Chapter 6: All hell breaks lose
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"Worried? I am not just worried, I am pissed. Have you learnt nothing from what happened with Jack's brother? You just can't leave whenever you feel like it without telling me about it. One would think that you would be a little more responsible giving that I really shouldn't take too much stress right now, you know its bad for the baby and yet you—" But before she could complete her sentence, she saw movement behind Sam and her eyes went wide as she Julian step out of the shadows, a stunned look on his face.
"Baby?" Julian choked out looking at Brooke straight in the eyes, "You're pregnant?"
A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay
"Julian?" Brooke gasped dumbstruck. She couldn't believe that he was here, on her doorsteps, and that she had just babbled that she was pregnant. How was she going to get out of this one?
"You're pregnant?" Julian repeated, his voice still shaky as he took a few steps so that he was standing right in front of Brooke. He saw her eyes widen alarmingly with every step he took, and he could almost hear the frantic beating of her heart as she tried to come up with an answer.
"What are you doing here?" Brooke asked frantically as she took a step back trying to increase the distance between them. She knew that there was no way she could go back on her words, but there was also no way that she was going to let Julian win this, not after everything that had happened.
"You're not answering the question Brooke," Julian said in a deadly calm voice, his confidence growing as he watched the panicky look in Brooke's eyes. "Are you pregnant?"
"I fail to see how any of this is any of your business," Brooke said coldly, her dread quickly turning into anger. She would be damned if she let him talk to her that way and get away with it. He had hurt her, broken her heart, and left her pregnant, but that didn't mean she had become a sniveling, pathetic person overnight.
"It is my business if you're carrying my baby," Julian argued, his voice increasing a little as his frustration with the brunette grew. Can't she just give him a straight answer?
"Who said anything about a baby?" Brooke asked playing dumb knowing that there was no way Julian was going to fall for that, and she was right.
"Brooke you just said that stress was bad for the baby, so—"
"And even if I am pregnant, what makes you so sure it's yours?" Brooke interrupted sharply, enjoying the thunderstruck look on his face as he let her words sink in. But the look was gone as soon as it had appeared, and he looked up at Brooke with such burning passion in his eyes that it almost let her breathless.
"I know its mine because you haven't been with anyone for the past two months other than me. I know it's mine because you're incapable of cheating. I know it's mine because of the stunned look on your face when I questioned you about it 5 minutes ago. I know it's mine because of the mind games you're trying to play with me. I know it's mine because you love me and I hurt you—" SLAP!
"Don't you dare," Brooke hissed, shaking in fury as her hand made contact with his face, "Don't you dare bring my feeling into this and make it into some kind of a punch line. Don't you fucking dare!"
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes
"Brooke please," Sam said, quickly stepping in between Brooke and Julian before things got out of control as Julian staggered backwards momentarily stunned by what had just transpired. He had never seen such fury in her eyes, and it terrified him to no end.
"Samantha Walker," Brooke started in a deathly calm voice even though her eyes were shooting daggers at her, "You need to go inside, and stay out of this. You had caused enough trouble as it is and I will deal with you later. But right now, I need to clear some things with Julian here."
"But Brooke—"
"Now Sam, and do not make me repeat myself again," Brooke snapped trying to control her emotions. She knew that all this stress and anger was not good for the baby, especially since the risk of miscarriages were so much greater in the first trimester.
"Fine, I'll go," Sam said softly, "But please calm down. This is not good for you." And with that she gave Julian a quick look, and walked back towards the house.
Julian waited until he heard the door close firmly behind her before turning back to Brooke again.
"Brooke, I am so sorry," he whispered quietly trying not to rile her up, "I will never use your emotions as a punch line—"
"But you did," Brooke said brokenly, and just like that all the fire was gone from her. As her walls crumbled down around her, Julian was able to see first hand the damage he had done to her and that was enough for him to break down all over again. "I told you that I loved you and you broke up with me. I finally let you all the way in, and you broke me without thinking about it twice. How is that not making a punch line of my emotions?"
"Brooke, I never meant to hurt you," Julian choked out as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He knew that this was probably the stupidest thing he could say to her. I didn't mean to hurt you? What was he thinking? That breaking up with her wasn't going to hurt her, especially after she uttered those three words to her? That she was going to be happy? Indifferent? He knew before she even told him that she loved him that it was going to hurt her, and he hated himself for it. When he started going out with Brooke, he knew that she was emotionally unstable, that she didn't believe in love, that she had been hurt pretty bad in the past, and he promised himself that he would open her heart to love again, and never make her regret it. Well, he had accomplished the first part, but failed miserably at the second one, the one that was the most important. But he hadn't set out to intentionally hurt her, after all like he had told Sam, he did love her with all his heart, and he knew that he needed to tell her that whether she believed it or not.
"There are so many things I could say to that, but it will only cause more anger and hurt on my part which will hurt my baby. And my baby is only thing I have right now, I don't want to hurt it, not at your expense," Brooke said softly, and Julian could see resignation all over her face. For the first time, she looked completely helpless, and Julian hated it. It hadn't even registered to him that she had mentioned the baby again, his baby, the idea was still far too foreign to him, and he had a hard time grasping the fact in his head. But he had to hear it from Brooke, he needed to hear it confirmed from Brooke, maybe then it will all make sense.
"It's my baby isn't it?" Julian asked pleadingly, his voice hoarse, "Please, I just need to know."
"Yes, it's yours," Brooke said giving up. She knew he wouldn't stop bothering her unless she answered, and hopefully he could leave now and leave her to herself. Because seeing him here, standing in front of her looking all haggard and drained was hurting her more than she could ever imagine.
She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"
"It's my baby," Julian whispered softly as if tasting the words in his mouth. He was right, hearing Brooke admit the fact made everything so much clearer. Sense was finally emerging from the cloud of indecision and confusion he was surrounded by, and all of a sudden nothing else mattered. He came here with Sam to explain everything to Brooke, and now he knew that he was making the right decision.
"Yes, now you know, your curiosity is satisfied, so just leave," Brooke said tiredly as she made to turn around and walk back inside. She had had enough for one day, and all she wanted was to take a long shower, and try to forget for a while that her life is so messed up and a guy named Julian Baker ever existed. But Julian's next words stopped her cold.
"I am going to be a father," Julian said excitedly as his eyes became clearer and more focused at the woman in front of her. The woman who had given him so much happiness, the woman he loved, the woman who was hurting because of what he did to her, but he was going to spend the rest of his life making it up to her, because she deserved nothing but the best in life.
"Now you're just getting ahead of yourself," Brooke said turning around to face Julian again, and even though her tone was light, he could detect a bit of coldness in it.
"What do you mean?" Julian asked confused as he made to take hold of her hand, but she flinched away from him as if she had been burned.
"It means that you're going back to Hollywood. You're not going to be here for the baby, so yeah you might be its biological father, but you never be a dad, at least not to my kid," Brooke said, and Julian could see a storm building up in her eyes.
"Brooke, I am not going anywhere. That's what I came here to tell you in the first place. Screw Hollywood, screw Gossip Girl, I am done with it all. I know I hurt you last night and I am so sorry for that, but I want to stay here with you, and be there for my baby," Julian said earnestly.
"Well you definitely think way too much of yourself," Brooke said, her tone changing from light to completely frosty.
"What?" Julian asked, completely taken aback by her tone.
"You think you can just come here and tell me that you're sorry and everything will be alright? You broke my trust Julian, you shattered my love, you hurt me more than you can ever know, and I don't want you around. I don't care whether you're going back to Hollywood or not, you're not getting anywhere near me or my baby anymore. I am done with you. We're done with you," Brooke hissed, her smoldering gaze stunning Julian.
"It's my baby too Brooke, you can't keep it away from me. Not when I want to be there," Julian said trying to knock some sense into her.
"Oh how noble of you," Brooke said sarcastically, "Now you know I am pregnant, you're giving up your dream and staying here because you somehow feel responsible. Wow it definitely sounds like something straight out of one of your scripts. Maybe you should make a movie out of it."
"Brooke, what are you—"
"I don't need you here Julian, and more importantly I don't want you here," Brooke said, her tone bordering on finality, and Julian recoiled as if he had been slapped again.
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better
"Brooke, I know that I hurt you, and I know that you hate me right now, but please let me explain. You deserve the whole story, and I should have told it to you last night, but it all happened to fast and—"
"I don't want to hear it Julian," Brooke said sharply, knowing that her resolve was going to break if he didn't leave soon, "You have a career in LA, I get that, you don't belong here, and I won't be the reason why you gave up everything and decided to stay here. I don't want to responsible for you ruining your career. I get that you're excited at the aspect of a baby, but who knows that 5 years from now you won't resent it because it robbed you of everything that you were."
"You don't get it Brooke," Julian said desperately, he needed her to understand that he wasn't giving anything up, that he wasn't staying because of any obligation, that he was staying because he loved her, because she was her everything, "I made the decision to stay even before you told me about the baby. I wanted to stay here for you, because you're more important to me that any movie or career, because you are my everything."
"Julian don't, please don't. Just stop talking," Brooke pleaded, her cold walls coming down quickly for the second time that night as his words affected her more than they should have.
"No Brooke, you need to know this—"
"No, I don't. You told me everything you needed to last night. We're done Julian, we're done, and nothing you're going to say is going to change that. So leave, just leave and don't come back. Go back to your life, go back to LA," Brooke cried, her voice getting louder and shakier with every word.
"I am not going anywhere," Julian said firmly, grabbing hold of her hand before she could go anywhere, "Push me away all you want but I am not going anywhere. What I am going to lose in LA doesn't even come close to what I am going to lose here if I leave."
"Well then you're stupider than you look," Brooke said trying to get the malice back in her voice, "I don't need you, and my baby sure as hell doesn't need you. So do whatever you want, but you're not going to win this."
"Well then you don't know me as well as I thought you did. I love you and I love our baby, and nothing you do is going to change that. Like I said before, I am not going anywhere, so you better get used to seeing me around, and I am not going to give up on this. I am not going to give up on us, and I sure as hell am not going to give up on our baby. I hurt you Brooke Davis, and I hurt you bad, but I'll do everything in my power to fix things between us because you're too important for me to just let go," Julian said calmly staring right into her eyes as he spoke. He was feeling angry, scared, surprised, and a whole lot of other emotions combined, but he knew that blowing up in front of Brooke was not going to help his cause. She was emotional and defiant and hurt, and he knew that he was to blame for that, so he conveyed as much emotions as he could into his little speech, gave her arm a soft squeeze and left. He knew she needed time to process everything that had happened, and he was willing to give her all the time she needed.
Brooke tried to even her breathing and calm her racing heart as she saw Julian drive away. Her arm was tingling from where he had held her, and the tears were starting again. She couldn't believe everything that had transpired in the last half an hour and everything Julian said had said in the end left her stunned beyond belief. He said he loved her, just when she had convinced herself that this was all a game to him, he went ahead and told her he loved her. What he lying again? Was this some kind of trap? Or was he actually being sincere? Did he really want to be a part of their life again? She had so many questions, but the answers were no where in sight. She wanted to believe him, she really did. She wanted to believe that he was being honest, that he cared, but previous experiences have taught her to be vary of everything related to love, and she couldn't help but second guess everything she once thought to be true.
As she numbly walked back towards her house, all she could think about was, how the hell am I going to get out of this mess?
But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over
A/N: Hate me, throw virtual tomatoes at me, rant all about what an awful writer I am, I deserve all of it! My God, it has been so long since I have updated that I deserve all the hatred in the world. I completely lost track of this story, I had no idea how to move forward, and I kinda just stopped right in the middle, and I am so, so sorry about that! There are so many loyal readers who left such amazing reviews for this, and towards them is my greatest apology.
But I promise that you won't have to wait this long, EVER, for an update! I sat down yesterday and outlined this whole story, I know exactly what's going to happen, the chapter names, and how many chapters there are going to be. So please have a little faith in me even though I don't deserve any, and let me know what you thought about the chapter! Both Brooke & Julian are very stunned by what has happened and I hoped I portrayed the shock well. A lot more emotions and drama ahead, and just when our characters will think that they're reaching solid ground, a hurricane by the name of Paul Norris is going to strike again. This story is no where near finished and I hope you guys come back for more after this chapter.
Since I am writing more than one story at the moment, I have made a schedule for myself for the updates, and Chapter 7 will be updated NEXT Monday at the LATEST. I might update earlier, depending on the response I get, but I am definitely back for good!
A note for my Too Far Gone readers, Chapter 33 will be updated TOMORROW. The fic is quickly coming to an end, there are 34 chapters excluding the 2 part epilogue, so I am hoping to wrap it up by Christmas!
Other than that, thank you so much for coming back and reading, and please, please, please don't forget to REVIEW!
Song: Whatever It Takes- Lifehouse