Guess where I am? No, really guess. Ha, you are so…right. Darn. I hate it when you're right. Well, I'm at Freddie's apartment right now. Yeah, I know horrible, right? And they don't have ham either! How much worse can this get? Well, the reason why I'm here is because Carly and Spencer went to Yakima to visit their grandpa. You know the one that does that weird belly thing, the one I borrowed money from, and ate his sandwich? Well, that's the one. My mom's not home. Something about needing to find her inner self. Whatever. Fredweird doesn't even know I'm here. My mom just dropped me off here and told Mrs. B she needed to find her inner self. I think Mrs. B almost passed out at that. She can't take weird people, er, people like me. Like my mom. Freddork just came in. He's staring at me, bug eyed. He looks like someone just took away his favorite teddy bear and dipped in gasoline, setting it on fire. Hey, that's not such a bad idea… Anyway, he's still staring. Okay, this has to stop. Be right back.

Here's how our conversation went…

"Hey, believe me I did not want to be here," I state, putting up my hands in defense.

"Then why are you here?" he asked, his eyebrow forming into a question mark.

"Because I have a sudden new love for your mom's plastic covered coaches," I said sarcastically, squirming around on the anti-bacterial couch.

"It's precautionary!"

I rolled my eyes. He could be such a dork. I can't believe I kissed him…twice! I got up and started raiding their fridge for the third time. There was nothing good, just low-fat sugar-free lemon squares and cucumber cups. His mom really needs to get a life. So does he.

I could feel him watching me as I picked up a carton of soy milk and tossing it into the trashcan.

"Really why are you here?" he finally asked.

"Something about my mom finding her inner self," I said, picking earwax out of my ear and flinging it to the side.

"Okayyy." He looked at the earwax laying on the island in disgust. He shook his head, looking back up at me. "So…what do you want to do?"

"I don't know, but you're not going to be any part of it," I said, trying to flop down on the plastic couch, but instead landing awkwardly, making my sides stiff. "You really need to get this covering off," I said, standing up again. Before Frederly could say anything I was already pulling the annoying plastic cover off the couch, making it bare, and non-plastic. Just the way I like it.

"Sam!" Freddie whined.

"Don't be such a girl, Fredwina."

He glared at me a bit and said, "My mom's going to be very angry at you."

"Does this face look like it cares?" I asked, pointing at my I-don't-give-a-crap look.

"No."

"Exactly. Why don't you just relax? Feel the softness of the cushions," I said, sprawling myself on the couch. I loved the feel of my body sinking into the cushions. It was relieving. I watched Freddie slowly sit his butt on the coach, sitting stiffly, his back straight and uncomfortable looking. "Come on, Benson. Just relax." I kicked his shoulder with my foot, sending him lying over the arm of the chair. He sat back up. Sigh. He's such a nub.

"Sam, you better put the covers back on," he said, trying to sound serious, but rubbing the arm of the chair like it was his new best friend.

"I better. But I'm not." I grabbed the chips I was eating earlier, putting my fingers in the bag, and feeling around for crumbs, a sly smile spreading across my face. I had an idea.

"No, Sam, don't!" Freddie yelled, panic taking over his relaxed face.

"Oh yes!"

I sprinkled the crumbs across the couch, watching Freddie's horrified face. This…was…priceless.

"Sam!" he cried, grabbing my wrist, pulling it away from the couch. I smirked at him, my eyes shining with evil. He looked back up into my eyes, his eyes a little worried. But our faces change. My smirk falls and his worry fades away. We're pulling toward each other, like a magnetic force pulling us together. No, this can't be happening. I can't keep doing this…

"No!!!!" I scream, jumping off the couch.

Freddie's face looked confused as I point at him and say, "You're a nub!"

Freddie stared blankly at me, looking utterly oblivious. Boys are such doosh-bags. Well, Freddie's a dork-bag, but whatever.

I left the apartment, slamming the door.

And that was it. This kissing thing needs to stop. I don't know where to go. That was just five minutes ago where I left randomly. I'm sitting outside Freddie's door. Sigh. Oh, no, here he is. He's telling me to come back in. He says he has ham. What?! That can't be true because I checked every where before! I tell him this. He says he has a special package in his room for just in case we have an earthquake or something and I'm having ham with drawl. I don't care what almost happened before I'm getting my ham! Yeah, baby! Well, I'm going to eat ham now…my own special ham.