Haha thanks you IluvFangs13. They stated the obvious in they're last review, I cant spell. I can easily admit, that I CAN'T SPELL. I know I cant, that is one of my many flaws. People tell me I have a way with words orally not written down. See, I get confused easily with words, I'm starting to think it's because of a certain disorder, so that leaves me to this statement, I need an editor. I don't know what you call them on this website, a BETA, or something, but all I know is that I need an editor. So if any would like to be my editor, who would also get a sneak peek of my chapters to come then speak up. Also, if anyone wants to know about Carry's back round, her Bio is in my profile. For those of you who don't know what that is it's the telling of their life before they became a part of my story. Thank you.
I sat stiffly, trying to fight back various yawns that tried so hard to break through, in the excrusiatingly long class that was Biology. I was letting little strands of random thoughts enter my head when one in particular decided to make an entrance Edward and the rest of the Cullen's have been acting kind of strang lately, don't you think?
I decided to contradict myself, Well, they have every right to be, some odd human entering their life at a random point of time in their long lives.
But don't you think that Edward is acting a little like he did right before he left you in the dream…
I found it kind of crazy that I was having a conversation (not argument) with my alter-self, but my other self did have a point. That's when I started to think even more into the subject and my stomach decided to start twisting and knotting. I clutched at my sides feeling as if I was about to up-chuck my lunch onto Edward's lap, who was sitting right next to me. I felt beads of sweat start to form on my forehead, and my vision start to go blurry. Great, I was having an anxiety attack; I was having an anxiety attack all because of the way Edward was acting! I mustn't rush into conclusions, although it would be kind of easy to do so right now.
Once I was sure I was going to get sick I raised my hand quickly to be excused, "What is it Miss. Swan?" the teacher asked in her nasally voice.
"I think I'm going to be-" I didn't get to finish because I had to quickly cover my mouth and run out the door afraid I might make an ass out of myself and vomit right in front of the whole class. As I was heading out the door I herd the dazed teacher ask Edward, "Will you go take her to the nurse, Mr. Cullen."
I didn't stick around to hear the rest, I headed off to the closes girls bathroom, or as the teachers like to call it: lavatory.
When I got there I tried turning the doorknob of the bathroom but I just found it to be locked. I moaned with discomfort as I slid to the ground. I tilted over so that I was laying sideways on the cold tiled floor now. I saw two feet approach me that were disguised in a pair of brown boots.
"Are you okay?" Edward asked while lifting me off of the floor, "What happened?"
My bottom lip started to tremble as I tried to get the words to come out, and the tears started to swell in my eyes ready to fall, so I turned my head to the side trying to hide my red eyes, nose, and cheeks from Edward. That was no use though, because he grabbed my chin lightly with his forefinger and thumb, turning my face toward him as he whispered, "What's wrong?"
When I opened my mouth to answer him only moans and squeaks escaped my trembling lips. I pulled away from Edward roughly and fell back on the wall covering my face in humiliation and slid to the floor yet again. I let out a slow, long moan of internal pain as the salty tears cascaded my cheeks and my hands shook violently. I never in my whole life felt so betrayed and so humiliated. Yes I know I shouldn't go making accusations but what else could it possibly be to possess him to act like this, but to leave the ugly human?
"I know what you're going to do," I moaned lightly.
A confused smile took place of his lips as he shook his head lightly from left to right as he asked, "What do you mean?"
"I'm not stupid Edward, I'm not stupid. I'm much more observant then you give me credit for, and I've noticed your behavior. You've been acting the exact same way as you did before you left me in the woods alone," I said quietly raising my head to look at the figure lingering above me.
His face was hard as stone and emotionless as he turned his head to the side and said lowly in a rough voice, "It's the only way Bella. I don't believe we should be more the strangers toward one another. I may have feelings that are growing for you, but its not meant to be, its just not."
I swallowed the lump in my throat that was forming, I wiped away the hot tears that were slowly sliding down my face and I turned my head away as he looked down at me, "I should of seen this coming, you are to good for me, but yet I still didn't expect this. I more likely expected to live happily ever after, but life doesn't end like it does in the fairy tales, now does it?" I looked back up at him when I asked my question.
He lowered his head in remorse and shook his head slowly, "No, no it doesn't."
I laughed bitterly in his face as I stood up quickly, then I did something that I didn't expect that I would ever do, something that I knew wouldn't hurt physically, but I hoped it would hurt mentally. I slapped him as hard as I could across the face. His head swung to the side, probably an effect that he added in for my benefit, but it surly made me fell a hell of a lot better.
As I was stalking away a voice on the loudspeaker came on, "Miss. Isabella Swan, please report to the principles office immediately." The secretary's voice was high pitched and nasally, almost enough to blow out an eardrum.
I walked swiftly, or at least I tried to walk swiftly, down the hall tripping and stumbling. I looked over my shoulder to see Edward still standing there, still looking down into the spot, which I was occupying earlier. He looked so sad, so innocent, but what he did to me was a cruel and unusual punishment. It didn't really hit me full force just yet, I wasn't about to break down into endless tears in school. Oh no I was waiting to be in the confines of my own home with a gallon of ice cream by my side to comfort me.
When I entered the office the secretary looked at me with a pitiful look and shook her head mournfully for my sake I was guessing. I was confused beyond belief, what could a woman I hardly know be feeling sorry for, for my sakes! I walked hesitantly to the door that was marked "PRINCIPLE" and I opened it slowly, trying to take in the scene before me. There were two officers standing off to the right with their hats in their hands and their eyebrows, raised in discomfort, "You wanted to see me?" I questioned.
"Yes, Isabella. Please be seated." The principle said.
"O-okay," I was getting a little frightened and worried.
An officer stepped in front of me, he was tall, attractive, but he looked sorrowful, and if I'm not mistaken it was just a fake frown. One that they only wear when they are breaking bad news to unsuspecting victims, "I'm sorry to inform you about this Miss. Swan," he choked out, "But you're parents, they got into a terrible, terrible car accident and I'm afraid that neither of them survived."
I was astonished, beyond astonished. I was frightened. I lost the only connections of family that I have. My father was an only child, as was my mother, and both of their parents past away over the years. Also I lost the Cullen's over some cruel joke that they set up.
My face was blank. There was no tears, no gasps for air, nothing. I was alone in the world, no one else to comfort me. But you have Carry and Jacob! I told myself mentally.
"To hell with Carry and Jacob! They don't actually care about me!" I yelled at myself. Everyone just sat there, staring at me as if I was insane, "Hey, what do you know! I really am, insane!" I said quietly smirking.
"She's taking this a lot better then I thought," one officer whispered to the other.
That's when I got angry. Tears swelled up into my eyes, "I have no one! Where will I go?!" I felt like I was going insane. Before they could respond I rushed out of the door, trying to keep the tears from falling, to try and keep my hurt kept within. When I opened the door Edward was standing there he looked sorrowful, "Oh God damn it! Don't you go feeling sorry for me now, too!" the tears were now gently racing down my red cheeks. I pushed past him a walked quickly down the hall and out the door to the rain, no one else was outside but us. I felt his cold hand, grip my wrist stopping me, "Let go!" I shrieked, trying my best to get out of his grip but he just wouldn't let go.
"Please!" I pleaded. The tears falling freely, I tried my best to contain them but it just wouldn't work.
He pulled me into a hug, but I thrashed and kicked to get out of his hug but it was no use, "Please! Please let go!" I sobbed into his damp shirt.
"No," was his only response.
"Please," I dragged on the word so it was shaky.
He was holding my one wrist with his hand, and the other hand was wrapped around my waist to keep me close to him. Still trying to get out of his grasps I let out a loud moan of mourn, "Please," I gasped, "please, I just want to be alone. I don't want to see you! I don't want to see anyone anymore! My parent, were the only ones who ever really loved me!" I yelled with sobs.
"You don't want to be alone," was all he said.
"How do you know what I want?! How do you know what I want, you bastard?!" I exclaimed into his shirt, but it only came out as muffles. By this time we were soaked from the pouring rain and my hair was tasseled all about my face sticking to my skin. I pulled away from him or at least tried to, he still held onto my wrists as I looked up at him desperate, "Please leave me alone, I don't want to be in anymore pain," I whispered.
He ignored my request pulled me into another hug. I realized something: no matter how much I struggle I cant get out of this so I decided to give up and lean into the hug. I pressed my face into his chest, and gasped loudly. We slid silently to the ground, now we were sitting on the cold wet ground, just sitting there. I wasn't aware before of all of the Cullen kid's watching, and when I spotted them, I could care less. They looked sorry for me, they were granting pitting onto me.
"Do you know why I love the rain?" I asked, barely crying now, almost numb.
"No, why?" he asked in a whisper.
"Because no one can see you crying," was my response.
Edward looked down at me smoothing my hair, "Do you want to know why I love the rain?"
"Why?" I asked.
"Because when I want to cry when I want to shed the pain through droplets of water, I can come out to the rain. Make it feel as if I can cry once again."
I shook my head and smiled, "I hate you. You know that right?" I asked.
"Yes I do," he answered grimly.
"But then," I continued, "I love you."
I looked up at the Cullen's and said with a laugh, "Isn't it weird?! I hate you for what you all have done! But I can't help but love you!" I lifted from Edward, he kept his grip lightly on my wrist, but I yanked my hand away, "Good-bye. Probably the last time you'll be hearing that out of my mouth." I whispered.
As I was about to retreat Alice stepped forward, extending her hand, and she opened her mouth to say something but I cut her off, "No, you are all lying, back stabbers, and I just don't want to hear it right now."
"You have no right saying that!" Rosalie retorted.
"Hold on Rosalie! I have no right saying that?! If you didn't want me in your lives, I would of happily stepped out of the way, because unlike you; I don't lie and go behind people's backs." With that she fell quite and stepped back. I gave a weak smile and a half-hearted wave and said lowly, "See ya."
I walked slowly out of the parking lot and down the road leading to my house. When I got to my house, it was completely empty. Not empty like 'waiting for parents to get home'. No it was a new empty, an empty that is bound to stay there for a while, and maybe even forever. I looked around, I was completely numb, and my eyes were dried of tears. I felt like an empty shell ready to crack under the pressure. And that was just what I did. I crumbled to the floor in heavy tearless sobs. All of my tears were spared on the Cullen's when I was making my way home, and now there wasn't enough to spare for my parents death.
"I have nothing to live for," I whispered to myself desperately. So that's when I made up my mind I would commit suicide. I wasn't sure if I was going to do it the old fashion way, slitting the wrists, or something more modern like drug overdose. Then I decided, I would die the way my parents died, I'll crash a car. They say that it is selfish to commit suicide because you are causing pain and mourn to the ones that love you, but no one loves me. So what will it matter.
I got up from where I was on the floor. I was going to do it tomorrow after I said good-bye to Carry and Jacob. I walked out the door and walked slowly down my street, the far sun was already starting to fade and there was only a light mist of rain. I walked for quite some time when I realized that I was lost. I wandered the dark streets that were strangers to me, but yet familiar. I lived there all my life, so I knew all the streets, but I didn't know them like the back of my hand.
I walked slowly down a dark ally, looking for my way back, but I only came across a gruff looking drunk man that was wobbling back and forth. I tried to make my way past him but he only blocked my way. "Excuse me," I said politely.
He pushed me up against the stonewall and smoothed my hair, "Hey," he breathed into my face. I turned my head because the smell of his breath was completely repulsive. He was a good half-foot taller then me he had shaggy dirty blonde hair, and bright green eyes that were clouded over with booze. His hands started to travel to places that I found wrong, so I quickly kneed him as hard as I could in the groin. He moaned in pain, I tried to get away but he grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me back to him. He held a small switchblade to my throat, "You really shouldn't have done that."
I wasn't planning on dieing like this, but at least my life is ending, right? I asked myself.
He pulled the blade swiftly across my pulse point. The blood never smelt any sweeter then it did just then. I closed my eyes and I herd a faint "No!" I felt the man that slit my throat being thrown back by an unknown source.
Two, cold arms picked me up after a while, and as quickly as I thought the end was coming I felt two sharp objects pierce my skin and then the fire was light, fueled. The fire seeped through my veins slowly; I let out an ear-shattering scream. I felt the wind being pounded out of me as the fire attacked all of my vital organs, except for my heart at the moments. I was set down onto something soft, I didn't dare open my eyes for I did not want to see my savior. I heard faint whispered but didn't dare pay attention, afraid of hearing my savior.
The three longest days of my life was now coming to an end as I felt the liquid fire making its way to the center of my existence; my heart. That was the longest part though, it ran slowly through my veins, taking its good ole' time. My throat was raw from all of the screams and moans of pain. As the fire made its way to the heart I arched my back in pain and tried to get out on last scream, but it wouldn't come. Only low moans and whimpers, I wanted so bad to cry, let the tears wash over my whole body and cool the fire that was taking place, the fire that was slowly dieing down now.
Finally the fire came to a rest, I sat up and looked around, I thought it was all over but then, the fire grew two times the size then before and burnt my hollow heart into ashes. I dropped into the soft plush white covers and let out another ear shattering scream that I thought would have been impossible at that point. I thought once I started to be changed I would pass out from the pain, oh no the pain was so intense that, the whole three days of hell I was up and wide awake with the pain as a reminder that I would never be able to die now.
When the fire was finally extinguished for good I got up, everything was more defined, more loudly and because of my keen sense of smell, everything and when I say everything, I mean everything had a smell. Then I started to hear everything, the rustles in the damp forest and I could see a small ant making its way back into the wall, which was all the way across the room. I stumbled backwards, falling into the wall trying to become my own little world.
I covered my ears because all of the noise was started to hurt and I shut my eyes tightly scared of what I might see next. I started to panic. I got up and threw the lamp at the wall. That created a loud smash causing me to cover my eyes and let out yet another scream of pain.
When I was done screaming I became aware of another presence in the room, "Well how are you Bella?" Carlisle asked with a warm smile.