The Definition of 'Engage'

—verb, to occupy the attention or efforts of (a person or persons)

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer.

"How are you feeling, Edward?" Carlisle's deep voice was like a fog in my head. I was present, but not fully coherent.

"I'm good," I drawled.

"Is the medication working?"

"I guess so. I can't feel my legs." I poked myself; there was no reaction.

"Excellent. I want you to just relax." Carlisle helped me lay down on the couch in his office, and then sat in a chair close to me.

"What's the purpose of this?"

"Do you need to know the purpose of everything?"

"It would be nice. I would feel less uneasy."

"Are you uneasy right now?

"Yes, I'm very confused. What's going on?" My mind was trying to stay alert, but the medication was too strong.

"I've given you a heavy dose of a relaxer."

"You tranquilized me?"

He chuckled. "No, I relaxed you."

"Sounds questionable to me."

"The point is that I wanted you to feel uninhibited during this session. I need you to talk with me more so that I can dive deeper into what's causing your illness."

"I'm beginning to think that I'm not sick at all."

"Why would you say that?"

"Well, I don't remember having episodes, and there's no evidence that says I actually do have them. Plus, I've been here for three weeks, and I haven't had one yet."

"Because you've been on medication and I've been watching you."

I nodded. "That makes sense."

"So, what do you think triggers your episodes?"

"That's just it. I don't know. If I did, I would be able to control myself."

"You're vey black and white, Edward."

"What does that mean?" I turned to him. It was hard to see because of the haze clouding my eyes, but I could still visualize his outline.

"My science is more of a gray area," he explained. "Each patient is different. It's not like I can make a formula that will suddenly cure you. It's a lot of give-and-take on both our parts."

"You're starting to make no sense."

"Just talk to me."

I spent another hour in Carlisle's office. Who knew what I said, or what I did. I was pretty drugged up, so I could have given away my social security number for all I knew. After a while, I was too sleepy to stay awake, and I felt my eyes close heavily.

When I woke up, I was in my bed back in my room. I was surprised that my head didn't hurt or anything like that; as if I had just woken up from a long nap and nothing more.

I pulled myself up against the headboard of my bed and looked to the nightstand. There was a small plastic cup with a couple white pills in them and a bottle of water next to it. I threw back the pills and downed half the bottle.

I took medication every other day. I trusted Carlisle—overly so. That might be dangerous, but I couldn't protest. He told me everything that I was ingesting and what the effects were, although, I had to admit that I didn't have any idea what he said. It was all medical talk. I could tell that I was getting better, though. Like Carlisle said, I was being watched, so there was no way I could hurt anybody else.

It wasn't like I had suddenly been carted off out of the real world and became indifferent to my situation. I was frustrated as hell and confused. I wanted answers, but I knew they would come in time. As long as I was getting better, I could get out of here earlier. If I didn't raise a fuss, this was going to be a lot easier.

I lied in bed for another half hour, just staring up at the ceiling. I really needed to paint this place, or at least, get some pictures in here. I would have to ask Esme for some on her next visit.

I looked out of my window and noticed that the sun was still in the sky, so it couldn't be that late. The clock said four, which was perfect, because I was starving. Therapy always took a lot of out me, even though I wasn't really doing anything but talking. In any case, I felt exhausted afterward.

I got out of bed and began walking towards the cafeteria. After I got my food, I saw Emmett and Rosalie sitting at our table. They were the only ones there.

"How was therapy?" Emmett asked when I sat down.

"Fine," I shrugged, "what's been going on?"

"Nothing." He shoved a cookie in his mouth. "A guy killed himself this morning."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he had problems."

"Which one of us doesn't?" I muttered.

"Well, he was one of Aro's patients. He's super pissed today."

"I hear all this talk about the man, but I've never seen him."

"Good," Rosalie said, "keep it that way. You don't want to see him."

"He can't be that bad," I theorized.

They both glared at me for a couple of seconds. I figured I had crossed a line, so I decided to change the subject.

"So, does suicide happen around here often?" I asked.

"No, not really," Emmett replied. "Once and a while, but not too much. The last time we had one was a couple months ago."

"That's… so sad." I deflated.

"Yeah," Rosalie agreed, "at least they're trying to get help."

I looked around secretly. I didn't want to let my mind travel down the path that it was, but I couldn't help it.

Where was Bella?

Like he could read my mind, Emmett answered. "She's not here."

"Who?" I asked dumbly.

"Bella, she's not here. She's been in her room all morning."

"I don't care."

"Liar." Rosalie grinned and got up to throw her trash away before leaving the room.

"Your face tells too much." Emmett pointed at my head.

"What does that mean?"

"Every time someone says her name, you either go white as a sheet or get this far-off look. It's so weird."

"I do not."

"Yes, you do. I see you do it all the time."

"Well, Bella and I aren't friends so it doesn't really matter how I react to her."

"You're not trying hard enough."

"I don't know what else I can do, and I'm not going to beg her."

"She's incredibly stubborn. You have to fight her for everything. I can tell you're pretty stubborn too. Just argue with her. She'll respect you more."

"I've almost snapped at her on more than one occasion. She's so annoying."

"Right," He rolled his eyes, "that's why you're chasing her ass like a dog."

Damn him.

I remembered back to three days ago when I was stashed under Bella's bed. That had to be the worst and most embarrassing moment of my life. If she knew that I was under there, she might snap my head off. Bella seemed like the kind of woman who didn't take lightly to things like that. What woman wouldn't be disgusted by some dude watching her dry off after a shower?

Emmett's game plan seemed to make sense, though. Bella seemed to thrive on being different. In a place like this—even among the insane population—she stuck out like a sore thumb. She liked it that way, though. I could tell she was a fighter, and if that's what she wanted, then that's what she was going to get. I had a lot to get off of my chest anyway.

I finished my food and decided to spend the rest of the day alone. I was still kind of tired after my therapy session this morning.

I went to the library, which was pretty stocked. I didn't know exactly what I was looking for, but it had been ages since I just sat and read something. I felt kind of IQ-deprived, if that made any sense. To be honest, my head was starting to draw, which meant that I was itching to get my hands deep into an architectural project. I really wanted to design something. That would have to wait until later, though. It wasn't like I had my supplies here. Carlisle said that I might be able to make small models in my room once I earned the privilege. That I was excited about. I wanted nothing more than to get myself elbow deep in design plans. It was a simple joy, but it made me happy.

I went through the rows of books and settled on Stroker's Dracula. It was an easy read; I could knock it out in a couple of days, although, the subject material was sort of dark. It would be fine. I had always liked this one.

I checked it out and started to make my way back to my room.

As I turned the last corner of my hallway, I suddenly came face to face with a pair of vibrant brown eyes that held a hint of anger.

"Oh, shit." I exhaled and stopped in my tracks. "You scared the crap out of me."

"What were you doing in my room?" Bella asked acerbically. Her tone was short. I figured she only talked when she wanted, so this was a privilege, even if I was being accosted.

"Uh, I wasn't." I shook my head.

"You're lying. What were you doing in my room?" She poked me.

"I wasn't."

"The other day, yes you were." Bella squinted her eyes.

Shit. Lie, Cullen. Lie!

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I crossed my arms with my book pressed against my chest.

"I should have you arrested for breaking and entering."

"Oh, and what are they going to do? Throw me in jail?"

"Hopefully. You're so fucking annoying." Bella began to walk away, but I wasn't letting her get out of grasp without a fight.

"Hey." I ran in front of her, stopping her from going down the hall. "First of all, I don't appreciate you accusing me of something I didn't do; and secondly, I wasn't ever in your room. Thirdly, watch how you talk to me. I don't take lightly to being shit on and you've been doing that quite a lot lately."

"You're pathetic."

"No, you're the pathetic one. I've been nothing but nice to you, and you still act like a complete bitch for no reason."

"You don't know a thing about me, so don't categorize me under an umbrella of who you think I am." She backed me into a wall. "I don't want to be polite, because I don't like you."

"Why? What did I ever do to you?"

"You're just like every other new person who comes in here. You think you can just disrupt what we already have, and that's not how it is. We don't want you here and I don't trust you."

My eyes were darting between her face to the pink in her hair. It was fading, and I figured she was going to re-dye it soon. I looked down at her Superman pants, which made me want to smile, but I didn't let myself.

"Well, it's not like I have an option. Do you think I want to be here?"

"I hate you," she spat.

"I hate you more."

In actuality, all I wanted to do was fucking kiss this girl because arguing with her was the hottest thing I had ever experienced. She was searing and spicy, yet incredibly tender. I could see that the things she said were just to get on my nerves. I didn't know how to control my brain from going to dangerous territory. Her mouth was saying the most vial things, but my dick loved every movement her plump lips made.

"What were you doing in my room?' she asked slowly.

I said the first thing that sprung into my head. "I was looking for the guitar."

"What guitar?"

"Jasper's. I wanted to play and I knew you had it. I was looking for it."

"Do you play?" She raised an eyebrow, her hands on her hips.

"Obviously, if I was looking for the guitar."

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why won't you just leave me alone?" She was breathing pretty roughly now, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

"I just wanted to be friends. I'm not begging or anything, but since we seem to hang out with the same people, I thought it might be nice to be on good terms."

"I don't have friends."

"You don't have a problem with Alice or the rest of them."

"Because I like them. I hate you."

"What did I ever do to you?"

"You're so… normal." She looked me up and down with disgust. "What's wrong with you? Why are you here?"

"It doesn't matter. I don't have to tell you anything." I think I was shouting now.

"Just stay out of my room." Bella got close to me, her scent engulfing my nose and making it very hard to concentrate.

I desperately wanted to feel her body under mine and her lips on my skin. It was a strange feeling to be so close to her. My body was humming in false anticipation. The Sexual Edward thought that he was going to be getting some action. If only he knew that the prospect was insufferable and inappropriately annoying. This petty argument was the only time Bella had ever engaged in conversation with me. Even if it was a fight, I would gladly continue just to talk to her.

I stood my ground. "I was in your room for a purpose, which still hasn't been fulfilled."

"Fine." She stomped off in the opposite direction.

I didn't move.

Bella spun around when she was halfway down the hall. "Well, are you just going to stand there and look stupid?"

I huffed and followed her. "I don't like the way you talk to me."

"Shut up," she snapped and pushed open the door to her room.

"Am I allowed in?" I stood there with the rudest face I could manage.

Bella wasn't in the mood for games and muttered a string of curse words under her breath. I took that as a sign that it was okay for me to go inside. Her room was just as I remembered it, and I felt a shudder run down my spine as I thought about the last time I was in here.

"Don't touch anything," Bella said and went around the room. I could tell that she didn't know where the guitar was just by the way she was searching.

"This is a nice room you have here." I tried to make suitable conversation.

"You would know."

"I was in here for a second, and then when I couldn't find it, I left," I lied.

"Whatever. I could smell your disgusting scent. I don't know when you were in here, but I know you were."

"It was just for a second," I repeated.

She rolled her eyes and continued to look.

"Where's the guitar?" I asked.

"Around here somewhere." She tapped her chin.

"How can you lose a guitar?"

She snapped, "I just can't find it right now."

"So, it's lost," I concluded.

"Do you want it or not?"

"Hurry up. I have places to be," I lied again.

"Oh really." She rolled her eyes again.

I went over to the desk and set my book down.

"Hey, I told you not to touch anything." Bella came over and picked the book up, shoving it back in my hands.

"I wasn't."

"That's yours, and it was touching my stuff; ergo, you were touching my stuff."

"You're insufferable." I shook my head. She was truly starting to gloriously grate on my nerves.

"Just shut up." Bella tapped a finger on her chin again. As if a light bulb had went off, she went to the double doors on the other side of her massive room and opened them up.

I watched her for a second before she came back with the guitar.

"You have a balcony?" I asked.

"Yeah, so what?" She handed me the guitar.

"So… isn't that slightly unfair to the rest of us who have a barred window?"

"I guess I'm just better than you." She shrugged.

"Right. So thanks for the guitar." I held it up and began walking back to the door.

It was all happening in slow motion. I wouldn't have noticed it if I didn't turn my head, but I passed the full length mirror that Bella had stood at naked just a few days before.

I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at the reflection in the mirror, which from this angle had a clear view under the bed. I could see straight under it to the other side. There weren't any obstructions, and I didn't even have to bend my back or tilt my head.

"You still want to tell me that you weren't in my room?" Bella was grinning at me over my shoulder. I could see her in the mirror.

"Shit," I whispered to myself.

"I could get you in so much trouble." She laughed maniacally. I gulped down a lump in my throat.

"You knew I was here the whole time?" I turned around.

Bella climbed on her bed and crossed her legs. "I'm not stupid."

"I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to look at you or anything," I stammered. This could turn very badly.

"You didn't look very sorry when you were watching me."

"Look, I was coming in here to turn down your music. I didn't know you were in the shower, and then when you got out, it was too late to leave so…"

"So you ducked under my bed and stared at me while I dried myself off."

"Sorry," I hung my head in shame.

"It would have been fun if you came out to play." Bella was biting her bottom lip forcefully and for the first time, I didn't get a nasty face.

"Well, it wasn't like you said anything, so you must have liked me watching you," I argued.

Bella blinked once, and her eyes seemed to glaze over. "Don't flatter yourself, pretty boy."

"Pretty boy?"

"That's what I said. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I'm not ashamed," I said, but felt my cheeks grow slightly hotter. "I'm going to leave you to your horrible self for the rest of the day."

I started to head towards the door.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Back to my room. I can't stand you, and I don't want to be in your presence any longer than possible."

"Well, that's two of us, but I want you to play."

"Play what?"

"The guitar, asshole."

"Oh," I had totally forgotten the guitar in my hands, "I wasn't planning on a concert."

"So either you were lying about even knowing how to play or you really did just want to watch me naked."

"I… haven't played in years."

She raised her eyebrow in a silent challenge.

"May I sit?" I asked and pointed to the bed.

"No, go sit over there." She nodded towards the chair by the desk.

"Fine." I put my book down and dragged the chair across the room so that it was closer to her. She didn't like that very much, but didn't say anything.

I sat and cracked my neck. Preparing to play, I thumbed on the strings, making sure that they were all in tune and adjusted what needed to be fixed.

"It's been a long time," I said.

"So?" She shrugged.

"What do you want to hear?"

"Doesn't matter." Bella leaned back against her pillows with her legs still crossed.

I played a scale to warm up my fingers and was pleasantly surprised that I sounded decent. It must have been ten years at least since I had played. I let my mind just think back to anything I knew, and the sounds of Johnny Cash's cover of Hurt began to fill the air between us.

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

My voice had a certain drawl and timber to it that made me sound gravely, but that was prefect for this song. I don't know why I started playing it, but it seemed appropriate; it just came to me. I had hardly even thought about the lyrics. They spoke to me, though.

I closed my eyes and let the music continue to the powerful chorus.

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I couldn't stop myself from playing the whole song. I hadn't even been sure that I could remember it all, but it came out easily. You would have thought that I had been playing for all these years.

When I opened my eyes, Bella was sitting there with a blank look on her face. It was calm and serene. When she realized that I was looking at her, the old Bella was back.

She furrowed her eyebrow. "What are you staring at?"

"Nothing."

"Well then, stop looking at me."

I rolled my eyes. "Can I go now?"

She jumped off of the bed and went towards the door. She held it open for me. "You may leave."

"Thank you, oh gracious one." I collected my book and the guitar.

"You played nicely," she ground out. "It was good."

"I heard you wanted to learn."

"Yeah."

"I could teach you," I tried.

"If I needed your help, then I would ask you."

"Did I do something to offend you in some way?"

"Yes, you're annoying."

"That's all you ever say." I put my foot against the door as she began to shut it. "There has to be another reason."

"You don't need to be here. You're normal and you're being so...I can't explain it. Go away."

"Alright, look. I'm going to be in this damned place for a long time, and I'm not going to tiptoe around you, so I guess we can agree to hate each other?"

"Sounds good to me."

Something about Bella's face gave her away. Her words might have been firm, but her eyes were a window, and I was looking right through her. It was so easy to read what was going on in her head.

I decided that I was going to try one more time. That was it; just once more.

I held out my hand. "I'm Edward."

Bella looked at it. Her eyes darted from my hand to my face a couple of times before she took it lightly. "I'm Bella."

"It's nice to meet you, Bella." I couldn't keep the smile off of my face as her hand slid into mine and created a perfectly soft fit. She crinkled her forehead cutely as she looked at our hands.

"I don't like people touching me."

"Then why don't you let go of my hand," I chuckled.

"You let go," she argued.

I stood firm. "No, you let go."

She ripped her hand from mine. "Stay the fuck out of my room."

The door slammed in my face and almost bumped me in the nose. I wouldn't have cared, though. I was overjoyed like a school kid who got his first 'A'. I had talked to her. We had a conversation. No matter how short or how horrible we were to each other, we had talked. That was a good first step, but I was also kind of thrilled that she had engaged me first. I had tried and gotten shot down twice, so to see her standing in the hallway, waiting for me, was a pleasant surprise.

I could have skipped back to my room. I would have done it too, if I wouldn't look so strange.

I settled for a brisk, happy walk.

When I was in bed, I cracked open my book and got a good ways in before my eyes started to close. I was determined to stay awake, so I got up and moved around. I sat against the headboard, bringing the guitar with me and strummed through a few things to warm up. I had a new-found fascination for guitar playing. I had never particularly liked it— preferring instead to focus on the piano— but I wanted to learn more now.

I played through as many scales as I could remember. I knew that if I mastered those, my fingers would be able to play anything. I had a very good ear, so I could play things if I usually heard them a couple of times, but I would need some sheet music. It was weird to jump back into all of this, but I felt like I needed to do it for some reason. Did this count as musical therapy? I would have to ask Carlisle.

I replayed Hurt, letting the dark mood pour out of me. It was really a nice song; very deep and melancholy, but appropriate at the same time.

I must have played for hours; I didn't really keep track of the time. At some point, I felt the bed sink down and opened my eyes to see Alice sitting there, but I didn't stop playing. She requested a couple of songs that I knew and some more that I promised to learn.

"You're really good." She beamed.

"Well, thank you. I didn't know I had it in me." I sat the guitar next to me.

"Every month, they have an open mic thing. You should join."

"I don't think so." I shook my head.

"It would be fun. Jasper does it all the time. Emmett too, although, he can only play the tambourine."

"The tambourine?" I chuckled.

"Carlisle says it helps his rage with all the clinking and stuff." She shrugged. "I don't know, but it's really funny."

"Um, I…was wondering if Carlisle had talked to you about me?" I asked, going off of what I had heard when under Bella's bed.

"Oh," She waved he hand, "we were in group therapy and someone asked about you. He just gave general info. People start snooping if they don't get answers."

"Do you guys usually talk about other patients? Isn't that a violation or something?"

"Not really. He never goes into details. Carlisle thinks we should be educated about other people's diseases. It makes us more sympathetic."

"So what's Bella's disease?"

Alice blanched and started playing with her fingers. "I don't know if I should tell you that."

"I thought we were supposed to be educating ourselves."

She exhaled heavily. "Okay, but you can't tell her I told you."

"Alright."

"Well, I can't give you specifics, but she's in here for a lot of things. Depression, rage, things like that."

"She's not psycho?"

"Not clinically, but that's all I'm saying."

I nodded, more than happy with the information I had gotten today. " So, there's an open mic night? We could start a band."

"Oh, you should." Alice got excited. "I bet you'd be awesome."

"I was just kidding. No one would think I was any good."

"I do."

"Yeah, you and Bella." I rolled my eyes.

"Bella?"

"Yeah, I uh… played for her."

"You played for her?" Alice sat up on her knees and moved closer to me.

"Yes, is that a problem?"

"Well… no, but that's strange."

"How so?"

"She doesn't let people get close to her. Where you in her room?"

"Yes." I think I blushed again.

"I knew it." Alice squealed, "My tarot cards were so right."

"We're just friends, and not even that much. I hate her."

"You don't hate her."

"I do so. She's insufferable and excruciatingly irritating."

"But you like her. I can tell."

"No, I don't. I just went in her room to get the guitar and she asked me to play. That's it."

"Fine, I'll leave it alone." There was something about Alice's tone that told me she wasn't going to follow instructions.

I changed the subject. "I'm hungry."

"Jasper just went to dinner. You can go with him. I'm going to go paint." Alice hopped off of the bed. "Bye, Edward."

"Bye."

I put on my coat since it was kind of cold and shut the door behind me. As I started walking towards the dining hall, I heard a small humming, even through the walls. I knew exactly where it was coming from, so I followed the sound until I was standing in front of the Superman logo.

A small smile creased my lips when I heard Johnny Cash's Hurt seeping from under the door.

A/N:

How cute are they? Those two people just love each other so much. Bella's not a complete bitch and won't always be, I promise, but she has some stuff going on. Obviously since she let some strange guy watch her dry off. That's a different matter by itself though. Can't you just feel the fireworks between them? haven't even gotten to the good parts of the story yet. I can't wait.

Thanks to Suzie55 and Jeny0719 for the preread/beta. Those two are the best, seriously. Thanks to all of you guys who are reviewing and adding this story to favs. I write for you. The response for this has been great, which I'm very proud of so thanks.

If you dont know already of don't follow me, you can add me to twitter (at)johnnyboy1029. I'm kind of fun. haha.

ok, that's all for today. Update on Wednesday.