A/N Alex words are borrowed from episode 2x21

I got only 2 reviews for chapter 5 :-( But I am happy because I just finished my last exam and am done with Uni until fall (or at least until the resists...) so I give you a new chapter anyways...

This chapter is for Juni (who does not have an account) who has reviewed every single chapter so far, thanks dear.

Thanks to everyone for reading. But please leave a review.

Meredith woke up with a headache. After Derek had left her last night, she had put up a happy face for a few hours and watched a movie with Izzie, before she had cried herself to sleep. Today was day one after her diagnosis. The waiting, the what if, had come to an end. She now was officially cancer girl. Yippee. Now the informing people would begin. Somehow that part was harder then hearing her diagnosis. Once word got out, people would look at her again. Pity her. She hated being looked at. Meredith pressed the heels of her hand onto her eyes. They felt sore from all the crying she had done last night. Great, she probably looked like a wreck. Izzie knocked on her door.

"Mer, are you up yet? We need to leave in 20 minutes." she groaned. She didn't want to go to work today. Spending the day in bed hiding under her blankets sounded better by the minute.

"Meredith?" the doorknob turned.

"I'm up, Iz. I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay." the drive into the hospital was silent. Izzie had taken one good look at her after she had walked out of the room and hadn't said anything. The locker room was subdued. Alex and George were already there changing, and Cristina, having been on call the night before walked in just as Meredith was tying her shoes.

"You look like crap." Meredith looked up. Cristina stared down on her.

"Whatever." she shrugged, tying her other shoe. She could feel Cristina frowning at her.

"I saw Dr. Shepherd drop her off last night." Izzie said quietly. Meredith tensed, but refused to look up. That was bad. They would jump to the wrong conclusions and judge and before she knew it, rumours would have reached Addison and that would be very bad. She should probably say something, stop this before more could be said or whatever, but she was an avoider. She moved her head slightly so her hair fell forward covering her face. This was not happening. She flinched when George slammed his locker shut.

"Oh get over it O'Malley. So she's back to screwing Shepherd. It's not like you didn't know what you were getting into when you made a move on her. Stop moping around like a whiny little girl. You got laid, it went badly. A man would move on. But you're moping around like a dog that likes to get kicked." Alex said loudly. Crap, crap, crap. This was not how she wanted to tell them, but she couldn't just let it go. Interns like to talk and nurses overheard everything and then things spread like a wildfire through the whole hospital.

"I heard her cry last night." Izzie said while putting food in her locker. Meredith wanted to hit her. Did no one care for her privacy? The damn intern locker was no place to discuss things. Now she would have to tell them she had cancer right now before their shift and they would be distracted and kill people and it would be all her fault.

"Meredith doesn't cry." Cristina said with a conviction that left no room for discussion. "You must have heard something else."

"Of course, Cristina. I am so stupid I don't even recognise when one of my friends cries. Seriously?" Izzie looked angry. "I know I am not Cristina, but you could have told me you're back to doing Shepherd. We live together for heaven's sake. You were all weird for the past 3 weeks and I was worried. But no, nothing is wrong. Meredith is just being Meredith, ignoring all rules and screwing the married attending." Izzie slammed her locker shut and stormed out of the room.

"I hope you know what you're doing, Meredith." Meredith looked up in surprise at hearing Georges voice. "He's just using you. Again. And already you're crying." she was too shocked to say anything and just watched as George walked out of the room. Cristina sat down next to her.

"So what's really going on?" Alex quietly left the room and they were alone. Meredith sighed and rested her head on Cristina's shoulder. That Cristina didn't comment on it, showed she knew what ever was going on, was big for Meredith, really big.

"You can't get mad."

"Oh what did you do? Don't tell me Iz is right and you are back to doing McDreamy? You vanished an awful lot in the past month."

"No! Derek has just been a really good friend these past few weeks."

"Mer, seriously, what's going on." This is your person, Meredith, she thought, just get it over with.

"3 weeks ago I found a lump in my breast. I ran into Derek when I was upset. He calmed me down enough to tell him what's wrong and he's been taking me to all my appointments since. Yesterday, what Izzie saw was after we got the result back from my biopsy. Stage II, IDC." Cristina was silent.

"I didn't wanted anyone to know before I knew definitely that it was cancer. And well, since yesterday I know." Cristina's arm went around her back.

"Crap."

"Yeah."

"So McDreamy being all McDreary and McBastard these past few weeks..."

"Oh, leave him alone, Cris, he was perfectly nice."

"Yeah, to you maybe. He did make an entire OR cry."

"Now that is just a mean rumour." Derek's amused voice behind her made her jump. Cristina said up straight. Meredith leaned into Derek when he came to stand behind her and rested his hand on her shoulder. "I didn't make the entire OR cry. Bokey didn't cry."

"So you did make people cry? Derek!" Meredith scolded.

"He probably just got tired of people calling him McDreamy and tried to get a more manly McNickname." Cristina said.

"McDreamy is a manly nickname." she saw Derek flashing Cristina a smile.

"Yeah, not working on me..., McDreary." her person almost gleefully added. Meredith sighed.

"Are you going to be okay working today?" Derek's voice was concerned.

"Have to be, I am going to miss enough as it is." the hand on her shoulder moved towards her neck, gently massaging.

"I have the phone number you wanted. If they won't give you an appointment soon, tell me and I make one for you. I left lots of money at the firm."

"What did you need a lawyer for?"

"I was private practice, Mer. I had to make sure that in the worst case scenario only I would be liable, not Addison or the funds I put aside for my family." Meredith nodded.

"Has Dr. Cox called yet?"

"No. Don't worry, as soon as I know something I tell you." She sighed when Derek put his other hand on her shoulder as well and started massaging out the knots that had formed from her tension. She could feel Cristina's eyes on her, but she was too emotionally exhausted already and her shift had barely started.

"What are you doing here any way?" She asked Derek as she let her eyes fall shut.

"Dr. Stevens stormed past me and O'Malley was very disapprovingly staring at me. I thought I'd check on you and ask what's going on."

"Ah crap." Meredith's eyes flew open. "You almost made me forget. Izzie saw you drop me off yesterday and decided to announce it in the locker room this morning, complete with completely wrong conclusion of course. And George was all silently disapproving, so Alex yelled at him that its none of George's business if I am doing you. So you might want to go find Addison, before she hears some rumours and tries to kill me or something."

"Addison isn't working today."

"Oh and that makes it okay that everyone will think I'm a whore screwing you?" Meredith yelled as she whirled around and hit him on the chest. His arms went around her as she kept hitting Derek's chest, tears formed in her eyes.

"Meredith, calm down." the harder she fought to get out of his embrace, the tighter his arms wrapped around her. "Meredith, listen to me." She didn't want to listen to him, he would only promise everything would be okay, but it wouldn't. Everyone would judge her again.

"Meredith, please." she hiccuped. "Even if Addison were here today, she would know its just rumours."

"What if she doesn't, what if she jumps to conclusions?"

"I just bring up Mark." Derek said with an unconcerned shrug.

"You're an ass." She let her head fall forwards against his chest. She knew Cristina was watching them, was listening to everything they said and was going to have an opinion on it.

"She gave me permission to bring him up in fights. I haven't yet. But she is not working today, and so I have time and can prepare her that people are gossiping."

"I don't want you to fight because of me." she could feel him exhaling before he tightened his grip around her.

"We won't fight because of you, Mer. And if we fight, its because the people here like to gossip." Meredith nodded against his chest. "And even so, something more interesting will probably have happened by tomorrow. About you,Yang. Helping your friend out by getting caught stripping for Burke or something?" Meredith giggled and hit Derek slightly against the chest. He grinned at her wide.

"Forget it McDreamy." the tension that had built up in the room moments before had dissolved.

"So, I am doing a brain bypass later, want to scrub in? Cutting some brains will make you feel better." Meredith slowly disentangled herself from his arms. It felt good when he held her close like that, but this was work and it was totally not appropriate any ways. That reminded her, she hadn't told Cristina how Derek had examined her breast and then they'd hugged forever with her naked chest pressed against him.

"Ask Iz to scrub in with you, I'm really not in the mood for listening to lectures about how you favour me."

"I don't favour you."

"I know you don't. But Izzie will think so."

"What if I don't want to work with Stevens?"

"Derek, you're an attending in a teaching hospital. Go, teach."

"Fine, I'll leave you two alone then." Meredith sat down again.

"Go on, say it."

"I've got nothing to say." Cristina said in a tone that meant she had a lot to say.

"Let it out before you choke on it, I can handle it."

"You two are seriously not doing each other?" Meredith looked at her offended. "I'm not judging, just asking because you're behaving like you do. All couplely and touchy in your little bubble ignoring the outside world. Actually you're more touchy now then when you were an actual couple."

"We're not, just friends. He says I'm his best friend."

"But you said yourself, he's still McDreamy."

"Yeah well..." Meredith sighed. "I have cancer. Give me a break."

"That's unfair, you can't pull the cancer card."

"Sure can." If she had to have cancer and everyone had to know, the least she would to was use it to her advantage in arguments.

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay." They sat in silence for a while, just leaning onto each other. So much bodily contact, it was unusual for them, but this was not a usual situation. Luckily, neither of their pagers went off.

"We're lucky Bailey isn't here to tell us to get to work."

"Yeah."

"When are you telling the others."

"Well, George and Izzie are currently not talking to me, so I guess Alex is next."

"So what'll happen next?"

"I have another meeting with a oncologist and plastic surgeon, where we'll discuss treatment options, and then I guess, they're going to cut off my breast."

"Crap."

"Yeah."

"We fit together well. I have only one ovary, you are going to have one breast." Meredith tensed, that was something about her diagnosis that she absolutely didn't like to think about.

"We should go to work."

"Yep." They got up and walked out of the locker room to start their shift. "Hey Mer, Joe's tonight?"

"Sure." Meredith smiled and walked away, not noticing Cristina slipping away into the next ladies room with leaking eyes.

Meredith was aware of the stares and whispers as she worked, but she mostly ignored them. It wasn't quite as bad as the last time she had been Seattle Grace's hot topic. Well that was a lie, but Meredith felt like she just got used to it.

When lunchtime came around, Cristina was nowhere to be seen, a quick trip to the OR board showed her scrubbed in with Burke. Meredith sighed. That meant lunch alone. She doubted George or Izzie would sit with her today. She looked up when a tray slammed down next to her.

"They being all judgemental on you for doing Shepherd?" Alex asked

"I'm not doing Derek."

"You're not? The whole hospital thinks you do."

"I know. Just because Izzie couldn't keep her mouth shut. And you're no better. I mean the rant was all nice and everything, but did you have to bring Derek into it? It sounded like you confirmed it."

"Dude, the nurses were talking before. He's an ass, but he's constantly flirting with you."

"Oh shut up." Meredith stabbed her her salad.

"Soooo...?"

"IDC, stage II." Alex made choking noises. She really should have made sure he wasn't swallowing when she told him. He coughed loudly.

"You might want to prepare people, instead of blurting it out like that."

"They're gonna cut off my right breast."

"Sucks. So why's McDreamy all over you?"

"Because I told him when I found the lump. He's been going with me ever since. I got the biopsy results yesterday, he dropped me off at home afterwards. And did you just call Derek McDreamy?"

"No I didn't. When your life sucks, it really sucks doesn't it."

"Yeah." Meredith sighed. Cristina had taken the news really well and Alex seemed almost blasé about it. He might be an ass to almost everyone, and often even to her, but they got each other. He was just as screwed up as she was.

"You and Yang getting drunk tonight?"

"You bet your ass we will."

"Do me a favour? As endearing as I find your habit of screwing inappropriate men when your life sucks, don't take anyone home tonight."

"Nice, Alex. Real nice. So what if I want to get laid before they cut of my breast and no one will ever want to have sex with me again."

"I don't think Shepherd will take to kindly to it. And the way you've been all over each other in the past few days..." Meredith raised her eyebrow "Just saying, man."

"Derek has nothing to do with it. He's married. I can take a guy home with me if I want to."

"If you say so." they sat the rest of lunch in silence.

Hours later, Meredith escaped into an on call room. Sighing she dropped onto the bottom bunk.

"Escaping the gossip?" Cristina asked from above her.

"God, yes. At least the patients haven't heard anything yet. I don't really need a repeat of the last time."

"How are you holding up Mer?"

"I'm fine."

"Yeah sure."

"No really. Well no but... Last month I held a fucking bomb for hours and this month I have cancer and I just try not to focus on it unless I absolutely have to, because otherwise I start thinking about how much it sucks to be me and drown in self-pity."

"Okay. We still going to get sloshed tonight though, right?"

"Yeah, not even I am that good at avoidance." Meredith tiredly rubbed her eyes. "Am I stupid for letting Der back in?"

"You have cancer, give yourself a break."

"Cristina, seriously."

"I don't know Mer. I want to say yes because he was an ass to you, but you say ever since he found out he's been really good to you."

"But you think I am just setting myself up for getting hurt again, when somewhere along the line Addison makes him choose because he's too close to me?"

"You said that, Mer, not me."

"Crap. It's just when he's there, I'm not scared. Or well that's not entirely true, but I am less scared. He makes it bearable. Is it so wrong of me that I am trying to hold onto that, even though he is not mine to hold onto?"

"No Mer. It just makes you human."

"Thank you for not judging and not freaking out on my or anything."

"We're still getting completely sloshed tonight at Joe's and forget about all this crap."

"Yes we are."

Thank you for reading and don't forget to review!

Next update will be the regular Friday update, and I have to say it is my favourite chapter so far (but then, I'm only writing chapter 10 right now)