DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.
EPOV
When I woke up the next morning, there was a bandage around my arm and the blood that had been on the floor had been cleaned up. Obviously Carlisle had come to check on me after he'd heard what had happened between Emmett and myself the previous night. I looked at my arm. He had bound it expertly, but then again it being Carlisle, you couldn't expect anything less.
I looked at my alarm clock and saw that it was 8:15AM, meaning I had twenty minutes to get ready for school. If I was allowed to go that is. I got out of bed and washed myself down in my bathroom. I heard a knock at the door just after I had gotten dressed and turned to see Carlisle standing there. He had a look of sorrow on his face. I hated that look. It was the look that said "we need to talk." He only used it to remind me that he was my father, whether biological or not, he was still in charge of my life. Something I hated.
"Edward," He spoke in soft tones that told me that he was not angry, but disappointed. "This has to stop." He moved cautiously into my bedroom, the same way Esme had the previous night after my argument with Emmett. "You can't keep doing this to yourself. It's not healthy."
"Don't you think I don't know that?!" I said, letting my annoyance come through in my words. "I know it's not healthy and you know what, I don't care." I was beginning to lose my patience with him. With everybody. Why couldn't they get it into their heads that all I wanted was to be alone. I stormed over to my bed and grabbed my coat and bag. "Maybe Emmett's right. Would have been better if I'd died." I didn't give him any time to respond to my outburst, and I stormed down the stairs to where my siblings were waiting for me. None of them looking directly at me. They knew what I'd done last night, and they were all trying desperately not to bring it up. I could tell that by just looking at them.
We got into the car, again I was in the front. No one wanted to sit next to the freak of the family.
Arriving at school, all eyes were on us again. Not that I cared. I just wanted to get away from the worried glances and stares of my family. They're probably wondering when you're next gonna flip out I thought. They let me walk off on my own. Probably thinking that because we were in school I wouldn't do anything stupid. They really don't know me at all do they? I thought sadistically.
I had a free first thing, so I didn't have to worry about being late for class. I wandered my way over to my locker and dumped my stuff in there. Turning around I saw her standing there looking at me. The girl who had been on my mind all night.
Bella. Of course she was going to be there. She goes to this school as well, I gave myself a mental slap. I gave her a small smile and went back to my locker, pretending to be interested in something in my bag. But when I looked up again she was standing next to me. This took me by surprise somewhat. I didn't like people sneaking up on me. It brought back old memories. It was something my father always used to when I was younger. He would sneak up behind me when he was feeling in a silly mood. I remembered his laugh, the real laugh he used to come out with, when it was only him, my mother and me, not the fake laugh he used for when we were in other company. His laugh used to make me feel safe, like everything was okay. Everything was happy and the way it was supposed to be.
"Hi, Edward," Bella said, snapping me back to reality. "What have you got now?" She asked, blushing slightly as if embarrassed about the fact that she had asked.
"Uh, um, nothing. I have a free." I stammered, still taken aback that she was there. She had appeared so suddenly it was unreal, or maybe it was just me not paying attention, which was probably the truth, as I tended to zone out quite a lot according to Jasper. He face lit up with a gorgeous smile.
"Me too," She said, still smiling. "You wanna spend it together?" She blushed even more at that question. "I mean, i-i-i-if you want to that is, I mean you can always say no." She was nervous and embarrassed about being so forward. She was blushing even more by this point. I found it endearing. No one had ever really gotten embarrassed around me before. I was the Cullen that no one wanted to be associated with. To be fair I wasn't even a "real Cullen". What with my real last name being Masen and all.
"Yeah." I said, surprising myself. Normally I would have spent it on my own, probably in the library, but there was something compelling about this girl that made me want to spend time with her. "Yeah, why not." She looked up and smiled at me, her face still in a deep blush. I gave her a small smile in return.
BPOV
Crap! Crap, crap, crap!!!! I scolded myself. Why did you just do that?! There's no way he's going to want to spend time with you, you moron. You don't even know him!!!!!
"Yeah, why not." He replied. I couldn't help but smile, realising how stupid I must have looked. I could feel my face getting redder and redder by the second but I managed to look up at him. When I did I saw he had a small smile on his lips as well. It didn't seem to fit. His smile looked out of place, as though it wasn't something he'd normally do.
"Okay," I said after a moment. "Um, we could go to the field. I mean, I know it's not that bright outside, but it's not raining. Might as well make the most of it." I knew I was babbling, but I couldn't stop myself. He nodded and gestured slightly for me to lead the way. He seemed kind of subdued in his movements. Like he was forcefully reigning himself in.
I walked beside him and showed the way to the field. He didn't seem comfortable with being there. Maybe he hadn't wanted to spend his free with me after all, but had agreed just to be polite. What if he had? That would mean that he wasn't interested in talking to you. Looking over at him, I saw that he was looking at the floor, his head bowed, as though he didn't want to be noticed. Mental note, ask about that at a later date, I told myself. I wondered if he had self-confidence issues.
Walking onto the field, I found a secluded spot underneath a tree and sat down. He sat next to me, close enough to talk to comfortably, but not touching me. He wasn't looking at me, but at the grass. He began fiddling with some blades as if they held the answers to all of life's questions.
"So, um, when did you move here?" I asked, hugging my knees to my chest.
"A couple days ago." He replied, still intent on the blades of grass he was fiddling with.
"You seen much of the town?"
"Yeah," He sighed. "I walked home yesterday, there's not really much to it, is there?" He looked out over the lower field, watching the game of soccer that was taking place.
"No there isn't." I couldn't argue there. Forks wasn't that much of a place. It was tiny. Most people went to the nearby town of Port Angeles if they wanted some entertainment. "It's the kind of place where everyone knows everything about everybody else." His head snapped round at that statement. He looked worried about something. If only I were a mind-reader. It would make talking to him so much easier. "So, um, how come you moved here?"
"My parents thought it would be good for us to move." He said, the look of worry still evident on his face. "They thought that living in the city was having a negative effect on me and my siblings."
"How so?" I asked, curious, moving my legs to sit Indian style in front of him. Thank God I wore pants today. I couldn't help but think. A pained expression came across his face and he shook his head slightly. "It's okay. You don't have to tell me. I was just curious though." He looked at me, his expression thanking me for not prying any further.
Suddenly his phone vibrated in his pocket. He took it out and let out an exasperated sigh. He replied to the text quickly and placed the phone in his bag instead of his pocket. As he was doing so the sleeve on his left arm rode up slightly, revealing what looked like a bandage. I wonder how he did that. I thought. It couldn't hurt to ask.
"What did you do?" I asked pointing to the bandage on his arm. He looked down and covered it up quickly a look of terror on his face. Or maybe it could. I thought.
EPOV
Why do they always have to keep track of me? A text from Rosalie: "Where are you? R x" I replied saying that I was on the field talking to someone and instead of putting the phone back into my pocket, I put it in my bag. I didn't want to know if they texted me again. I didn't want them to text me again. Why can't they just leave me alone? It's like I'm a child again.
"What did you do?" Bella asked, pointing to my left arm. I looked down and saw that the sleeve to my sweater had ridden up slightly, revealing the bright white of the bandage that Carlisle had put on it during the night. Shit! Oh, great, now she's going to know you're a freak. Probably tell the whole school that you're a slicer (sorry if that offends anyone, I don't mean it to, but I want to get as realistic as I can with this and I feel that Edward using such terms to describe himself may help accomplishing that goal. No offence is intended.)
She was just looking at me, expecting an answer. For some reason I couldn't lie to this girl, but I wasn't about to go spilling the whole truth to her. The impulse to lie was strong, but I had the feeling that lying to her would make me feel even worse than I did when I lied to my family. If that was possible. "I cut myself," I managed to croak out eventually. I expected her to looked shocked, repulsed at the fact that someone could do that to themselves.
"Oh no, how did you manage that?" She didn't have a clue what I meant. I just looked at her for a moment and the message must have come across in my expression because he expression suddenly changed. To that of realisation. "Oh. I'm sorry I didn't mean to pry." I shook my head.
"It's ok," I whispered, looking down at the bandage. "It's not your fault."
"You okay?" She said back softly. I nodded. I knew she was giving me that look of sympathy I hated so much.
"Please, don't feel sorry for me." I said, not looking at her. "Everybody else does, I don't want you to as well."
"How can I not?" She whispered. I looked at her, waiting for the rest of the answer. "I mean, you've hurt yourself in this way. There has to be a reason behind it. Is it the move? You didn't know how else to cope with moving homes?" She was guessing as to why I had cut myself. On this particular time that is, not that she needed to know that.
"No, no its not the move. The move has nothing to do with it. If you must know, I'm the reason we moved." I admitted. Her face grew confused. Idiot! Why did you have to tell her that? Why couldn't you have kept your mouth shut?!
I stood up quickly, startling her. I picked up my bag and turned around to face her again. "You won't tell anyone will you?" I asked.
"No, of course not." She said. I believed her. I don't know why. "You don't have to go you know. We can talk about something else."
I couldn't sit there and talk with her anymore. Not when she now knew. Not that she knew much of it. She thought I had only done it the once, not continously for the last seven years. "No, I, um, I have to go." I turned to go.
"I'll see you in Biology," she called after me. Crap! I'd forgotten I had Biology later on today.
Only half an hour or so had passed, which meant I still had twenty minutes or so til I had to be at my next class. I went into the mens' bathroom and splashed water on my face. Looking at myself, I could now see what others around me saw. I was attractive yes, I had been told that enough times, but there was a lifelessness about my face, my eyes in particular. I remember looking upon old pictures of myself. From when my parents were alive up til three years ago, after which I point blank refused to have my picture taken. I remember looking through them, seeing how happy I used to be, full of life, my eyes shining brightly, just like my mothers. Bright green. The only thing I inherited from my mother was her eyes. They used to shine, used to be full of life. And then I looked at pictures of after my parents deaths. Such a sudden change. The life was gone, the vibrancy that I used to possess had all but disappeared. My eyes were no longer full of life, laughter and love as they had once been. Now they were sad, and dead. Empty.
Looking at myself now I knew why people looked at me the way they did. I was nothing. A shadow of the person I should be.
All I could think was how stupid I was. How could I have told someone? Especially her?! Nobody outside of the family knew about my problems. Not even the many psychiatrists that Carlisle and Esme had sent me to over the years - and that was quite a few - had figured out what was wrong with me. And here I am, spilling eveything to this girl that I hardly even knew. How stupid could I get. She probably thought I was a freak now. A psycho that needed to be locked up. And maybe I was. Maybe I did.
I'll have to deal with it when it comes, I guess. I thought grimly. Because it was coming.
I knew it was.
So now Bella knows about one of Edward's secrets. Although she is still unaware of how serious this problem is.
Will he trust her enough to tell her his remaining dark secrets?
Only one person knows......ME!!!!!
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