It had been a late night. Her car had been towed, but she felt safe enough, her gun in full view, to walk home, when she'd heard a commotion. Peering down the alley, she saw two young women going at it, throwing punches between furious yelling.
"Why don't you just go away?! This is my hometown. Get lost!" the brunette yelled.
"C'mon, don't be like that. We need you. Just come back," the blonde tried calmly, ducking passively away from each punch.
"No! It doesn't work like that. I'm not your bitch. I'm not gonna bend over backwards to do your every will like all your little side-kicks! So let me live my own life for once."
Jane approached carefully, unable to tear herself away from the exchange.
"Last time I left you alone, you killed someone! I won't make that mistake again."
"Yeah, and neither will I. I'm off that path, remember? Reformed. And I did it all by myself. Without you, so I think I'm better off not coming with."
"I'm not asking. I'm telling. It's your job, your life! You can't just run away—"
"Blah, blah, blah! Sing a new song every once in a while! Or maybe you should try pulling whatever's stuck up your ass, out."
The two exchanged a few more punches, angry shoves.
"I try to give you the benefit of the doubt, try chalking your actions up to your past catching up with you, but I was being naïve .You're just a coward. Haven't faced a damn thing in your life."
"I faced you."
"Yeah. You did. And it did good! Please come back. The girls look up to you; they need someone new to help them. We need to protect them—"
"No, you need to protect them. That's not in my job description. Never was, never will be, so stop pushing, will you?"
"Something's coming. Something really bad."
"Did your boy-toy tell you that? Because you know, he's a real fountain of truth, that one. With such reliable sources."
"She saw something too."
"Oh, your high and mighty right hand man saw something, did she? Because she's also high on the list of people to trust! She tried to end the world! END IT."
"Last time I checked, that was on your résumé too!"
"Alright. Fine. You got me there, but I'm not claiming to be trustworthy! I just wanna be left alone. I can fight my own battles here. Try for redemption."
"There's no redemption for you," the blonde laughed darkly. "Your redemption died a long time ago. Died with the only man I ever loved."
"And that's my fault? He helped me. More than you ever did."
The blonde pushed the brunette hard, knocking her back into the brick wall. She leaned in, grabbing the brunette by the collar, their lips inches apart as she whispered threateningly: "You lost your freedom a long time ago. Just deal with it."
The blonde dropped the other woman roughly, who threw her hands up in frustration.
"God, I just…I wish I didn't have to deal with you anymore."
Have Faith.
Have.
Faith.
Jane awoke with a yelp. Even if she didn't sleep, technically, she certainly dreamed. The same thing. Over and over and over. It was the last night she had lived before Vanessa.
She yawned, stretching as she sat up. And then a feeling came over her. She'd been feeling it a lot recently. Like she was being watched. Her head snapped to the open window, but no one was there. It was odd for her; usually when her gut told her something, it didn't take long for her to find, to learn, but this…she'd been feeling stalked for weeks, and yet she couldn't find them. It burned into the back of her head when she walked, but every time she turned around, no one seemed familiar. When she drove, no car followed her. It was driving her crazy. Was she wrong?
Maybe the woman in her head was messing with other feelings. Hopefully not. It meant she'd have to tell Maura sooner rather than later.
She made her way to work, then immediately down to Maura's office. She let her knuckles rap lightly on the open door, standing politely in the doorframe and waiting for approval to enter.
Maura looked up, giving a side smile before looking back down. Jane entered slowly, her hands shoved in her pockets.
"Did you wanna do lunch? I only have a half day today."
Maura nodded.
"And I seem to recall there's an X-Files marathon tonight. Did you maybe want to order in and watch? I recall you telling me you liked the show…"
Liked it? No. Loved it. Damn. Damn, damn, damn Vanessa. She had asked for more time today, since a few days ago, Jane had encroached in her time, waking up in a night club bathroom. She shook her head, sad to see the disappointment in Maura's eyes. She hoped Maura could see the same disappointment in hers.
"I can't. I made plans…"
Maura nodded a little too quickly, standing up.
"That's fine. Lunch is fine."
She walked swiftly away, putting a hand on Jane's shoulder as she passed. Jane got it. The poor woman was trying as hard as she could to stay by her side. Jane didn't know how she could do it…there'd been so much rejection in the past week alone. How they could hold this up for a lifetime, she was not sure.
By lunchtime, though, Maura was better. She was relaxed and grinning, laughing at every sarcastic remark Jane made. It was a fleeting moment of lightness in the heavy world they lived in, and both of them were appreciative of the other's effort.
Jane stood as Maura did, reaching for her and pulling her in for a hug.
"I love you, Jane," Maura mumbled into her shoulder, squeezing her tighter.
"I know."
Her heart burned in her chest. The way Maura said it felt platonic. Yet they had kissed. Yet they hadn't done anything about it. Yet they both wanted to. Everything was so confusing, and she didn't want to give Maura anything else to worry about.
"I love you too," she murmured, kissing Maura's cheek before pulling away.
The action sent a wave of need crashing over her, as the burning of Maura's skin lingered on her lips.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Jane said quickly, exiting the café quickly, before Maura could say anything else.
Vanessa woke up in the car, letting out a sigh.
"Really?" she muttered to herself, sitting up straighter. "You really couldn't have driven home?"
She started the car and drove home, changing quickly before heading out. She was excited for her extra long night.
A few hours and a couple dozen drinks later, Vanessa was finally starting to feel the burn. The burn of Jane Rizzoli threatening to come back. To her, it was exhilarating, to hold the power, to fight her back. To know that any minute, she might go to far made her skin tingle with anticipation. She finished off her rum and coke, slipping off the bar stool and making her way back to the dance floor. People quite honestly swarmed her. She took hold of a particularly small woman, grinding against her, hands trailing down her pale thighs. That's when someone called her name. This couldn't end well. She looked over to see Maura peering at her. The honey-blonde was still in her work clothes, a professional looking pencil skirt, a bright top, and her dress jacket. She looked so damn classy compared to everyone else, and God it turned her on.
"Maura! What're…what're you doing here?"
"Riley called me. Said I needed to come pick you up before you got kicked outta this place."
"Riley?" She vaguely remembered the face that went with the name.
"Yeah….Are you here with someone?" she asked loudly over the music.
"No," Vanessa called back, weaving her way through the crowd to get to Maura.
"Oh…" Maura mumbled, her face falling.
Vanessa knew she'd said something wrong, understanding that Jane had probably turned down an invitation.
"Well…okay, maybe I was," Vanessa said, stumbling slightly as Maura lead her to the door.
She saw Maura's torn look, relieved that Jane hadn't lied, but upset that she was with someone. Oh…were Jane and Maura? Did they…? This was too complicated for her. She let Maura put her in her car, let her drive her home, and let her help her into the front door.
"Thanks Maura," she whispered, pulling Maura into a hug.
Maura hugged back tentatively, until Vanessa let her hands wander lower, getting a solid grip on her ass. The M.E. pushed her back angrily.
"Stop it, Jane! I'm sick of your mixed signals! Either you want something with me or you don't!"
"I…uhh….I'm sorry?"
"You should be! You go around avoiding me half the time, and the rest you're so sweet and kind and you pretend like nothing's wrong! But there's a lot wrong! And when you're being nice…I don't…I don't understand, Jane. Do you want to be friends or more than friends or less? It is killing me to wait, and I wish you'd just tell me what in the hell is going on!"
Vanessa closed her eyes as Maura yelled, swaying slightly as the pull of the alcohol took her further away, further down. And by the time Maura had finished, she'd had enough. She shoved Maura against her door and kissed her hungrily, angrily even. She felt Maura stiffen, putting her hands up to block her, but then she relaxed. Her hands fisted in her dark hair, yanking her roughly closer. Vanessa let her fingers brush over heated thighs, feeling them strain, flex for more. She felt her resolve slipping as Maura forced her tongue into her mouth, felt her want increasing as hands traveled down her back. She hooked her fingers under the hem of Maura's skirt, hiking it up around her waist, leaning in to press their bodies together. Her lips trailed nipped down Maura's throat, tugging whimpers from the M.E. as she sucked her pulse-point. It spurred her forward as another burning headache threatened to take her down into darkness, her hand slipping slowly up her thigh, feeling the smaller woman's body tense in anticipation. She brushed her fingers over unbelievably damp underwear, Maura's breath hitching as she clutched Vanessa tighter to her. Vanessa repeated the action, earning another gasp.
"Oh God," she breathed, her fingers once again finding purchase in Vanessa's hair as she yanked her back up, capturing her lips in a forceful kiss. The sudden movement along with the alcohol made the room spin, and Vanessa chuckled. She pressed harder against Maura through the fabric of her underwear, only to have the woman moan into her lips.
"Jane…"
Shit. That was sobering. Really, painfully sobering. But could she stop? Wouldn't that just be one more mixed signal for the poor M.E. Didn't matter. It was the right move. She dropped Maura, trying not to look disappointed. Maura stared up at her, cheeks flushed, gasping for breath, a questioning in her eyes.
"Do you…do you not want to?"
Vanessa grimaced at the question. What would Jane say? What in the hell would Jane say? She blanked. She tried stuttering out an excuse, but it came out as a mess of indiscernible curses. All she could finally do was push past Maura and out the door. She didn't look back, to see if Maura was following. She didn't want to know. She had just run out of her own apartment…And she had just led on a woman who would in fact, not be led on, if only it had been Jane in her body. So in fact, leading her on was leading her off, and leading her off was leading her on. Damn it. Damn all the confusing shit. She felt a gnawing guilt settle in the pit of her stomach as she started her car and drove off.
Jane awoke to the sound of her phone buzzing. She grumbled to herself, searching blindly for it, too stubborn to open her eyes. She had to pry them open, however to read the text.
Frost: Where the hell are you? I saw your car in the lot. Cavanaugh's gonna have a fit if you're not here for briefing.
She sighed, forcing herself to sit up. Her back cracked with the roll of her spine and she groaned. Had Vanessa really slept in her car? It didn't make sense. She checked the camera to see there was a new video. The icon was of Vanessa in the same dimly lit parking garage.
"I'm sorry. God I am soo, so sorry, Jane. Please don't kill me or do whatever you wanna do when you're mad. It wasn't my fault. It's…it's five o'clock in the morning and I'm gonna try and force myself to sleep. Maybe get you up sooner. Please. Please don't destroy me."
Jane's brow furrowed. Vanessa wasn't the apologetic type. Which worried her. What could she have done that was so bad she needed to apologize? Profusely. Would she walk into work, only to get jumped and arrested for murder? Her heart began to race as more and more terrible possibilities flashed before her eyes. She let out a forced sigh. Can't do anything about it now, Rizzoli. Just face the music.
She got out of her car and walked carefully up the stairs to the homicide division. No one arrested her. No one looked at her differently….It was a step in the right direction, right?
Hours later, Jane sat at her desk, one hand tangled in her hair, her other hand tapping her pen repeatedly on the arm of her chair. What happened? What on Earth happened? It was driving her mad, and she couldn't think of anything else. But all her worries had led her to one conclusion.
She had to tell Maura. She had to.
How? How in the hell was she supposed to tell her? Oh, hey Maura, woman I'm falling in love with, in case you were wondering, I sometimes run off because there's someone else in my body. Yup. She just…takes over, has full reign. I let her because I'm a dumbass with nothing better to do.
Right. Because that didn't sound crazy or anything.
"Jesus, Jane. Tap that pen any harder and I think you might break it."
She jumped, the pen clattering to the floor.
"Don't do that!" she laughed, swiveling to get a better look at Korsak. "You scared me half to death."
"Sorry," he said with a grin. "Just wanted to ask if you wanted to go out drinking with us tonight."
She grinned. How wonderful. She'd already asked Vanessa for Friday night.
"Yeah, of course. I need a night to unwind."
"Great. We'll meet you there around 7. You can bring Maura if you want," he teased, his eyebrows twitching up suggestively.
She rolled her eyes.
"Shut up, Korsak."
"What? I can't help what I see. When you gonna make your move?" he asked as he started to back away.
"Who says it's my move to make?" Jane scoffed, feigning offense.
He put his hands up defensively as he took a few more steps backward.
"Fine, fine. Pull your claws back in, Jane. Just curious!"
"Did you just call me catty?"
"I might've accidentally referenced it, yes," he admitted quickly, before turning and dashing off.
She chuckled, standing. She needed to ask Maura to come before she forgot.
Making her way down to the morgue, it was surprisingly quiet for a week that they had a body. There were no lab techs, no interns bustling around. Just…empty. She made her way to Maura's office, only to find her crying at her desk, head resting her hands as she tried to stop.
"Maura?"
The M.E.'s body seized, stopped all movement. She sat stock-still for a moment, then slowly lifted her head.
"What do you want?" she asked calmly.
"I, uhh…wanted to know if you would come to the bar with me and the guys tonight."
"I hardly think drinking is in your best interest, Jane," she muttered, standing and taking her file with her.
"What?" Jane asked stupidly, her eyes narrowing as she watched Maura pace.
"I told you I was confused!" Maura blurted, chucking the file at Jane.
The detective tried to duck, but it hit her square in the chest.
"I told you I was confused, and then you just did it again! I don't know what you want Jane! And no more actions. I want words. What. Do. You. Want?
"I…I want you, Maur. I want you as mine. I wanna kiss you, touch you—"
"So do it!" Maura yelled, opening her arms in a 'come and get it' gesture. "I'm right here, Jane. Right here, and I cannot, for the life of me, understand anything you're doing."
"It's not that simple, Maura," Jane protested, only to be cut off by an angry glare.
"Seems pretty simple to me!" Maura shot back, her hands flying to her hips.
"I…I want to so, so badly, Maura. I do. I want you, but there's something…in the way."
"Didn't seem very in the way last night!"
Jane felt her jaw drop, her eyes widened.
"I…I didn't….we didn't…? Did we?"
Maura's eyes narrowed at Jane's genuine concern.
"You…you don't remember?" she asked carefully.
Jane went for broke, shaking her head lightly. Maura blushed, both at the memory and in embarrassment.
"I'm sorry!" she breathed. "I knew you were drunk…I just…I didn't realize you were that drunk."
Jane heart sank. She thought she could tell Maura, but she couldn't. Not now. Not when a boiling anger was building up in her chest. Vanessa was gonna pay.
"Whatever happened, I'm sorry. It wasn't me," she managed weakly.
Maura rested a hand on her arm, looking at her sadly.
"I know. I'm sorry too. But Jane?"
The detective looked carefully into her hazel eyes.
"Don't make me wait too long."