Ah, man. I seriously meant to post this last week, but I got side-tracked. I started class three weeks ago, and I've just gotten through what most people call "Hell Week", and I'm not even done yet. Next I've got this other test to have my nerves grated over by.

In other news, I might be going to Japan or Virginia? I really have no idea what's going on with my life right now. It's a mess. I'm a mess. Apparently the lady I saw today was a shitty doctor... So now I have to go change my provider and hope that my injury gets better with rest over the next ten days...

Onwards.

"Eyes like a car crash
I know I shouldn't look but I can't turn away.
Body like a whiplash,
Salt my wounds but I can't heal the way
I feel about you."

- "Deathbeds" by Bring Me The Horizon

Chapter 6

It was after art class. That was when Matt apparently decided to spring a question on me. One that I had to think seriously about. I knew that he had been hanging out with me a lot, but I never thought he had some sort of ulterior motive. And maybe he didn't at first… but asking me on a date? It seemed so sudden. I was entirely unprepared, to be honest.

And when he asked, I really didn't know what to say, honest because I did like him… as a person and all. There was nothing wrong with saying yes, right? In the end, I told him I would think about it, and he looked like I had just promised him the world. I was beginning to be nervous about answering him regardless of the direction I took it in.

The main issue I had with it was because we were friends. Good friends, and I really wanted some more of that in my life. I needed people around me, looking out for me. I needed more people like Willow in my life. Because I had a feeling that once I got over Jacob, I was going to be left with this gaping hole in my life. I'd feel like someone had just taken my hands from me. I wouldn't know how to move on from it. Much less how I'm supposed to stop loving him because I didn't just like him… I really loved him. I loved his goofy and macho personality. I liked that he enjoyed baseball like Charlie did (and I suspected I'd warm up to the sport eventually). I thought he would just fit in with the whole family like a puzzle piece. It just made sense.

Really, falling in love with Jacob was just like me. He was safe. I knew he'd get along with the people in my life, and I knew that we agreed with one another to some degree. It was so typical of me. I liked boys who would work, but I couldn't have them. They fell in love with prettier, less available girls (which was not me… I was quite available).

So I wasn't sure if I wanted to let go of that friendship that Matt and I had. It was a good sort of friendship, and I really hadn't wanted romantic feelings to taint it like it already was beginning to. I had trouble looking at Matt now because I felt bad. I still didn't know my answer, and I knew for sure that I didn't like him like that. No, I had a loyal heart. It would probably love Jacob still, even if I was all the way across the world. My last crush had lasted a year. It had been tripped up by Jacob though. The one before it was a whole three years. I had had a total of four crushes, one of which was on the twenty-six year old history teacher, who got married the last year I was in his class. I had been pretty salty about it.

My crush on Jacob had been going on now for a mere two years now. It was my usual length of pining, and honestly, if I was going to super fall for Matt… wouldn't that have already happened? At least, going off of pattern, that's what I assumed. So maybe it was better that I declined and hoped we could continue to be friends, but perhaps that wasn't possible. I was running circles in my head over this. I was about ready to start banging it against things.

I left school in a daze that day, and I didn't really know much of what happened at all, really. Bella drove me home, and she was acting a bit antsy. I didn't feel like asking her about it though. So I let it go.

The moment we got home, I curled up on the couch next to Charlie and watched a baseball game with him. Apparently the Cubs were winning. I couldn't tell if that was a good or bad thing. Charlie was being pretty serious at the time. I opted to stare at the screen while my mind returned to this Matt dilemma I had.

I ran through it one more time in my mind, deciding to tell him "yes" but also deciding to forewarn him that it was only a trial run. He had to know that I did not see him that way, and that it was quite possible that I never would.

.

It was still dark outside when I opened my eyes. I was surprised to see a figure standing in the room, silhouetted by the soft moonlight. I had no idea who it was standing there in the darkness, and I was too afraid to open my mouth and say a thing.

The next moment, there was a wolf leaping in through the window. It growled and scared off whoever or whatever had been there moments ago. The wolf, which seemed to be about to chase after the person, still had bristled fur and looked rather intimidating, but something in me felt comforted by its presence.

"...Jacob?" I whispered, and it turned to look at me with Jacob's warm, brown eyes. I knew it was him, but moments later he was gone… just as quickly as he had come. I curled my limbs closer to myself, feeling equally terrified and comforted. Who had been standing in my room moments ago?

I was really scared now, but I knew something then. I wasn't going to ever like Matt, not like I liked Jacob, and I couldn't be so cruel as to even him allow the thought that it truly was quite possible that I would.

I laid in darkness, feeling a deep satisfaction for two seconds, then I hurried out of the room. I couldn't be in there by myself for much longer, after all. I was far too frightened. I hurried over to Charlie's room, curling up in the bed with him. I was thankful that he didn't say anything about it because I was being quite the four year old (and with good reason, mind you).

.

"Get up, kiddo. You've got to go to school," Charlie said, shaking me awake. My eyes flew up, and I stared at him with a frightened expression.

"Oh my gods, what time is it?" I asked in a breathless voice. Charlie seemed rather amused.

"It's seven," he said, staring at his watch.

I shot up, "WHAT?" I was late! I immediately began moving, already hurrying off to my room. Once I got there and glanced at the clock, I saw that it was barely six… I stormed back to where Charlie was, still standing about in his pajamas and chuckling to himself.

"You tricked me," I said in accusatory tone. Charlie smiled and patted me on the shoulder.

"I misread the time, and you didn't give me a chance to correct myself," he responded. I refused to believe that preposterous lie and turned heel, storming off to my room. My dad was such a jerk! I couldn't believe him… I had almost died of panic. I quite liked my pristine school record.

I took my time getting ready for school. I kind of felt like walking, and so I did. After all, it only took me about fifteen minutes to get ready. I didn't wear makeup or any of that nonsense. It was really far too much work for me.

I was greeted with a rather unusual sight when I arrived at school. Jacob was there in the parking lot, just leaning against his motorcycle all hot like. Really, what right did he have to look that perfect and beautiful? It was entirely unfair. I swear he was trying to torture me with how tight that shirt he was wearing was. Gods, I could see every perfectly sculpted muscle… and I think I was drooling for a second there.

I quickly walked over to him once I regained my senses and reigned in my crush to a manageable level of screaming hormones. Then Jacob had the nerve to look up at me and smile. I swooned… a little. I don't think he noticed. Gods, I hoped he didn't.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asked, raising hand but stopping within inches of my cheek. That was a bit strange because he was becoming more and more touchy-feely with me, and I didn't know what to make of it, so I decided to ignore it. It probably didn't mean a thing to begin with.

"Yeah," I responded slowly, shivers running up my spine as I thought about what had happened the previous night, "I'm… I'm alright. Just a little frightened, is all." I gave Jacob a weak smile, and he didn't really look convinced.

"It's okay if you're not," he told me, his hand falling back to his side. I kind of wished Jacob had decided to go through with whatever he'd been planning to do. I probably would've been more comforted by it than he'd ever know… but I think he was trying to respect my wishes and not lead me on, which was equally comforting.

"No, I really am okay," I replied as if saying it repeatedly would make it better. Jacob didn't seem to believe me, but he played along anyway.

"Okay," he sighed, getting onto his bike, "Stay safe, Maddie." Then he rode off before I could reply. I never knew how loud motorcycles were before that moment.

When I came back to reality, I saw Matt staring across the parking lot at me. I had no idea what I was going to tell him. No idea at all.

I'm convinced that I can live off of beef jerky and Sobe drinks. Please review!

~Minatu

MariMart: I agree. There was a lot going on. Also, that actually wasn't a bad response. I felt the same way, to be honest. In the end, I think I managed to do both possibilities while being inclusive of the truest possibility.

Elle Ryder: I'm glad to hear it! And thank you for your answer.

Nameless-dono: Firstly, thank you for answering my question. Secondly, you have an awesome username.

Innocence and Instinct: Heh. Thanks for the answer. Maybe they would, maybe they wouldn't. The world may never know. It could still happen after all.

Guest: Thank you for the answer. And I agree... he probably won't do much for awhile.

MyHeartIsANightingale: I'm glad you're enjoying the fic! I appreciate the support~ Also, I feel you on that one. Dates involving Maddie make me so, so anxious.

deidaralover1234: Yes, Mads is Jacob's imprint. And thanks for the answer! I'm happy to hear you're enjoying my story!

woezz: Wow, you really thought about that huh? Well, I guess you'll have to just read and find out whether or not that'll happen.

californiagirl77: I appreciate your opinion. I think you were right.