chapter six: an open door

I woke up in pain the next morning. Most of the nausea had subsided, but a searing pain throbbed in the back of my skull. I let out a tired groan and glanced around the room. My vision was blurred around the edges, but I could see clearly enough to recognize the afternoon light that occupied the room. I knew I'd slept late.

I staggered over to the window, still wearing yesterday's clothes, and pushed it open. Cool sea winds met my face and slightly soothed the ache. Looking at the sun, I saw that it was a little after noon. There were few boats docked on the children's island, and I assumed most people had slept in, too, after a late night at the festival.

The air was calm, but yesterday's black clouds were still looming in the East, edging closer to shore. They were so real. How was it that no one else could see them? I was too tired to be troubled by my ebbing grasp of what was real and what wasn't. I sighed and dropped my eyes and looked at the water instead. It was calm and crystal clear. It wouldn't be long before my friends and I were riding across those waters, away from this place for good.

I thought about the things Jecht had told me last night. Was I really so much like my mother that I was repeating the actions of her youth? And if she really had gotten away from the islands, why had she come back? I yearned to hear more about what my mother was like as a teenager, to hear every detail that Jecht could possibly offer. Then again, he was a notorious drunk. One could never know how much of what he said was true, and how much was his own elaboration.

I was filled with a sudden emptiness. As I watched the waves, I could almost see the flaming raft that had taken my mother away three years ago. It had been so long since I'd seen her. I had long lost the intimate details of her presence. Her scent, the texture of her hair, the softness of her voice. She had always been a heavenly being to me. Each day of my childhood I drank her in without ever realizing it. The fantasy of her, the myth of my mother, was still a great part of my thoughts. But as far as her actual being, the person she was in reality, I had nothing. I was too young to know her then, and it was far too late to try and put the pieces together now.

I rowed out to the island alone, skipping breakfast altogether. I was far too excited about the raft to stomach anything. I tethered my boat and began walking along the beach in search of whoever else was there. I found Kairi, leaning against the sail of our raft, busy with a necklace of shells.

"Hey," I said to her.

"Hi, Riku," she said. She didn't look up from what she as doing. I knew immediately she didn't want to talk about last night. She wanted to forget all about it. For me, it was the opposite. I never wanted to forget that moment, and I could have gone on talking about it forever. But I was too tired for Kairi then. Too tired to begin the tedious process of arguing with her and trying to drag things out of her. My head was still aching, and it would not deal well with Kairi's endless resistance to me. I decided that I could pretend, too, that last night had never happened.

"Lots of work to do today, huh? I guess I'd better get started."

She looked up and smiled warmly. "Yup. Gotta get to work. Just one more day."

-o-o-o-

The day was dedicated to the last preparations of our journey. The raft was patched, provisions were gathered, and we named it Highwind. We were so busy I hardly noticed the time slip away, and soon it was nearly sunset. I felt it getting colder, like a storm was coming. I looked to the sky.

I had to take a moment to catch my breath. The rain clouds were much closer now, hovering right by the island. But when they were this close, I could see that they were not really rain clouds at all. It was really a swirling mass of black. Lightning and fire danced inside of it, and blue-orange smoke escaped from it as it roared and hissed. I swallowed hard. Storm clouds, even ones that I alone could see, were normal, and I could learn to ignore them. But this went beyond any oddity I could stomach. Why were these things happening to me? Why was my mind slipping from me?

It was these islands. Being here was driving me to insanity. I looked over at the raft, resting patiently on the beach. Only one more day. I only had to hold out to tomorrow. I clenched my fists and centered myself around that thought. I could feel the winds picking up speed around me; they were the winds of a great storm. I watched as the water lapped harshly against the raft, and I began to worry about the storm- or whatever this was- washing it away. I decided to talk to Kairi and Sora about moving the raft somewhere else for the night. Even if they couldn't see any storm, I wasn't taking any chances.

I climbed down and walked along the cove. I noticed Tidus and Wakka, eating from a paper package of brownies.

"Have you guys seen Sora and Kairi?" I asked them.

Tidus shoved a brownie in his mouth just as he looked up at me, "Nogh," he said with his mouth full.

Wakka laughed and shook his head at the younger boy. "I saw them," he told me. "They were looking for you. They were heading for the docks, going home."

"Thanks."

"Hey, Riku," said Tidus, once he'd swallowed his food. "What's up with that raft of yours? You guys have been working on it nonstop."

"It's nothing. Just having some fun, that's all." I wondered if Jecht had mentioned our conversation to Tidus. Probably not, I decided. Tidus had never been overly chatty with his father.

Tidus cocked an eyebrow in doubt. "Sure it is."

"I think I know what they're up to," Wakka contributed. He looked at me quite seriously for a brief instant. "I think they're trying to run away."

Tidus jumped. "Whoa! Is that true, Riku?"

I rolled my eyes at them. "No. You guys are so full of it."

"Whatever you say," said Wakka, disbelieving. "It doesn't matter one way or another. You can't make it off the islands. Even if you sail for weeks, you'll never make it anywhere."

"Is that so? Just how do you know all this?"

"My brother reads books from my grandfather's library all the time. He tells me about all the things he reads... things about the island, that most people don't know about any more. There's an invisible force that keeps this world closed off from everything else. It's a shield of darkness. No one can pass. The only way through it is to find the Door and open it."

"Yeah, sure," said Tidus. He laughed and reached for another brownie. "That's pretty dopey-sounding, Wakka. Your brother shouldn't read so many books."

"It's true. The books are collections of ancient knowledge. Things people have forgotten- people like you, Tidus, who are too busy wasting time to do things like read."

Tidus rolled his eyes and stuffed his face instead of replying.

"Fascinating as that is," I said, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to burst your bubble. We're not running away, or going on some quest of ancient knowledge, or breaking through any shield of darkness. We're just building a raft. End of story. I'm going to go find Sora and Kairi. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

They offered their goodbyes and I turned to leave. "It's weird, yeah?" I heard Wakka tell Tidus as I was walking away. "These winds feel like they're from a storm, but there isn't a cloud in the sky."

I exhaled shakily and glanced skyward, where the burning mass of blackness still hovered menacingly. An obvious anomaly, something that would cause alarm in anyone who saw it. But that was the trouble. Only I saw it. Only I was the lunatic who could see madness in the skies. I was alone with this fear.

I considered Wakka's words, about the stories of the ancient knowledge. Darkness isolated the island. Darkness that no one could break through. And yet... my mother had broken free. Was Jecht telling lies, or was Wakka? Maybe, I thought, the truth was in the ocean. I would simply have to set sail and find it. No stories, from anyone, were going to keep me from the journey I'd set for my friends and myself.

I arrived at the dock, where Kairi and Sora sat at the edge and watched the sun fall into the glistening sea. Before I could make my presence known to them, I heard my name, and it caused me to stop and listen.

"You know... Riku's changed," said Kairi. Her feet dangled off the end of the dock and swung back and forth.

"What do you mean?" Sora asked.

I held my breath as I waited for Kairi's response, careful not to make a sound. "Well..." She hesitated. It was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't bring herself to say it.

"You okay?"

She looked up at him suddenly, demeanor completely changed. "Sora, let's take the raft and go- Just the two of us!"

My heart took an enormous plunge as the words escaped her lips. It was the most hurtful thing I'd ever heard.

Sora was shaken. "Huh?"

"Hehe. Just kidding." She shrugged her shoulders and smiled mischievously. She laughed it off completely, as though those harsh words had never been spoken. It was strange sometimes how Kairi could shift her character so swiftly and smoothly.

"What's gotten into you, Kairi? You're the one who's changed."

Kairi shrugged and looked down at the water beneath her dangling feet. Her soft tone sent chills through me. "Maybe. You know, I was a little afraid at first, but now I'm ready. No matter where I go or what I see, I know I can always come back here. Right?"

Sora grinned reassuringly. "Yeah, of course!"

Kairi's attachment to this place, her love for this island, never ceased to confuse me. I never understood how someone who had come from a far away place they couldn't remember had never had even the slightest desire to escape the islands and see what else was out there.

I was still standing completely still and silent, listening to them. I swallowed hard. I always wondered what they talked about when I wasn't around.

"That's good." She exhaled. "Sora, don't ever change."

I turned and left them as quickly as I could. I couldn't stand to hear the way she spoke to him, so soft and intimate. She didn't want Sora to change. Please, Sora, don't change like Riku did. Her words burned right through me like acid. Even Kairi, one of my best friends, was disgusted by who I was.

I climbed up the rocks by the water reservoir and into the tunnel that led to the cove. When I came out on the other side, I sat on the moss-covered rock and leaned against the paopu sapling. From there I had a perfect view of our beached raft. The winds were picking up and the air was growing colder. The sea was restless. It knew what I knew, that an unnatural storm was coming.

-o-o-o-

I waited as long as I thought it would take for everyone else to leave the island. I wanted to go home in solitude. I waited until the skies darkened and all grew quiet. By then, the bizarre storm cloud had edged so close that it now loomed overhead. The sea was black, and it rumbled in anticipation. I swallowed hard. I would have to get back to the main island before I found myself trying to row through a raging storm. I quickly crawled back through the tunnel to the other side of the island.

As I stepped onto the dock, I saw a boat coming towards the island. I recognized the petite frame and red hair immediately, and I moved to help her out of her boat as she docked.

"We have to get the raft," she said, tugging on my arm. Her eyes were frantic. "We have to leave tonight. Right now."

"Kairi, Kairi, wait," I said, holding her arms to keep her still. "What's wrong?"

She started crying, half-heartedly struggling to break free of my grip. "The storm, Riku. The storm." She was shaking and sobbing. "I have to get out of here before the storm comes."

"The storm? You can see it?"

She nodded feverishly. "Yes, yes. It's just like the one from before. I can't stay here."

I was unsure of what to do with the trembling creature in my arms. The selfish child in me was more than willing to run away with Kairi that very second. However, the wiser side of me felt compelled to play the role of protector.

"We can't take the raft out tonight," I told her. "The storm would tear it to shreds. Right now we need to get back to the island before it hits."

Kairi dropped to the ground and curled up in a stubborn ball. "No! I won't go there! I won't sit and wait for the storm to come get me."

I didn't understand what was wrong with her. Storms had never scared her before. Then again, looking at the storm brewing around me, I realized anyone might be scared. It was getting closer, too.

"Well, let's at least get to some shelter." With some difficulty, I managed to pull Kairi to her feet and drag her into the seaside shack. Once inside, she sat on the bottom step and continued crying quietly. The winds were howling outside and the wood panels of the shack were creaking. I had a heavy feeling the shack wasn't going to hold up. Thunder was crashing and all hell seemed to be breaking loose out there.

After awhile, another sound came into the mix. A high-pitched wailing, like the screams of small children. There was something lurid about the noises. Something horribly wrong.

"Wait here, Kairi," I said, straining to better hear the unusual sounds. "I'm gonna go check on something."

Kairi sprang up at once. "No! Don't leave me here alone!"

"I'll only be gone for a minute." I eased her back towards the stairs and sat her down again. "I'll be right back, I promise. Stay here. Don't move." I ran up the stairs, out the door, and was immediately taken aback when I looked around me. The storm had gotten ten times worse in only a few minutes. I heard the wailing again, soft but near. I followed the noise across the bridge and onto the smaller piece of island. At first, everything was quiet and still. I wondered if the noise, like so many of things as of late, had been entirely imagined. But then I saw it. There was a shadow lurking behind the paopu tree, moving.

"Who's there?" I asked, wrapping my hands around the hilt of my wooden sword.

The shadow squealed in response and jumped at me. I swung by reflex at the attacker, which sent it sprawling to the ground. I had a few moments to glance and determine what it really was.

"It's just like in my dream," I mumbled softly. I was frozen, unable to know if this was real or another hallucination. The shadow, which was actually a living, moving creature, crawled back up and swung its arms at me. I felt myself go cold all over as its flesh brushed against mine.

And suddenly, I could see it. I could see the Darkness coursing through the very island. It was like blood, flowing and nourishing the very island on which I stood. It dazzled me, like fire. I wanted to reach out and touch it, it was so beautiful, but I could see that that it was just as dangerous as it was enchanting.

I could see the Shadows, in great hordes, crawling all over the island. They were everywhere. I could even, in my mind, see them running through the streets and into homes on the main island.

"Come... with... me..." cooed the darkness.

I was beckoned. It was so vast and suffocating. My mouth watered at the thought of what exactly lie within that darkness. "The Door... is... open," it continued. Escape was in my grasp. I needed only to take the first step, and I could leave that very moment. I could leave Sora and Kairi behind. Why should I wait on them? They apparently, after what I'd heard that afternoon, didn't need me anyway.

But I then took a moment to glance at the lonely road ahead. I was already so alone. I was tempted to plunge into the unknown, but I couldn't bring myself to leave behind the only two people who accepted me.

Feet pounded along the bridge behind me, and I heard Sora call out. "Where's Kairi? I thought she was with you!" he said frantically, catching his breath.

"The door has opened..." I told him distractedly. I knew that he couldn't see what I saw, the darkness that flowed through everything.

"What?"

I turned and looked at him. I was suddenly so happy for the two of us. Freedom, the dream that kept me going for so long, was here, thrust into our own hands. "The door has opened, Sora! Now we can go to the outside world!"

Sora didn't seem to see the true wonder of the situation. "What are you talking about? We've gotta find Kairi!"

"Kairi's coming with us! Once we step through, we might not be able to come back. We may never see our parents again. There's no turning back. But this may be our last chance. We can't let fear stop us! I'm not afraid of the darkness!" I held out my hand to him as I felt the darkness begin to consume me. It pulled me inside of it, and the island gradually faded away. Soon, I was completely surrounded by darkness. But where was Sora? I could only see his hand, still reaching for mine.

There was a sudden burst of white light and it blew Sora away from me. "No!" I screamed, but my cries were lost in the vast black abyss, and Destiny Islands was suddenly worlds away from me.