turn a blind eye to.

6. H is the help you might need as well

If the opportunity to break free ever presented itself, Karl wonders if he would dare take it. He knows he could not go about it like Anders, who pounces on every last chance to get away and then makes the rest up as he goes along; he would need to plan ahead, and to be completely honest the thought of planning an escape frightens him because there is so much more to it than aimless running. If he could even get away from the tower, where would he go next? And when he got there, what would he do to get by? The tower has made him a scholar, and as much as it suits him to be one he has no idea how needed they are outside. While he could learn how to do something new it would not be without attracting attention, because what manner of adult does not even know how to handle an axe to chop wood with? When he was forced to leave his home he had been far too young to use one, and the same is true for most mages.

Anders, though, would know, and in a way it is a funny thought that there are areas where Anders' knowledge of things so vastly exceeds his own. He has gotten so used to it being the other way around during the years they have spent together, Anders' late arrival to the tower leaving him with years of knowledge to catch up to. Karl started helping him out early on, being from the same far-off land and thus understanding said land's words because helping someone in need of such harmless help felt natural. No one had to order him to for the Circle's convenience; they would sooner have had to order him not to. At the time he thought it was the teaching which came naturally to him; later, when calming down a homesick and despairing Anders, it seemed as if it was the helping part itself.

Now when the days feel so much darker despite the tower not letting in any less light than it did years ago he is plagued by thoughts of what if. What if he did not wish to help someone out of the goodness of his heart, but only to feel meaningful? He did gain something from it, after all; suddenly having a place, and making a difference to someone for the first time.

On lighter days he can think of it as for what it most likely is; friends helping each other in their own way. But on the days when he catches himself staring at the windows of the dining hall and thinking of what an escape actually entails, he doubts, and is unsure of what it is he truly wants to escape.

If he could run from anything, he might run from the person he has become.