Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own them.
AN: I obviously didn't write out EVERY entry in Olivia's diaries, just certian ones.
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After everyone left the house, Aunt Dani and Uncle Simon decided to turn in for the night. Unable to sleep, which had become a regular occurence, I went into Mom's room and retrieved the box of diaries. Uncle Trevor had found the key to the blue velvet one lying under Mom's pillow. The keys to the others were taped to their respective diaries. It took me a few minutes to put them in order by year. The earliest diary dated back to her first year in the Special Victims Unit. I began to read. The first diary was light purple.
"Dear Diary,
Today was my first day at SVU. I met my new partner, Elliot Stabler. He's quite attractive, but unfortuately, he's married. We seem to get along, though, which is refreshing. He asked me what made me choose Special Victims. I couldn't tell him. I just said I had my reasons. If he knew the truth, he'd...well I don't know exactly what he'd do, but I'm certian it wouldn't be good..."
"Dear Diary,
So, I told Elliot the truth. He was so sweet. He apologized for being nosiy and said he didn't mean to upset me. I told him he didn't, and he smiled and said "Oh good." I couldn't help but smile back. He didn't treat me any different the rest of the day either. Sometimes Elliot amazes me..."
I read the two next diaries, one green with yellow stars, and the other solid maroon. The fourth diary was pink with red and white hearts on it.
"Dear Diary,
We lost an infant today. Somehow, cocanie ended up in a baby formula can his mother borrowed. They're checking the serial numbers on the cans to determine where they came from..."
"Dear Diary,
We found out the cans came from Mexico, but the suspect was murdered at work today. Elliot and I are going undercover to try to find out who's at the top. We leave for Forest Hills today..."
"Dear Diary,
I must be
losing my mind. I've fallen in love with my parter. There we were,
undercover, and I couldn't help but smile at the thought of being
Elliot's wife. I looked down at the ring on my finger and wished it
were really mine. He's married, plus he's my partner at work. Nothing
can happen between us, but I can't imagine not seeing him everyday.
I'll just love him from afar..."
I smile. Mom had no idea Dad was already in love with her by then. I finish up with that diary. It's late and I need some sleep. I'll read more tomorrow.
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Two Days untill the funeral. I'm almost done with the eulogy. I've just got to nip and tuck it a little more. I take the whole day and read more of Mom's diaries.
"Dear Diary,
Kathy and I were in an accident today. I thought she'd died, but thank God she didn't. Elliot wouldn't be able to take it. As El and I were leaving the hospital, he suddenly turned and hugged me. He just held me in his arms for a moment, but it seemed like time stood still. Oh, God! Doesn't he know what he's doing to me? Damn him! I don't know how much longer I can do this. My heart aches for him more everyday..."
Tears well up in my eyes. Mom was head over heels for Dad. I smile as I close the diary. I grab my coat and keys and the box and head out to the car. I drive to the park and sit in Mom's favorite spot. I look aut at the kids playing. I continue to read more diaries.
"Dear Diary,
I'm so nervous. El and I are going on our first offical date. I'm shaking. I don't know why. I've know El for years now, but I feel like an insecure teenager again. I keep taking deep breaths, but it doesn't seem to help. I can't decide on what to wear or what to do with my hair or anything. Oh, God, I think I'm going to be sick..."
I knew exactly where Mom was coming from. I'm always that nervous on a first date.
"Dear Diary,
I feel like I've got wings. I had the most magical night of my life. First, El picked me up right on time. He drove to the resteraunt and opened the door for me and even pulled out my chair. After dinner, he told me he had a suprise for me. He made me keep my eyes closed untill we got there. He guided me into a building and up some stairs. When he said I could open my eyes, we were on the roof of the precint with two lawn chairs and a cooler. I looked at him a little puzzled. He asked me to sit with him. After a few minutes, the Fourth Of July fireworks show started. It was so beautiful from here. I smiled as he reached out and grabbed my hand. After the show was over, he drove me home. As I told him goodnight, he leaned down and kissed me. I felt my insides melt instantly..."
I've got tears falling down my cheeks as I'm smiling. Aunt Kathy showed up.
"I stopped by the house, but Dani told me you'd left. What are you doing here?" Suddenly noticing the tears. She asked "Oh Serena, are you ok?"
"Yeah." I said quietly. "I'm just reading Mom's diaries. I just read about her first date with Dad?"
"What made you come here to read them?"
"It was one of the places Mom would come to think things out. I just needed that same solitude she found here."
"Oh, well if you need to be alone, I'll go. I just came to tell you, Maureen's doctor has told her she can't travel untill the baby is born. She's ging to have to stay in New York for a while."
"Ok. Tell her she's welcome to stay with me after Uncle Simon and Aunt Dani leave."
"Ok. I will. I'll leave you to your solitude." She kissed my forehead and left. I went back to reading.
"Dear Diary,
I'M GETTING MARRIED!!! Elliot proposed!! Oh, my God! I can't believe this actually happening to me. He came into work, as usual, with a box of donuts and some coffee. As we were enjoying our breakfast, El handed me a fortune cookie. I looked at him kinda funny and asked him what it was for. He told me just to open it. As I cracked it open, a diamond ring fell onto my desk. My jaw dropped as he picked it up and got down on one knee. Right in front of everyone in the precint, he asked me to marry him. All I could do was nod as the tears poured from my eyes..."
I finished the entry and put a bookmark in it. I got into the car and drove home. When I got there, Uncle Simon had already made dinner.
"Hey sweetie." Aunt Dani said.
"Hey"
"Where've you been all day?"
"Park."
"Needed to clear your head?" Uncle Simon asked.
"Yeah. Something like that."
I helped Aunt Dani set the table. After dinner, I curled up in my bed and continued to read.
"Dear Diary,
I think I might be pregnant. I've missed my period two months in a row. That's very unusual for me. I've bought a test, I'm just waiting. If I am pregnant, I don't know what I'm going to do. I want kids, I just don't want to have a kid who will turn out like my father. I was lucky enough not to turn out like him, but what if my child isn't as lucky?...I't's positive. Ok, gotta stop and breathe. I've got to call El..."
"Dear Diary,
It's a girl!! She's so tiny and precious. El can't stop fussing over her. We named her Serena Jane Benson-Stabler. Serena from my mom and Jane from Elliot's. He insisted on attatching 'Benson' to her. He said he fell in love with a strong, independent, loving woman, and he wanted his baby girl to be just like me. I'm not so sure about that. All I want is for her to be happy and healthy. She has my eyes. I feel like the most blessed person on earth right now..."
I start to cry again. I close the diary and go to sleep.
----
The funeral is tomorrow. I'm almost done with the diaries. I want to finish them today. I begin to read. The page looks like it's been wet, then dried.
"Dear Diary,
My world has come crashing down. Elliot is gone. Just like that. I knew his job was dangerous, but I didn't think he'd...be taken from me like this. Why? Why my Elliot? What did he do to deserve this? Why couldn't it have been me instead? Why? I can't stop crying. The world is so dark. I can't do this. Not without him..."
I swallow, trying to maintain my composure. I continue to read. As I reach the very last entry, my eyes widen.
"Dear Serena,
I hope you found the box of diaries. I knew you would want to try to understand why I did this. I decided I would make it a little easier for you by putting them all in one place. I hope, after reading them, you understand it's not your fault. When your father died, I lost an important part of myself. I couldn't live without him. I tried, I really did, but after the second year passed, I realized it wasn't working. I had nothing left to live for. Your father was the love of my life and my soul mate. He was gone. You were grown. You didn't need me anymore. You became the strong, independent, and caring woman your father and I raised you to be. I knew it was time for me to be with your father again. I was going to ask you to stay with me for a few days, but the fumigation brought you home anyway. I made you your favorite childhood meal, and just spent some time with you. I wanted to give you a hug and tell you I love you before you left for work. I knew i would be the last time you'd ever see me. I love you, babygirl. Your father and I will always be there watching over you. Never forget that.
Love,
Mom
I curled up in a ball and cried myself to sleep.
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I hope you like this chapter. I tried to make the last entry touching, but I'm not sure how well it came out. All reviews welcome!