Chapter 6: Revolution I

August did not start out well for Lily.

I had an absolute shit day at work today. This bloke I'd hoped to never see again out of shame came in and recognized me.

The thing is, last summer Emily and I used to go to this café near her house for tea. There was this tall, exceptionally fit bloke around our age who worked there. He had gorgeous hair, although he also had an awful moustache.

He liked to flirt with me and I'd flirt back, only I was a bit rubbish at it. He always gave us free drinks, which is really why we kept going back. I didn't fancy him, really. I just liked to look at him. He wasn't actually all that funny but I laughed at his jokes anyway. I felt terrible about it because I led him on too much. He ended up asking for my telephone number but since I didn't fancy him I gave him an invented one and then Emily and I could never go back to the café.

Working in the same town as him meant I was bound to run into him again. I suppose I just hoped it wouldn't happen at all, or if it did, that I would be in a position to run. Of course, I should have known that the universe hates me and that he'd come in for a baguette on the day I was serving customers and Olive was too busy with the dinner rolls to come save me.

He didn't say anything. He just pretended we didn't know each other, thank God. I'd forgotten about the whole incident until I spotted him. I felt like shit about it last summer and now I do again. Dear world, please realize there is only so much I can take.

James lay back in bed, hands linked behind his head and the diary laying page down on his chest. He hadn't pictured Lily as the sort of bird to flirt shamelessly, but it did sound like an unusual occurrence in her life from the entry. Still, he had a hard time visualizing her sitting in a café and laughing at stupid jokes. She never laughed at James' stupid jokes. Instead she laughed at him. He frowned and wrote back:

If I understand this correctly, you flirted with a bloke for free tea and gave him a fake telephone number. In the grand scheme of things, that is a petty offense. You were young and stupid then, just like you'll look back a year from now and think how young and stupid you are now. People have done loads worse than harmless flirting. Sometimes you need to learn to forgive yourself. One mistake doesn't make you a terrible person. It makes you human.

The following morning he found another entry in Lily's diary. He supposed she'd written it early that morning before heading to the bakery and he'd slept through his ring charm.

That's the problem. How can I forgive myself? I'm rubbish at forgiving others, much less myself. I'm still angry with my parents for getting in that car crash and with Emily for going to work that day. It's completely stupid, I know, but I can't stop how I feel.

Do you know, Emily has been dead a month and the Ministry has done nothing. It's unbelievable. You-Know-Who and his stupid sodding Death Eaters get away with everything. What kind of a government do we have?

He confidently wrote back:

You know who to blame for your parents' death – the lorry driver. And he's dead, so he's already paid the highest price. And as for Emily, you can't blame her for dying. She didn't do anything wrong. What you should do is blame the Death Eaters. They're the ones who killed her. You're even in a position to do something about them as Head Girl, I would imagine. If the government can't fulfill its most basic function and protect you, you've got to fill in the gaps.

You can still be angry with Emily and your parents, a bit, but forgiving means you're willing to move on and not let it be important anymore. Would you rather remember them fondly or irately?

Maybe you should consider apologizing to that bloke. It might make you feel better when he forgives you (which I'm confident he will).

Humming, he got dressed and strolled down to the kitchen. That afternoon he would get to see Lily in person, which was infinitely better than writing to her.

He passed the morning tossing the Quaffle back and forth with Sirius, but wasn't really paying attention to his surroundings until he Apparated to Lily's house after lunch.

"What did you think of the play?" James asked her when she answered the door.

"First, hello," she said, standing aside to let him in.

"Hi!"

"I'm sorry to say that you were right." She showed him to the sitting room and invited him to sit down on an orange loveseat while she sat in an avocado-colored wingback across from him. "Most of the actors were shit, but Remus – I don't know what to say! He could be a professional."

"Hardly thinks that himself, I'm sorry to say."

"I know. After the show we tracked him down backstage."

"Oh yeah, sorry." He smiled sheepishly. "Should have warned you that he hides unless he knows we're out there waiting. We make him graciously accept compliments from the audience."

She laughed. "He was surprised to see us but I think happy. He must know he's good – the theater was turning away people without pre-purchased tickets. Thanks for those, by the way."

"No worries. They sold out of tickets after a couple of weeks of nothing but rave reviews. I've still got two more for the final night on Saturday."

"You lucky sod."

James had an idea and, after a second of hesitation, decided to go through with it. "Would you like to come with me? Peter can't make it and Sirius is tired of seeing it."

"How can he be tired of seeing it? It's fantastic!"

"Haven't the foggiest."

"Er, yes, I'd love to see it again," she said. "As Co-Heads."

"Of course," James said, smoother than he felt.

"Lovely. Is that next Sunday?"

"Yeah. I'll meet you at the theater?" James couldn't believe his luck.

"All right. Thank you. I can pay you back for the tickets."

"No, please," he said. "I'm not the one living on my own. My parents paid for them."

"I thought you had landed a job in a garage, which I assume you are unqualified for."

"I have a job—which I am perfectly qualified for, by the way, I've no idea why everyone thinks I can't work in a garage—but they put most of the money in Gringotts for me. For later."

A small wooden clock chimed on the wall.

"Shall we discuss Head business, then?" she asked.

"Yeah, suppose so. Where do you want to start?"

She suddenly looked over to the kitchen. "Oh, shit. I'm a terrible hostess. Would you like some tea or something? I tried to make shortbread but it turned out a bit funny."

"That sounds great, if it's not too much trouble."

"Not at all." Lily grabbed her wand from the coffee table and waved it at the kitchen. James secretly admired her nonverbal skills. He was pants at them, particularly household charms that he knew would be useful later in life but couldn't be bothered to practice.

"That should be done soon," she said, turning back to James and setting her wand down on the table. "It's strange to be able to use magic at home, now that I'm of age."

James took out a quill and parchment from his school bag. "I suppose it's not as odd to me. I've been dying to do it legally for years."

"Legally?" She picked up her own quill from next to her wand, leaving the parchment on the table.

"That is to say, I would never dream of flouting the laws against underage magic."

"Of course. You have always respected rules and regulations above all else." She smiled. "You're lucky you don't get an official warning own from the Ministry when you break it."

James gave her an approving look. "Why, Miss Evans. You sound as though you speak from experience."

"Oh, no," she said airily. "Just something I heard from a friend. I forget which one."

A silver tray with a kettle, two cups and a small plate of biscuits floated in from the kitchen to sit on the coffee table. The kettle levitated and paused, poised to pour tea.

"Sugar or cream?" asked Lily.

"Sugar, thanks. Just a bit."

A spoonful of sugar levitated from the small porcelain bowl to add a bit to both cups before the kettle poured the tea.

"Thanks," said James, grabbing his cup. He took a sip and smiled. "Perfect."

"So, business," said Lily, holding her cup on one hand and her quill in the other. "How should we schedule prefect rounds?"

James was glad he'd thought about a few topics in advance, although it quickly became clear that her experience as a prefect gave her a lot more knowledge about the specific responsibilities of Head Boy and Girl.

Still, James knew enough about Hogwarts, and he'd had plenty of experience interacting with prefects and Heads as the offender, to at least have an opinion on most issues.

After deciding how to train new prefects—there was barely any at the moment, according to Lily, which led to inconsistent enforcement that begged for a mentor system—they decided to take a break.

James polished off a piece of shortbread while Lily used the loo. He spotted what he vaguely recognized from Peter's house as some sort of music device. He walked over to it and pushed a few buttons until the round bit began to move. James jumped back in surprise as voices sang out from the machine, harmonizing about all the lonely people. He reveled in his mastery of Muggle technology and sat back down, listening intently. He'd never heard anything like this song before.

Lily soon walked into the sitting room, frowning a bit. "I didn't know you liked The Beatles."

He grabbed another bit of shortbread. "Is this them? They're really good."

"That they are."

"Aren't you impressed I got it to play?"

"Er, no. It's just a record player."

"Oh," said James, deflated.

"We can listen to a couple more songs if you like," she offered, sitting back down in her chair.

"Yeah! I mean, if that's all right."

"I love The Beatles. Of course I'll listen to them."

Another song came on, this one about sleeping. Rather than staring around the room awkwardly, James grabbed a spare bit of parchment and began to sketch small drawings based on some of the more colorful lyrics. He saw out of the corner of his eye that Lily was watching intently, and angled his hand to give her a better view of his work.

After he finished a sketch of what he believed a submarine looked like—Lily had tried to explain and he thought he understood perfectly—Lily walked over to the music machine and turned it off. "We should get some more work done. Then we can listen again, if you like."

"Sounds perfect."

They didn't talk for too much longer, though. James became desperate to hear more and all but begged Lily to turn the music machine back on. She acquiesced and several more songs played. At one point she had to flip the disc over but more songs played.

"This is Revolver," she said. "Their seventh album."

They listened for another fifteen minutes or so before the album ended. James looked up at Lily, beaming.

"They are brilliant!" he said, setting down his quill. "I wish I could play these at home but we don't have one of those music-box-things."

"I doubt it would work with all the magic in your house," said Lily.

"I'll just have to come back here and make you play more of their music for me," he said lightly.

"We do have more planning to do."

"There you have it. I'll come back another day. Your shortbread was lovely, by the way."

"Oh, thanks. Why don't you come round on Sunday at the same time? I'll play you another album."

"Fantastic." James packed away his belongings in his bag. "I'll see you then."

Two days later, James and Sirius walked into town to meet Remus and Peter at the pub. James wished they could go elsewhere for once but it was the easiest place for Sirius to get to besides the Leaky Cauldron, and Peter hated the food at the Leaky. Over a basket of chips and a pint, Remus recounted some stories from backstage. He suddenly turned a faint shade of red.

"An agent approached me after the show last night," he said. "He thinks I'm very talented."

"You are exceptionally talented," said James.

"He's got good taste," Peter said.

Remus rubbed the back of his neck. "He gave me his card in case I was interested."

"Ring him up," said Peter. "No harm in seeing what he has to say."

"It's just…. I need to take my N.E.W.T.s still, and then, I don't know, I assumed I'd get a job or something."

"Acting is a job," Peter pointed out.

"James? Sirius? Your thoughts?"

"After N.E.W.T.s," James said cautiously, "I thought I'd see what I could do to stop the Death Eaters."

"Same," said Sirius. "Anyone my parents like as much as they like him can't be allowed to continue living, much less killing."

"That sounds dangerous," said Peter.

"But potentially worth the risk," countered Remus. "He does seem to dislike half-bloods like us, as evidenced by his murdering habits."

"If you disagree with him, you have to fight," said James. "Or be a coward, and guilty of abetting murder."

"That's a bit harsh," Remus said. "We're not doing anything right now, in case it slipped your mind."

"Only because we're in school. Lily and I met and we're—well, I am, but I think she is, too—fed up with Dumbledore's non-interference policy. We want to take a stronger stance."

"How?" asked Sirius.

"I haven't quite figured that out yet," James confessed. "We know who the Dark students are but unless they're caught in the act we have no proof."

"And you need Dumbledore's assistance and permission to enact any new policies," Remus said.

"I know. But this is my one idea," James said. "Lily has loads of good ideas for being Head Boy and Girl and I've got this one idea, and it's not even a real plan. Just an idea."

"I'm sure she has her own ideas," Peter said.

"I'd like to flesh it out myself if possible. I need to pull my own weight, you know?" James took a deep sip of his drink. "As you all well know, my experience has been on the other side of authority."

"Are you going to be Head Boy and Quidditch Captain?" Remus asked. "I imagine filling both roles at once would stretch you a bit thin."

He hadn't made up his mind, not until that moment, but suddenly it seemed quite clear to him what he needed to do.

"I'll still play Chaser, without question, but I'm going to write to McGonagall and tell her to find another captain."

"So responsible," Sirius mocked.

"Well, yeah. I am," said James. "Trying to be. Dumbledore trusts me, apparently."

"You should adjust the patrol routes," Remus suggested. "Vera always made sure to divert prefects from the west corridor on the fifth floor so she and Graham could snog."

"Noted." James grimaced. "So, Moony the prefect, tell me what other ideas you have."

"I'm still a bit shocked that Dumbledore made you Head Boy," said Lily, taking her seat. This time they'd shown up extra early to get the best seats in the theater.

"I impressed him, I think," James said. "In May."

"When you saved Severus' life?"

"Er, yeah," said James, taken aback. "You know about that?"

"I heard, yes." She looked down at her hands in her lap. "How can you still be friends with Sirius after what he did?"

"I made him come to his senses this summer," James explained. "He knows he shouldn't have done it now. He's going to apologize to Snape when term starts."

"I just don't think I could have forgiven him for that," Lily said. "It was too much."

"It took a while to forgive him, but our friendship was more important than hating him forever for one mistake."

"A huge mistake."

"Yeah, but…we're mates. We forgive one another."

"Well, in any case, thank you for saving Severus."

James ran a hand through his hair. "Er, it wasn't really saving," he said. "It was just, I dunno, the right thing to do."

"All the same. He and I might not be friends anymore but I still—don't want him to die, you know?"

"Yeah, I do know," James said quietly.

The house lights fell and James leaned forward in his seat. As usual, Remus delivered a stunning performance. If it was possible, James thought Polonius had actually got worse since the first show. While he completely oversold his death, and Lily and James shared a mutual look of pain. During interval, he worked up the nerve to ask what he'd been musing on for the first half.

"D'you want to get a drink after the show?" he asked in what he hoped was a casual voice. "Remus is going out with the other actors to some restaurant, but we usually go to the nearest pub."

"Well, I don't have to work tomorrow," she said. "So, yeah. I suppose so."

Internally he cheered. After they savored Remus' performance in the fifth act and congratulated him profusely in the lobby, James proudly walked her out the door and to the pub. More than ever he was glad that he'd stopped Sirius' plan to kill Snape. Scheme, rather. If there was ever a scheme, he thought, that was it. Lily's good opinion—so rarely bestowed on James—meant the world to him.

And then he remembered that he was deceiving her every day and that someday that would come to light and she would hate him again. He put it out of his mind for the time being.

At the pub he bought a pint for himself and a glass of wine for Lily.

"How did you get these?" she asked. "You're not eighteen."

"Peter made us some Muggle card that says we are," he explained. "Dead useful."

"I'm stunned and appalled to hear that your group skirts on the wrong side of the law," she said. "I would never have guessed."

James winked at her and pulled out the card Peter had created to show her. She laughed when she read it.

"Ferdinand Dumbledore?" she said. "You're a lunatic."

"It's an excellent name, I'll have you know. It sounds very manly."

"It sounds very ridiculous. They serve you spirits with that patently false card?"

"It may have a few additional charms that I added," James confessed.

"You scoundrel."

"Did you know Peter is back together with Helena Hodge? Talk about scoundrels."

"Peter?"

"Helena."

"Didn't she cheat on him with Terry Heaney?"

"She did and he took her back," he said, annoyed even thinking about it.

"I'm very, very sorry to hear that."

"So am I," said James. "He brings her around sometimes and it's painful."

"Well, she is very annoying," Lily conceded.

James leaned across the table and told her, "She flirts with other blokes at the bar when he's in the loo."

"Oh dear," said Lily. She took a deep sip of wine.

"And did you know she is a genius at runes?"

"You're making this up as you go along, you liar."

"Am not." James ran a finger around the rim of his glass. "She finished N.E.W.T. level Ancient Runes before Hogwarts."

"Please tell me you're making this up."

"No! She did!"

"I would never have guessed."

"I could hardly believe it myself."

Lily mused, "She spends so much energy trying to attract blokes and then being terrible to them."

"Who knows why."

"What do you lot do when she's around?" Lily asked. "Why would she keep coming with if she knew you didn't like her?"

"Er, we try to keep things normal."

"I'm sure that works out perfectly."

"Shut up, it does." James kicked her shin lightly under the table. "It's just really, really boring because we can't talk about the things we want to talk about."

"Such as?"

"Oh, I dunno," James said. "Quidditch. Motorbikes. Trying to invent spells that will make disgusting food taste good. Just…things."

"So what do you talk about with her?"

"Nothing at all, really. The weather and classes and trivial shit."

Lily nodded deeply. "Whereas motorbike discussions are quite serious."

"They are, though!" James protested. "Sirius bought one and we're going to make it fly."

She raised her eyebrows. "Are you, now?"

"Yeah!" James said, annoyed at her lack of faith. "We will. And it'll work, too."

"I'm sure it will," she said drily.

"You don't even know—how—crap," said James. He couldn't really give away all the really cool magical things they'd done. He ended up saying, "We've done better already."

"Like when Sirius got that rash and you cured it?" She was far too amused by this conversation.

"No! Loads better than that," he said. "I just can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"It's a secret, of course. Well, multiple secrets."

"Anything illegal? Well, anything else."

James had to think about that. "Mostly no. Just…secret Marauder dealings."

"I see."

A wonderful idea came to James. "I wonder if we couldn't use the motorbike to run over Helena."

Lily laughed. "That's one way to solve your problem."

"Yeah. Too bad that's definitely illegal."

"Or, you know, you could be happy for Peter."

"He can do better, though!"

"Probably," Lily agreed. "It's his choice, though. Not yours."

"I suppose," James said darkly. "I just wish he wouldn't bring her along all the bloody time."

"He wants you to get along and you're not helping."

"At least I'm not exceptionally rude like Sirius."

"I'm sure you're the picture of politeness."

"I am," James insisted. "Perfectly lovely."

"You think Peter can't tell you're not really happy?"

"Well…."

James had to admit that Peter never seemed particularly pleased, even when James was putting on airs of liking Helena.

"He can," she told him. "Try to actually be happy, will you? Or he might pick her over you."

James stared at her. "Don't even suggest that. No one leaves the Marauders."

"Of course not," she said. "My mistake."

As James was on the verge of falling asleep one night, his ring tightened. He debated ignoring it but instead pulled out the diary and watched as Lily wrote.

Severus came by today. I don't think he's living at home anymore, and he didn't say where he was staying. I assume with some of his Dark friends. He apologized for missing Emily's funeral. Like he cares that she's dead. She's a Mudblood like me, or at least not pure enough for his hypocritical standards.

I didn't say much back. I've made it perfectly clear where we stand, and I've heard everything he's said before. We used to be friends—best friends—but some mistakes are unforgiveable.

James took a few minutes to consider his response. He didn't know too much about her relationship with Snape—just that they used to be close and grew up together—but now seemed like a good opportunity to learn. He wrote:

What did he do that was so unforgiveable?

Other than that, though, James was torn. Obviously Lily shouldn't forgive Snape, regardless of what he'd done, but his own words from that afternoon plagued him. He added:

Friends—good friends—can be hard to come by. Unless they've tried to kill you. That is probably unforgiveable, assuming it was intentional.

To his surprise, he watched her handwriting fade onto the page again. He'd forgot that his ring still sat tight around his finger.

He decided we couldn't publicly be friends. Not to mention that his new friends would love to kill me. They either helped kill Emily or approved of her demise. He chose them over me. I'd say that's bloody unforgiveable.

Really, James shouldn't have been surprised that that was it. Not that Snape's error wasn't enormous, but James had wondered if something less publicly known had transpired. Even James had heard Snape call Lily a Mudblood. He sighed in relief that it was a large enough dispute to justify telling her to avoid Snape.

Close enough to killing you, I think. It sounds like you made the right choice in cutting him out of your life. Still, it's always tragic when good friendships fall apart.

That should be sufficiently neutral and supportive, he thought. He smiled to himself when more of her handwriting appeared. They were having a proper diary conversation, for once, and it wasn't the disaster he'd assumed it would be.

Lily wrote back:

Very true. I normally stand by my friends but I do find it difficult to forgive people. I thought after Sev went evil, I wouldn't have another best friend. But I did. Emily came along and we were so close and now she's gone, too, permanently. At least she's not around to call me nasty names. So I have to hope that someday I'll have another best friend, painful as it is to think about not having Emily there anymore.

Having nearly lost his best mate so recently, James had a lot of sympathy for this sentiment. At least he'd had the chance to re-befriend Sirius – Lily didn't have that option. She would have to find another close friend. Eventually. And probably. He supposed she could do without but that sounded awful in the long term. If nothing else, James celebrated that he could use his own experience for once instead of hoping that what he said made sense.

Losing your best mate is one of the worst things that can happen. Unlike boyfriends and girlfriends, they are supposed to be there forever, or at least a very, very long time. I'm not surprised you're having such an awful time of it. You have every reason to be. You just need to hold out and know that it will hurt less with time. You can exist without a best friend. Some day you might find someone you'd like to fill that role again but for now you can do without.

She wrote:

It's impossible to think of someone else filling that role. I love Mary—she comes by once a week and we have wine night —but it's not the same. We haven't had the same experiences together. We don't have the same or nearly as many jokes.

Maybe someday, though.

In the morning, James couldn't keep a smile off his face. This became problematic when he grinned with milk in his mouth and it leaked out the sides.

His mother, the only other one up, narrowed her eyes at James from across the table.

"Whatever happened to that girl, Rhododendron?" she asked slyly.

James rolled his eyes and wiped the milk off his chin. "Lily, Mum. Lily Evans."

"Sure. The flower."

"Don't call her that," James said, bristling but still grinning like a fool. "It sounds asinine."

" Don't use such foul language, James Potter, or I'll be forced to use your middle name in front of Sirius."

James clamped his mouth shut.

She set her toast down on her plate. "As I recall, you fancied her quite a bit."

"Yes," James said slowly. He wanted to lie because who knew what she would do with the information, but he could never lie successfully to his mother. "I may have and may still, in fact, fancy her."

Odette raised her eyebrows knowingly. "You're mid-shenanigan."

"Thank you for using the proper term."

"What other term is there?"

"I can't recall but I know people have insisted on using other terms."

"What sort of shenaniganery are you up to, exactly? Your dear old mum needs excitement in her life."

James swallowed loudly. He really hated trying to lie to her but he didn't have an alternative. "Nothing, Mum. Nothing at all. I'm surprised you think me capable of deceiving the woman I supposedly fancy."

"You rotten little liar."

"Honestly," he tried. "I'm wooing her using completely normal methods."

"Even if that were true, that never works. Shenanigans are the way to go. That's how I got your dad. If it hadn't been for that horse—"

"Er, look at the time," James interrupted. "Algernon needs a walk. Bye, Mum!"

He'd successfully avoided this story for years because he had strong reason to believe it was nothing he wanted to know. Once she'd told the story of how she'd become pregnant at such an advanced age and James still shuddered at the thought of it. In most cases, he was better off not knowing his mum's history.