Chapter Six

In the infirmary on board the Prometheus

The men of SG-1 followed Colonel Ronson to the infirmary. All three had spent considerable time aboard the ship, so could probably have found their way on their own, but the Colonel appeared to be almost as concerned as they were about Major Carter. And he certainly would be able to get them there more quickly than if they were on their own.

When they reached the infirmary door, Janet was waiting to meet them. Jack and Daniel tried to interpret her expression, but Janet had schooled herself to hold her own emotions in check when dealing with her patients and their families and friends. Her face gave no indication of what the results were.

She nodded as she acknowledged them. "Colonels, Daniel, Teal'c. I'm sorry that it took so long, but I wanted to be sure about Major Carter's condition before making a decision about whether to bring her through the gate. It appears that there's no swelling, and no permanent damage. You can stop worrying, she's not in danger.

When we get back to earth I'm going to want to run more extensive tests, including some testing of her cognitive abilities, but she's safe for now. I think with proper restraints, it will be safe to use the gate instead of flying home on the Prometheus."

The three men seemed to collectively relax. The anxiety which had been hovering over them for a week now was gone. Jack responded first. "That's great news, doc! Can we see her?"

Janet replied, "Yes, you can go in, but I want to warn you about a few things before you do. First, she looks very pale and drawn, not surprising considering the pain she must have been suffering. Second, she's still losing consciousness off and on, as Colonel Ronson indicated. She may just pass out in the middle of a sentence. Again, with this type of injury, that's not unusual, so don't be overly concerned. Finally, she's not completely lucid. Some of what she's saying doesn't make a lot of sense, and she probably won't remember any conversations that you have at this point. So Teal'c, don't make her promise that she'll watch all the Star Wars movies with you again; Colonel, if she agrees to rig up that satellite dish that will bring you the Simpsons in different languages from around the world, don't hold her to it; and Daniel, well, just try to keep the other two from getting out of control."

Her attempt at humor was the best indication to the men that Sam was really all right. They knew the two women were close friends, and that Janet wouldn't joke if Sam were in dire shape. As the three men entered the door, she added, "I know I don't have to warn you to keep it short and quiet. I'll be right here if you need me."

Colonel Ronson stayed back with the doctor, understanding that the three men would want to see their colleague alone. He asked the doctor, "So is she really ok? Are the cognitive tests necessary because you're worried that she might have lost some brain function?"

Janet looked closely at him, and said, "That didn't get by you, huh? I wasn't sure if I should mention to the guys, but if there was damage, they'll want to be there to support her. I'm about 95 percent sure that she's fine, but we need to be certain."

Ronson smiled. "I don't think you had to worry about telling them. It seemed to me that they didn't hear much of anything after you said she had no permanent damage and wasn't in danger."

Janet answered, "I think you're right about that. I'll mention it again later, after they've been reassured that she's ok. But while they spend a few minutes with Sam, could we start making arrangements to get her to the gate? We need to radio the other SGC members at the gate and ask them to bring the stretcher here. Once they do that, we should be able to get off the ship pretty quickly and let you get on your way. I'm sure you want to get home as soon as possible. From what your medics told me, the last few days must have been hard on you and your entire crew."

"That's the truth. It was a long trip home even before our little run-in with the aliens. We all could use a few days of R and R."

Janet suddenly remembered another detail. "We should also report in with General Hammond, and give him an update on Sam's condition and our plans."

"I'll take care of it. I'll also tell him that you'll radio him through the gate when you're ready to leave."

Inside the infirmary, Jack, Daniel and Teal'c watched their sleeping teammate. Janet had been correct, Sam looked gaunt, but they didn't see a great deal of evidence of physical trauma. The only visible injuries were a cut and bruise on her forehead. But all three knew that the human body was much more fragile than it appeared, and small external wounds could hide much more extensive internal damage. That was clearly the case here.

After a few minutes, it seemed clear that Sam was in a deep sleep or unconscious. She was totally unresponsive, even when Daniel impulsively reached out and took her hand and quietly called her name. Jack was just about to suggest that they get Janet and start preparations for transporting Sam home when her eyes suddenly popped open. She took in the three of them and standing around her, and started speaking impatiently. "Oh, so you're all here now. You don't have to tell me again, I know just what you're going to say." Gesturing toward Daniel, she said, "You're going to tell me to communicate with the cloud, to try to negotiate with it somehow." To Teal'c, she commented, "You think the cloud is trying to find out about our defenses and that I need to avoid giving out any information." She looked at the colonel and said, "I'm not sure exactly what you were trying to tell me, but whatever it was, I don't want to hear it now. I just need to get the ship working and out of here as soon as I can."

The three men looked at each other, clearly confused. Teal'c suggested, "I believe that Major Carter is under the illusion that she is still trying to escape the cloud. Dr. Fraiser mentioned that she might not be lucid, but I was not aware that she was still suffering from hallucinations. Perhaps we should request that the doctor return."

Daniel headed for the door to call Janet as Sam continued. "So where's Dad? I thought sure he'd show up to give me some more advice. And what happened to Goldilocks? She gave me a great idea for getting out of this thing."

Now Jack was really getting worried. He was used to seeing teammates battered, bruised, and bloody, but hearing Carter speak nonsense somehow disturbed him more than the most horrific battle injuries. The thought of her mind shutting down was hard to bear. Truth be told, head injuries scared the crap out of him.

Sam kept on. "I know you guys really aren't here, so I guess it doesn't matter if I sound unappreciative, but do you suppose I could just have a little peace and …"

Just as suddenly as her eyes had opened, they closed, and her voice stopped as if someone had hit an off switch.

Daniel turned back, startled by the sudden quiet. He quickly opened the door, calling for Janet, and Jack rushed to the bed, worried that Sam had taken a turn for the worse.

Janet came in, listening as Daniel said, "She must have been hallucinating, but then she just passed out again, really quickly. I know you said she was passing in and out, but that suddenly? And she's still hallucinating after all this time?"

Janet did a quick read of the instruments, and responded to him. "She's stable. I know it's hard to see this, but it's fairly normal. From what I understand, when she was alone, she hallucinated about the three of you. If you think about it, that would be the logical thing for her to do. When she was in trouble, her subconscious mind turned to you three for help. You are the ones that she depends on for support and help when she needs it, so why shouldn't she imagine you were there when she needed you? So now, when she woke up and saw you here, not remembering that she was out of trouble, she drew the conclusion that you weren't real, just more of the same hallucinations as before. I hope she didn't insult any of you or say anything that you'll tease her about later."

The last line was delivered to Jack with a stern glare. He tried to look innocent, but Janet knew that he would kid Sam unmercifully, given ammunition. Janet didn't usually mind when the colonel teased Sam. Sometimes the woman was just too serious for her own good. As a matter of fact she and Cassie considered it their duty to get Sam to lighten up occasionally. Janet knew that if Colonel O'Neill did intend to kid Sam using something that she had just said, he'd wait until she was safe and feeling better. But Janet thought this time it would be unfair; after all, Sam had no idea of where she was or who she was talking to.

Daniel rescued Jack from Janet's warning. "I don't think she said anything that he could use, except maybe the Goldilocks reference. Do any of you know what that was about?"

"Not a clue," was Jack's response, echoed by Teal'c's "The remark had no meaning to me."

"Well maybe when she's better, she'll be able to remember and tell us what she meant. In the meantime, Doc, are we ready to get this show on the road?" After hearing Sam's incoherent statements, Jack was especially eager to get Sam home now. He wouldn't feel comfortable until she was safe in the confines of the infirmary, where hopefully Janet could clear up the problems which still lingered in Sam's mind.

Janet told him. "Colonel Ronson and I were just discussing that, and as soon as the stretcher gets here, which should be any minute now, we can take off."

"Glad to hear it. Teal'c, Daniel, stay here with Carter while I go say our goodbyes and thanks to Colonel Ronson. I'll be back when we're set to go."

As Jack left, Daniel asked Janet, "What's so special about this stretcher anyway? Isn't there one on the ship that we could borrow?"

Janet replied. "You probably haven't seen this one before. We've only had it for a few months, and it's made especially for situations like this. It's ironic, but Sam is the one who basically created it. When someone has a head injury, we want to keep the head completely stable as we transport them. If they're still experiencing vertigo, any head movement could trigger nausea or vomiting, and that could cause all kinds of problems, including aspirating the vomit into the lungs, which could lead to suffocation and death. That's one of the reasons that we're so careful about using the gate when someone's suffered a head injury. Gate travel is disorienting under normal circumstances, when all your senses are acting normally. But if your balance system is disrupted by a head injury, going through the gate can really confuse your inner ear."

"Anyway, I was telling Sam all this a while back and she asked me if there was anything we could do to avoid these problems. I told her that our normal stretchers weren't able to keep the patient stable enough on the trip through gate. She asked me to describe what would work and I told her. She and Siler got together and made a prototype, which was almost perfect, but we tweaked it a little and came up with what you'll see. First, it's got an adjustable head restraint, which boxes in the patient's head, not allowing any side to side movement. It's got straps which are used to hold the body and limbs motionless, so the patient won't thrash around. Finally, the handles have special grips to make it easier on the stretcher bearer, and make it less likely that they'll lose hold. We even included some wrist straps attached to the stretcher for the stretcher bearers to use while going through the gate. We don't want a stumble on the ramp to cause the stretcher to drop, causing more damage to the patient."

She smiled. "It really is a useful tool, and Sam thinks we should apply for a patent. It could be used in mountain rescues, or anytime an injured person needs to be carried out of hazardous terrain. Of course, even if we got a patent, and somehow it was marketed, we wouldn't make any money, since we came up with the design while working for the Air Force, but still, it would be a nice legacy. And as Sam said, it's one of the few times that something we invent isn't classified, so it could be put to general use."

Daniel was again impressed by the ingenuity of all his colleagues at the SGC. Janet, for coming up with the idea for the stretcher; Sam, for designing it; and Siler for being able to build one. He knew that often advances in medicine and technology came during wartime, and this was a perfect example. A wartime invention that could be used for other purposes.

Janet continued to speak, interrupting his thoughts. "The only problem with the Head Trip is that it's fairly bulky. It doesn't collapse as completely as a regular stretcher, so it's not practical to carry along unless we know it's necessary. That's why we left it behind until I knew our plans."

Daniel sputtered, "Excuse me? What did you call it? The Head Trip? Whose idea was that?"

Janet looked embarrassed and replied, "I don't even know who first came up with it. I think the official Air Force name is 'Portable Constrained-Head-Motion Carrying Device.' Since no one could come up with a good nickname out of the acronym PCHMCD, other suggestions were offered. Someone wanted to call it the Gate Crasher, but I reminded them that the idea was to not crash, so thankfully that idea went away. Some of the other nicknames I heard were Non-Vomit Comet, Carter's Cot, Fraiser's Folly, and Siler's Sling. Don't ask me how Head Trip won out. I didn't like any of them."

Bemused, Daniel asked, "What would you have called it?"

"Probably just the Head Stretcher, but now that I've said that out loud, it sounds strange too, doesn't it? Kind of like the opposite of a psychiatrist."

At that, Daniel snickered, and the sound apparently woke Sam up.

She looked around, and asked, "Daniel, Teal'c, you're here. Are we back on Earth?"

Teal'c moved closer to her bed and answered her. "No Major Carter, you are still aboard the Prometheus, but I assure you, we are real. We are here to bring you back to the SGC."

She looked relieved at that, and said, "I'm really glad to hear that. I had the strangest dream. You were there, and you were there," pointing to Daniel, "and the Colonel and my dad were there, and a strange little girl. Geez, did that just come out like a really bad Wizard of Oz reference?"

Janet, in doctor mode once again, questioned Sam. She needed to find out if Sam was really with them this time or if she still thought she was hallucinating. "So do you remember what happened?"

"I remember the attack on the ship, and I must have been knocked out. I remember being alone on the ship, but not being able to move it, and trying to figure out how to get it operational again."

She stopped suddenly. "Wait, that wasn't a dream I had, was it? I was imagining all of you. I knew that you were hallucinations, and that somehow you were trying to help, or I was trying to help myself, or … I'm not sure what was going on. I do remember wishing that you had been one of my hallucinations, Janet; maybe you could have helped me find a way to get my head straight. It was so hard to think clearly through the head pounding, and the dizziness, and the constant interruptions from all my imaginary friends."

She smiled ruefully after the last comment. It had been extremely hard for her to lose control of her reasoning abilities while injured. She had always been the brainy one, the one who could figure things out faster than almost everyone else. But while she had been trapped alone on the Prometheus, she had been betrayed by the one thing that she thought she could always count on, her own mind. It conjured up false images, shut down and caused her to pass out when she most needed to keep going, and muddled her thought processes when she needed to find a solution. Even when she was thinking reasonably clearly, she still couldn't be sure if her experiences were real or imaginary. Her self confidence had been shot; she had felt unsure of herself. It was an unfamiliar feeling for her. Sure, there had been times in the past when she had questioned her decisions, but that had been mostly after the fact, when second guessing was almost natural. In the heat of the moment, she was usually very confident in her choices. You had to be in their line of work. Anything else could and did lead to death. But this time, she felt as if her mind had been trying to work against her, and she wasn't sure how that was going to impact her in the future.

Still thinking to herself, "I can't stay on the team if I keep up this way. I wouldn't want to endanger the colonel or Daniel or Teal'c by my indecisiveness. Maybe it's just a consequence of the concussion. I hope so, because I really don't want to leave the team. Still, I better talk to Janet when we get home. If I'm just being paranoid, she'll set me straight quick enough, but she has a responsibility for the safety of the guys too, so she'll tell me if I need to step down."

Sam vaguely remembered some other thoughts during her time alone, but she couldn't focus enough yet to bring them to the front of her brain. She thought there had been a lot of self reflection, but maybe that was something she'd talk to Janet about later, too, but when they were off-duty. Right now, it was too hard to concentrate on much of anything.

Janet was relieved that Sam had responded well to her question, and actually remembered some of the events aboard the Prometheus. Sam also recognized that she had been hallucinating, which was a good sign as well. But Janet knew that these moments of clear-headedness had come before, and could be replaced by the "imaginary friends' state the next time that Sam awoke. It would still be a while before Sam would be back to normal.

Daniel decided that since Sam was making light of her hallucinations, she must be feeling somewhat better, so he teased her, "Wait a minute, you didn't enjoy our appearances? I would have thought that being stranded alone on a spaceship light years away from home would make you appreciate any companionship. I know that Teal'c's incessant babbling was probably annoying, but surely my fantasy version was a welcome presence."

Teal'c merely looked at Daniel, and stated, "I am sure that the Teal'c in Major Carter's imagination was of great help to her, unlike the Dr. Jackson created by her head injury who was likely to be much the same as you would be."

Daniel protested. "Hey! I bet I tried to help too. Didn't I Sam?"

They both looked over at Sam, who had passed out again, unnoticed by either of the men. Janet was bent over the bed, checking the instruments again.

Daniel was alarmed. "Janet, is she going to keep doing that? Can't you put her out for a while so that at least she doesn't wake up while she's in the wormhole? Even with all the restraints, it would be unnerving to suddenly wake up to that."

Janet reassured him. "I'm going to administer a strong sedative just before we go through. I don't like to use those kinds of drugs with head injuries, because they sometimes can mask symptoms which we need to monitor. But in this case, I agree with you, I don't want her waking up in transit through the wormhole. But you know with Sam's altered blood chemistry, I have to adjust the dosage. I only want to give her a minimal dose, just enough to keep her under a short time, and if I give it now, it'll wear off too soon. I'm going to wait until just before we enter the gate. So she may come to again, and as I warned you, she may or may not be as clear as she was this time. Chances are, she won't even remember this conversation."

Daniel was unhappy with this announcement. It bothered him more than he wanted to admit; seeing how confused Sam had been the first time she woke up. She was always on top of things, almost never out of control, rarely flustered, and out of the four of them, the least likely to be injured or sick. She looked so vulnerable, first just lying unconscious in the infirmary bed, and then, even worse, when she was completely unaware of her surroundings. He knew that she hated feeling helpless more than almost anything, and that when she did come out of this, she would have to deal with the feelings that must have been generated when she was alone, injured and trapped light years from home.

On one of their first missions together as a team, Sam had been kidnapped and taken away from the rest of SG-1 for a short time. After they returned to earth, Daniel and Sam had talked about the incident. Daniel felt somewhat guilty since he had insisted that Sam wear a native costume, and that the team should respect the local customs. That meant she had been left alone while the men of the team participated in one of the tribe's celebrations. It was during this celebration that Sam had been taken captive and sold to the leader of a neighboring tribe. After the rest of SG-1 found her and in effect paid to get her back, she hadn't told the men much about her captivity. They had been caught up in a struggle to save the life of the daughter of the tribe's leader, so there hadn't been any time to discuss it with her. Once they were back home, Daniel brought up the subject by apologizing.

"Sam, I want to say how sorry I am for getting you into that mess. We should have left right away, just as soon as the locals showed their views of women. My curiosity put you in danger, and I hope that you'll forgive me. I promise to try to be more careful in the future."

"Daniel, remember I wanted to stay too. I hoped we'd get some useful medicine, and as it turned out, we did. And we managed to change a few attitudes about women on the planet, so all in all, I'd say we ended up in the plus column."

"Still, it must have been awful, being taken captive and sold. It seems to me that you've been a little quiet since we got back. If you want to talk about it, please know that I'm here if you need me. I know that the Air Force provides counseling as well, if you don't want to talk to me. It might help you to talk it over with someone."

Sam frowned at the thought of talking to an Air Force counselor. She knew that she could schedule a visit if she needed to, and theoretically, the visit would be held in strictest confidence, but she also knew how the grapevine worked. All it would take would be for one airman to spot her coming out of the doctor's office, and the speculating would become rampant. She had several reasons for not wanting that to happen.

First, as an officer, any hint of instability might hurt her career. Talking with a psychiatrist wasn't supposed to hamper an officer's position, and the visits were encouraged when the officer had been through a traumatic experience. But she had been witness to whispering campaigns which had trashed an officer's reputation, in spite of the official position.

Second, as a woman, she worried that visiting a psychiatrist would be seen by some as confirmation that women shouldn't be on combat teams. There were people looking for reasons to keep women off the Stargate teams, and as the only female member of the flagship team, she felt a huge responsibility to show them that they were wrong. This last mission had come very close to guaranteeing the argument that women shouldn't be allowed to be on the first contact teams. When she had been taken captive and sold, she not only had despaired about her personal situation, but had been concerned what it might mean for the future of women on SG teams. Had she not been able to take down Turghan, she knew that the brass might have insisted that women were too vulnerable and would be liabilities on off planet missions.

Finally, Sam wasn't the type to open up to anyone else about her feelings. She didn't really have any close friends with whom she could share her emotions, and now that she was working on a top secret project, that was especially true. As a woman in the military, she knew that she had to keep her emotions hidden, or she would be considered weak. She was accustomed to keeping everything bottled up most of the time, but there were times when she found herself crying in her car on the way home from the mountain. Not necessarily from sadness or stress or any specific incident, but just because she had been holding all her feelings in for a long time and they sometimes just needed to come out. In her car, alone, it was safe to let go.

She didn't really want to go into all of that with Daniel that day, but she told herself that maybe he could be the friend who would listen and understand at least part of what she was struggling with.

She confessed to him, "I think the worst part was the feeling that this brute had complete control over me. I was sure that you guys would come for me, but for a while at least, I had to do whatever this jerk told me to. I felt completely helpless. Did I tell you that I tried to escape? I got caught, and when they brought me back to him, he didn't threaten to hurt me, but to beat his wife instead. It was a really effective way of making sure that I behaved. I couldn't let him hurt an innocent for something that I did, so I had to obey him. I really, really, hated that feeling of not having any control. If you're serious about wanting to help me, promise me that you'll do anything you can to make sure that doesn't happen again."

Daniel assured her that he would do the best he could, and asked for the same promise in return. She gave it without hesitation, and he thought that had been the beginning of the special trust and friendship between them. Since then, both of them had been in too many situations over the years where someone else had once again dominated them. But every time, if they were together, they shared a look, recalling that original pledge, knowing that they could count on each other.

This time, Sam had been alone, without any hope of her team coming to her immediate rescue, so he knew that it must have been doubly hard on her. Factor in the difficulties with her reasoning ability, and he thought it would have been nearly unbearable. He couldn't believe that she had been able to pull off another miracle, and found a way to move the Prometheus and rescue the rest of the crew while she was in that kind of shape. He looked at his watch and the door, asking Janet, "Shouldn't that stretcher be here by now? I didn't think it took us that long to get here from the gate."

Janet understood his anxiety. She wanted to get Sam home too. It did seem to be taking longer than she thought it should. "Maybe I'll call Colonel Ronson and have him check on its progress."

As the words left her mouth, the infirmary doors opened, admitting Jack, Colonel Ronson and several of the SGC crew who had accompanied SG-1 and Janet to the planet. They brought in the Head Trip and Jack explained, "Sorry doc, they called in and claimed that they got lost on the way. I guess the trail of blasted rocks wasn't a good enough hint. Next time we'll leave bread crumbs."

Seeing Janet's indignant look, he added, "Don't worry, I threatened them with one of your 'special' examinations when we get home if they don't hustle on the way back to the gate. How's she doing? Is she ready for a ride home?"

Janet was already unpacking the stretcher, getting it ready for use, so Daniel answered. "She woke up, and was more aware of things this time, but then she passed out suddenly again. The sooner we get her back, the better."

"Ok, campers, let's get going. Colonel, thanks for the hospitality, and we'll be seeing you back on earth. Have a safe trip home, and don't make anymore side trips."

Ronson answered, "Could you let us know how the major is doing as soon as the doctor has completed her testing? We'd all gotten to know and like her before the attack, and now that she saved our butts, we'd all like to know that she's ok."

Teal'c answered before Jack could respond. Nodding to Ronson, he said, "We will alert you to Major Carter's condition, and also inform her of your concern and regards. I am certain that she will recover fully and will wish to return to the Prometheus to personally thank you for your good wishes."

Jack, listening to what amounted to a speech from Teal'c added, "Yeah, what he said. Doc, are we about ready?"

Janet had supervised the Prometheus medics and her own nurse as they transferred Sam from the infirmary bed to the stretcher, and was making the final adjustments to the head restraint.

"All I need to do is fasten the body straps and we can go. Who's got the first shift of carrying her?"

Colonel Ronson spoke up quickly. "As a favor, could my people do that? Allow us to bring her out of the ship, and then your team can take over. We feel that she's part of our crew, too, and we'd like to feel that we're keeping her under our care as long as possible, at least as long as she's still on board."

Janet was touched by the respect evident in the offer and in the man's voice. She answered.
"It's fine with me, and I'm sure that our guys won't mind letting you be responsible for her just a little while longer."

With that arranged, four Prometheus crew members came in and gently picked up the stretcher. Janet walked along side, ready to give immediate aid, should it be necessary. Colonel Ronson and the SGC personnel brought up the rear. Walking through the ship, the corridors seemed more crowded than when the team had arrived. Daniel remarked on the fact to Ronson.

"Yes I know. I probably should order them all back to duty, but I know why they're here, and I can't bring myself to do that. She saved all our lives, and if they want to show her their respect, I'm not about to stop them from doing that, even if she isn't aware of it."

"Don't worry, Colonel, we'll let her know."