With Eyes Skyward

Confessions

Despite the shields, Qui-Gon discovered, to his dismay, that his small young padawan seemed weaker the next day, his Force signature noticeably dimmer than the day before. The boy looked brighter, strangely enough, and even smiled more often as he meditated, something which baffled the older Jedi.

He called the Council, announcing his intentions to leave the planet as soon as possible.

" Since the assassin is more of a local matter," Qui-Gon told the masters, " I feel it is unnecessary to place my padawan in further danger."

The Council was not very pleased with the idea, however.

" Did you sense any attack?" Asked Mace. " Was there a similar case with yourself?"

Qui-Gon frowned. " No." He replied. " That is why I am very concerned about my padawan's presence here. Perhaps his younger years and lesser experience left him vulnerable to whatever entity it was that drains his Force signature."

There had never been such an attack on Xanatos. Qui-Gon had no idea what to do. He needed to protect Obi-Wan, but how was he supposed to when he had no idea what was hurting him?

" Think, I do," Master Yoda, " That talk to your padawan, you need."

Qui-Gon frowned. He should have thought of that, but in all honesty, he had not.

And so during a recess, Qui-Gon pulled Obi-Wan to their rooms and sat him down for a talk.

" Obi-Wan," He said to the child, " Have you felt anything lately?"

Obi-Wan just stared at him, and Qui-Gon had no idea if the boy had been clueless, or was hiding something. There was no draining he could tell, but even so, he held Obi-Wan tightly by one hand when they returned back to the others, trying with all his might to figure out what was ailing the child.

The boy, confused, followed him speechlessly. It was not until they arrived once more at the conference room that Qui-Gon let go of his hand.

" Obi-Wan," The Jedi said to him gravely, " If you feel anything, any discomfort at all, I need you to tell me. Do you understand? Do not hesitate to inform me. I need to know."

" Yes, Master."

Qui-Gon found himself wishing that Obi-Wan would stop using that phrase. He used it so often, it was starting to frustrate him. It was not so much the words themselves, as the feeling behind the words—submissive, meek, dull, like Obi-Wan's head was full of air. When did Obi-Wan become…dumb? He certainly was not like this as an initiate. Back then, Obi-Wan had been an almost outspoken youngster, his entire countenance betraying how easily he is inclined to emotion. This closed faced child seemed lifeless and dimwitted.

Annoyed, Qui-Gon turned from him.

Obi-Wan sensed his mentor's irritation. He found himself thinking about the future. He had many years to look forward to as a padawan, and he thought of living those years with a master who did not care for him. He could not start crying in front of all these people—really, he was almost thirteen years old, and he seriously ought to have more dignity than that! Suppressing the tears welling in his eyes, he released a despondent sigh.

Ahhhhh…

Qui-Gon heard Obi-Wan. He also heard the echo in the Force. Stiffening, he snapped his head straight. The negotiations were becoming more relaxed, fortunately, and he had no need to follow it. He stretched his senses out to locate the source of the echo.

Obi-Wan, who did not know his master had also heard the echo, smiled a little, because the echo meant that the spirit was there with him. Hello.

Echo did not reply. The boy did feel her energy surround him in warmth, and all of the sudden he felt much better about his prospects. So Qui-Gon did not like him. That is fine. Obi-Wan will still strive to be a great Jedi. His master still has to teach him, and he will learn all he can and more. There was time to prove himself, after all. Everyone has to start somewhere. Obi-Wan just started off on lower footing than most, that was all.

Qui-Gon felt his padawan's energy drain, yet again. He turned around and grabbed the child's shoulder so quickly it was more of a blow. Obi-Wan staggered a little in surprise. The warm feeling was gone, and his Force signature also stopped draining.

Qui-Gon stared at his padawan in confusion, while his padawan stared back in misery and fear.

The older Jedi excused himself and his padawan. They left the conference room and stood in the halls. Qui-Gon remained silent for a while, trying to figure out how to articulate his concerns, while the child gazed back, not sure what brought about his master's behavior.

" Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon finally began, " Is there something you are not telling me?"

His padawan looked terrified. Obi-Wan was at first so panicked he could not speak. Within seconds, his options flew through his mind. There was only one thing Obi-Wan had kept from his master, and that was Echo. But his instincts screamed at him to keep that secret. Echo was his one source of comfort in present days. He did not want to admit that he needed such comfort, needed her hugs. Not to a master who already disapproved of him as a padawan.

What if he already knows?

But Qui-Gon would not know. Obi-Wan was certain, especially considering everything logically. His past behavior, questions about whether Obi-Wan felt anything, sensed anything, felt discomfort, all suggest that he merely knew that something was going on, but not what. As to what would even lead his master to suspect that, Obi-Wan did not dare ponder. Qui-Gon Jinn was a formidable Jedi, powerful in his own right. No doubt he knew things Obi-Wan could only dream of at present. The man likely had his ways, even if he is not omniscient.

Why was his master asking all these questions anyway? It did not make any sense!

Qui-Gon mentally groaned. The question had been for his padawan's benefit, not as a reprimand. Force, how was he ever going to figure out what was going on with this boy if every time he says something, Obi-Wan takes it as a reproach?

" Yes or no?" Qui-Gon asked, his voice more stern now. Xanatos would have answered immediately. Was this boy a complete fool?

" I…" The child blinked. " I…don't know."

The answer left Qui-Gon completely baffled. He stared at his padawan for a moment longer before looking away. Obi-Wan had only been his apprentice for several weeks. Of course there were plenty of things the boy had not told him. The question was completely unfair, and it was no wonder Obi-Wan could not give him a straight answer.

Still, the Jedi felt uneasy. Something was hurting his padawan, and he had no idea what, or how. Feeling a spike of anger, he quickly released it into the Force.

With a sigh of his own, he gestured at Obi-Wan to go back into the conference room. Echo did not sigh in response.

Negotiations were finalized after several hours. The Prince wanted Obi-Wan to keep him company, which was out of the question, especially after Obi-Wan's Force signature drained again that day. He sensed the padawan's frustration as they ate lunch together. For once, the officials left Qui-Gon alone most of the time, allowing him to talk to his padawan without interruption. But it seemed that his years with Xanatos left him with nothing. He had no idea what to say to this child, how to explain why he was so protective all of the sudden, how he wished Obi-Wan had been a bit brighter and could simply tell him these things, the way Xanatos did.

It was Obi-Wan, however, who broke this silence between them. The boy realized, from his teacher's ever sinking mood, that hiding the truth would only make things worse. Qui-Gon knew something was going on. There was no changing that, no matter what Obi-Wan did.

" There is an entity around here." Obi-Wan spoke, his eyes lowering down to his plate to avoid his master's gaze. He sensed the older man turn to him in surprise.

" What entity?" Qui-Gon asked after a pause.

Obi-Wan tried to word it in a way that would not get him in trouble. " I think she gets power from sound."

Qui-Gon blinked. " She?"

Obi-Wan froze. " I think it's a she."

" You've encountered this entity." Came the stern conclusion.

" How else would I know she exists?" Though the words were snarky, Obi-Wan's voice was subdued and resigned.

Qui-Gon felt his anger rise, and quickly released it into the Force. " Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

The young padawan suddenly covered his eyes. " I…didn't want to."

This time, his voice was more of a sob.

Qui-Gon set his utensil down in frustration. " You purposefully kept this from me. You knew this entity was dark. Do you want to be a Jedi?"

Obi-Wan stared at him in complete shock. " She's not dark!"

" Then why did you find it necessary to keep this a secret?"

Obi-Wan blinked, and his tears clung to his long eyelashes. " You were already disappointed in me. I didn't want to disappoint you more."

The boy was aware that some of the locals were watching this exchange, but it seemed his master was completely oblivious. Qui-Gon felt like the boy had just pierced his heart with a lightsaber. For once, there was absolutely no thought of Xanatos in his mind. He had no concrete idea what this all meant, but he knew for certain now, that Obi-Wan was not dumb by any means.

He had been disappointed. Disappointed in so many things. That Obi-Wan could not wash away his failures the way he had secretly hoped he would. That Obi-Wan was not as affectionate as Xanatos. That Qui-Gon could not be as affectionate as he had been with Xanatos. That he could not figure out Obi-Wan the way he could read Xanatos like a book. But in that moment, Qui-Gon was not thinking about Xanatos at all, or the reasons why he was disappointed—he just knew he had been, he had no right to be, and Obi-Wan knew.

This might well be how Obi-Wan was getting hurt.

" Did the entity hurt you?" Qui-Gon whispered, his heart beating fast in panic. Oh Force, had he failed his padawan already? Was Obi-Wan harmed under his nose? Did the child feel that admitting to the incident would lower his master's opinion of him?

But Obi-Wan was shaking his head earnestly. " No. She never hurt me."

" Did she frighten you then?" Qui-Gon asked, as this was another possibility. Perhaps Obi-Wan was ashamed that he had been afraid. In which case, Qui-Gon would have to explain to him exactly what it meant to be a Jedi, since the boy obviously did not understand—

" No. She was just there."

" Then why did you think I would be disappointed in you?" Qui-Gon demanded.

Obi-Wan stared blankly back. This he could not articulate, even if he wanted to. How was he to explain that Echo had comforted him? That he had been upset because of his master's multiple rejections? He cast his eyes down to the plate.

" Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon asked in a moment of clarity, " Did you do something wrong?"

He realized too late that this was not the most tactful way to ask, considering the boy's wariness of him already. But Obi-Wan's answer was truthful and immediate. " No."

Hm. That left: " Is she a friend you made here, Obi-Wan?"

A strangely miserable nod, though no verbal response.

Things were no less confusing, but at least Qui-Gon was on the right track now. " When did you meet her, Obi-Wan?"

A long hesitation. " The night before yesterday."

Right before his energy started draining.

" How did you meet her?" Qui-Gon asked.

Another pause. " She echoed."

What? If anything, this raised more question. " Is she one of the locals?"

" No."

" A human?"

" She…wasn't a life form, Master."

Fear, unabashed, leaped into Qui-Gon's heart. This answer, though impossible, explained all the strange phenomena he had encountered with Obi-Wan. Tentatively, he asked, " Then what is she?"

" I don't know." Obi-Wan looked miserably up at him. " All I know is, I have to talk, or there has to be sound, for her to materialize. Otherwise, she's just a voice in my head."

Panic settled in, and then Qui-Gon released it into the Force in order to think. He had to get Obi-Wan away from this planet. The child was getting hurt and there was nothing Qui-Gon could do except stay with him all the time in order to defend him. They would depart immediately for the temple. Since Qui-Gon was not hurt, no doubt a stronger, more experienced Jedi or Jedi team can come back and investigate this matter. But not Qui-Gon—not when his Obi-Wan was in the middle of all this.

He was then aware of his student's ever sinking spirits. He rested a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder.

" Obi-Wan, you are not in trouble." Not from me, at least. " I am just worried about you."

Obi-Wan looked at him in confusion. " Why?"

It was then that Qui-Gon realized he never explained to his padawan why he was asking these questions in the first place. Tahl's words from last night echoed in his mind. He was letting Xanatos get in the way of his relationship with his new padawan. So much so that the basic things between a master and padawan had not been established nor executed. How was he supposed to expect Obi-Wan to trust him when he never tells this child anything?

" Your energies are being drained." Qui-Gon told him. " Do you not feel it?"

Obi-Wan shook his head, wide-eyed. " I don't! And it's not Echo!"

Qui-Gon did not ask who Echo was. He had a fair guess. " Nevertheless, it is happening. I am afraid something is hurting you. We will leave for Coruscant immediately. After you finish eating, we will go to our rooms to pack."

Obi-Wan's eyes were still wide. " But it's not Echo. It can't be Echo. She has never hurt me!"

Qui-Gon stared at this small child and for the first time, Obi-Wan's youth struck him to the core. Here was a young boy who had risked his own life to save Qui-Gon's, and yet he was not experienced enough, and did not have enough years behind him, to necessarily know the true evils of the world. Without realizing it, he raised his hand and rested it tenderly on the young cheek.

She could have tricked him. Under your nose. Qui-Gon thought. Tricked the boy into keeping her a secret. And Obi-Wan, no matter how intelligent, would be vulnerable. Because he does not trust his own master. He is not yet thirteen. He still has much to learn about deceit, and the ways of strangers.

" I know you think so." Qui-Gon said gently. " And I do not know for sure, myself. But nevertheless, we are to return once the mission is complete, and it is." He suddenly realized where his hand was and took it off. " Finish eating and we will go pack."

Obi-Wan bowed his head. He had been stunned by Qui-Gon's gesture of affection, but at the brisk removal of his hand, the boy knew for certain that Qui-Gon had momentarily mistaken him for Xanatos. He fears I would end up just like him, Obi-Wan thought, And yet he constantly wishes I were him instead. He felt his throat close up as he looked at the remaining dishes. Though no one was staring at them openly, he could feel the other diners focusing on the two Jedi.

Qui-Gon, noting that his padawan was not eating, waited for a few minutes before declaring, " Let's go, Obi-Wan."

Feeling reassured that he was taking his padawan to safety, Qui-Gon took Obi-Wan's small hand in his own as they headed back to the rooms. Obi-Wan felt the strength and power behind the grip, and wished despairingly that he had been Xanatos instead, who, despite his complete betrayal, was somehow able to earn such unconditional love and affection from this great master.