The stream always makes Cas feel better, so as soon as they woke up this morning Dean suggested he go out and bathe in the cool water. The omega woke up with one hell of a hangover, understandably. He wouldn't talk about the breakdown or what he took, just barely made it to the toilet before vomiting. After tense silence and a forced Gatorade binge session, Castiel agreed that the stream might help.

Dean didn't make an offer to go with him and his mate didn't ask. The alpha needed time, time to set up something he should have provided for Cas a long time ago.

The quality of blankets and pillows is nowhere good enough for a suitable nest, but he has to work with what he's got which is a reserve of looted linens, some of which have children's cartoon characters on them, and a pile of Cas' old blankets and pillows from his cabin, ones that didn't reek of past lovers.

Dean piles the pillows and blankets in a cozy protective circle, fluffing them and rearranging them obsessively until it somewhat resembles a bonding nest.

He knows he doesn't have much time because Cas was looking at his mate all paranoid like Dean was some sketchy asshole who was pushing him out so Dean could sneak out and find someone to fool around with for an hour or so. The omega is so insecure right now, that may have been what he was thinking. He runs and grabs a bottle of wine from the makeshift chapel cabin that nobody really uses anymore because hope and faith are things of the past now.

Dean is just finishing pouring the glasses when Cas comes through the front door, hair dripping and eyes sad but looking a little more alert than earlier. It takes him a moment to look around before he notices the nest. The omega's eyes widen just a little bit and his lips part.

"Dean, is that-?"

Dean brings over their glasses and gestures for his mate to sit down on the bed.

"I'm sorry, I should have done this a long time ago. I haven't been a good mate, I'm supposed to provide-"

Castiel puts his hand up to silence Dean. "Stop. You have a lot on your plate, Dean. You're taking care of a hundred people, you risk your life time and time again for people who don't even appreciate you."

They sit down together and Dean hands Cas his glass of wine.

"You should come first. I've made mistakes, I haven't been here for you; I know that now. I threw you aside when you fell, too absorbed in Sam's betrayal. I watched you get addicted to drugs, be used..."

Cas tips his drink back and downs it in a few gulps, then sets it on the bedside table. "Don't blame yourself for my failures." He looks down away from Dean and starts picking at the bandage on his arm where he sliced it open to ward the cabin with sigils. It's still hard to look at the walls and windows.

"Failures? Cas, the angels left you. You had everything taken away from you and you didn't know how to cope. All you had was a shitty excuse for a friend who was so full of hatred and alcohol that he couldn't see past the barrel of his gun."

"I must be such a disappointment," the omega says, taking his mate's wine and chugging it down. "I used to be righteous, powerful. I could heal you effortlessly, I could be anywhere in a heartbeat. I could smite demons. I was light. Power."

"That Cas was handy, yes, but I don't care. I'm with you for who you are now, a-"

"Depressed, hopeless, useless junkie who took the life of a baby with his own self-indulgence."

Dean feels a sharp, dark stabbing in his chest, a longing to comfort, to reassure, but the look on Cas' face tells him that nothing he can say or do will make a difference.

"I appreciate this, Dean," the omega says, gesturing around the bed. "I really do. But I don't deserve it. Don't waste your time and effort trying to convince me that you want to be with me."

Dean's breath hitches and he reaches out for Cas' face to kiss him but his mate pulls away.

"But I do, Cas."

He's terrified of what's coming next, what his mate will do if he doesn't believe him. Something drastic and impulsive.

"No, you don't. You pity me. You think you owe me a debt, for pulling you out of Hell, for staying on earth with you, but you don't."

Cas stands up and Dean's head spins, feeling like he drank the whole bottle of wine when he never even got a sip. He's clouded with his mate's despair. And then Cas walks to the closet and pulls out his worn-out duffel bag.

"What the hell are you doing?" Dean snaps. He regrets his harsh tone immediately; if he is going to convince his mate to stay, he can't make it seem like the omega's delusions are true.

Cas looks at him, face stone-cold, and starts gathering his meager belongings.

"What's best for us. I'm leaving so you don't have to."

Dean throws himself off the bed and grabs Cas, causing him to drop the bottle of pills he was pulling off the nightstand.

"This is bullshit, Cas. I don't pity you, I don't feel indebted to you, I… I love you, and I know I never say it, but it's true."

Cas shakes his head and shrugs Dean off and the alpha feels what's left of his shambled life dissolving. The one person he never thought would leave him is joining all of the others.

"You'll find someone better, Dean. Someone who is whole enough to provide for you."

"Look around, Cas! Everybody here is broken!"

The omega doesn't physically show any emotional reaction, but his heavy scent of depression betrays him.

"I suppose you're right," he says as he reaches under the bed where he keeps his bong and a box of assorted hallucinogens. "But you'll find someone better. And I don't want you to have to face the guilt of choosing them over me."

Cas picks up some clothes off of the floor and zips up his duffel. The grinding sound of the old metal sends a grim sense of finality to Dean and he fights back tears.

"I don't know what's going through your head right now, but you're making a huge mistake."

Cas walks up to Dean, expression blank, eyes dry, and gives him a brief kiss.

"No. I'm not."

The alpha's tears fall now as his mate backs away and turns the front door knob.

"Cas." Dean's voice breaks and he feels embarrassed by his composure while Cas remains outwardly apathetic.

"I'll be in my cabin. I'll still come on missions, if you'll have me. I'll help where I can." He looks back at Dean and the alpha sees just a fracture of pain in his expression.

"Goodbye, Dean."

And then the door closes and Dean goes to the first bottle of alcohol he can find.

A/N: I started writing this chapter with intent to make a cute comforting scene, and then... well... fuck. I don't even know. No excuses, please feel free to hate me.

This ends "Loss." Next installment will be ready shortly. You'll forgive me eventually, I promise.