Can I just say that I hope you enjoy this chapter…it kind of just flowed..I couldn't stop once I started.
Abm550 – your review had me literally in stiches! *FAN aka fine ass neighbor* I was still laughing when I wrote this chapter. As for the rest of the review, you summed it up perfectly…loved every single word!
Leibeezer wants Edward to tell her what he wanted to tell her…I think this chapter says a lot.
To everyone reading, thanks so much! If you've read the Island, please don't forget to review - details on Chapter 5...okay, that's the last I'm saying of that.
I wake up as the sun peaks over the hills to my right, early hour rays creeping into my bedroom.
My body is stiff from sitting against the wall last night. I don't know how long I sat there. All I know is that when I eventually found the strength to go to bed the splashing had long since stopped.
I absent mindedly run my fingers over my lips and close my eyes…remembering Edwards' intense green eyed stare…his lips on mine, the taste of his tongue…Oh God! What have I done?
And why are you attempting to smile dammit?
I stare down at the beach from my balcony and feel a flicker of adventure inside of me. I want to suppress it but I can't. I haven't been in the water since the accident.
My soul yearns for the freedom of the saltiness against my skin and the power of the wave beneath my board.
I can't deny it any longer.
With more energy than I've had in a long time I pull my bikini on and brush my teeth. I tie my hair loosely behind my head and hurry down the stairs.
Apple in hand and Radarlock Oakley's on my head I pull the front door open only to be met with a note sticking to the door.
I didn't mean to push last night.
I didn't realize the pain you were in.
I'd like to make it up to you…if you let me.
You know where I am.
The smile threatens again and I almost let it slide…almost.
I open my garage and pull my Jeep Wrangler Renegade out, leaving it idling as I pack my surf board, towel and wet suit on the back seat. I'm just about to pull out when I see Edward's front door standing open.
I impulsively jump out and walk over to his house, ringing the bell when I reach the front door.
Don't do this, my heart begs. I'm not ready. Turn around, walk away, now!
And I almost do…but then he's in front of me.
"Bella." The way he says my name hangs between us. Relief tinged with something else I can't put my finger on.
"I got your note."
"Yeah, sorry for the primary school tactic but I wasn't sure when I would see you again and if you wanted to see me."
"I want to."
Shit, where the hell did that come from?
He smiles and I drink in the warmth it radiates.
"So, I…umm…I'm going surfing. Don't know if you surf but thought maybe you would want to go down to the beach?"
I feel like a nervous twelve year old. Really Bella, what are you doing?
"I don't surf," he admits. "But I'd very much like to go down to the beach. I haven't been since I've been back."
"I can't stay away from it anymore," I offer some insight to my pain. "I've lost so much, I'm afraid if I lose any more I'll lose myself."
He stares at me for the longest moment with those green pools filled with something close to pity…but not quite…more like sorrow…like he's feeling what I'm feeling even though I know that's impossible.
"Let me help you find yourself again," he whispers as he moves closer and takes my hand in his.
He pulls up my hand to kiss my upturned palm and I'm too caught up in him to realize that my wrists are exposed.
He sees the wound a split second before I pull away from him. I know he's seen it because the sorrow in his eyes has multiplied by one hundred.
"Trust me Edward; you don't want to get involved with this. I'm too fucked up and if I'm lost I'm not worth finding. Look, I'm sorry I bothered you, let's forget about it."
I turn but he doesn't let me go that easily, grabbing my hand again. I turn back to him and he once again lifts my hand to his mouth even though I'm giving some resistance. I watch him silently as he turns my hand palm up once again…but he doesn't kiss my hand, his lips softly and gently kisses my wound, his eyes never straying from mine.
"No one is perfect Bella," he whispers against my skin. "Some more fucked up than others, but no one is not worth finding…especially not you."
"You don't even know me," I whisper back as tears fill my eyes at his poignant gesture.
"I want to. Please, don't push me away."
He straightens up and I let him pull me against him. I breathe out the anxiety and the pain and the hurt and the never ending guilt as he holds me, even though I know they will return soon enough. I allow myself a few moments of bliss wrapped up in Edward's arms because I just can't make myself break free from him.
After a while I manage to push away and wipe the tears from my eyes.
"Still up for the beach?" I ask.
"Sure thing. Let me get my keys." And just like that he lets it go. He's taking his cues from me and I silently thank him in my mind.
He locks his front door and gets in beside me.
"Strange choice of vehicle for someone as small as you," he says loudly as the wind rushes past us.
"It was my brothers. He bought himself a new Jeep SRT8 three weeks ago so I've inherited this one."
I leave out the fact that I totaled my own car and killed my two best friends in the process not so long ago.
And there it comes flowing back again…seeping into my bones…the anxiety and the pain and the hurt and the never ending guilt I didn't feel for a few moments in Edward's arms.
I look out to the beach as I park and Edward takes my board off while I wiggle into my Skinny Jane Billabong wetsuit.
"You gonna take a walk?" I ask as we walk down the stairs.
"Nope, I think I'll just sit and enjoy the view. I see there's a view more guys out there?"
"Just locals," I say.
As my feet touch the sand I stand still and close my eyes, wriggling my toes in the cool morning sand. It feels familiar, it feels like home.
"Are you okay?" Edward asks next to me.
That smile wants to break free again.
"It's better," I say. He seems to understand.
The cold of the water envelopes me and I welcome it as I paddle out to the other guys.
They welcome me back like I've never been gone. They seem to understand my reluctance at making small talk and give me the space I need. There's something to be said about a local surfing crowd, no matter where you are in the world. They don't push…ever.
As I take my first wave something opens up inside of me. I feel alive and exhilarated and peaceful all at once. Is time standing still? I think so…the feeling of my board beneath my feet, the liquidity of the wave taking over my body and soul.
How did I stay away so long?
My smile refuses to be locked up any longer. It breaks free of own accord. It makes my cheeks ache with the velocity it attacks my face. And I let it. I let it because in this moment, I haven't felt this close to Jake and Leah like I do right now since I lost them. I know they're watching.
By the time I jog out to Edward I'm breathless but so full of energy I feel like I could climb Mount Everest.
He's laughing as he watches me near him and I can't help but laugh back.
"You found what you were looking for?" he asks as he hands me my towel and takes my board from me.
"Yes," I smile. "That and a whole lot more."
He moves forward and caresses my cheek. I lean into the gesture.
"You're beautiful Bella," he says softly. "Even more so when you smile."
"I promise to try to do it more often," I answer honestly.
"That you try is all that I'm asking Bella," he replies. "And I'll be there every step of the way to help you."