A/N - Hey all! I just wanted to thank you for all of your reviews and tell you how much I appreciate them! I am running a festival this month, so I apologize for my lack of response, but as soon as it's April, I promise to reply to all! In the meantime, dance like no one is watching...or just dance like Alice. ;)
Chapter Five
Secret: My idea of dancing is standing in place, shifting my weight from one foot to the other.
"Dance!" Alice demanded, nudging my shin with her stiletto. And when I say nudging, I mean digging the tip into my skin. Yup, I was going to have a bruise.
"I am dancing," I retorted, throwing in a little jazz hands for her benefit. It didn't matter anyway, because a half second later, she gave up on me and began to do the vertical horizontal tango with Jasper. Essentially, fully clothed sex on the dance-floor. It was part of her weekly routine.
Jasper and I were used to this. Edward was not. He eyed the happy couple with some skepticism, unsure whether to be amused, grossed-out, or alarmed. He settled for amusement.
"Would you care to dance?" he asked with twinkling eyes, holding his right hand out to me.
Um. Duh, said Vivian. Oh, why the hell not, sighed Brain. "Sure," is what I ended up saying aloud. "But," I placed my hand inside his, enjoying how very large and warm and manly it felt "I have to warn you, I'm not very good at dancing."
He raised a skeptical eyebrow. Damn. Viv licked her lips.
"I have trouble believing that," he said smoothly, pulling me gently toward him. "I think that you can succeed at anything you put your mind to. And so far, your track record is working in my favor."
I blushed as I realized what he was alluding to, but all coherent thoughts flew out the window as a fast, sensual song came on, and his hands were on me like quicksilver.
And what lovely, large hands they were. Vivian all but purred, because even though she wasn't getting any action, there was something definitely erotic in the simple way he gripped my waist. It was technically PG, but I felt warm whenever his hands moved, to spin me, to bring me close, to tease me by pulling away again.
I had to stifle my gasp when he flipped me around so my back was pressed against him. I didn't want him to think I was in any way affected by him, or anything. Instead, I focused on the perfect amount of pressure he used, as his hands slid down to my hips, swaying me from side to side. Not too loose – I always hated the awkward hesitancy of guys who acted like it was a junior high dance – and not too tight, which was even worse, and smacked of creepy desperation. Just right.
I wanted to smack myself in the face. What was I – clubbing Goldilocks? Next thing I knew I would be climbing into the just-right bed like a little fairy tale whore. Viv applauded this notion.
Fortunately, my imprudent lust was interrupted by drunky Alice, who – despite the best efforts of Jasper – had mounted the bar. She danced like no one was watching, alright, though everyone most definitely was.
Even drunk, Alice was still hot, I realized enviously, and she was about one in every three hundred people who managed to stay amazingly coordinated when sloshed. She twirled gracefully in her minidress, leaping effortless over a line of Cosmos, causing Francois to rush toward them in panic. She landed lightly on the edge of the counter without disturbing a single drink, and shimmied near the bowls of cashews, olives, and maraschino cherries.
Every guy in the place, minus Edward, Jasper, Francois, and the bartender Ted, cheered. I shook my head in disbelief, wondering how this sort of thing had been occurring for months, and yet we still hadn't been thrown out. There was like this unspoken agreement between Alice, Ted, and Francois – as long as she didn't cause any damage, she could do whatever she liked. It was good business, and I had a sneaking suspicion that a fair number of the barflies were there just to see her.
But, being new, Edward did not know this. "Isn't he going to get her down?" he asked me tersely, jerking his head in Jasper's direction.
I shrugged. Jasper was clearly too mesmerized by his own wife's technique to feel jealous that all the other guys were staring too, let alone find the initiative to take her home.
"I see." Edward squared his shoulders and marched over to the bar. I stared after him in amazement as he wrapped his strong arms around Alice's legs and plucked her right off the bar as if she were a daisy in a field.
Stoically, he turned, with Miss Thang dangling over his shoulder and beating her tiny fists in protest, and marched back to us through a sea of irritated pervs.
"She's all yours," he said lightly to Jasper, who caught his wife, looking bemused.
"I like this guy," Jasper said to me. He turned to Alice, which wasn't very hard to do, as she was hanging off his neck with both arms and attempting to go for the Guinness World Record for most hickeys given in a minute. And Alice never, ever does things half-assed. She was a girl with her eye on the prize.
"Let's get you home," Jasper groaned, looking like he was rapidly losing a major portion of functioning capillaries. "Hey man, would you mind making sure Bella gets home all right?" he asked Edward.
"What? Jasper, I'm perfectly capable of –"
Jasper fixed me with a stern look. "Bella. Contemplate: what exactly would Alice do to me if anything happened to her best friend, and it was in any way partly my fault?"
OOH.
"Plus, you know," he grinned. "I'd miss my favorite third wheel."
I punched his shoulder affectionately, but he was a little preoccupied by keeping Alice from undoing his pants right there.
"Edward?" he repeated, dragging Alice toward the door.
Edward nodded solemnly "I'll get her home."
I turned to him, whispering "That really isn't neces–"
"Please, I insist."
We turned and followed the happy couple outside.
"Please fix her up before Shoe Saturday," I implored Jasper as the valet brought the car around.
"Nothing the Keurig can't fix," he replied, referring to their top-of-the-line coffeemaker. "Night, y'all."
"The Bomberman Quest shall be completed tonight!" Alice crowed, as Jasper tucked her into the backseat.
"What was that?" Edward asked in confusion.
I shook my head at him. "Need to know. And you most definitely do not want to know."
We watched them speed off into the sunset, or what would have been sunset five hours prior. Edward glanced down at me, his hands shoved in his pockets.
"Do you want to go back inside, or do you want me to take you home…?"
"I'm pretty sure Alice left some alcohol on our table," I said.
Secret: Alice is a horny drunk. I, on the other hand, am a bitter, nasty, angry drunk.
"That was a very… dangerous maneuver."
"Then it's a good thing I only had one drink," Edward said, sounding vaguely amused.
"You drive shpeedy fasht," I slurred. "Mebbe you should let meee drive."
"Maybe not," he replied. "You, Miss Swan, had a grand total of four drinks."
"Jerk," I huffed.
"Whatever you say," he muttered.
"Shhhho, Flyward, how doesh it feel to be the bosh of the woman you fucked?"
"First of all, I'm not your boss," he said, looking slightly angered. "Secondly, I did not – we did not fuck. Thirdly, you're drunk."
"Am not," I retorted. "But really, how doesh it ffffeeeel?"
"Right now?" he frowned at me. "Right now it isn't so great. Not when the woman is drunk, and won't let go of one unfortunate coincidence. Before? Before it was pretty nice, when we talked and danced."
"Coinshidenshe?" I repeated. "That…coinshidenshe nearly losht me my job!"
Flyward looked pained. "Look, and I'm sorry about that, but there's really nothing I –"
"Shhhave it," I told him "For your next bathroom conquesht."
"We're here," he said quietly, pulling up to the curb in front of my apartment. "Goodnight, Bella."
"I hate you," I said, falling out of the door. I stumbled up the steps and made it halfway to the door to my building when my heel caught in the groove between two concrete slabs. I tipped sideways and sprawled on the grass.
The world was a blur of colors. I saw a lot of dark blue, with fuzzy orange lights on poles, and green lines that tickled my nose, and a big silver blob that made my eyes hurt…stupid shiny Volvo.
"Okay," someone sighed, hoisting me off the ground, and taking the keys from my hand.
"Hey!" I complained, but the stupid shiny Volvo owner ignored me, and everything was nice and black.